Authors: Anne Leigh
Zander’s mom was one of the most compassionate beings I’ve ever met. She was passionate about her causes and I respected her for that. We have been talking about starting an educational foundation for children in Southeast Asia and Africa. I found myself really looking forward to building this foundation with her and spending a lot more time with her.
*****
“Don’t ever ask me to make a choice because in the end there isn’t. There will only be ‘you’.”
Sedona
“Where are you at Ace?” I had my phone up to my ear and Kieran probably heard the noise around me.
I apologized to him by saying, “Sorry, Kieran, I just need to get a few things done. I’m on my way to the hospital. I just need to grab some forms to prove that I completed my internship.”
The chilly bite of the weather was starting to seep into my jacket. I wrapped myself tighter into the jacket. Earlier I had seen a bunch of paparazzi gathering in front of my apartment. Ever since Zander became NFA’s latest hot commodity, the paparazzi became a constant fixture in front of my place. It didn’t help matters when the gossip magazines printed that Inna Posey and I had a confrontation by the locker room.
Argh!
Adding fuel to the fire was that I was now more than eight months pregnant. Everything about Zander and I was just a tabloid fodder.
“Alright.” I was struggling to hear his voice. The noise around me was getting louder. This was one of the things I missed about Minnesota – the quiet and the slow-paced lifestyle. In New York, especially where I was at, everyone was always trying to get on the next subway, the next cab, the next stop.
Zander and I were officially moving to Minnesota after our wedding and after I delivered our baby. We were both excited to start our lives together in one state rather than be separated
.
He wanted to go with me today, but he had a video conference call with his agent. I had to get to the hospital before the nursing office closed for the day.
I thought I heard Kieran say something. “Hold on, Kieran. I can’t hear you clearly.”
I kept walking along the sidewalk, bumping into people along the way. It was common to bump into people in New York because of the overcrowded streets. People didn’t even stop to say sorry; they just went about their ways.
I was almost at the crosswalk when flashes of light started blinding me.
Great.
They found me again.
“Sedona, are you upset at Zander’s cheating?” God, the tales that these gossipers created were unbelievable.
“Is it true that Inna’s banned from watching any of Zander’s games?” Their voices were getting closer. I walked faster.
I saw the rooftop of New York State University Hospital.
You’re almost there, Sedona. You just have to cross the street, and then you’ll be away from these people.
I hurried my steps the best that I could. I wobbled because of the added weight of my baby. I should’ve brought Zander with me. The paparazzi hounds were closing in on me. How did they find me? There were millions of people in New York. They must’ve camped out of my apartment again and followed me out.
Grr!
A few more steps and you’re going to be on the other side of the street.
I was two steps away from the crosswalk. The paparazzi were still talking pictures. I looked to my right. My head was turning to my left when I felt something hit me. I couldn’t move. My hands tried to reach around my stomach. Then my whole world turned black.
On the side of the street, a blood-curdling scream could be heard from a phone that was dropped from a woman’s hand.
*****
Zander
Where was she?
She was supposed to have been here thirty minutes ago. How long did it take to have those forms signed?
I told her to wait for me, but she had been in a hurry to catch the nurse manager at the hospital.
My agent was finalizing my contract, so I had no choice but to let her go on this errand alone. It was nice to finally have this time with her. The time off from football was much needed. Even though our last game ended with a loss; the fact that our team made it into the playoffs was great.
Next year would definitely be a big year for us. I was re-signing for the Minnesota Fox for another four years. Sedona and I had decided that it was a great place to raise our family. Plus, she could start working on her Masters in Nursing Administration at Minnesota State University.
Things were definitely working our way.
Our wedding was in two weeks, two weeks before her due date. It was really cutting it close, but when my team made it into the playoffs it had put a damper on our wedding plans. Having our wedding moved back was the best that we could do under the circumstances. Sedona was trying to change my mind about it. She even created a power point presentation to show me the pros and cons of postponing our wedding until after the baby. She reasoned that we’d have more time to prepare and we’d both be less stressed about it. I was having none of that. I wanted our wedding before she had our baby.
I tried calling her cell again. It kept ringing. Maybe she was inside the hospital already. Sometimes the cell phone signal was low inside that building.
I was about to call her again when Kieran’s number flashed on the screen. He was probably going to bug me about his man of honor status again. I’ve already told him that it wouldn’t look odd that he would be standing with Sedona and her bridesmaids during the ceremony. It was our wedding. We could do whatever the hell we wanted.
