Little White Lies (13 page)

“It's cool. We play lots of improv games.”

“Awesome,” Callie said. She smoothed her dark purple skirt with black swirls. “That sounds like so much fun.”

“Totally,” I said. “It doesn't even feel like a class. It's a good break considering all of the work we have in every other class.”

Callie nodded and pulled out her assignment notebook. “Ugh. Seriously. I can barely cram all of today's homework into the
giant
space that's supposed to hold all of it.”

“Mine's full too. I know what we'll be doing all night.”

Callie frowned and then looked up at me. “Want to
come over to Orchard's common room tonight? We can do homework together.”

“Definitely,” I said. “That'll make it slightly less painful.”

Ms. Utz walked into the room and started taking attendance. She was so tall, she made the podium look a foot high.

“Let's start by having a few of you go up to the board and work out a few sample problems,” Ms. Utz said. “Sasha, Kelly, and Devyn, please go up to the board.”

I slid out of my desk and went up to the whiteboard. I tried to pay attention as Ms. Utz read out the problems we needed to solve, but I couldn't stop analyzing my latest lie. Had Eric recognized Jacob's voice? And when did a bunch of little white lies add to up one huge disaster?

LATER THAT AFTERNOON, I TACKED UP CHARM
for our lesson. My sweaty fingers struggled to tighten his girth.
Calm down,
I told myself. I couldn't mess up another lesson just because I felt intimidated. That would be giving Jasmine exactly what she wanted. I'd earned my spot on the team and I was going to work hard to keep it.

“We've got this, right, Charm?” He craned his neck around to look at me. His big brown eyes were calm and it made me feel better to remember that he'd be in the arena with me. I brushed a stalk of straw off my black breeches and put on my helmet.

I walked Charm down the arena, passing Julia and Alison along the way. The girls led their horses down the aisle. Alison gave me a small smile and Julia stared ahead,
not looking at me. I edged Charm out of the way so Trix and Sunstruck could squeeze past us. I felt for both girls
and
their horses. Charm would pine away if I couldn't ride him for months. Trix and Sunstruck had to miss Julia and Alison.

Charm and I warmed up in the arena. Within minutes, Jasmine and Heather trotted Phoenix and Aristocrat inside. I kept focus, refusing to look at either girl. Mr. Conner came into the arena and we lined up in front of him. I already knew that today was a dressage lesson because Mr. Conner had e-mailed us a test to familiarize ourselves with the movements before class.

“Hi, girls,” Mr. Conner said. “Before we start, I wanted to let you know that I'll be videotaping a lesson to share with Mr. Nicholson next week. This lesson won't different from any other, so there's no reason to be nervous.”

I blinked. Yeah, no reason to be nervous except that if one of us messed up and got thrown off the YENT, it would be so humiliating that changing schools wouldn't even be enough. Hello, homeschooling.

“As for today, as long as everyone's horses are warmed up,” Mr. Conner said, “you're each going to perform the dressage test that was e-mailed to you. I did not expect anyone to memorize it in that short amount of time—I
just wanted to familiarize you with it. Heather, you may ride first.”

Jasmine and I moved our horses to the side of the arena. Heather rode Aristocrat to the arena's exit and waited for a signal from Mr. Conner to start. They looked confident and together before they even started.

“Enter at a medium walk, halt at
X
, and salute,” Mr. Conner said.

Heather did and Mr. Conner took her through the rest of the test. She and Aristocrat were almost in perfect synch from move to move.

“Exit at
A
at a free walk,” Mr. Conner said. Heather did and rode Aristocrat back to Jas and me.

“Nice,” I said. “Aristocrat looked great during the circles.”

“Thanks,” Heather said.

Jas rolled her eyes and looked at me. “When did
you
become a dressage expert?”

Mr. Conner walked up to us, still marking on his clipboard. He finally looked up at Heather. “Aristocrat's gaits looked smooth,” he said. “Your circles were great. I'd like you to work more on impulsion.”

“I will,” Heather said. “His hind legs weren't as engaged as they should have been.”

