‘Jess!’
I looked up and there was Shaq, his face full of concern and his eyes full of sadness.
‘You don’t need to say anything, Jess. Just get in the car and let me take you home.’
I was surprised to feel the relief wash over me. I nodded my head silently in agreement. Shaq bent down and gently scooped me into his arms, carrying me back to the waiting cab. Inside I leaned against him, closing my eyes hoping that if I fell asleep I would wake up and tonight’s events would just be a terrible, terrible nightmare.
When I opened my eyes, I felt completely groggy, but I realized that I was lying on top of my bed at home.
‘Jess, are you OK?’ I heard a soothing voice ask me.
I looked up and Shaq was sitting at the foot of my bed, a worried look on his face. I looked down at my rain-soaked dress. It was all I could do to mumble, ‘Mmm.’
We sat there in silence for what felt like hours, but it
was a truly comfortable silence, the likes of which I had never felt before. I looked at his kind, handsome face and just having him in the room with me made me calm and content. But Shaq interrupted my thoughts.
‘Jess, about Gaby.’
He watched me flinch at the mere mention of her name.
‘The date was already set up before I met you,’ he continued, his eyes scanning my face, trying to read it.
‘You don’t have to explain. You don’t owe me anything,’ I mumbled. In fact, I desperately wanted to know, but at the same time I didn’t want him to see how much this was hurting me.
He shook his head, ignoring my comment and carrying on. ‘Me and my ex, Gaby, had a really bad break-up. The press was all over it, making up crap about us cheating on each other. But we didn’t ever do that – it just wasn’t working. Her fans started arguing with ours, shaking up the whole social feed. So management thought it’d be good to turn up to a public event together, showing that we weren’t at each other’s throats. We don’t even talk any more. Everything just gets blown out of proportion.’ He shrugged his shoulders again, looking down at the floor.
I smiled weakly at him, but I knew straight away that I believed every word he said. I moved closer, placing a shaky hand on his broad chest. He stared at me for what felt like forever, our heavy breathing embarrassingly audible. I jumped slightly as I felt Shaq’s cold fingertips brush up against my cheek. I slowly turned my head
towards him. His fingers stayed pressed against my face and he was looking at his hand. I felt my eyes close in pleasure as his fingertips gently explored my face, running along my cheekbones and up to my eyelashes. I opened my mouth, but shut it quickly; I didn’t want anything to ruin this moment. Shaq leaned in closer and gently rested his forehead on mine. His hands made their way into my hair, and I could feel him wrapping wild strands of hair around his fingers.
‘Jess, I –’
He stopped speaking when I gently brushed my lips up against his, feeling a surge of electricity pulse through my entire body as I did so. At first I could tell that Shaq was as shocked as I was by my actions, but he kissed me back deeply and softly, wrapping his hands round my neck. His kisses were hungry, full of the passion we had been denying for so long. It was as if his lips were bruising mine: he took my breath away.
I can’t believe this is happening
, I kept thinking, over and over.
I could feel us falling back on to the bed. Shaq grabbed my waist, pulling me straight on to his body and we rolled across the sheets. His hands found their way to the back of my dress and I felt his fingertips find the zip. Our lips never parted as I untangled my hands from round his neck and grabbed the zip from him, carefully unzipping it and letting the dress float to the floor. Shaq brushed his hands across my bare back and I felt myself shudder under his touch. I broke away for a few seconds so I could
unbutton his shirt.
I felt Shaq’s eyes flutter open. No words were spoken as we gazed at each other. He was just so beautiful I couldn’t tear my eyes away and I could feel my lips curl up into an irrepressible smile.
‘What are you smirking at?’ Shaq teased, smiling back at me.
‘It’s hard for me to explain. I … I have never really felt like this before. I’m just so … happy. This feels so right.’
‘I know,’ he whispered back into my ear.
We stayed like that, just looking at each other and smiling, our legs and arms intertwined. The perfect fit.
We began to kiss again, but Shaq broke the embrace. I stared at him quizzically.
‘I want to wait to do this, Jess,’ he whispered. ‘I want to wait because I love you.’
I could feel my eyes widening. ‘Oh, Shaq, I love you too.’
He held me in a tight embrace. I felt more secure and content than I had ever felt in my life. I could feel myself start to drift off to sleep, a smile still lingering on my lips.
