“We’ve had a great time, Lizzie. It’s good that we are seeing more of each other. You and James can come and stay with us whenever you want – just give us a call,” says Tabitha as she sinks back into my squishy sofa. “It’s great about you and James. I thought he fancied you rotten when we were at the centre – what took so long?”
Mark, now quite drunk, enlightens, “Well it started when he saw her naked in Bluebell Woods ages ago, back in May and has fancied her ever since.” Mark is animated as he enjoys my torture in his re-telling of the story, which I had no idea he knew about. “But the whole thing was delayed because he was in the middle of ending a relationship with Natalie, who was abroad at the time. Then he thought Lizzie was seeing somebody and called me to ask who it was – but I’m not sure what gave him that idea.” I privately thank James for not revealing the body chocolate incident to my brother – the naked frolicking is enough!
Tabitha is stuck in position, open mouthed from the shock of Mark’s first sentence, but finally finds her voice. “Naked? Lizzie, why on earth were you naked in a wood?” she asks, her whole face contorted into a human question mark.
“Thanks for that Mark!” I playfully snap, but I actually don’t feel embarrassed at all and explain all about my list to Tabitha.
“So you were just dancing naked in the woods?” asks Tabitha, still in disbelief.
“Well yes I was. I just thought that there wouldn’t be anybody about at that time in the morning, but no – along walks James. It wasn’t until seeing him at the outward bound weekend, that I realised who he was. He knew who I was, but I didn’t know how he knew me.”
Tabitha drunkenly decides she’ll make up a list too, even though she’s 31. We’ll see if that’s still the case in the harsh light of a cold, sober morning. I’m not quite sure if we’ll make it up Bluebell Hill for a walk in the morning – full English breakfasts beforehand may be required first to aid our hangovers.
Note to Self
Questions hastily sprint through my mind as I get ready for my evening at James’. What shall I wear? How shall I style my hair? Do I pack an overnight bag? Does that look too expectant or slutty even? If I don’t pack one, then I’ll be without my essentials if I stay over. I can’t be without my toothbrush and clean underwear, can I? Who are you kidding Lizzie? You will stay over; however, just to keep him guessing, leave the bag in your car boot. Thoughts keep firing around, racing, swirling, twirling around and around like an uncontrollable rotating Catherine wheel.
The gymnastic thoughts in my brain spread to my tummy as it starts to perform its own somersaults. Packing the things (I hope) I will need (including my sex shop goodies – just in case) I am unsure how I will manage to eat anything James cooks for me if the acrobats in there continue. Not being a person who ever has a problem with eating, I am surprised at my response. Is this what being love sick is – this mixture of extreme excitement and contrast of crippling nerves, which makes me want to chuck my guts up? How can I even consider packing the body chocolate when I feel like this?
As the bright sunlight of the day starts to fade, my car (Edward – after my Grandad) slowly and carefully creeps along the bumpy track towards James’ cottage, as if it senses my nerves and is hesitant as well, or maybe my trusty steed knows he’s on his last legs–this track isn’t exactly car friendly. Poor Edward!
My breath is taken away by the sight that greets me in James’ garden as the romantic scene comes into view. On the lawn, by the stream which passes his cottage, sits a small table laid with a gingham table cloth covered in candles. Their flames flicker patterns across the garden enchantingly, and hanging from the apple tree branches are glass lanterns glowing lustrously casting out colour to the flickering shadows. The gentle trickle of the nearby steam creates the perfect tune to accompany this romantic atmosphere. I am touched and utterly surprised by his efforts – no man has ever done anything like this for me before.
Dressed in a red, satin dress (Tabitha’s cast off) and with my hair in loose curls, I take a deep breath as I knock on the olive green painted door. Spying blurred movement through the stained glass window, as James hears my knock and heads towards me, I hold my breath – this is it! He opens the door and seems to study my appearance with a sensual look in those huge, dark eyes of his. I mentally thank Tabitha, who showed up with this dress saying she didn’t need it, but surprisingly it isn’t in her size – thanks again Tabitha. “Lizzie, you look beautiful and very sexy as always – well apart from the last time you showed up here, covered in muck.” He smiles, as his eyes linger on me a little too long and I know that he wants me as much as I want him. He stammers into his next sentence, his reaction to me giving me a much needed confidence boost. “I’ve set the table up outside if that’s okay with you. I thought it would be nice to eat outside whilst the weather’s warm – before we know it, autumn will be upon us and then it’ll be dinner in front of the fire.” Oh the images that are now flashing through my head – snow on the ground causing a magical atmosphere and the two of us in the warmth of the cottage fire. Then we’d make passionate love on the thick rug in front of it as the hot flames create dancing shadows across our naked bodies. He tells me how much he loves me as his hands glide effortlessly over ....
