Loving Your Lies (16 page)

I dropped from the window ledge onto my
mattress then stood and waited for Julian to climb down from the
roof.

The white towel sailed to the floor. Next,
his shoes and legs came into view, dangling outside my window for a
second. Then he dropped to the balcony, and my heart skipped a
beat. I took a jump backward into the room.

Julian landed softly like a cat. He
straightened and rubbed his palms on his rear. “Job done.”

“Jeez, you scared the hell out of me.”

“Sorry about that. But you know,” he took a
step toward me into my room, “I’m majorly proud of you. Climbing up
that ledge was very brave.”

“You think?”

He nodded. For an awkward, long moment we
stared at each other. When the silence became unbearable, I
coughed. “So, what does it look like up there in the nest? Are
there more young birds?”

“There are three. Why don’t you come out and
see yourself?”

An outraged laugh ripped from my throat.
“Very funny.”

“No, seriously. I think you should try to
get over that fear.” His face was stern, meaningful, but
encouragement shone in his eyes. He grabbed my hand and tugged me.
“Come on. Marie gave you the prettiest room in the house with this
beautiful balcony, and you don’t even appreciate it.”

“I—that’s not true.” I wanted to defend
myself, to protest—to his statement
and
to how his soft
touch on my hand made me move. “I love the room.”

Julian tugged a little harder. I stumbled
one step forward, then another.

“Wait, I can’t do this.” My knees trembled
when he tried to pull me out onto the porch engulfed by
darkness.

“Of course you can. Just hold onto my hand
and do as I say. I’m holding you.”

I couldn’t say what convinced me in the end,
his gentle tone or his warm blue eyes. But before I could think
straight again, my right foot shoved over the threshold and landed
shakily on the dark painted boards. The wood felt warm against the
bare sole of my foot, but it creaked eerily under my weight.
Please don’t crack. Please don’t crack.
My quavering left
leg followed.

“Very good.” Julian smiled. I drew
encouragement from it. He tightened his hold of my hand then laced
his fingers gently through mine. “Now turn around. No need to look
over the railing right away.”

“Huh?” My breathing went on high speed. I
winced.

But he didn’t give me time to think. With a
soft shove, he directed me around until I faced the outside of my
room.

“Oh my
god
, what are you doing?” I
squeaked out in panic.

“I’ll guide you. Trust me.” Julian switched
on the dim balcony light. Then he took my other hand, too, and
pulled me away from the wall. “I won’t let you fall.” His voice
held the seal of a promise.

With some reluctance, I made one step after
another to his subtle pull. Hysteria blurred my vision. I closed my
eyes and followed blind.

“Breathe, Jona.”

Inhale. Exhale.
Trembling breaths
pushed out hard.

“You’re doing great. We’re almost
there.”

“There? Where? At the slide to hell?”

One more step, then Julian stopped and
wrapped both his arms around my middle. He leaned against the
railing, feet planted far apart for a better stance. He cradled my
back against his chest. “You did it. Just look what a grand first
step you made.”

“Hopefully, it won’t be my last.”
Reluctantly, I opened my eyes and face the façade of the house
tinted in soft porch light some seven feet away. My jaw dropped to
my chest as amazement washed over me.

Oh
God
, all I wanted was to get back
inside. But Julian’s hold of me felt solid and secure. I knew he
would keep his promise, and only for that reason I stood
rooted.

“Now, eyes up there.” With my hand wrapped
in his, he lifted his arm and pointed one finger to the top of the
roof.

I zoomed in on the small nest right under
the eaves. Three tiny round heads popped over the edge, the mother
bird towering watchfully over her spawn.

It was lovely. Not just the sight of the
nest built under the eaves, but also how much care shone in the
mother-bird’s eyes when she hovered over her children.

“I always wished to have someone look at me
that way,” I whispered without thinking.

“Like the bird?” I felt Julian staring at me
from the side. “You might not have noticed, but there is someone in
this house who looks at you exactly like that.”

I huffed and rolled my eyes. “Yeah, the
dragon, right.”

“I’m not speaking of your mother.”

