Lily Alone (23 page)

‘Oh, Lily! Are you all right?' Bliss asked.

‘No!' I gasped. I scrabbled to my feet, thrusting one of the bags at Baxter. ‘Come on, we've got to run for it!'

So we ran, all of us, even though my hands and knees were bleeding and I'd banged my elbow and twisted my ankle. We ran and ran until we were out of sight of the wall, and then I flopped down on the grass and started making hysterical choking noises. I wasn't sure whether I was laughing or crying – maybe both. Bliss and Baxter and Pixie squatted beside me, Bliss dabbing gently at my scrapes with the hem of her T-shirt.

‘Poor, poor Lily, it must hurt so much,' she said.

‘Yes, but never mind, who cares? Look what I've got for us!' I said, opening up the bags.

They peered in and gasped.

‘Wow, it's better than birthdays! I want them strawberries – and the chocolate cakes!' said Baxter.

‘They're going to be shared out equally between us,' I said firmly. ‘Let's go back to our tree and have a feast.'

We ate the fruit in awe. We had fruit at home sometimes but it was only ever apples, and perhaps little oranges at Christmas. Bliss nibbled her share of strawberries first, dipping each one delicately into the pot of cream, but Baxter golloped everything all at once: a bite of peach; half a banana; a chunk of cheese; a slice of ham; a big lick of yoghurt; a slurp of juice; and he stuck his éclair in his fingers like a giant cigar and sucked at it.

Pixie tried to eat the cream on its own, just like ice cream, but I stopped her, scared she'd be sick. I gave her a chicken breast and then some strawberries and then a banana, though I had to peel it for her. She tried to eat it with the skin on first, which made us all laugh.

I sat back, licking my sore hands clean, my heart thumping. I'd jumped right over the wall, I'd stolen sackfuls of food, and I'd fed my kids. I'd proved I could look after them, no matter what.

We were all tired out now so we stayed beside the tree. Bliss and Pixie played tea-parties with Headless while Baxter drove his truck through fern jungles. I got out my drawing book and pens and drew myself a huge kitchen with an oven in the middle and a giant fridge. When I was too tired to draw I spread my angel cards out and stroked their feathery wings.

That night, curled up with the kids in our tree, I dreamed I was flying again, with a great flock of angels this time, our wings flapping in unison as we soared over the park, keeping everyone safe.

I slept so well I missed the sunrise. I woke up to bright daylight, and Bliss and Baxter and Pixie bringing me fistfuls of fruit for my breakfast.

‘Are you better now, Lily?' Bliss asked, picking up my hands and examining them.

‘Much better,' I said, though they were still very sore.

‘You're so brave,' said Bliss. ‘I wish I could be brave like you.'

‘Are you going to go and get us more food from that big house?' Baxter asked.

‘Not the same one, stupid! That would be asking for trouble. Maybe I'll try one of the other houses later on today. But we've still got heaps here.'

‘You were great at nicking all this stuff,' Baxter said.

‘Can you nick ice cream today, Lily?' Pixie asked.

‘Maybe later,' I said. ‘But first we're going to find the magic garden again, OK?'

They all seemed to have lost track of time and forgotten what day it was.
Saturday
. When Mum was coming home. I kept quiet, not wanting them to get all worked up about it. After all, we didn't know she'd be back for definite. ‘
Maybe the weekend, whatever
.' Saturday was the start of the weekend. She might be getting on a plane in Spain right this minute. I didn't think she'd be back this morning. But maybe this afternoon . . . ?

I thought about it all the time we were in the magic garden. I'd worked out that the only safe and sure way of finding it again was to go right back to the park gates and start up the hill. It was too long a walk for Pixie and the buggy was not good for paths, so I had to give her a piggyback part of the way. Baxter and Bliss were fine though. It was funny, they'd always whined if they had to walk down to the end of the road when we were at home, but they were getting used to trudging miles in the park. Bliss's blisters had dried up and she skipped along beside me, and Baxter ran, dancing ahead and then loping back and circling us again and again.

