Little White Lies (18 page)

I hugged her but couldn't take my eyes off the cake. “It's just beyond gorgeous. Omigod.”

Ryan pulled out his camera. “Let's take a pic of us with the cake before we eat it so Paige has a photo.”

“I'd love that,” Paige said, smiling at Ryan.

Ryan put his camera on a high shelf and set it on a timer, and a red light started flashing. “Ten seconds for everyone to get in the shot,” he said.

We scrambled to pose around the cake. Paige and Callie threw their arms around me, Eric got behind me,
and everyone else huddled together. We grinned and the flash went off.

Ryan grabbed his camera and checked the screen. “Perfect.”

Paige arranged thirteen pink candles on the cake and grabbed a lighter.

“I got Livvie's permission,” she said quickly when she saw my eyes widen. “But you're not allowed to touch the lighter. I promised her.”

I raised my hands in an I'm-backing-off gesture and grinned.

Ryan took a pic of her lighting all of the candles.

All of my friends huddled around me. Someone turned down the lights and everyone looked at me. I felt like I was swaying in the room. They were all here for me and I'd been lying to my best friend, keeping secrets from my other BFF, and hiding things from my boyfriend. I knew exactly why I was doing these things, but at that moment I felt like a loser.

“Happy birthday to you,” everyone began to sing.

Their faces started to blur in front of me. The candle lights flickered and danced on the walls. I found myself looking for someone's face. But he wasn't there.

Jacob.

Calm down,
I told myself. What did I want from him? Jacob liked me and he'd just seen a heart charm from my boyfriend. He was probably hurt. My stomach ached. I didn't want Jacob to be upset, but there was nothing I could do. The party was almost over. I'd figure out another way to deal with the lies after tonight and a way to talk to Jacob. I'd tell Paige everything, she wouldn't transfer my boy drama onto Ryan, and I'd be able to stop worrying every five seconds.

“…toooo yoooooouu!” everyone finished the song and started clapping.

I squeezed my eyes shut and thought,
I wish I knew how to fix everything.
I blew out the candles.

“Yay!” Paige said. “Let's eat cake!”

Eric helped Paige remove the candles and he grabbed a knife.

I leaned over to Paige's ear. “I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back.”

“'Kay,” she said. “I'm giving you the biggest piece of cake. Then you can unwrap presents.”

“Awesome.” I smiled and walked out of the common room, away from the music and laughter.

I WALKED DOWN THE HALLWAY AND OPENED
the door to my room. I left the door ajar and sat at the edge of my bed. The stress of worrying if someone was going to find out my real feelings—not to mention my lies—was more than I could handle.
That's why you decided to tell Paige tomorrow instead of waiting till fall break,
I reminded myself. Confiding in her would make me feel less alone and maybe Paige would have an idea to help me fix everything.

But I knew it wasn't just up to Paige. I was going to have to think about my feelings for Eric and Jacob. I couldn't deal with it now and I hadn't been able to all summer, but I'd have to sooner or later.

I reached over to swipe the papaya Stila lip gloss that
Callie had given me on my first date with Eric. I applied some gloss and when I looked up, Jacob was standing in the doorway.

“Jacob, if Livvie catches you in my room, she's gonna freak. You need to go.”

Jacob shook his head. “I'll go. But I want to talk to you first.”

He walked over and sat beside me on my bed. He stared at his hands for a long time before looking up at me. “I miss you, Sasha. I'll tell you again that I made a huge mistake and I'm sorry. I wish you would have e-mailed me or something over the summer, but I get it why you didn't. I ignored you for a long time after the Sweetheart Soirée.”

“Jacob—”

He stopped me with a raised hand. “I know you're with another guy. I'm trying to respect that. But … I can't stay away from you.”

“Do you realize what position you've put me in?” I asked. “I've had to keep this from Callie—it would kill her. I obviously couldn't tell Eric. When you told me that you still liked me, it put a lot of pressure on me to keep that secret from everyone.”