My brows knitted together, and I tilted my
head to glance at him from only a few inches distance. “Who
then?”

“It’s Marie who tries to pull you into her
embrace.” Julian’s thumb drew small circles on the back of my hand,
sending little shivers up my arm. “She’s pleading for allowance,
don’t you see?”

“Allowance for what?”

“To love you.”

The truth tugged at my heart. Aunt Marie did
everything possible to make me feel at home and welcome. But with
so much hatred for my mother, I couldn’t let anyone else’s love
intrude me.

Hypocrite
. There I stood, dreaming of
someone who’d replace my loneliness, and yet I was about to break
the heart of the only person who’d tried to make this dream come
true. But I couldn’t allow my aunt to break through my shield. Not
when those who I opened up to tended to leave me in the end
anyway.

“She offered to spend the day with me alone
tomorrow.” It eluded me why I told him this, but suddenly Julian
seemed like someone I could be honest with. Someone like Quinn.
“And she gave me so many beautiful clothes.”

“Sadly, you didn’t put them on tonight.” He
tugged at the hem of my T-shirt to mock me. “But she knows how to
welcome someone, doesn’t she?”

“She does indeed.” A low chuckle ripped
through me. “Very much to the contrary of you.”

Out of the corner of my eye I caught him
arch a brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

By his voice I could tell he was
smiling.

“Well, you weren’t the most charming person
in the world when we first met. With all the bantering and such, no
wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Who says I don’t have a girlfriend?”

“Well…you. I mean, you said you weren’t my
mother’s lover. And I don’t see any other girls around.” I bit my
lip.
Shit.
There was probably another woman waiting for him
somewhere. Someone nice and young, not god-awful like the dragon.
Suddenly an invisible boa slithered around my chest and did what it
was supposed to do best. It constricted.

When I spoke next, I sounded anything but
confident. “So…do you?”

“No.” He dragged out the word and laughed
softly.

No girlfriend! The snake evaporated and was
replaced with a bunch of excited butterflies. I wanted to squash
them with my fist. This really shouldn’t make me so happy. The
pounding of my heart annoyed me something awful. Especially when he
must have caught it with my ribcage pressed so snugly against his
warm chest.

Out of a habit when I felt insecure, I
resorted to my snappy tone. “See, that might be different if you
were a little nicer to girls to begin with.”

“It might,” he whispered. And then his lips
brushed my ear as he spoke. “And yet, here I stand, holding you in
my arms after only three days.”

I sucked in a sharp breath and lowered my
gaze to my bare feet. I shouldn’t be here, in this house. Nor in
his arms. And most of all, I shouldn’t enjoy it as much as I did.
Ready to rip out of his embrace, my spine stiffened as did every
muscle in my body.

Julian’s arms wrapped a little tighter
around me. “Shh,” he breathed. “You’ll just scare the birds.”

11

OUT ON THE BALCONY

IF SOMEONE HAD ever told me that one day I’d
be sitting on a balcony fifteen feet above the ground and actually
enjoying it, I’d have flipped him off. And yet, here I sat. The
warmth of the wall seeped into my back while I watched the stars in
the velvety night sky.

“Your knees stopped trembling. You aren’t
getting comfortable in the end?” Julian glanced at me from the
railing where he casually perched. For the past five minutes, he
hadn’t taken his eyes off my shaking body which he probably assumed
was related to vertigo.

I hugged my knees tighter to my chest and
nodded. “Strangely enough, it seems so.” I wouldn’t tell him that
the rattle of my bones had actually set in with his tender hold and
soft words and finally ceased when he’d guided me to the wall and
released me. He didn’t have to know everything.

“So, what’s your plan for tomorrow? Will you
and Marie paint each other’s nails pink, lounge on the patio with
your swim suits on, and sip from cocktails with fancy little
umbrellas?” Blowing at his imaginarily polished nails like a real
diva, he made me laugh.

“You’d like to see that, wouldn’t you?”

The look he gave me from under his lashes
would fit a hungry wolf. “I so would love to.”

Sparkling electricity ran through me,
raising gooseflesh along my arms.

“You cold?” He made the wrong connection
again.