“I agree,” Mr. Conner. “Watch a few United States Equestrian Team DVDs and pay attention to how the riders encourage their horses to move forward with energy.”

Mr. Conner looked at me. “You're up, Sasha. Please exit the arena and wait for my signal.”

I tried to breathe as I rode Charm through the exit, then turned him back to face the arena. Mr. Conner instructed me to enter, and Charm and I started the same test Heather had just completed.

Charm was supple under me and I felt him relax with each move. The hours in YENT camp that we'd practiced dressage were paying off. We moved from marker to marker, listening to Mr. Conner as he called out the moves.

“Working trot to
C
,” Mr. Conner called.

Charm and I completed the last twenty-meter circle, trotted down the centerline, slowed to a walk, and halted. Charm stopped the second I asked him to. I saluted Mr. Conner and left the arena. Charm trotted over to rejoin Aristocrat and Phoenix. The mock test had been one of our best and I couldn't wait to tell Callie—she was one of the best dressage riders at school. She was going to be superproud.

“That was nice, Sasha,” Mr. Conner said. “Where did Charm feel strongest to you?”

“During the working trot,” I said. “He was on the bit and listening to me.”

Mr. Conner nodded. “I'd say the same. Good ride.” He marked something on his clipboard.

Jas leaned over to me. “I'm about to make your test look even more pathetic than it actually was,” she said.

“Go for it,” I said.

Jas cued Phoenix forward and I watched, knowing my test had been good, but Jas was stronger in dressage.

Heather and I were silent as we watched Jas ride. Phoenix changed gaits the second Jas asked him to, flowed through every circle and halted crisply when it was time for her to salute. He stood still, not even flicking an ear while he waited for a signal from Jas.

“Well done,” Mr. Conner said. “I'd like to see Phoenix just a touch less submissive, though. He needs to move with more confidence and freedom.”

“Yes, sir,” Jasmine said. “I'll practice that with him.” Jas patted Phoenix's neck and the gray lowered his head, responding to her touch.

“Good job, everyone,” Mr. Conner said. “You've all impressed me today. I can see great changes in your dressage movements since YENT camp. I'll see you tomorrow.”

He left the arena and I dismounted, smiling to myself.
Charm and I had sooo needed that lesson to go as well as it had.

I cooled him out and groomed him. He stood quietly on crossties while I mucked his stall and refilled his water bucket. Mike or Doug had given him a fresh flake of hay while I'd been in class.

I released him into his stall and latched the door shut. I leaned over the door, putting my arms on top and resting my chin on my arms while I watched Charm take a drink, and then move to his hay net.

“You were a total dressage star,” I said. “I can't wait to tell Callie.”

Eric would be happy for me too. He knew I struggled with dressage.

“Bye, boy,” I told Charm. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

I gathered his tack and walked to the tack room. I could hear laughter through the door before I'd even pushed it open. Inside, Rachel and two of her friends—I could never remember their names—were leaning against an empty saddle rack, grinning at Eric. He looked up, sponge in hand as he scrubbed the cantle of Luna's saddle.

“Hey, Sasha,” he said.

“Hi,” I said, smiling at him and nodding at Rachel and her friends. One had braces and the other had short
brown hair with blond highlights. They were always following Eric around and practically drooling over him. But there was no way I was going to let it bother me.

“How was your lesson?” Rachel asked.

“Fine, thanks,” I said.

Rachel stepped aside as I plopped Charm's saddle onto his saddle rack.

“Eric, do you need help or anything?” Rachel asked. “We can totally clean tack, too.”

Before Eric could respond, I turned around to look at Rachel. “I think he's got it. Don't you have your own tack or horses to take care of?”

I regretted it the second it came out of my mouth.

Rachel's eyes locked with mine for a second before she took a tiny step back. “Yeah. I guess we do. See you.”

She and her friends shuffled out of the room and I shook my head, letting out a slow breath. I put Charm's bridle on the hook and turned to find Eric with his arms folded.

“What was
that
about?” he asked. “You okay?”