“Lizzie, are you okay?” James looks anxiously at me, and I realise that I have been stood in a trance and haven’t been listening to a word he has said.
“Sorry James, the table looks sexy ... I mean beautiful; I was day dreaming again- what did you ask?” I struggle to put my sentence together, still having naked images in my head and trying to concentrate hard on the present.
“This day dreaming is becoming a habit Lizzie. Am I boring you so soon? I asked if you’d like some wine or anything else.”
“No you’re not boring me,” I answer as I reach out to him, feeling sorry for him as he is starting to look a little flustered. “I’d love some wine and anything else you’re offering!” We pull each other into a tight embrace. Breathing in his scent and nuzzling his neck, I am unable to totally extinguish my daydream, feeling even more aroused.
He pulls back and looks deeply into my eyes with enlarged pupils. “Lizzie, you can’t say stuff like that to me – I’ve got to try and concentrate on cooking a meal for you. I’ll be honest; my skills in the kitchen aren’t the best, so I need to focus for the next twenty minutes, but I can’t think straight when you’re so near to me.” I giggle at his distress over cooking a meal. It’s almost like we have swapped places and I find James outside his comfort zone just like he did with me when I was gorge crossing.
“Is there anything I can help with?” I ask wanting to help him as he helped me.
“No everything’s sorted. Why don’t you sit down in the garden, whilst I get you a drink and put things into the oven. I’ll be back in a minute, but seriously I need that table between us for now!” he answers agitatedly. Sit down? I feel restless myself, and can’t think straight when near him either. I’m contemplating suggesting we just make love now and get it over and done with so we can both relax and enjoy this meal. It’s now clear neither of us can unwind with all this anticipation and electricity buzzing around.
James quickly returns holding a tray with wine, two long stemmed glasses and a frosted cooler placed dangerously on top, but despite my concerns his strong arms carry it effortlessly. He looks devilishly sexy with his tousled hair, jeans and blue shirt open slightly at the top, causing another assault on my thoughts. Sitting down opposite me, he opens the sparkling wine and pours us both a glass. “To us, Lizzie – getting together at last!” We clink glasses and look intensely into each others’ eyes – unable to say anything. His eyes are displaying his true feelings and I know he wants me as much as I want him. I can tell he is desperately trying not to rush things, but his eyes betray his true intentions. Just two months ago, I would have sat through a meal like this, nervous, unable to eat, but the confidence I have gained from doing my list has enabled me to make the decision to take charge, getting exactly what I want.
Taking a deep breath, my heart beating quickly, but I’m determined, “James I want you to make love to me right now! We can eat later.”
James looks startled at first, but his eyes quickly darken with longing as any control he had quickly evaporates in the heat of our longing. “Lizzie, I don’t want to rush you into anything. I wanted to try and make things romantic,” he gestures to the lanterns, whilst I stare into his eyes willing him to come towards me and take me in his arms to end this torture.
“You have made it lovely out here and I love the fact that you have gone to so much effort. Nobody has ever gone to so much effort for me before, but if I’m honest, I don’t think I could eat a thing – I’m too ..urm .. wound up?” This comes out as a question as I search for the right word to tell him how I feel. He looks directly at me, searching my face for clues, hesitating, not sure if I mean it. Again I find myself willing him to come to me, but as the feeling of intense urgency surges from my desire, action is called for. Slipping off my chair, I take hold of the zip on my dress, slowly pulling it down and then allowing it to glide down my body to the floor. Any uncertainty about my actions disappears when I watch his gaze travel over my body as I stand in front of him in nothing but my heels and skimpy, matching red underwear (red–to match my dress). He takes in a deep breath as if to attempt some control but within seconds his arms are suddenly around me and then his hands are cupping my face as he draws my lips towards his before kissing me with urgent desire. Picking me up, he carries me across the garden into his cottage, only breaking the kiss to push open the front door.
Before I can register what’s happening, I feel myself landing on the bed and open my eyes to see him, realising he is entirely still, staring at me hungrily taking in every ounce of my body, leaving me feeling more desired than I have ever felt before. As he slips out of his clothes to his boxer shorts, I trail my eyes down his body happily drinking in his muscular form, wanting to run my tongue over it. “Lizzie you don’t know what you do to me – are you sure you want this, because there’s no turning back once I touch you?” he growls fixing me with the most intense gaze I have ever seen. Sitting up, I reach out for him showing him this is precisely what I want. With full understanding, he moves purposefully towards me like a lion towards its prey. It seems a lifetime until he reaches me and pushes me down on the bed with his determined and persistent kisses. I openly respond wrapping one arm around his neck, whilst the other is on his back pulling him towards me as I feel his hardness and want him inside me – now!
