Living Life the Essex Way (22 page)

In fact things between me and Joey are so real that at the minute we’re house-hunting for a home together. It’s a big step and quite scary, but I think it’s the right
thing.

We have also talked about getting married one day. I’ve even chosen the engagement ring I want on Cartier’s website and pointed it out to Joey, as well as making it the wallpaper on
my computer. Nothing like a few decent hints – although he may need to find a cheaper version, as it is £300,000! And I also know what we would call our kids: Minnie and Maggie for twin
girls, and Joey Junior for a boy – that is Joey’s choice though, can I say, not mine!

So yes, as you can see, I am definitely planning for a future with him. We’re completely loved up but don’t get me wrong, I still like nothing more than a night out with my
girlfriends. In fact, recently we were talking about the old days and about one night out in particular. It was the night that I got close to one celebrity before I got famous. So close that me and
my friends ended up kissing him in the hot tub back at his house . . . That celebrity was Russell Brand! Back in Christmas 2008 I bought my mum and sister tickets for his Scandalous Tour, which was
running in February the next year. I told some friends and they bought tickets too, and came along with us.

Billie and I were supposed to be working that same night at Embassy nightclub in London – as I said before, I worked there for Mark Wright on the nights that he ran at the club. Well, the
original plan was that we would go to the show, then go on to work afterwards, so we were really dressed up. I had red hair at the time, and was wearing a fitted black skirt and a leopard print
body top. So me, Mum, Billie, and my friends went to the gig at Brixton Academy in south London, and I swear, we had the worst seats in the world. Russell was like a speck on the stage, and we were
looking at each other going, ‘Oh my god, this is going to be bad.’ But actually, he was really good and we spent the whole night laughing, as he told well inappropriate but totally
funny jokes.

Afterwards we had an hour or so before we had to be at work, so we went downstairs to have drinks in the theatre bar.

Just as we sat down, this big bouncer walked in, and came straight over to us, and said, ‘Russell is inviting some people back to VIP if you would like to join him.’ We were all
giddy, and were like, ‘Yeah, definitely!’ To us Russell was a real A-list celeb, so getting to hang out with him, even just for five minutes, was amazing. This bouncer took us to a bar
upstairs, which was like a super VIP bar, and we all sat at this square table, chatting and having a drink, giggling because it was so exciting.

Then Russell walked in. He was in his usual kind of outfit – skinny black jeans, boots and a white T-shirt – and his hair was all big and puffy; it was at that time when he always
made it stand on end at the back. He came over to us, and we were so excited! You can imagine what it was like; this was a proper celebrity, and he wanted to talk to us! He sat next to my mum and
was all like, ‘Hey girls,’ and asked us all our names. Russell just kept grinning his big grin, and he was all funny and really smooth. It was obvious he fancied my mum more than any of
us. He loved her and he kept calling her Mummy Sue and flirting with her, it was hilarious.

It wasn’t long before he asked if we wanted to go back to his house for a drink and to carry on the party. We were all giggling and were like, ‘Oh my God!’ because really
Russell was a complete stranger, so it was weird to go back to his, but at the same time he wasn’t, because he was a celebrity. What could go wrong, if you know what I mean?

Well Mum said she was going to go home, but said, ‘Look, if I was your age, I would go. You should all definitely go and have fun. Just make sure you keep your phones on and that you come
home.’ I swear Russell was disappointed she wasn’t coming! But he still ordered some nice posh cars to drive us to his, though he travelled separately. We were the only people he had
invited back from the bar, so it looked like the party was going to be just us group of girls and him.

On the way, we had a conversation about it, and all of us realised that he would expect sex from one of us, really. There was no way he wanted a group of girls to come back just for a chat, and
was then going to send us home. He also had a massive reputation by then for sleeping with girls – one newspaper had even called him ‘Shagger of the Year’! So we were all joking,
saying, ‘Who will take one for the team?!’ Well, I didn’t fancy him at all. I can see he is charming and funny, and good looking to some people, but he’s not my type even
one tiny little bit. But one of the girls, who was single at the time, said she fancied him, and was up for it. So that was it settled! If he wanted to make a move on someone, she had
volunteered.