As I slowly opened my eyes, I realized that I was in exactly the same position as the night before. Shaq’s body was wrapped around mine, his legs across my legs, his arms across my arms. It was as if we were one person. I slowly rolled over to face him, careful not to wake him up. He looked so peaceful. I thought over the past few days and their drama-filled events. I couldn’t shake the image of Riley’s
distraught face last night as he confronted Shaq about me. It was heartbreaking. I knew that look. I had worn it myself. I sighed. I knew what I had to do to make things right between them.
Shaq gently groaned as he opened his eyes.
‘Good morning, beautiful,’ he said with a tender smile.
The smile quickly dropped from his face as he saw my sorrowful expression.
‘You can’t ignore them forever,’ I heard Tegan say as she fumbled around behind me.
I sighed and continued to pack my clothes into my suitcase. ‘Maybe not, but I can sure try.’
‘Come on, don’t be like that. We’re leaving today and if you don’t talk to them now you never will,’ she replied, fiddling with my favourite belt as she spoke.
I turned to take the belt from her hands, causing her to pout. ‘Tegan, I’m a big girl now. I think I can make responsible decisions on my own,’ I said calmly, even though I was tired of being lectured.
She rolled her eyes at me. ‘So, what? You’re just going to leave without saying goodbye?’
I sighed again and zipped up the suitcase. ‘Have you packed yet?’ I asked in an attempt to change the subject.
‘No, not yet,’ she mumbled.
‘Well, I suggest you go do that, then!’ I said, nodding towards the door.
Tegan groaned and picked herself up off my bed. ‘Fine,’
she muttered before leaving the room.
I sighed and threw myself down on to the bed. I heard my phone vibrating on the side table so I reached over to grab it. I exhaled loudly when a picture of me and Shaq flashed on the screen. Without thinking twice I pressed the decline button and threw the phone behind me, causing it to bounce off the bed and on to the floor with a quiet thud. I didn’t bother to investigate, instead I just lay back down and stared at the ceiling.
‘Knock, knock.’
I jumped slightly when I heard my dad’s voice in the doorway. I sat up and gestured for him to come in. We both exchanged half-hearted smiles as he walked over to the bed and sat down.
‘You all right?’ he asked.
I shrugged my shoulders and cast my eyes downward, staring hard at the floor as if it was a piece of art.
‘Take that as a no, then.’ He sighed.
I looked up, trying to smile, but we both knew it was a pathetic attempt. ‘I’m sorry this week didn’t turn out to be the father-daughter bonding experience you expected,’ I mumbled.
‘Ah, don’t worry about it. You’re not a kid any more, so I don’t expect you to hang around with your old man.’
I frowned, feeling guilty. ‘But the whole reason I came down here was to visit you.’
He shook his head. ‘Don’t be silly. I’m just happy I got to see you after so long.’
I was about to speak, but was interrupted by a loud
buzzing noise coming from the other side of the room. I picked myself up, walking over to where my phone had landed on the floor.
‘Shaq?’ my dad assumed.
I sighed and nodded my head slowly, yet again pressing the decline button.
‘I know you won’t, but you have to speak to him. You can’t leave without saying goodbye. You can’t run away …’
Dad carried on talking, but I let his voice turn into background noise, feeling completely lost inside my own head. I stared down at the wallpaper on my phone. It was a picture of me, Tegan and all the boys on Brighton beach. The sun was shining and I had a big grin on my face. We all looked so happy. We were – when we were all friends, when I didn’t go and muck it all up. It was better for me to just leave and cherish the good times we had together.
My dad’s voice interrupted my thoughts. ‘Jess, did you hear what I said?’
‘Hmm?’ I mumbled vaguely.
He sighed and stood up, taking big strides over to where I stood. I felt him place his arm round my shoulder as we both looked down at the picture.
‘I’m serious. You need to at least say bye. You don’t want to live your whole life thinking “what if”.’
As frustrating as it was, I could see that Dad was right.
‘I have to get to work. Will you be OK getting to the train station?’ he asked, taking his arm off my shoulder.
I nodded in agreement, locking my phone and slipping it into my pocket.
‘Right, so if that’s it, then –’
Overcome with emotion, I didn’t let my dad finish. I lunged myself at him, wrapping my arms round his back. I felt his body shake as he chuckled softly. He pulled me closer, embracing me in a huge bear hug.
