Leverage (Part Three) (Billionaire Romance) (9 page)

Miles stiffened. “What are you talking about?”

“I mean, who broke your heart so badly that you would ignore common sense?”

“I didn’t come here to be psychoanalyzed.”

“No, but you need it and if being your armchair therapist helps you to move on, I’ll gladly do it because you’ve been so good to me,” she said in earnest. “
You’re too good of a man to let something from your past keep you down.”

Ah hell. He hated that somehow she’d zeroed in on his private weakness. Had he been that transparent? And how was it that he’d totally missed it himself? He opened his mouth but nothing came out.
He actually laughed, unable to believe he was going to share but it felt right to share it with Julianna, possibly because he truly did, deep down, know they were only destined to be friends. “Her name was Danielle, but she went by Dani. We’d been dating for about three months when she revealed she was actually married but had been separated. I didn’t freak out because I figured the divorce was imminent and it was simply a formality of paperwork that remained. I was wrong. Seems she’d been playing us both.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah…a big one. I fell pretty hard for her. But I should’ve known that what we had wasn’t real because she was an actress and pretty good at pretending.”

“Was she a well-known actress?”

“Not then.”

“But she is now?”

He didn’t want to answer but he figured there was no point in hiding the information now. “She goes by the name Danielle St. Claire.”

Julianna’s
jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? Danielle St. Claire from the blockbuster movie,
Judgment
?”

He grimaced. “The same.”

“Wow.” Julianna breathed, openly impressed. “Just…wow.”

“Well, like I said, I didn’t know at the time she was going to become this huge sensation. I fell in love with the woman, not the superstar. And then she ripped my heart out and pissed on it.”

“Yowza. No wonder you’re a wreck.” At that crack Miles sent Julianna a dark look and she shrugged, adding, “Sorry. But I call it as I see it.”

He offered a mirthless smirk. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. So there you have it. My personal humiliation.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” she disagreed. “Everyone has a story where they’re not proud of their part. Besides, what do you have to be embarrassed about? If anything, she should be the one who’s ashamed. She used you and that’s bad karma. She’ll get what’s coming to her. Eventually.”

Yeah, maybe.
Should he admit that he still thought of her? That when he closed his eyes at night, he saw her smile and heard her sweet laugh? However, he also saw the zero remorse she’d felt when she’d walked away, more excited about the new movie she was going to be in than the way she’d stomped him into the ground. Argh. He hated thinking about her. Maybe Julianna was right. He’d avoided his feelings about Dani for so long that he’d completely overlooked how they might be influencing his decisions today. “You’re pretty good at this armchair stuff,” he said, eliciting a smile from Julianna. “You might have a point about you and me and why I started to fall for you when I knew deep down, you might not be the right fit, but I still don’t want you to go back to that asshole. I meant what I said when I said, you deserve better.”

“I appreciate that and you’re right. I do deserve better. If Boston wants me back, he’s going to have to prove to me that he’s going to be better or I’ll keep walking.”

“You really think he has what it takes to change?”

She thought long and hard before answering and when she did, it was with total conviction. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because there were moments when I saw who he truly is and although I didn’t know it at the time, I think that’s when I fell in love. He’s not a monster. A jerk, yes —
 but not a monster.”

“And what about the fact that he cheated on you?” He winced at the spasm of pain that flitted across her features but he had to bring up the obvious. “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

“I guess I’ll have to wait and see.”

“I hate that plan,” he retorted. “Seems a recipe for more pain.”

“Maybe. Probably. I don’t know.”

“I guess that’s the thing, right? We don’t know the future.”

“Ain’t that the truth. Sucks, huh?” She nodded then laughed. “I’m starved. Ready for lunch?”

“Sounds good to me. Let’s eat our feelings,” he said, only partially joking. He supposed this was a good conversation but it still stung a little bit. Worse, it made him remember
Dani and everything he’d been trying so hard to forget. One of the many benefits of moving to St. John was the fact that Hollywood news wasn’t big on islanders radar. He didn’t have to see her mug plastered on every magazine cover because finding current stuff wasn’t easy and he sure as hell didn’t look for it. But now, his mind had returned to Dani with the unerring focus of a sniper — and the result was just as lethal. As if sensing he needed a friendly hug, Julianna wrapped him in a tight squeeze and he accepted it, saying, “I knew you were something special from the moment I met you. I just didn’t realize you were going to be such a great friend.”

“Ditto.” She pulled away, wiping away tears, laughing as she said, “Okay, no more
serious stuff. My pregnant brain can’t handle it. Now, food! Otherwise, I can’t be held accountable for my actions.”

He mock-saluted her. “
Lead the way, gorgeous,” he said, adding, “And I totally mean that in a platonic way.”

“Sure you do.”