I ducked my head, knowing I'd been wrong. Rachel was definitely annoying, but she was harmless. Eric would never go for her—ever.

“Sorry,” I said. “I'm tired and I guess I just overreacted. I'm fine, really.”

Eric walked over and wrapped his arms around me. I leaned into his hug, squeezing him.

“That,” I said, “was exactly what I needed.”

Eric ran his hands down my arms. “I know. Things have been bad this week. But remember how overwhelmed I was when I first came to Canterwood? And you too? It
will
get better.”

I forced a smile. “I know. It will.”

When I figure out a way to stop lying to you and everyone else.

“I've got to go,” I said. “Callie and I are studying in Orchard.”

“Sounds like my night. But I'll be in Blackwell with a couple of guys from my floor.”

Eric squeezed my hand and smiled at me as I walked to the door.

I left him in the tack room, cleaning Luna's saddle, and headed for Winchester. Distracted, I almost walked into a bench.
Stop it,
I told myself. Rachel was nothing to worry about. She was a seventh grader with a crush. Eric would never cheat on me. I was just exhausted and paranoid from trying to keep up with my own lies. I obviously couldn't trust anyone else because
I
was doing so much lying.

CALLIE AND I NEEDED
TWO
TABLES IN ORCHARD
to hold all of our books, papers, folders, and notes. I'd always liked visiting Orchard's common room. The walls were painted a light cranberry and trimmed with oatmeal-colored paint. The colors made the room feel sophisticated—like a college hangout.

“This,” Callie said, “is ridiculous.” She shook her head at our mess.

“Totally. The teachers have lost it. I mean, I don't even know where to start.”

“But at least that's been the only bad part about school starting,” Callie said, smiling. “We knew there would be tons of homework and we'll get it done. Everything else has been so awesome. I missed you and Jacob so much
over the summer and it's been so much fun hanging out. It was hard to be away from Jacob for a whole summer.”

“I get it. And that's great,” I said, flipping to a clean sheet of paper. “Is he superbusy too?”

“Yeah, we have to coordinate schedules just to get coffee. It's so wrong.”

“Same thing with Eric and me. Our phones are having the relationship right now. At least I get to see him once in a while at the stable.”

Callie giggled. “How's riding? Tell me about it. We've barely had a chance to talk about that.”

“It's hard,” I said. “I'm just trying to focus on myself and not worry about Heather and Jasmine. If I could stop worrying about them, things would be so much easier.”

“Absolutely. That's your thing—you're good and you don't give yourself enough credit. You can absolutely compete with those girls. You're going to
kill
at shows.”

There wasn't a hint of insincerity in Callie's voice.

“Thanks.” I smiled. “How are your lessons going?”

“Pretty well,” Callie said. “You would have been so proud of Eric and me today.”

“What happened?”

Callie uncapped her Zebra highlighter. “We worked on jumping in the outdoor arena today. Mr. Conner set
up a bunch of verticals of increasing height. We both got called out by Mr. Conner for having the best form when we jumped.”

“Niiice.” I raised my palm for a high five. “Eric didn't tell me about that.”

“He was cool about it,” Callie said. “But I couldn't stop smiling after Mr. Conner said it to me. I told Eric that he was making me look bad.”

I sighed quietly. Callie and Eric—my best friend and boyfriend—were having fun together and I was miserable on my own team.

I flipped to the right chapter for history before glancing over at Callie. “So … do you and Eric talk a lot? Like, before or after class?”

Callie shrugged and wrote her name on her math worksheet. “Sometimes. You know how it is—there's not really much time to talk. Everyone's rushing around to get to the arena on time.”

“Yeah,” I said.

Callie glanced over at me. “You don't care that we're talking, right? Do you?”

“No, no!” I said. “I don't care at all.” My voice got squeaky and I
knew
Callie would think I was lying. I didn't care if they talked all day—I just hated that they were
building a friendship because if they ever found out about my lies, that friendship would be ruined too.

Callie looked down at the table. “It's just … I thought we were past that. After what happened with Jacob, you still don't trust me with Eric?”