Luck of the Bodkins (42 page)

'Well, when I say "swiped it", what actually happened was that that steward guy Peasemarch thought it was mine and slipped it to me and I held on to it. I told Bodkin that unless he went to Ikey and got Ambrose a contract I was going to kid you into thinking he had given it to me. And if that wasn't
a
dirty trick, you tell me one. I can see it now, but at, the time it seemed a peach of an idea. It wasn't till Ambrose talked to me like a Pilgrim Father that I realized what a hound I was being.
’

Gertrude choked. Strange tinglings were in progress up and down her spine. Cumulative evidence was doing its work
’
'What I tell you three times,
’
said the Bellman in
The Hunting
of
the Snark,
'is true;' and this was the third time she had heard the story of the mouse. Reggie had told it. Ambrose had told it. And now here was Lotus Blossom adding her testimony,

'Do you mean ... do you mean it's all true?'

Lottie seemed surprised.

‘
What's true?'

'What everybody has been telling me ... Reggie ... and Ambrose.
’

'I don't know about Reggie,' said Lottie, 'but whatever my Ammie has been telling you you can take as gospel. But what do you mean, is it all true?' asked Lottie, puzzled. 'Didn't you know it was true?'

'I didn't believe it.
’

'Then what an extraordinary little sap you must be, if you'll excuse me saying so. Naturally, I took it for granted, when
I
found you scratching at the door, that you had seen the light and had come to tell Brother Bodkin the fight was off. Do you mean to say you simply came to start another round?
’

'I was going to give him back his mouse.'

'To show him that all was over?'

'Yes,' said Gertrude in a small voice.

Lottie Blossom drew in her breath, amazed.

'Well, in the friendliest spirit, Buttersplosh, you make me sick. Of all the cuckoos! So you seriously thought there was funny work going on between this Bodkin of yours and me?'

‘I
don't think so now.
’

'I should hope you darned well didn't by golly think so now. Bodkin! That's a laugh. Why, I wouldn't touch Bodkin if you served him up to me on an individual skewer with Bearnaise sauce. He could go automobiling with me for weeks on end and never once have to get out and walk. And why? Because there's only one man for me - my Ammie. Gosh, how I love that bimbo!'

'No more than I love Monty,' said. Gertrude. She was close to tears, but she spoke with spirit. While rejoicing that this girl was after all no rival, she had not at all liked her saying that she would not find any appeal in Monty, even if served up with Bearnaise sauce on an individual skewer.

'Well, that's fine,
’
said Lottie. 'I'd tell him so, if I were you.
’

'I'm going to. But - do you think he will ever forgive me?'

'For your unworthy suspicions? Oh, sure. Men are swell that way. You can treat them like dogs, but they'll always be there with their hair in a braid when it comes to the slow fade-out on the embrace. I'd run at him and kiss him, if I were you.
’

‘
I will.'

'Make a flying tackle and utter some such
words as "Oh, Monty, darling!" ‘
I will.'

'Then get on your toes,
’
said Lottie Blossom, 'because this
’
ll be him.
’

The bell had rung as she spoke. She went to the door and opened it. Gertrude relaxed her tension. For it was not Monty who entered, but Ambrose Tennyson and his brother Reggie.

Reggie was looking keen and intent, the man with much on his mind and no time to waste.

'Where's Monty?' he asked. 'Oh, hullo, young G. You here?'

'Sure,' said Lottie. 'She's waiting for Mr Bodkin. Everything's jake.'

'Scales fallen from her eyes at last?
’

‘
That's right.'

'About time, the silly young juggins,' said Reggie, with cousinly sternness. He dismissed Gertrude and returned to the main issue. 'Where's Monty?'

'Over at Ikey's. He's fixing up your contract, Ammie.
’
‘
What!'

‘
Yes. I wrestled with him in prayer, and he went off to arrange things. By this time it's probably all settled.' Ambrose Te
nnyson swelled like a balloon. ‘
Lottie!'

He could say no more. He clasped Miss Blos
som to his waistcoat. Reggie tu
t-tutted.

‘
Yes, yes, yes,' said Reggie, not peevishly, but with a business man's impatience of the softer emotions. 'But when's he coming back? It is imperative that I see him.'

'What do you want to see him about?'

'I want to see him, and that without delay, about a certain ».. Good Lord! There it is all the time, staring me in the face. Gertrude,' said Reggie crisply, 'kindly slip me over the Mickey Mouse you're dandling on your knee.'

His conduct during the voyage and in particular his most offensive attitude in the Customs sheds had left Gertrude Butterwick almost totally devoid of that warm affection towards Reggie which one likes to see in a girl towards her near relatives. These words did nothing to restore it.

'I won't!' she cried.

Reggie's foot tapped the carpet.

'Gertrude, I require that mouse.
’

"Well, you're not going to get it.'

'What on earth do you want it for?' asked Ambrose with that slight brusqueness so often noticeable in an elder brother when addressing his junior.

Reggie's manner became guarded. He looked like a young ambassador being requested to reveal secrets of state.

