Swallowing
hard, I tried not to look guilty. “I’m fine.” I kept my attention focused on a
sailboat in the bay. “Seems like I’ve been crazy busy, and with classes
starting up soon I’m hoping I can keep it all together.” He looked at me like I
wasn’t making any sense, so I added, “You know with work, classes, homework and
all. What I wouldn’t give for another peaceful week on Towhead.”
He didn’t
comment, just nodded. But I thought I could read the sentiment in the depths of
his eyes. Even though he’d never admit it, I felt certain he wished for the
same thing. I quickened my pace, and we joined my parents out on the point. My
dad kept everyone entertained with a couple funny stories about when Ally and I
were growing up and starting driving lessons.
As we
were heading back we passed the Hotel Bellwether, and my mom said, “Wow! That
lighthouse is marvelous.”
“Yeah,
it’s part of the hotel,” Jason commented. “Actually, it’s a three-story suite
that even has its own observation tower, but I’ve heard it’s pretty pricey.”
“Oh
Mike,” my mom slid her hand into my dad’s hand, “When you really want to spoil
me on an anniversary you know where to take me.” Eventually we made our way to
the restaurant where it was time to say our good-byes to Jason. He promised to
meet my dad and Ben at the golf course bright and early the next morning.
“Have
fun tomorrow,” I said quietly. “Make sure you’re careful with what you say.”
“Don’t
worry Alex. I’m a professional at that part.” Reaching out, he briefly tugged
on a loose strand of hair hanging close to my face. My heart skipped a beat.
“Take care of yourself,” he said firmly.
“I
will.”
“I’ll
see you October…” He waited.
“Fourth,”
I said.
“Good.
Your listening skills are improving. Be safe.”
I
nodded. My hands were shaking and my stomach was all tied in knots. Before my
face could betray any more of my feelings, I gave him one final smile before
turning and following my family out to the car. When I reached the car, I
glanced back to see if he was gone, but he wasn’t. He was standing in the same
spot watching me, and my heart rolled over in my chest as I gave him a final
wave and climbed inside.
My parents
dropped us off at our place a short time later. My dad told me to have fun at
the spa and reminded Ben to be ready at 6:45 a.m.
I
hugged my mom and said, “Ally and I will walk down in the morning and meet you
in your room about quarter to nine.”
“Sounds
good, honey. Good-night everyone.”
As
they drove away, Ben fiddled with the front lock, and I thought I detected
movement at the corner of the house. Ally noticed it too, because she clutched
her purse in one hand and grabbed my arm nervously with the other.
“Hi
guys, it’s just me,” Ash said, suddenly appearing by my side. Sighing, Ally and
I looked at each other, and she released my arm.
“Sorry,
I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, walking closer.
“We’re
fine. But that invisibility stuff can be creepy,” Ally said with a shiver. Once
Ben opened the door, we all clamored inside. After he turned on the lights I
got a better look at Ash.
“Wow!”
We both said at the same time.
“What?”
We both asked together and started laughing.
“You
ladies look amazing,” he said. “You’re a lucky guy Ben…spending the whole
evening with two beautiful ladies – one on each arm.”
Ben
gave me a funny look. “Um…you know it. I’m the man,” he said, joking around.
“Thanks
Ash.” Ally beamed. “I went to a lot of work getting us both ready for an
evening out.” She bumped into me playfully, but her smile turned into a frown
when she saw my face. “What’s up Lexi?”
Still
staring at Ash, I stepped closer and said, “Your eyes are golden again. You’re
here because you need Essence aren’t you?” I asked.
Looking
at the floor like he was ashamed, he nodded. “I’m sorry Lexi, I wasn’t going to
bother you tonight, but I wasn’t feeling right. I think I need an Essence
boost.”
“Ash,
don’t apologize,” I said sincerely. “It’s okay, really. We’ll just hang out on
the couch and watch a show for awhile.” He nodded gratefully, and I handed him
the T.V. remote.
“Well,
we’re off to bed you guys,” Ally said with a big yawn.
“See
ya manana,” Ben added.
“Good-night
guys, and thanks,” Ash shouted after them. He found a show on extreme sports
and sat tentatively on the sofa. With a yawn of my own I nodded, fell onto the
couch next to him and grabbed his arm. So weird to go from Jason to Ash. I
hadn’t thought about Ash the whole time I was with Jason, but now that I was
with Ash, Jason was still on my mind. Apparently, my heart knew where it
belonged.