She already knew him so well. This was the beginning of a really interesting friendship.

Julianna and Miles were just leaving the burger joint when Boston appeared. She didn't know if she was more surprised that he’d come back or that she was desperately happy that he had. Just seeing him again make her pulse race until she remembered why he'd left in the first place. Immediately, Miles stiffened beside her. “And I thought nothing could ruin that perfect lunch,” he said, looking directly at Boston.

To his credit Boston didn't take the bait, which surprised
Julianna because Boston never backed down from a fight. Instead, Boston looked straight at Julianna and said, “May I speak with you for a minute?” It wasn't a demand but rather a plea and Julianna didn't know what to do. But in the end she knew that they would have to talk eventually so she looked to Miles, needing a little bit of emotional support, and although Miles wasn't happy about it, he gave her the subtle okay.

“
You've got one shot to make this right and the only reason I'm not pounding you into the ground is because for some reason this amazing woman loves you. Don't screw it up or I’ll forget about my oath to save lives. You get me?”

Boston gave an imperceptible nod to indicate he understood — and maybe even respected — Miles
’ position and then Julianna allowed him to lead her toward his car. He made the assumption that she would just climb into the passenger seat but she was afraid to go there yet. She stopped and stared, planting her feet and crossing her arms. “What makes you think I would go anywhere with you right now?” she asked.

“
I deserve that. I don't know where to start…”

“
How about starting with,
what the hell are you doing here
? As I recall, you were tired of my company and had already replaced me, which by the way, I hope you know you’d better be prepared for a full, and hopefully, intrusive medical exam before I’d ever let you touch me again.”

His face flushed and she was glad he had the decency to
be ashamed. “Can we please go someplace private to discuss this,” he asked. “I know I deserve an ass kicking and I will gladly welcome it because I surely earned it, all I ask is that we go somewhere private to do it. And,” he lowered his voice to add, “I already went straight to the doctor for an exam. I’m clean.”

She sniffed, hoping they slipped in a prostate exam for good measure and the doctor performing it had very big hands and sausage fingers.
“I'd rather see you grovel on the Jumbotron in a packed, sold-out stadium,” she said sweetly. Was she being a total bitch for enjoying his pain? Perhaps. But she wasn't above admitting that this felt like karmic payback for everything he’d done to her. However, as she glanced around she picked up on a few strange looks from the people around them and she didn’t plan to be everyone else’s entertainment for the day so she lifted her chin and said, “You’re lucky I don't like the idea of everyone else knowing
my
business.  We can go back to the bungalow,
but”
putting great emphasis on the word
“we are not having sex and you are not worming your way into my heart just because you showed up and looked contrite. Are we clear?”

“Crystal.”
He went around to the passenger side door and opened it for her. She narrowed her stare, suspicious of his sudden chivalry. He explained, “I should’ve been opening your doors from the moment we met. May I?” She didn't know what to think of that but her heart sure did. She stomped on the warmth that threatened to thaw the ice cracking her heart but climbed into the car as he closed the door behind her. He quickly climbed into the driver side and they pulled out of the small pavilion to make the short drive to Larimar.

“
So why the sudden change of heart?” She couldn't help but ask. “Just a few days ago I was garbage. Or don't you remember?”

“I remember everything.”

“Do you also remember fucking someone else and then rubbing it in my face?”

“
That part I'm trying to forget.”

“
You and me both, jackass,” she muttered. “What are you doing to me? What is this about? I can't take this yo-yo relationship. I don't understand what you hope to gain by jerking me around. You have to know that this kind of stress is terrible for a pregnant woman, especially in the first trimester.”

“
I behaved in a reprehensible manner and all I'm asking is for you to hear me out and if you don't like what I have to say and you don't feel it has merit, I'll walk away and never bother you again aside from being a co-parent to our child. Can you do that?” He asked in a somber tone that begged at least giving the guy five minutes. “I know I'm asking a lot. I don't even deserve a second chance for everything that I've done to you but know this — I've come to realize that I've been doing everything wrong when it comes to you when I should have just been thankful that you were ever in my life.”

Julianna
didn't know what to say. She sure as hell hadn't expected him to be so open and honest — humble. Frankly, she did not know how to deal with this version of Boston. But his willingness to be open and vulnerable had definitely earned him a few minutes of her time.

“
Fine. But I'm not making any promises. You can say what you need to say and it might help your conscience but I don't know what it will do for my heart or my opinion of you.”

“
I understand. That's all I ask.”

Within a few moments they were at
Larimar and a few moments after that they were inside her bungalow. Suddenly the cozy island retreat seemed very small and Boston was sucking up all the air. It was too easy to remember the last time they'd touched and too easy to fall into that craving for more. She settled into a chair, purposefully avoiding the sofa so that he couldn't sit next to her. “All right here's your chance. Say what you need to say.”