There were more strollers and dog walkers on this route but none of them took any notice of us. There was one twinkly little lady with a tiny white poodle who smiled at us, so I dared to ask her if we were definitely going the right way to the magic garden.

‘You mean the Plantation, with all the azaleas and the rhododendrons? Yes, it
is
a magic garden, my favourite place. Just follow the little track through the grass and you'll be there in ten minutes.'

Her poodle was just as friendly as his owner, nuzzling up against my legs. Pixie slid off my back and patted its curly little head. Baxter squatted down and patted him too – and Bliss didn't run away, though she kept her distance.

‘It's all right, sweetheart, Sugarlump loves people. She doesn't ever bite. Do you want to come and pat her too?' said the old lady.

I thought Bliss would hide behind me, but she actually came forward and gave the little dog a tentative pat. She only tickled her with a fingertip, but it was still astonishing.

‘There now!' said the old lady. She was still smiling, but looking past us. I knew what she was looking for.

‘You're not on your own, are you?' she said to Bliss.

‘We're here with our sister,' she whispered.

The old lady looked at me doubtfully.

‘Our
big
sister,' said Baxter, nodding his head at some non-existent figure in the far distance.

‘She's here with her boyfriend – we're just tagging after her,' I said smoothly. ‘We'd better catch her up now.'

We said goodbye, stroked Sugarlump farewell and then skipped off.

‘You're brilliant, Baxter, coming out with that sister stuff – almost as good as me,' I said.

‘I said sister too,' said Bliss.

‘Yes, and you were very brave with Sugarlump.'

‘She was quite a sweet little doggie. Lily, can
we
have a little doggie like that?' Bliss asked.

‘Of course we can,' I said. Maybe it really
was
down to me now. I was Lilymum and these were my kids. Baxter had calmed down a bit and Bliss wasn't so timid and Pixie had stopped being a baby and become a real little girl. I was looking after them, finding them food, organizing their games, telling them stories, taking them for lovely long walks, finding the magic garden for them . . . Yes, I could see the trees now, the iron railings, the special gate with the swirly pattern.

‘Here's the magic garden,' I said, leading them inside.

We played that we were princes and princesses and this was our very own magic garden. The other people wandering around were our servants, allowed to take the air in our royal residence because we were so kind and generous. We eyed up two very fat ladies waddling down the path.

‘They're our cooks,' I whispered. ‘That's why we have to get our own food today. We've given them a day off.'

A nice old man in corduroy trousers looking at the flowers was our gardener, another man in a stripy jacket was our chauffeur. I let Baxter choose all our royal cars. Two posh ladies in dresses were in charge of our royal wardrobe. Bliss and I had a very long discussion about our ceremonial clothes. I appointed a smiley man our special royal ice-cream maker and let Pixie choose all the different flavours on offer. Her choices were a bit unusual: toffee ice cream, peppermint ice cream, cornflake ice cream, even chicken ice cream, but I told her they all sounded delicious.

An old lady was feeding the ducks on the pond with her little grandson, about Pixie's age.

‘She's our special royal zoo-keeper,' I whispered. ‘We don't just have ducks, you know. We have all sorts of birds – swans and geese and pelicans and flamingos – and in those other big deep ponds, the ones where we paddled, we have our very own dolphins.'

The toddler grandson was rubbish at feeding the ducks. He couldn't get the hang of throwing the bread at all. He just let go and each piece fell down onto his feet.

‘No, dear, you have to
throw
it,' said his grandma. ‘Use your arm a bit.'

She showed him and he tried to copy her, but he hurled his whole body forward and toppled into the water before she could catch hold of him.

‘Oh, Benjie!' she shrieked, trying to reach him.

‘I'll haul him out. You'll spoil your trousers,' I said, wading in and scooping him up. He was perfectly all right, just soaking wet up to his armpits, but he was howling his head off.

‘Oh dear, oh dear, we'd better get you home, you silly sausage,' said his grandma. She handed the packet of sliced bread over to me. ‘Perhaps you'd like to feed the ducks, dear?'