'I can't tell you that. My lips are sealed. But there are wheels within wheels, and I must have it.'

Gertrude's mouth tightened. So did her grip on the object in dispute.

'This is Monty's mouse,' she said, 'and I'm going to give it back to him. Then he'll give it back to me.'

'And then I can have it?' asked Reggie, as one willing to accept a compromise.

‘
No!'

Tchah!
‘
said Reggie. It was not an expression he often used, but it seemed to him that the situation called for it And as he spoke the door-bell rang.

Lottie Blossom had advised Gertrude Butterwick to run at Monty, when he appeared, and kiss him, and this was what she did the moment the door opened. Though she would have preferred the sacred scene to have taken place in private, she did not scamp her work because of the presence of an audience. She kissed Monty and broke into a torrent of remorseless eloquence. At the same time, Reggie asked Monty if he could have that mouse, and Ambrose and Lottie asked him if he had brought his negotiations with Mr Llewellyn to a satisfactory conclusion. All this confused Monty, and he had been quite considerably confused already.

It was Lottie who was the first to perceive that the subject was gasping for air,

'Lay off him, can't you,' she urged. 'One at a time, darn it All right Buttersplosh,' she said, for she was a fair-minded girl and recognized Love's prior claim, 'you have the floor. Only keep it snappy.'

'Monty, darling,' said Gertrude, bending tenderly over the chair into which he had sunk, 'I understand everything.'

'Oh, ah?' said Monty mistily.

'Miss Blossom has told me.'

"Oh?'
said Monty.

"I love you.'

'Ah?'said Monty.

Reggie advanced.

'Right,' he said briskly. 'She loves you. That's that Now, Monty, old man, shifting to the subject of Mickey Mice ...' 'What about Ambrose's contract?' asked Lottie. A spasm of pain passed over Monty's face. ·Has h
e signed it?' ‘No.' ‘What!
»

'No. He says he won't
’
‘
Won't?'

Lottie gazed at Ambrose. Ambrose gazed at Lottie. Their eyes were round with consternation.

'But, good heavens!" cried Ambrose, 'I thought -
’
'But, sweet suffering soup-spoons 1
’
cried Lottie. 'You told me-'Iknow.
’

'You said you would tell Ikey you would sign up with him -

'I know. But he doesn't want me either.'

‘
What!'

'I am not at liberty,' said Reggie, resuming his remarks, 'to disclose why I require this Mickey Mouse, my lips being sealed, but -

'He doesn't want you, either?'

‘
No.'

'I don't understand,
’
said Gertrude. 'Were you going to sign
a
contract to go to Hollywood?' 'I was, yes.'

'But, Monty, darling, how could you have gone to Hollywood? You're working for Mr Pilbeam and his Inquiry Agency.'

Again, that spasm of pain passed over Monty's face.

‘
No longer. I've resigned.'

'Resigned?'

‘
Yes. I sent Pilbeam a wireless after you gave me the bird that night
’
·Monty!'

Ambrose, Lottie, and Reggie spoke. 'But Llewellyn definitely told me -'

'But Ikey was
r
unnin
g
around in circles, begging people to persuade you -' This Mickey Mouse -
’

‘
But, Monty,' gasped Getrude, 'do you mean to sa
y you are out of a job again?' ‘
Yes.'

‘
But if you haven't a job we can't get married. Father won
’
t let us.' Reggie ra
pped the table. ‘
Gertrude!'

‘
Well, what do
you
want?'

'I want you,' said Reggie, controlling himself with an effort, 'to stop talking rot You ar
e cluttering up the debate with
frivolous issues and taking Monty's mind off the things that really matter. Your father won't let you get married? I never heard such bilge. Do you seriously expect us to believe that in these enlightened days a girl gives a hoot for what her father says?'

‘I
can't marry without father's consent.'

'So!' Reggie's voice was withering. 'So you will allow Monty's happiness to depend on the whim of my pop-eyed uncle John!
’

'Don't call father your pop-eyed uncle John!
‘

'I certainly shall. He
is
my pop-eyed uncle John. If he's not,
’
said Reggie, reasoning keenly, 'whose pop-eyed uncle John is he? Except Ambrose's.
’

'What are you talking about?' asked Ambrose, roused by the sound of his name from the dark reverie into which he had been plunged.

Reggie turned to him as if glad to be able to converse with
a
reasonable being.

‘
Well, I appeal to you, old man. Here's this ghastly young Gertrude saying that she won't marry Monty unless uncle John gives his consent. Is that loony, or is it loony?'

'It would kill father if I married without his consent.'

‘Rot
'

'It's not rot. Father's got
a
weak heart.'

'Utter rot!'

'It's not utter rot.
’

'It is utter rot, and if there were not ladies present I would characterize it even more strongly. Weak heart forsooth! The old blister's got both the face and the physique of
a
carthorse.'

'Father has not got a face like a carthorse.'

'Pardon me-
’

'Listen,' said Lottie Blossom. 'I don't want to horn in on a family argument, and I'd love to know what your father really looks like, but there's someone ringing at the door, and I move that we postpone the discussion till we've found out who it is.'