“‘Sup, man?” I smiled.
“Zander,” his voice was serious, “It’s about Sedona.”
The way he said it sent chills up my spine.
“What about her? She went to grab some forms at the hospital,” I replied.
“Sedona…” his voice broke. “She got into an accident Zander. You need to get to her now.”
Words left me. My hands started shaking. “What do you mean an accident?”
“She got hit by a car.”
Was Kieran crying?
“She’s at New York State University Hospital. I’ll try to get there as soon as I can. I’m trying to contact her dad.”
I didn’t remember the phone dropping onto the floor. All I knew was that I was running through the doors as fast I could. I did not remember anything after that.
I found myself standing at New York State University Hospital’s emergency room, unwilling to believe that this was happening. Everything seemed surreal.
I managed to ask the receptionist at the ER, “Sedona Mackenzie, my fiancé – she was in an accident. Where is she?”
She typed something on the computer and called someone on the phone.
My hands were shaking, my legs were trembling, and my teeth were grinding against each other tightly.
I needed to see her now.
“Can I see some I.D.?” she inquired.
I immediately pulled my wallet out of my left jean pocket and handed my driver’s license to her.
“I need to see her now,” my voice was shaky.
“She’s still being seen by the doctors,” she said, trying to comfort me. “Someone will inform you of her status in a few minutes.”
My eyes started to burn. “Is she…alive?” I rasped.
“A doctor will see you in a few minutes sir,” she explained.
What was I supposed to do? I clenched my fists, nodded at her, and took a seat.
It could have been seconds, minutes, hours that passed by. I would never know.
My mind was whirling a constant stream of incoherent thoughts. My body was not my own. It was like I was trapped in this room where I had no means of escape. I have never felt fear like this. It was crippling. Alarming. Paralyzing.
“Are you Sedona Mackenzie’s family?” A male doctor with grayish-white hair asked as he approached me.
“I am,” I answered and stood up. “Is she okay? Can I see her?”
He looked at me for a few seconds. Was that pity in his eyes?
Oh hell no.
She has to be alive. She could not leave me like this.
“I am Doctor Felton, her attending surgeon,” he said. “Ms. Mackenzie has just come out of surgery. We had to stop the bleeding in her lungs. She has also sustained blunt trauma because of the way she fell and the impact of the collision. She’s stable for now, but we don’t know for how long. Since she’s pregnant it puts us in a precarious scenario. If the bleeding continues, we’re going to have to decide on our next steps.”
He continued, “We might not have a choice…if her bleeding persists, we have to deliver the baby. It could be her or the baby.”
Her or the baby?
We didn’t even know if our baby was a boy or a girl. How did I choose between the woman whom I loved with every breath that I took and the life inside of her, who was the product of our love?
I stared at this guy.
For the first time in my life, I found myself begging to a stranger. To a man who held the reason for my living in his hands.
“Please…” my voice came out as a whispered plea, and my legs were unable to support me. I slid on the chair, “save her,
please
.”
I was asking for her.
I was choosing her.
I would always choose her.
“I’ll try, son,” he said. “We’ll try. We’ll do our best.”
He turned his back and left.
*****
I was not prepared for this.
I would never be prepared for this.
No one should ever have to prepare for this.
Seeing her in this hospital bed, with an assortment of tubes hanging out from her body, she looked so peaceful.
The nurse had informed me that I could see her now. The room was eerily quiet. The occasional, faint sounds of a beep reverberated inside the room.
I moved closer to the bed. A white blanket covered half of her body.
Her eyes were closed as I reached up to touch her cheek. She felt cold — maybe she needed more blankets.
I kissed her forehead. The antiseptic hospital smell emanated around me, clawing at my insides. But her hair…her hair still smelled like
strawberries and peaches
.
“Are you going to be okay?” The nurse had entered the room.
I was not going to be okay. I tipped my head slightly in acknowledgment.
“Let us know if you need anything,” she said.
I needed her to wake up.
I sat on the chair close to the bed and held her left hand; the hand where she wore my ring. The nurse had given me her ring earlier. I slowly slid it back on her finger. I didn’t care what they told me, that she couldn’t wear any jewelry. She needed a reminder of
me
on her body.
All the emotions I have been holding for God-knows-how-long came down in barrels.
“Babe, if you can hear me,” I whispered, close to her left ear, “I need you to do something for me…” I held her hand tighter. A beep sounded from a machine. “Come back to me.” Tears fell from my face. It was probably soaking through my shirt, but I did not care. I kissed her hand.