I didn't feed the ducks, I fed the four of us. The bread wasn't even stale and there were two proper slices each, and an end crust to divide into four. We were very thirsty then so we went to the toilets at the other end of the garden and drank cold water from the tap. Pixie found this fun but difficult and got her T-shirt soaked, but it definitely needed a bit of a wash.

‘Will you go and nick us more stuff for lunch, Lily?' Baxter said.

‘We've still got some fruit left back at our tree. Maybe I'll get something for supper. Or
maybe
 . . .' I didn't finish my sentence out loud.
Maybe we'll be back home with Mum
, I thought.

I tried to think it through for hours. I was worried about us all trailing home to see if Mum was there. It would unsettle Pixie for a start, when she'd calmed down at last and didn't even mention Mum any more. It would be much better if I nipped home quickly, to check whether Mum was back or not, and then rushed right back to the park. I imagined Mum and me together, hugging each other, and then Mum telling me all about her holiday.

I was really hoping it hadn't worked out at all. With a bit of luck she'd be well over this Gordon by now. I wanted her to tell me all about him. We'd maybe have a laugh or even a cry together. Then Mum would come with me and we'd collect the kids and then go off and have fish and chips for supper back home. I'd put the kids to bed and then I'd have a cup of tea with Mum and she'd tell me I'd done a grand job looking after them.

‘I'd trust you with the kids any time, Lily,' she'd say. ‘But don't worry, I'm never ever ever going away without you again.' And we'd give each other a kiss and it would all end happily ever after, just like a fairy story.

It would be so disappointing if Mum
wasn't
back at the flat. I could take it, but the others couldn't. So I waited till late afternoon, when we were all playing back at our tree.

‘Now listen, you lot. I want you all to get into our tree, just like you're going to bed. I need to know you're all hidden away safe, out of trouble. I'm going to go off and – and see about supper,' I said.

‘I'm coming with you, Lily!' said Baxter. ‘You
need
me to get over the wall.'

‘No, I need you to stay here and look after Bliss and Pixie. You're in charge, Baxter, OK?'

He fidgeted, wondering whether he wanted to argue or not.

‘The girls can't manage without you,' I said.

Baxter nodded at me solemnly.

‘OK then, Lily. Don't worry. I'm in charge.'

‘You will be all right, Lily?' Bliss asked.

‘Of course,' I said. I bent near her, as if I was giving her a kiss, and whispered in her ear. ‘You're in charge
really
, Bliss. Look after Pixie for me.'

I helped them all scramble into the tree and then I set off, running. It seemed so strange to be on my own. I felt so little and light without the others tagging on. I was so used to looking out for them, telling them what to do, thinking up games for them. I reached the park gates in no time. It felt even stranger running out of the park, feeling hard pavement under my feet instead of grass and sandy path. I had to lean on a gatepost to get my breath, rubbing the stitch in my side.

Please be back home
,
Mum
, I said inside my head.
Please, please, please
.

I walked on down the road, round the corner, up the hill, my heart thumping. I went in the entrance to the estate and then started running again all the way to our block. Up the stairs, panting now, then waiting in the stairwell to catch my breath, tiptoeing past Old Kath's, along the balcony to our yellow door. I stood in front of it, fists clenched, and then I timidly rattled the letter box. I waited. I tried again, louder now. Perhaps she still hadn't heard me. I bent down and called through the letter box.

‘Mum? Mum, are you there?'

I heard someone moving behind me. I whipped round – but it was just Old Kath in her scuffed slippers.

‘What are you calling your mum for? She ain't in there, is she?' she said.

‘I – I don't know.'

‘Yes, you know all right. She's done a runner, hasn't she? We've had all sorts round here, knocking at your door – teachers, social workers, even the police.'

I felt sick. I leaned against our door, my hand over my mouth.

‘Yes, they've all been on the lookout for you. Where've you been hiding? They came and told me all about it, acting like
I'd
got you, asking this, asking that, peering all round my flat. Where are the others, Lily? Bliss and Baxter and Pixie. Such bally silly names! Where does your mother get them from, that's what I'd like to know. Who does she think she is?' She chuntered on, her little eyes beady with excitement, lipstick smeared sideways on her mouth.