Liverpool Angels (28 page)

T
o everyone’s relief
there was a letter from Pip in the afternoon post the following day but the news it contained wasn’t what Mae wanted to hear.

‘What’s wrong?’ Alice demanded, seeing the expression on Mae’s face change from profound relief to fear.

‘He’s being sent to the front next week. Oh, Alice, it’s what I dreaded.’

‘I know, but you knew he would be sent sooner or later. They all have to go,’ Alice reminded her gently.

‘I’d just hoped it would be later – much later, perhaps when the next American troops arrived, but they’re going to join the Canadians.’

‘Try not to worry too much, Mae. He’s not a fool, he won’t go doing anything . . . rash.’

Mae nodded but she’d seen so much of the aftermath and consequences of battle that Alice’s words didn’t do much to allay her fears. Bullets and shells didn’t discriminate between the rash and the cautious.

‘I just want to get back now, Alice. At least if I’m there and anything . . . happens to him, I can get to Passchendaele Ridge – well, close enough anyway.’

Alice could understand that but she herself had no wish to rush back. She was reluctant to leave Jimmy and her mam, especially as Maggie had indicated that she still wasn’t sure what to do about Billy.

‘I just wish she would make up her mind one way or the other, Jimmy,’ she confided the night before they were due to leave.

Jimmy looked perturbed. He didn’t want Alice to go back but knew she must, but this business of her mam and Billy McEvoy was confusing and unsettling her and she’d fallen out with her brother over it. ‘Don’t go getting too upset about it, Alice. How did they seem to be getting on when he came yesterday?’

‘Fine. I thought she was a lot happier than when he came for supper last time.’

‘Probably because she wasn’t so worried about how you and he would get on,’ Jimmy deduced aloud. ‘Was it any easier for you?’

‘Yes, of course, and I said I’d write to him when I get time. He can’t write back because he says all he can manage with his left hand is his signature but he said he’d ask Mam to include any news he has. I’d just feel easier in my mind, Jimmy, if I knew where we all stand.’

‘We seem to know exactly where your Eddie stands on the matter,’ Jimmy reminded her. He could see Eddie’s point; he wasn’t at all sure how he’d feel if the father who’d deserted him as a baby suddenly turned up again.

‘Well, I’m not going to go and see our Eddie and tell him that I got on well with our da and that I think I can forgive and forget, and that I hope Mam gives him a second chance. I’m going to have a chat with Lizzie first to see what she says about it.’

Jimmy nodded his agreement. He’d never met this Lizzie and it was so long since he’d seen Eddie that he didn’t know if he’d changed much, but he was glad his best mate had met someone special. ‘You think she can talk him round?’

Alice shrugged. ‘If anyone can, it’s Lizzie. Oh, Jimmy, I just wish there was some end to this war in sight. Haven’t enough lads been killed and wounded? What have either side gained in three years? A few miles of useless mud and towns and villages in utter ruins! And now Mae is worried sick that something will happen to Pip and if – God forbid – it does, it will destroy her.’

‘I don’t know when it will all end, Alice. I don’t know why they go on fighting. Do any of us know now exactly what we’re fighting
for
?’ Jimmy said sombrely. ‘But it will have to finish one day and there
will
be peace again.’

‘Let’s hope that we’re all still here to enjoy it, Jimmy.’

Jimmy put his arms around her. ‘I will be, Alice, luv. One day you’ll come home to me and we’ll get married.’

‘Oh, I wish I didn’t have to go, Jimmy, I really do, but there will be lads who need to be cared for.’

‘I know, and I hope you and Eddie can sort things out. You shouldn’t be arguing – not at a time like this.’

Alice kissed him. ‘Maybe everything can be worked out, once Mam’s made up her mind. I’d better get back now; we’ve an early start in the morning. It won’t be until after Christmas that we’ll get leave again, I’m afraid.’

‘Maybe it will be over by then,’ Jimmy said with far more optimism than he felt.

‘That’s what we’ve said for the past three years,’ Alice replied.

