Liverpool Angels (27 page)

‘And what did she say?’ Alice asked.

‘Much the same as you: that it’s my decision. But she also told me not to cut off my nose to spite my face.’

Alice replied, ‘I’m sure you won’t, Mam, and don’t take too much notice of our Eddie. I think he’ll come round in time. At least Lizzie thinks he will.’

Maggie refilled their cups, smiling as Mae commented on the chlorine-free taste. ‘Do you think he’s serious about this Lizzie? He mentioned her often – before he stopped writing, that is.’

Both Mae and Alice grinned. ‘Well, Lizzie is, I know that, even though she’s from a middle-class family. The war seems to have changed a lot of people’s attitudes,’ Alice remarked.

‘And knowing Lizzie Lawson, she’s a very determined young woman who usually gets her own way,’ Mae added.

‘She’s really nice, Mam, I get on great with her even though she’s a lot older than me. She’s a bit older than Eddie too. She lives in Aintree, in a big house near the racecourse, and until the beginning of the war they had a maid, but she’s not a bit snobbish,’ Alice informed her mother.

‘Really? She sounds like a sensible girl who knows what she wants and that might do our Eddie good,’ Maggie pronounced, wondering how Lizzie’s family would feel about having a son-in-law from the working class. ‘Have you heard from Pip, Mae?’ she asked, to change the rather intense subject.

‘He writes regularly. Thank goodness he’s not yet been sent to the front but he thinks that by next month he will be. The unit he’s with are regular American Army so they don’t need training; they’ll be supporting the French or the Canadians. He says the main body of those who enlisted probably won’t be over for some months yet as President Wilson is insisting that they be properly trained and armed first.’

‘It’s a pity our politicians and generals didn’t take that attitude instead of sending the lads into conditions they were unprepared for.’ She sighed heavily. ‘And it looks as if we’ll have another Christmas of it too.’

‘Don’t be downhearted, Mam. When the Americans come over in force it’s bound to make a difference. Everyone is hoping and praying it will soon end,’ Alice reminded her.

‘I’ll say “Amen” to that,’ Maggie replied.

Mae echoed her aunt’s word, the awful prospect of Pip facing the German forces in the near future filling her mind. The thought haunted her day and night.

M
aggie and Alice were both very apprehensive as Sunday approached. Mae was less so for she wasn’t as deeply involved, although she did wonder just what her Uncle Billy would have to say for himself.

Maggie had made a cottage pie and there was an apple tart to follow, and the kitchen table had been set with a crisp white cloth and her best dishes.

‘You’re putting on quite a spread for him, Mam,’ Alice remarked as she placed the cranberry-glass cruet set in the centre of the table.

‘Well, it’s not often I have anyone for supper and with you two being home as well, it’s a bit of an occasion,’ Maggie replied as nonchalantly as she could. If the truth were told she was a little nervous as to how he and Alice would get on. She’d seen Billy a couple of times now but for Alice it might prove to be an ordeal.

He arrived punctually at six o’clock, and as her mother opened the front door Alice glanced at Mae. ‘I still don’t know what to say to him. To start with, what do I call him?’ she whispered.

‘Just be your usual self, Alice,’ Mae whispered back, giving her an encouraging smile.

As Maggie ushered him into the kitchen Alice was surprised. He wasn’t what she had imagined at all and it was something of a shock to realise that she resembled him, although his once dark curly hair was now grey.

‘Billy, this is your daughter Alice and this is Mae, John’s girl,’ Maggie announced rather formally.

To cover the sense of guilt and embarrassment that washed over him as he met the child he’d never before seen, Billy smiled and spoke first to Mae. ‘You’re the image of your mam, Mae. Sure, a bit taller perhaps, but anyone who knew Beth would have no doubts as to whose child you are and John must have been very proud of you.’

‘He was, Uncle Billy,’ Mae answered quietly, thinking how strange the name sounded on her tongue.

He didn’t miss the note of pain in her voice. ‘I’m sorry that he’s . . . gone. War is a terrible thing as I’m sure you know only too well.’ He turned to Alice at last. He’d spent the last few days and nights wondering what he could possibly say to her. ‘Alice, I’m very glad you agreed to see me. I would have understood if you’d felt you didn’t want to. I’m sorry for . . . everything, for not even knowing I had a daughter. I can see for myself that you’re a fine girl and I know from what your mam has told me that you’re a good nurse too.’

Alice felt the tears prick her eyes. He was just a quietly spoken, ageing man who’d lost his arm in the service of his country. ‘I . . . I think Mam has been exaggerating.’