The
last thing I remembered before falling asleep was some guy body boarding on a
strange, rectangular piece of foam. The sport looked dangerous, yet
fascinating…My dreams were jumbled but happy. I was on the yacht with Jason and
Ava Rose and we were surrounded by a pod of Orcas. She was laughing and holding
my hand, and her bandana had been replaced with beautiful, golden curls.
“Lexi!”
Someone was shaking me. “Lexi, you better get up.” Ben’s voice resounded in my
ear. Groggily, I opened one eye. “Your dad is going to be picking me up in ten
minutes.”
I
opened my other eye and found Ben frowning in my face. As my eyes adjusted to
the light, I realized I was still wearing my evening gown which was hiked way
up my thigh. Not only that, but my hand was resting on Ash’s leg and my head
was leaning against his chest. He started stirring, and I practically flew off
the couch. Ben jumped back in surprise and gave me a funny look.
“I’m
going to my room,” I hissed at him. “You figure out what to do with him,” I
pointed at Ash and made a mad dash for my bedroom. Closing the door, I leaned
against it with exhaustion and mixed emotions. These living arrangements were
not ever going to be easy.
Time
got away from me, and courses started at Western. In between classes, studying,
volunteering, and working, life was busy. Luckily, my hours at work were
reduced, and I was only scheduled a couple shifts each week. Physically, I was
inundated with cold sweats and migraines. Ash confirmed those were the same
symptoms he’d experienced in the months before he’d linked with Melanie. He and
I were together all the time, planning strategies for how we could infiltrate the
Ray-pacs without them becoming aware that his loyalties didn’t lie with them.
Ash
adapted his schedule around mine. He even insisted on giving me rides to campus
each morning and picking me up in the afternoons after my classes. I was
adamant that I didn’t need a chauffeur until he basically reminded me he needed
me for my Essence. He’d been extremely emotional – more fragile than I’d seen
him since the day he’d spoken about losing his family.
Standing
in my bedroom doorway with a look of self-disgust, he’d said, “I haven’t
intentionally stolen another person’s Essence, and believe me, I don’t want to.
But that means I need you, and I am so sorry to have to use you this way.” He’d
buried his face in his hands and then finally looked at me with such anguish
before continuing. “Whenever my Essence feels low – the instinct to hunt and
steal it from another human being kicks in with this insane urgency. I feel
wild and dangerous, like I need to be a predator.”
With
anguished eyes and knuckles turning white from bracing the door frames, he’d
choked out, “You are my only defense against myself. Your Essence…your touch is
my only salvation. My convictions lie with you.” He’d paused and whispered, “I
need you Lexi. Can you understand that I need you to let me be with you and
chauffeuring you around helps me?”
At
that point, I’d walked over and held him tight. Obviously unable to hug me
back, he’d continued gripping the door frame. I’d apologized profusely and told
him I would be delighted to have a personal assistant. Then in a quiet plea
he’d said, “Will you just hold me for awhile?” So, I’d stood there with my arms
wrapped around his muscular body – a body which was physically strong, yet
extremely vulnerable.
So,
I’d held him, all the while my mind racing nearly as fast as my heart. While
embracing him, I allowed myself to enjoy his bold and edgy scent. He was
wearing Diesel’s
Only the Brave
cologne. I knew this because the
clenched fist flacon sat on the bathroom counter next to my hairdryer. The
scent was adventurous and enticing – so Ash, but it was also calming. What’s
more, he felt good, too good. But as always, my thoughts had flown to Jason,
and I’d wondered if it was time to stop holding out for him and explore my
feelings for Ash. At this point in my life, romance of any kind shouldn’t even
be a passing thought. But it was.
While
Ally, Ben, and I were at school, Ash spent the days playing – the one way he
could relieve his stress. He went hiking in the forest, mountain biking up
Galbraith Trail, or paragliding off Blanchard Mountain. A conscientious
roommate, he always made sure he helped out around the house too. He’d ask Ally
what she needed from the grocery store and then he’d take my car and go shopping
in Ferndale; stores in town were off limits, because we didn’t want him running
into any Guardians. He insisted on paying for all the groceries, and on nights
when Ally or no one else felt like cooking he’d pick up Thai food or order
pizza and foot the bill.