Even though they were both cold and tired after the journey Alice decided she would take the bull by the horns and discuss the matter with Lizzie straight away. Clasping a mug of hot tea between her cold hands she sat down on the edge of the bed beside her friend while Mae started to unpack.

‘So, how did it go, Alice? Did you see your father?’ Lizzie asked.

‘Yes, and I liked him, Lizzie. I didn’t really know how I’d feel when I saw him but I found I could talk to him. I felt I could ask him anything and I did, and he answered all my questions honestly. He tried his best to explain. Of course, I really don’t know or can’t imagine what he was like when he was a young man, although he tried to tell me, but now he’s quiet and thoughtful and I think he’s still fond of Mam.’

‘And is she going to take him back?’ Lizzie probed, watching Alice’s expression closely. She had something she had to tell her friend and she was not very happy about it.

Alice shrugged. ‘I just don’t know. She seems to be having trouble making up her mind.’

‘You certainly can’t blame her for that, Alice. It’s a big decision, a real leap of faith, trust and hope that this time it won’t end in tears.’

‘Has our Eddie said anything more about it?’ Alice asked tentatively.

‘He’s said a great deal, I can tell you. But I’m afraid it’s not what you want to hear, Alice.’

Alice sipped her tea and grimaced at the taste. ‘He’s still angry about it then?’

‘He is. I’ve tried hard to put your point of view over but he’s adamant. He wants nothing to do with him and he says he can’t for the life of him understand your attitude or your mam’s. He keeps saying you should both have more self-respect, more pride and dignity than to let someone who treated you so badly just walk back into your lives.’ Lizzie sighed and took a sip of her drink. ‘He doesn’t believe Billy’s sorry for what he did, he’s convinced that the real reason why he now wants to come home is because he’s lost his arm and been invalided out of the Navy. He just wants someone to look after him. I’ve tried to point out that all your lives have changed because of the war, that maybe it really is the time to forgive but . . . Well, I’m not going to go harping on about it, Alice, it won’t do any good and I don’t want to drive a wedge between us. I care about him too much. I know he’s got his faults but he’s been through a lot. I’m really sorry, Alice.’

‘You tried, Lizzie,’ Alice replied gloomily.

Mae smiled at Lizzie. ‘It won’t resolve anything if you and Eddie fall out over it.’

‘It won’t. Would you like me to write to your mam and try to explain how he feels and how I feel about him?’ Lizzie asked Alice.

‘I don’t know, is the honest answer.’

‘I think I owe it to her anyway to let her know that Eddie and I intend to get married when this damned war is over and I know Eddie isn’t going to write to her,’ Lizzie informed them both.

‘He’s asked you?’ Mae enquired.

Lizzie nodded and smiled. ‘He’s even been talking about saving for a ring but I’ve told him to keep the money, we’ll need it one day. An engagement ring would be a bit of a waste as I can’t wear it very often – as you know from experience, Mae.’

Mae nodded, glancing at the ring on her finger, which she would soon have to replace in its box. Her thoughts inevitably turned to Pip, wondering where he was and if he was safe.

‘I suppose all we can do is see how things work out,’ Alice said but then she brightened. ‘But I’m delighted that you’ll be my sister-in-law one day, Lizzie.’

‘And my cousin-in-law,’ Mae added.

Lizzie stood up and collected the now empty mugs. ‘The Lord alone knows when that day will come, none of us do, and Sister informed us that our troops now hold two of the three ridges around Ypres but that the Canadians are having a hard time of it at Passchendaele Ridge. But at least there isn’t much likelihood of another big offensive before Christmas.’

‘I suppose we should be thankful for that,’ Alice replied.

Mae said nothing but cold fingers of fear were closing around her heart, for Pip’s division was with the Canadians.

Life settled back into the routine of ward duties and the steady admission of wounded men from the front lines, and to Mae’s intense relief Pip’s letters, although far more infrequent, kept arriving. He always seemed to be cheerful and played down the hardships and the dangers but Mae knew full well that the casualties were heavy, although few came to their hospital, for the Canadians and Americans had their own. It was a blessed relief when they heard that on 10 November Passchendaele Ridge had at last been captured.