‘I’ll miss you, Dad,’ I mumbled into his chest.
‘I’ll miss you too, kiddo,’ he responded, affectionately ruffling my hair.
Hearing him calling me kiddo was all it took. I felt a lump rise in my throat and tears began to form in my eyes. Although I tried hard to fight it, I let out a muffled sob.
‘Hey, hey,’ he soothed, pulling back so he could get a good look at me. He used his thumbs to wipe away the stray tears. ‘Listen, I’ll visit you when you get settled in at uni, yeah? I’ll go and annoy your mother while I’m at it,’ he said with a small smile.
I let out a hoarse laugh and sniffed, using my sleeve to wipe away the remainder of the tears. ‘Yeah, that sounds good.’
‘Right, so I’ll see you later,’ he said, avoiding the word ‘bye’.
‘See ya, Dad,’ I whispered as he walked out of the room.
‘Jess, there is someone here to see you!’ I heard Tegan shout from the hall.
I sighed and shuffled myself down the stairs. ‘If it’s Shaq, tell him to –’
I looked up and came across a pair of blue eyes and a head of messy red hair. ‘Callum,’ I breathed out.
We both had big smiles painted on our faces. I wasn’t sure why I was so happy to see Callum – his face just always seemed to cheer me up.
‘’S up, Jessica,’ Callum said.
I smiled. ‘Good to see you, Callum.’ I walked across the hall to give him a heartfelt hug. ‘I don’t mean to be rude, but –’ I paused. ‘But how come you’re here?’
He shrugged his shoulders. ‘Thought you might want to see me before you left.’
I bit my lip, feeling slightly guilty that I was planning on leaving without saying goodbye.
Callum raised his eyebrow and a small smile appeared on his lips. ‘What, you thought that I would just let you leave without saying goodbye?’
I sighed. ‘I’m sorry … Everything just got so … messy. I thought maybe it was better if I left this way.’
Callum chuckled. ‘What a silly idea. You can make it up to me by getting a coffee with me. You don’t have to go yet, do you?’
I frowned. ‘No … but what about Tegan?’ I asked, pointing behind me at the room she had disappeared into.
‘You need him more than I do!’ Tegan called as she overheard our conversation.
I smiled at Callum. ‘Guess I could use a coffee.’
I grabbed my keys and we took the short walk to the nearest coffee shop, chatting idly about the weather and his plans for the rest of the week. We stopped at the park opposite the shop and I waited on a bench as Callum ordered our coffees, nervously picking at my fingernails. I
wondered when Callum was going to bring up the past few days. I watched the children running around the playground, laughing and screeching and I envied them their carefree lives.
‘Thanks,’ I said, taking the coffee from Callum’s hand as he sat down on the bench next to me.
I lifted the cup to my lips and took a gulp. I shuddered slightly as the warm liquid slid down my throat.
‘It was a lot easier then, wasn’t it?’ I smiled slightly, nodding my head in the direction of the children. ‘We didn’t have a care in the world. We weren’t bothered about the latest trends or who’s dating who. I miss being able to make friends over a pack of colouring pencils.’
I heard Callum chuckle softly. ‘That’s true, but it hasn’t changed that much. You did make a bunch of friends over a plate of spilled food!’
I looked at Callum and laughed, leaning over slightly so I could punch his shoulder playfully. ‘I’m serious, though. If I could go back to then, I would do a lot of things differently.’ I sighed.
Callum shrugged his shoulders. ‘I guess. But it’s easy to think
what if
or
if only
. It’s a lot harder to see what you’ve done right, to see what has actually made your life, well, your life.’
I tilted my head to the side and frowned slightly. ‘Did you just say something deep?’ I teased.
Callum gazed forward, looking serious. ‘I guess I did.’
It was silent for a while, but it was a good kind of silence.
‘They’ll miss you,’ Callum said softly.
‘You think? I’ve caused a lot of trouble.’
Callum rolled his eyes at me. ‘Shaq cried last night, you know.’
I felt my breathing stop and my heartbeat raced uncontrollably. ‘Wh-why?’ I stuttered.
Callum kept his eyes on the park in front of us. ‘I’m not too sure. I overheard him on the phone last night. I think it was his sister. I heard him saying your name a lot. When he hung up, he just … broke down, sobbing. He’s a mess.’