Jacob lowered his head. “I know. I didn't think about it
before I said it. But I had to tell you. I couldn't have spent all summer regretting that I didn't.”

I rubbed my forehead with my hand. “I'm with Eric. He's my boyfriend now. I like him, Jacob. A lot. And you're with Callie. She's so into you and I know you like her.”

Jacob's green eyes settled on my face. “Admit that you still like me. Just tell me the truth. Please.”

Panic and guilt fluttered in my chest. We couldn't be sitting in my room having this conversation.

“Jacob, no,” I said. “I can't—”

Jacob leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I froze for a second, shocked, then put my hands on his chest and pushed him back.

Something moved in the doorway and I looked over.

Eric.

My hands were still on Jacob's chest. I yanked them off and stood. “Eric,” I started. “I—”

The look on his face stopped me.

He didn't look surprised. It was way worse than surprise—as if he'd expected it. Like he'd known it was coming all along.

“Why did I
ever
think it would happen any other way?” Eric's voice was calm. “You were about to kiss him. Why stop now?”

He hadn't seen the kiss! There was still a chance that I could explain this away somehow.

“Eric,” I said again. But he held up his hand and I saw the anger in his eyes.

He stared at me and his gaze almost made me sink back onto the bed.

“I knew this would happen,” Eric said. “I knew it, but I tried to convince myself that it was just me. That you really liked me. I can't believe you, Sasha. I
always
knew you'd go back to him.”

Eric's eyes shifted to Jacob. There was a quiet anger on his face. I knew not to say another word. Eric turned and walked away.

I couldn't even breathe. I stood there, staring at the doorway wanting more than anything to run after him, but knowing it would only make things worse.

I turned to Jacob. “You ruined
everything
! My relationship with Eric is over.” I tried to keep from screaming at him.

“You were over a long time ago,” Jacob said. “You just won't admit it.”

“So what do you want me to do?” My voice rose. “Admit that I'm confused about my feelings for you? Then what? You leave my best friend for me?”

Jacob got off the bed and stood in front of me. “Yes. We can have the chance we never got. I'll find a way to break it off with Callie and we can start over.”

I put my head in my hands, then looked back up at him. “No. You can't break up with her for me. She likes you so much. Our friendship would
never
recover if you did that.”

“I'd find a way that wouldn't hurt her. And I'm not hearing you say you want to go back to Eric.”

I paused. He was right—I hadn't said that.

“Because it's not even a question,” I said. “I've hurt him enough. He'll never take me back after this. If you care about me like you say you do, then you'll stay with Callie and never tell her about this. Ever.”

Jacob shook his head. “I can't do that. Sasha, how can I let you go again?”

I had to chew on the inside of my mouth to keep from crying. “I'm going back to my party,” I said. “Paige worked hard on it. No one's going to know what just happened. Eric won't tell anyone—he'd never risk my friendship with Callie, no matter how mad he is.”

Jacob dropped his head, then looked back at me. “You really want me to go back to Callie and pretend not to like you?”

“Yes. Or break up with her, if that's what you really want, but not for me. I can't be with you—not ever. Not after you've been Callie's boyfriend. She'd never forgive me. And Eric was the perfect boyfriend. He didn't deserve this.”

Jacob and I fell silent.

“Okay,” he said finally. “If that's what you really want, if it means that much to you, I'll do it. Just know that it's you I'll always be wishing for. I'll never tell Callie—don't ever worry about that. And
never
say a guy doesn't deserve you, Sasha.”

I blinked back tears and walked around Jacob, leaving him behind.

I PAUSED OUTSIDE THE COMMON ROOM
, holding back tears and taking deep breaths. All I had to do was get through presents and then I could escape. I wasn't going to ruin this party for everyone. I'd done enough of that before. I pasted a fake smile on my face and walked inside.

Paige and Callie were standing together by the gift table.

“Ready to open presents?” Callie asked, smiling at me.

“Definitely,” I said. I tried to keep from looking directly at Paige or Callie so they wouldn't see how upset I was.