‘Ah, not a bit of it, Alice. It’s brave of you both to go over there to nurse,’ Billy replied, relieved that she hadn’t greeted him with hostility or resentment.

‘Right, well, if you’ll all sit down I’ll get that pie out of the oven,’ Maggie instructed, feeling relieved herself that the atmosphere wasn’t nearly as tense as she’d anticipated.

During the meal Alice, Aunty Maggie and her new-found Uncle Billy all seemed to be watching what they said, Mae thought. She found him quiet, good-humoured and, when he spoke of his time in the Navy, quite knowledgeable. She’d told Maggie earlier that she thought it might be helpful if Alice could spend some time alone with him and Maggie had agreed. Mae helped her aunt to clear the dishes when the meal was over and then announced that she was going across to see how Jimmy was getting on.

‘I’ll pop over with you for a few minutes. I want to ask Agnes a favour,’ Maggie added, ignoring the searching look Alice gave her. ‘I won’t be long, Billy.’

As they left Billy smiled at Alice, who sat opposite him at the table. ‘They weren’t very subtle about that, were they?’

Alice shook her head. ‘I think it was Mae’s idea. I . . . I told her I wanted to see you and to ask you . . .’

‘Why I deserted you all,’ Billy finished for her.

Alice nodded, her hands clenched tightly in front of her, anxious to hear what he had to say and wishing now that Jimmy was with her for support.

Billy took a deep breath; he’d anticipated this. ‘It was a long time ago, Alice, and I was a different person then. I was not much older than Eddie is now and I felt that life wasn’t working out the way I wanted it to. I’d come from Belfast in the hope of a better life but I . . . I could get no steady work and we were always hard up. I was young, restless, craving adventure and excitement, but I was tied down with your mam and Eddie. I started to drink far too much and that only made my situation seem worse. Then when Beth died your mam told me she’d promised her she would bring Mae up too. I knew John would carry on going away to sea – he had little choice, it was a steady job – and I resented the fact that your mam had saddled me with John’s child. It added to my sense of . . . desperation.’

‘And . . . me? Did I add to it as well?’ Alice asked quietly, trying to imagine the person he had been all those years ago.

Billy nodded sadly. ‘I’ll speak plainly, Alice, there’s no use wrapping it up. I’m sorry to say that when I found out your mam was expecting again I felt I couldn’t take any more. I had to get away. I felt I was trapped in a tunnel and there was no light, no hope at the end of it. I’m sorry, girl, I was a fool, an eejit. I was selfish and irresponsible. I didn’t even know if your mam and Eddie and you would be all right. I thought of no one but myself and I have no excuses for that.’ He leaned forward and placed his hands gently over hers. ‘I’m so very, very sorry, Alice. I can’t undo the past but believe me, I feel that I’m the one who has lost the most by what I did. I don’t know my children and I can never regain those years.’

Alice nodded slowly. He had been brutally honest with her. ‘Why did you never try to get in touch?’

Billy sighed heavily; he’d known she would ask this too. ‘By the time I came to my senses I was in the Navy, I had been for many years and it had become my . . . home. I didn’t feel as if I belonged to a family. I didn’t know if any of you would want to hear from me or wish me to come back into your lives after so long an absence and then . . .’

‘Jutland,’ Alice said flatly.

Billy nodded. ‘Jutland. It changed everything.’

‘What happened to you?’ she asked. ‘Don’t be afraid to tell me, I’m used to seeing what guns and shells do to men.’

‘I was in charge of the for’ard gun battery on HMS
Indefatigable
. She took a direct hit and the explosion blew me off my feet and hurled me against the shattered bulkhead. A piece of jagged iron plating ripped through my arm and I really don’t remember much after that but I realised that all my lads on that battery had been killed. It all happened so quickly. There was thick black smoke everywhere, more explosions and then I was in the water. I can still remember the shock as that freezing cold water closed over me, but they said in the hospital that it was probably the intense cold that saved me from bleeding to death. Somehow I managed to grab hold of a piece of wreckage and hang on until I was picked up, but I lost the arm. It was too badly mangled to save. But I was lucky, I survived. Hundreds didn’t.’

Alice thought of all the hideous wounds she’d seen. ‘I was with Jimmy Mercer, my young man, when they put him under to take off his leg. He’d been so long getting to hospital that gangrene had set in. He was terrified even though he was in terrible pain but he was one of the lucky ones too. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve stood and held the instruments for amputation, picked shrapnel and fragments of cloth from wounds, seen mangled, shredded limbs, awful stomach and chest wounds, and have closed dying eyes.’

His hands tightened on hers. ‘Things no girl of your age should ever have had to do or see, Alice.’