The other thing I had to do in the car was call Mark, and tell him we weren’t going to be in for work that night. He was fuming as we only gave half an hour’s notice and he
didn’t have anyone to cover for us. But there was no way we were giving up on this chance and I told him that it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Funnily enough, it was actually Arg who
ended up covering for me on the door that night.

We got to Russell’s house, which was a lovely three- or four-storey place in a posh area – Hampstead, in north London, if I remember right. And we went in and down into the kitchen,
which was in the basement, where he got some white and rosé wine for us out of the fridge. It was a lovely place, although I remember there were strange things in really odd places –
like one of those gym bikes for working out on was sat in the middle of the kitchen. We sat there chatting, and he was really funny and cheeky. He was single at the time and was non-stop flirting.
Then one of the girls asked him to give us a tour of the house, so he did.

It was really nice, and the bedroom was exactly as I would have expected – kind of like a boudoir, all dark and mysterious looking. And it had an en suite bathroom, with the bath in the
middle of the room. All very luxurious. The funniest room, though, was this one with ropes and mats and weird stuff in it – at first I thought it was some kind of bondage room! But he said it
was his yoga and peace room. Well of course we asked to see some moves . . . Next thing you know, he pulls this rope down from the ceiling, loops his legs in it, and suddenly he’s swinging
upside down in this Buddha position, just talking to us like that! Oh my God, it was hilarious, and so surreal. It was one of those moments that will stick in my head forever – not only am I
somehow in Russell Brand’s house, but he is doing this in front of me! We were all a bit hysterical by then.

After that, we went out to his back garden, where he had a hot tub. We all decided to strip off and get in there in our underwear – we’d had a few drinks by then, so weren’t
feeling shy, and to be honest it didn’t feel like it was real anyway.

The hot tub was so funny. We were just messing around and having a laugh. He was kissing us all, and I kissed him too – though just a quick kiss on the lips – because, like I said,
he wasn’t my type at all, nor Billie’s. But we were joining in the fun – it was just a good laugh. I thought it was funny that he had the ego to have us all in his hot tub with
just him. No male friends – as far as he was concerned, he was enough and he definitely wanted to be centre of attention!

Then he and the friend who had said she fancied him disappeared upstairs for some private time . . . And while they were gone me and the rest of the girls were like tourists in his house. We
were screaming and giggling because we still couldn’t believe we were there. It was amazing that he trusted us – he was lucky he had chosen a good group of girls, because if we
hadn’t been, we would have had every opportunity to rob the place! But of course we didn’t, we were more concerned with taking photos. Photos of us around the room, photos of us on his
chairs, even photos of his photos! We wanted to prove we had been there – both to others and to ourselves, in case even we started to forget later down the line that it had happened!

When Russell and my friend came back downstairs we had a group photo – and if you needed proof of what had just happened upstairs, the two of them wearing dressing gowns in the picture
gives it away! Afterwards she said the sex had been good but a bit different to normal – although not as weird as I think people imagine it must be with Russell. Then again, he probably knew
she was only 18, and it would have been wrong to do anything too bizarre! When he came back downstairs though, he had pointed at Billie, as though to say, ‘You’re next,’ and she
was like, ‘No way!’ She had a boyfriend at the time, and she didn’t fancy him anyway.

Eventually we left at about 3 a.m., and true to his word he called us cars to take us home and paid for them. When I got home, I had to explain the evening to my boyfriend at the time, Lewis,
but I just said it was a once-in-a-lifetime chance – if he had been invited back to Megan Fox’s house with his mates, I wouldn’t have expected him to say no either.