Paige looked around. “Everyone's still here except for Jacob—he disappeared. But I'm sure he won't mind if you start opening them.”

Callie nodded. “He'll understand. Open!”

Everyone in the room turned to watch me, curious about what I'd gotten. Andy turned down the music and everyone's attention was on me.

I reached for the present closest to me—Heather's gift bag. I started to pull out the purple tissue paper that fanned out of the opening when Jasmine stepped up to the other side of the table.

“Wow,” she said, shaking her head.

I looked over at her. “What?”

Jas smiled widely and her eyes didn't leave mine. “I'm just
shocked
that you feel up to opening presents after that.”

“After what?” Paige asked, frowning at Jas.

“After what? Oh, I'm sorry.” Jasmine covered her mouth with one hand. “Sasha, did you not tell your BFFs what just happened? Omigod, I thought you did. I'm
so
sorry.”

I gripped the table for support.

Jasmine knew.

“What's she talking about?” Callie asked. “What's wrong?”

I stood—staring at Callie and Paige—not able to say a word.

Jacob, silent, walked into the room and sat on the couch.

Callie reached over and touched my arm. “You look sick. What happened?” She looked over and seemed to remember that the room was full of people. “Want to go in the hallway and talk or something?”

Jasmine smirked. “I don't think
you
want to be alone with Sasha when she tells you what happened.”

I shut my eyes for a second and tried to stop things from feeling swirly. I had to do something to stop Jas—to end this. I'd lost Eric. I could never be with Jacob. Paige was going to be furious with me for lying. Callie was about to hate me.

But I could keep Callie with Jacob. One final lie and Callie and I would never be friends again, but she'd have him.

I forced myself to look at Callie and let go of the table. I had to make every word convincing so that she wouldn't doubt any of it. Not one bit of blame could fall on Jacob.

“I went to my room,” I said, my voice flat. “Jacob walked by and I asked him to come inside. He thought I was upset about something and needed to talk.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob shift on the couch. I silently willed him not to move and to let me do this.

“Okay, so you talked to Jacob,” Callie shrugged. “I don't care.”

“He sat down on my bed,” I continued. I kept my eyes locked on Callie. “And I told him I'd wanted him back for months. That I still liked him and wanted him to break up with you and be with me.”

The room went silent. Callie's and Paige's mouths fell open. I forced myself to keep a cold look on my face—doing what I'd seen Heather and Jasmine do so many times. Heather moved beside Jasmine and looked at me. She knew I was lying. Somehow, she just knew. For a split second, I looked at Jacob and saw his face pale. I had to keep going before he stopped me.

“You
what
?” Callie sputtered.

I fought to keep from sobbing. Lie by lie, I was destroying my relationship with my best friend. There was no going back after this. Callie would never trust me again. But I couldn't stop.

“Jacob realized I didn't really have anything to talk about and he got up, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.”

Callie's eyes squeezed shut and tears slid down her face. She looked as if she wasn't even breathing.

I wanted Callie to believe it. Every detail would make
her hate me more. I had to keep going before I broke down.

“I put my hands on his chest and went to kiss him,” I said. “He started to push me away and Eric walked in. He saw me with Jacob, left, and Jacob told me to get out so he could figure out what to do.”

Callie looked at Jacob. “Do you want her back?”

Jacob's face was paler than I'd ever seen it. He was careful not to glance at me, but I could see the pain in his eyes. He knew I was destroying my friendship with Callie.

Jacob got up and walked over to Callie, looking into her eyes. He was almost unsteady on his feet for the first couple of steps. “No.”

Paige shook her head slowly. “This doesn't make any sense. I know you, Sasha. You'd
never
do this to anyone. You're covering. Something else is going on.”

“No,” I said. “I'm not.” I had to make Paige believe me.

Paige just stared at me for what felt like hours. She walked toward me, stopping long enough to lean by my ear. “I don't believe a word of this. I don't know what you're doing, but I'm going to figure it out.” She walked out of the room and Annabella hurried after her.