Slowing me down, he takes control and moves his lips from mine to my towards my neck, nibbling and kissing me, deliberately taking his time to reach my breasts. I gasp when he slides my bra away and takes my nipple into his mouth, at the same time as he skilfully unhooks my bra. His careful, but firm sucking is driving me crazy–right now I am lost to him. Whilst he pays more and more attention to each of my breasts with his tongue, his hands slowly glide down my curves, pausing teasingly on my stomach, before sliding my knickers down so he can gently caress and stroke me in exactly the right spot. His expert touch is slow at first, torturing me as I groan in pleasure pushing myself against him wanting, needing more. Moving his kisses from my breasts, downwards, at a tantalisingly laboured pace, leaves me desperate for him to reach me. Finally his mouth finds the area that his fingers have just left and I grip his hair in my hands unable to remain still with the anticipation of the thrill he is about to give me.
Gently parting me and delicately using his tongue to tease, he then follows with a firmer sucking and I can’t help but open my legs further wanting this more and more. His kiss grows in intensity as he gradually quickens the pace and firmness, so that I squirm with the agonising pleasure of this. I feel like I am high on drugs as he continues to increase the pressure causing my hips to buckle in response. On reaching total and utter abandonment, I pant, unable to stop with the ecstasy indulging me, continuing until I can take this no more. Finally my orgasm releases me from this uncontrollable high and I cry out, collapsing with exhilaration, with him smiling up at me from below.
It takes me a minute or so to come round and find James is now gently kissing my neck. He pauses to smile cheekily at me, quite proud of his achievement and it dawns on me what has just happened – I’ve just had my first ever orgasm.
I move to lie on top of him and it’s my turn to tease him; slowly moving down his taut, lean body with long kisses, tasting him with my tongue until I am so close to his erection that he grips my hair, tightly in anticipation as I did him. As I take him in my mouth, moving with rhythm, I bring him to the same heights as I have just reached. “Lizzie, let me inside you!” he pants whilst moving on top of me so that he can enter me slowly until I adjust to his expanse. This is followed by firmer thrusting, taking me back to that point of no return until we both cave in to euphoria and disintegrate with relief onto the bed. Still wrapped in each others’ limbs, our accelerated breathing gradually slows as we come back to our senses. We lie in our embrace for a long time, indulging in the close feeling of each others’ bodies and the bliss that they have just brought us.
“That was great!” James says some time later. “When can we do that again?” I find it difficult to reply because I now have ridiculous tears streaming down my face and don’t want James to see, but he feels them as they drip onto his hot, skin. “Lizzie what’s wrong – have I hurt you?” he asks in concern.
Gulping back my absurd tears and feeling foolish, I try to explain. “No you haven’t hurt me at all. I’m fine honestly. I can’t believe I’m crying.” If he still likes me after this performance, it must be love – pull yourself together Lizzie. “It’s just that I’ve never had ... erm not had ... ever ... erm an orgasm. I feel a little silly that at the age of 29 I am saying this to you, but ... well that was just so amazing; I’ve got all emotional. Honestly, James, you haven’t hurt me –it just felt fantastic, and I can now tick off another item on my list!”
“It’s your first orgasm? Lizzie, seriously, you’ve obviously had some rubbish boyfriends in the past. There’s plenty more where that came from, if you’d like to do it again with me some time.”
“Of course I bloody would. Now I know what it’s like, you’re going to be a very active man James Colley, but right now I’m starving – how about that meal?” I ask.
I imagine some of you reading this will find it strange that I haven’t had an orgasm by now or even faked one for a peaceful life. Let me remind you that I’ve never been in love (until now) or had a boyfriend whom I lusted after. Maybe I always chose the wrong men or hadn’t met the right one. So there it is, I’ve never experienced an orgasm before. If you’ve never experienced something, how can you possibly miss it. Therefore, not having had an orgasm has never particularly bothered me. In the past, this is something I’ve not admitted to many people (hardly anybody), but right now, I don’t mind telling you and am not embarrassed by it–perhaps this is the consequences of my list.
It was only when I was compiling my list that I thought about things I haven’t done or ever experiences, so I put this one on my list out of pure curiosity. If I’d known orgasms were this good, I wouldn’t have left it so long to visit that sex shop and may have made a different purchase to body chocolate!
Now I
do
know what I was missing, therefore I am very keen to experience it again. It’s a little like hot chocolate fudge cake, the more you have it, the more you want it–that said, I would still find it difficult to choose between the two, although with my body chocolate I can combine the two experiences. And guess what? I’ve now ticked off two items on my list in one weekend, the second being somewhat unplanned and therefore unexpected.