The next week, Russell got in touch with my friend and asked her to go to a spa with him, but at the last minute she bottled it – although we had had a really fun evening, I don’t
think she really wanted a relationship with him. Which is lucky, as then he went on to get together with Katy Perry! She never sold a story on him, which she knew she could have. But why would we?
We all remember him as a really nice, really funny and witty guy, who we had an amazing and surreal evening with! I haven’t seen Russell since, and I’m sure he has never made the link
to it being us – I had red hair back then for a start. But I think we must have made an impression on him, because when I read his book
Booky Wook 2
, he mentions us in there –
brief though it is. He says: ‘After a night at the Brixton Academy I took home five girls and we kissed, canoodled and shrieked till the early morning in my “never gonna be clean
enough” hot tub. And through their white-wine kisses and perfect skin I tasted something poisonous.’ I’m not sure what he meant by that last bit! But it was an early claim to fame
for me anyhow.

Those were fun times, but I’m enjoying settling down and making a home together with Joey. It might seem strange that I would leave my house so soon after buying it, something I only did
earlier this year, but I think I need to. It would be too hard for Joey to move into it, without feeling that it was my place, rather than our place. And he isn’t that keen on his own flat
– it’s fine, but he has never really made it personal to him, if you know what I mean. Mum is already eyeing up my house though, she loves it as much as me.

One thing living on my own has taught me, which I hoped it would, is how to make food that isn’t just toast . . . I have learned to cook a fair bit, and can even make a decent roast now!
Although, despite my attempts to be healthier, I do still like my Chinese takeaways . . . I have actually decided that Joey is a bit of a feeder. I have put on weight since I’ve been with
him, which inevitably happens in a relationship, as you feel comfortable within yourself, but still, he is always offering me more food!

I’ve put on half a stone, just from eating and drinking, but Joey and I are going to start having tennis lessons, so that should help get rid of that.

I was photographed looking a bit bigger when I was in Las Vegas in June, which I was a bit paranoid about, but you can have fat and thin pictures no matter what weight you are, depending on
lighting, angles and posture. And to be honest I was there to have a good time, so I just focused on that. It was the girls’ holiday that my friends and I had been planning for years, and it
didn’t disappoint. Although seven days of partying was pretty hard core – I would advise people to go for five days max.

We stayed in a hotel called The Encore, which I definitely recommend for anyone my age going out there. Out of the nightlife, my favourite place was Surrender, which was a club inside our hotel;
Las Vegas is a bit like Dubai, in that so much of the nightlife is linked to hotels. I also loved a pool party called Wet Republic. That is a party anyone going there has to visit. Oh, and of
course there’s the Grand Canyon – that is the bit of culture that you obviously have to fit in!

The only big row Joey and I have had since becoming a couple again happened after I got back from Vegas actually. We have little rows over silly things all the time, of course, but this time, as
soon as I got home, he went to Ibiza for the week on a boys’ holiday. I was on a downer after my trip, and I drove myself mad about what he was up to. So one night I ended up calling him when
I was upset and asking him to come home. Not that he did . . . Instead it turned into an argument.

But I do trust Joey to behave. Despite Mario and Lucy claiming during series six that they had seen photos of us both cheating . . . well, it just isn’t true. I know I haven’t
– as I said, Vegas was a girls’ holiday, and much as I like Americans, the boys just don’t do it for me. Joey promises me he has been faithful too, and let’s be realistic,
if there were photos of Joey misbehaving, someone would definitely have sold them by now. Joey gave me a promise ring when we were together the first time, as a promise that he would be a good
boyfriend. No one noticed, but I never took it off, and I think he has stuck by that promise.

No, with Mario and Lucy it was just a case of them having nothing on us, but wanting to have something so that they could distract people from looking at the problems in their own relationship.
Lucy even admitted to me that she hadn’t actually seen anything. It is a hard one with her and Mario, as I hope they are happy, and despite his arrogance, I do actually like Mario. But I
truly don’t believe they are ready for each other, so I don’t actually think they will end up getting married. It feels like they both have things to get out of their system first,
especially Mario, if all the rumours of other girls are true. When I mentioned the rumours on the show it was like I sparked World War Three. I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand, I was
just trying to be a friend to Lucy by stopping her marrying the wrong guy. But it was pointless – that girl doesn’t want to believe Mario could do anything like that, so she will never
listen.