“Nothing ever escapes you, does it?

Julian jumped off the banister and shrugged
out of his gray hoodie. My eyes widened, and I tilted my head to
keep him in focus when he stepped closer. He squatted, and I leaned
forward so he could swing the sweatshirt around my shoulders, even
though I wanted to protest.

“You needn’t do this. I can fetch my own
from inside,” I told him. “Keep it.”

Without his hoodie, he sat back on the
banister. “Nah, I’m not cold.”

Neither was I.

But the smell that enveloped me the moment
he placed the warm fabric on my shoulders kept me tongue-tied. It
was like someone popped a can and a double dose of Julian’s wild
wind scent escaped. I breathed deep and shoved my arms through the
too long sleeves.

With my arms folded on my knees, I buried my
cheek in the cozy material and peered at him from the corner of my
eye. Should I tell him that he was never going to get this
sweatshirt back? The crook of my elbow hid my grin. But the dimple
appearing in his left cheek and his slight frown had me wondering
if he read my thoughts anyway.

He lifted one foot up to the railing and
leaned his chin on his knee. Hand laced around his ankle, he held
the leg in place. “It’s the end of day three of your detention. How
many more to go? Thirty-five?”

“Thirty-eight.”

“Right.” He chuckled, but I couldn’t see how
that was so funny. “What’s your first impression of your new
home?”

“It’s not my home,” I said in a voice gone
cold, matter of fact. “But everyone is quite nice, and I like the
house and the vineyard, if that’s what you mean. Working is
actually
okay
.” I studied the stars for a moment. “This
would be a good place to live if Charlene wasn’t here.”

“How so, Jona?” His intense tone pulled me
back from the sky. He slid his leg down and leaned forward, resting
his elbows on his thighs. The porch light played softly in his
blond hair. “What exactly would be different if your mother wasn’t
in this house? I mean apart from you talking a lot more during meal
times.”

At his grin, I frowned. How dare he probe
and poke his nose where it didn’t belong? “Everything.”

He cocked a brow. “Name
one
.”

“Just one?”
I could allow myself to enjoy
this place.
The sound of grinding teeth filled my ears, and my
eyes narrowed. I hated being outsmarted.

“The stench of dragon nest wouldn’t follow
me everywhere I went.” I grinned bitterly. “Come to think of it, do
you believe Charlene would repudiate me if the smell of another
human was on me?” To provoke him, I rubbed the sleeve of his
sweatshirt on my cheek.

No answer came from Julian. Instead he eased
off the railing and lowered to the floor opposite me. Burning blue
eyes studied me for a long moment. “Do you always use sarcasm for
protection?”

Yes.

It protected me from the world. From people
who tried to get too close. If I hurt them first, they couldn’t
hurt me. Especially, when they planned to disappear from my life.
“Why do you say that?”

“I haven’t heard anything out from your
mouth about your mother that wasn’t dripping with sarcasm.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, so what?”

“Just saying.”

It bothers you like hell.
“Well, I’ve
got news for you, Mister. That’s just who I am, and if she’d cared
at all the past twelve years she would have known me, and then she
might not have forced me to come here after all.”

“If that’s really who you are, then why
haven’t I heard your lippy tone toward Marie?”

Lowering my gaze, my head sank back onto my
bent arm and my voice dropped to little more than a whisper. “Marie
is different. I find it hard to be myself around her.” Only
thinking of her calmed the emotional storm brewing inside me.

“Or, maybe it’s just
too easy
to be
yourself around her?”

I blinked twice then raked a glare over
Julian. Was he accusing me of a soft personality? I was anything
but.

The years in the orphanage and partly in the
streets had taught me a hard lesson: be soft and you go down like a
ship under cannon fire. Only the toughest kids kept their heads on
in a place like the Westminster Children’s Home, where teachers
tried to get under your skirt, and bullies aimed to make you the
poster child for losers.

“You don’t understand,” I muttered. “I don’t
even blame you. From your place in the world, everything must seem
easy. Living in a palace with nice people around, and a good job in
the vines, there’s nothing to worry about. But things look a little
different from the gutters of society.”