‘I never told Mam just how . . . bad things were or how atrocious the conditions the lads had to contend with. The Somme was really terrible, like a nightmare. We worked until we were ready to drop but we couldn’t cope, there were just too many wounded men coming in. That’s when Jimmy lost his leg and Eddie was wounded too, but despite that he carried Jimmy on his back all the way to the clearing station. He saved his life. But Jimmy’s brother Harry and his mate were killed.’

Billy couldn’t speak; there was a lump in his throat and his memories of
Indefatigable
and the
battle and the
pain he’d suffered faded before the overwhelming pride and admiration he now felt for his son and daughter.

‘I . . . I couldn’t tell Mam things like that, she’d get upset and worried.’ Alice managed a wry smile. ‘And she’d put her foot down and not let either of us girls go back. Both Mae and I are too young to be officially out there but we had to do something to help.’

Billy understood. ‘I’m glad you felt you could tell me, Alice. You’re very brave – all three of you.’

‘Do you want to come . . . home?’ she asked bluntly to hide her emotions.

‘I do, if your mam can find it in her heart to take me back. I want to get to know my family. Would you be agreeable, Alice?’

Slowly she nodded. ‘I think so, but it’s Mam’s decision. I know Jimmy and I will get married one day and so, please God, will Mae – but I have to tell you that Eddie isn’t going to like it. He’s very bitter.’

‘That’s only to be expected and it’s no more than I deserve,’ Billy said with resignation.

Alice smiled. ‘But he might come round, given time. No one knows when the war will end and he won’t get leave until it does.’

‘Unless he gets shipped home again.’

‘No, I don’t think there will be a third time. He’s with a supply unit now, he’s behind the front lines.’

‘Sure, that must be a relief to your mam. She’s been through so much over the years, Alice. I can only try and make up for all the pain and hardship I’ve caused her: I sincerely mean that.’

Alice smiled at him again. ‘I know you do . . . Da.’

Billy now felt the tears prick his eyes. ‘I never thought I’d hear you say that, Alice.’

‘I wondered myself if I’d ever say it,’ she replied, thinking that when she’d first met him she’d had no intention of calling him Da or Dad, but now she felt that there was the beginning of a bond between them. A bond forged by their experiences of war and suffering.

The intimate conversation ended as Maggie and Mae came into the room but Maggie was relieved to see that they seemed to be getting on well. It was a hopeful sign, she thought, although she still hadn’t reached a decision about Billy coming back to live with her.

When he’d gone, having been invited for supper again before the girls returned to France, Mae looked questioningly at her cousin. ‘Well, did you ask him?’

‘I did and I think I can understand how he felt . . . then, but it’s still hard to accept that he just walked out and never really thought about us for years. That hurts, but maybe in time I’ll be able to forget, he’s so different now.’ Alice was struggling to put her feelings into words. ‘If . . . if he weren’t my father and I’d met him for the first time tonight I would think he was a really nice man.’

‘But because he is your father you don’t think he’s nice?’ Mae asked.

‘No, I did like him and I think he really is sorry and wants to try to make it up to Mam and me and our Eddie, but I think what I’m trying to say is that what he did all those years ago wasn’t
nice
.’

‘It certainly wasn’t,’ Mae agreed.

‘But I could talk to him, Mae, about the war, the way I can’t talk to Mam. He told me what happened to him at Jutland, how he lost his arm and is lucky to be alive and that’s what made him want to come home, want to get to know us, and I hope Mam gives him another chance.’

Mae smiled at her. ‘If she does then I’d say you are lucky, Alice. Oh, I know the circumstances are very different but I wish I’d been able to get to know my mother and I wish Da had survived.’

Alice bit her lip. She supposed that despite everything she was fortunate to be given this chance to get to know her father. ‘I know, Mae, and I’m glad he’s coming again before we have to leave.’

‘Will you go and see Eddie when you get back?’ Mae asked.

Alice frowned. ‘I don’t know. He was really mad with me and I think he’s being very unfair. I’ll have a talk to Lizzie about it, see what she thinks.’

‘Did you tell your da how Eddie feels?’

‘I did. There was no use trying to hide it. I think I’ll discuss it all with Jimmy, he’s more detached from it all and one day he’ll be part of this family, as will Pip.’

Mae looked unhappy. ‘I hope there will be a letter tomorrow, Alice. His letters have always been so regular.’

‘Don’t forget they have further to come now, Mae,’ Alice reminded her, although she desperately hoped that nothing awful had happened to Pip Middlehurst whilst they’d been away. If there was no letter this week Mae would be frantic to get back to find out why.