‘Maybe we can start to look forward to Christmas now, Mae,’ Lizzie said when she heard the news.

‘It’s great, Lizzie, to know that the fighting has stopped for now, but I wish I could see him. I wish we could have as good a Christmas as we did last year.’

Lizzie nodded, remembering that evening at Monsieur Clari’s café when Eddie had given her the lace-edged handkerchiefs and they’d realised that there was something more than just friendship between them.

‘You’ll be the only one of us who will be able to spend it with your fiancé, Lizzie. Jimmy’s at home in Liverpool and Pip is up at the front,’ Alice reminded her friend.

‘Yes, I’m lucky that they’ve kept Eddie at that supply depot, and he thinks so too; the last thing he wants is to be sent back to his battalion. I know it won’t be like last year but we should try and make the best of it,’ Lizzie urged.

‘How?’ Alice demanded. ‘Our Eddie and I are not on speaking terms.’

Lizzie frowned, that was one situation that didn’t look like being resolved any time soon. ‘Perhaps it would be best if just the three of us went out in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, providing Sister lets us off. Then I’ll see Eddie on my own. I’ll ask him to find out when he thinks he’ll get time off,’ she suggested tactfully.

It was a far from ideal situation but there was little they could do to change it, Mae thought regretfully. It wasn’t going to be a ‘season of goodwill’ between Alice and Eddie and she wondered sadly how Aunty Maggie was feeling about Eddie’s refusal to write to his mother. She wondered too just when her aunt would come to a decision about Billy.

As Christmas approached Maggie felt she couldn’t put off her decision much longer. She was deeply unhappy that Eddie was taking it all very badly and refusing to write, but she’d had a long and lovely letter from Lizzie explaining how he felt and asking for her blessing on their engagement, although she’d said there was no hope of them setting a date yet for a wedding. Even though she had never met her future daughter-in-law Maggie had warmed to her and realised that the girl was in a very difficult position, caught between love and loyalty to Eddie and her friendship with Alice. Perhaps if she herself stopped dithering and made a decision – even if in Eddie’s eyes it was the wrong one – it would help . . . somehow.

She poured herself another cup of tea and thought back over the past months. She had become accustomed to Billy’s visits, she’d become accustomed to the man he was now, she’d even admitted to Agnes that she was fond of him, but still at the very back of her mind the doubts niggled. What if it was all an act? What if when she took him back he reverted to his former ways? What if he was only looking for someone to look after him in his advancing years? She sighed heavily; this was getting her nowhere at all and she knew her indecision was helping no one. Not Alice, not herself, not Billy and certainly not Eddie. If she had any hope of trying to reconcile her son to his father, even if it took years, she had to make up her mind.

At last she stood up and went the drawer in the dresser where she kept a writing pad and envelopes. She had three letters to write before she could hope to get some sleep. One to Alice, a very difficult one to Eddie and Lizzie, and the note to Billy telling him he could come back home.

She hadn’t expected him to arrive quite as soon as he did. He must have packed his things and left the day after he’d got her note, she thought as she ushered him into the house. He carried one small suitcase; he obviously hadn’t had much to pack.

‘I’ll put the kettle on and then we’ll get you settled in, Billy,’ she said.

Billy put the case down and took a small box from the pocket of his jacket. ‘I want you to have this, Maggie, as a token of my thanks for letting me come back home and of the affection I still feel for you. I know it’s been a hard decision for you to make.’

Maggie was surprised but took the box and opened it. Inside was a gold brooch shaped as an anchor set with tiny rubies. ‘I didn’t expect anything, Billy, but it’s beautiful and . . . thoughtful of you.’

‘I bought it years ago in India. It took my fancy and the Indian chap who sold it to me said it would be a lucky charm for a sailor. He didn’t get that right though!’

‘It was in a way, Billy. You survived. Thank you.’

‘You still haven’t heard from Eddie?’ he asked as he sat down at the table, feeling a sense of relief that at last he was able to call this house ‘home’ again. His lodgings had been decidedly bleak and impersonal and he’d come to hate them.