In the
evenings, if Ally, Ben, or I didn’t have homework, all four of us would hang
out. Occasionally, Ash would play his acoustic guitar and sing for us. I always
loved those times, because I could escape into his music. Ash got along so well
with Ben and Ally, and it wasn’t long before we’d settled into comfortable
routines with one another. Once, I even overheard Ben asking Ally how long she
thought it was going to take before Ash and I hooked up.
That
threw me for a loop until I really thought about it, and wondered if maybe he
was right. There hadn’t been any activity or hints of affection coming from
Jason during the rare moments we saw each other. And Ash and I were getting
closer all the time; how could we not? Being with Ash was easy. Often, I wished
the circumstances were reversed and it was Jason who needed my Essence. But
being with Ash was easy. He was dependable, supportive, and he knew my secrets.
It didn’t help that he was sexy, too.
During
the October 4
th
full moon, I’d had a chance to talk with Jason. He’d
looked amazing as usual, and I’d reveled in that short moment when it was my
turn to hug him. However, disappointment set in quickly, because even though
we’d found a couple minutes to talk privately, he’d kept the conversation
limited to small talk. On top of that, he’d appeared anxious to get away from
me. Once everyone else joined us he’d never approached me again, and I’d had a
difficult time even making eye contact with him. The evening had passed much
the same as it had before – with a discussion about the Ray-pacs after dinner,
followed by a game of Scattegories and a little piano playing.
In the
morning I’d left there feeling emotionally drained and confused, not to mention
guilt-ridden. There we were speculating on the current whereabouts of the
Ray-pacs and strategizing how we’d make a play for them after the big New
Year’s Guardian gathering. All the while I had inside information from both
sides. First hand reports from Ash indicated the Ray-pacs were in and out of
B.C., gathering new players, but they weren’t even planning on making an
appearance until I’d been tracked down.
There
were so many secrets and lies; it was amazing I hadn’t said the wrong thing to
the wrong person. All I could do was bide time until it was my turn to link.
Then Ash and I could take on the Ray-pacs without involving any of my Guardian
friends. I wasn’t taking any chances with their lives. It was bad enough Ash
was involved, but I couldn’t help that now.
The
constant attention from Ash and the bouts of rejection from Jason continued
wreaking havoc on my heart. When Ash returned after his trip to Canada where
he’d met up with Ray-pacs and re-linked with Melanie, he couldn’t stop saying
how much he’d missed me. It was bad enough that Ben and Ally thought it would
be ideal for Ash and I to hook up, but when I started getting similar comments
from old Ellen Zimmerman – I realized that maybe my heart was fighting a losing
battle.
One
Saturday afternoon, when I knew Jessica was working, I took Ash with me to the
Mt. Baker Care Center. Dressed in a periwinkle blouse that matched her
sparkling blue eyes, Ellen was bursting with her usual enthusiasm.
“I
haven’t had that much fun in ages,” she quipped as Ash wheeled her back to into
the bedroom. “Ash,” she said musically and turned to him, “you were marvelous
on the guitar, and Lexi,” she peeked up at me with her kind, wrinkled face,
“you were wonderful on the piano. A great duo performance. You brought all
those old folks out of their catatonic states, and I saw life in them like I
haven’t seen in ages.” She clicked her tongue. “The highlight was watching
Marge and Ronald dancing around the Commons like they were high school
sweethearts again.” She slapped the wheelchair arm with gusto.
“It
was my pleasure to play alongside Lexi,” he said and winked at me, “but it was
an even greater pleasure to bring a little cheer to the residents here,
especially someone as lovely and spunky as you,” he added with his perfect
smile.
“Oh,
you’re quite the flirt, aren’t you young man?” she said, narrowing her eyes. As
he parked her chair over by the window, she looked my way and wagged a finger.
“Watch out Lexi-girl, he’s a charmer – this one.”
Leaning
down, he gave her a quick hug. “I don’t know Mrs. Zimmerman, with that bright smile
and contagious laugh; I think you’re the charmer. There’s bound to be several
gentlemen around here fighting for your attention.” He stood up and grinned.