But suddenly he seemed nervous
, as well he should be, but she'd never seen him so undone. It was both promising and unsettling. When she and Boston had started this journey together he was nothing but arrogance personified and he was unable to think of anyone aside from himself. This was a different man entirely. “I wasn't always like this,” he started, pacing a little. “I was always the nice guy within my peer group. Sure, I grew up with money but my parents weren’t like most affluent couples. I didn't get shipped off to boarding school, I had chores and responsibilities, and actually had a great relationship with my father. All in all I'd say I had a great childhood. But growing up with money does create a certain privilege and while I didn't think that I took advantage of my position I'd seen plenty of my friends do so. I always thought if you treated people with respect and compassion you would get it back in return. My friends called me naïve. It wasn't until I fell in love with Gigi that I realized they'd been right.”

Julianna
sucked in a tight breath. She'd never been given such a wide open view of his private life. And the fact that he was baring his soul, trust-falling in the hopes that she might catch him that she let down her guard just a little. “Were you engaged?” she asked.

“
Yes. I thought we were crazy in love. Well, at least one of us was, anyway. As it turned out Gigi was a bit of a social climber. And every good gold digger knows that the best way to land a good prospect is to get pregnant. Gigi had always told me that she wanted lots of kids and I thought that was great because I wanted a big family, too. The only problem was, as you discovered, I thought I was sterile. I told her we could adopt and I didn't think it was a big deal because there were plenty of kids who need love but she didn't want other people's kids. She wanted a child from me, to have my DNA so their would be no way I would ever be free of her if things didn't work out. Once she discovered that I couldn't give her a child she dropped me like a bad habit and moved on to someone else. Last I heard she was on to her third husband with as many kids and each man was richer than the last.”

“
Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet,” she murmured. “What a piece of work.”

“You have no idea. After Gigi, I changed
. I was no longer going to be that naïve, idealistic good guy that everyone secretly pitied. I didn't want to be that weak, soft loser anymore. And so I started to cultivate some of the less than desirable traits that I'd seen some of my friends exhibit and before I knew it I'd slipped right into the role as if I were born to play it. Then I met you. You challenged everything that I thought I knew and made me realize that I was living a lie but I couldn't handle it. I was so terrified of letting another woman have that kind of power over me that I was determined to do anything to protect myself from being used again.”

“Wait a minute…a
re you saying you thought I was like Gigi?” she asked, insulted. “Are you kidding me? I didn't come after you, you came after me, remember? You dragged me into a relationship, practically twisted my arm to get me into your bed, and damn near pressured me into being your beck-and-call girl. How can you possibly think I was like her?”

“
I don't know. All I can say is I wasn't thinking clearly and honestly, I’ve never been able to think clearly when you're involved. I've never wanted a woman like I want you and the thought of living my life without you seems like no life at all. It doesn't matter how much money I have, it doesn't matter how many homes I own, all that matters is if you're not there beside me with our child, I might as well be dead in the ground. You hold the key to all of my happiness and by the time I realized that I'd pushed away the woman I love, it killed me.”

“
You said you love me,” she whispered, still reeling from his admission. “How could you say that you love me when you purposefully did something so awful?”

He hung his head in shame. “
Because I was afraid. I was afraid that you would reject me if I admitted to you how I really felt. And I couldn't handle the thought of you rejecting me so I took matters into my own hands with a preemptive strike. It was cowardly and stupid and I would gladly spend the rest of my life making it up to you because you deserve better than what I gave you. If my father were alive today I doubt I’d be able to look him in the eye. He did not raise me this way and for all my success in the business world it means nothing if I can’t hold my head high in front of the people I love.” Boston took a chance to kneel beside her, grasping her hand gently. “Julianna Holly, you and our baby are all that matters to me. You can take all the money and flush it down the toilet if it meant that I can have you back as my equal, as my partner, as my wife.”

Julianna
sucked in a tight breath. Had he just asked her to marry him? She started to shake. “What are you asking? What are you saying?” she asked, afraid to misunderstand. “I don't…” Tears sprang to her eyes and she didn't bother wiping them away. This was too big, too sudden, and she was deathly afraid that she was dreaming. “Please tell me that you're being serious.”

He said, in a voice choked with tears, “
I've never been more serious in my life. And yes, I am asking you — no, I am
begging
you — please, marry me. Make an honest man out of me, save me from this despicable person that I've turned into. I want to be the man who is worthy of your love. I want to be the kind of man you’re proud to say is yours. I want to be one of the good guys again. And I don't think I can do it without your help. Without you, I’m so lost.”

Julianna
covered her mouth with her hands, afraid of what might come out. “I don't know what to say.”

“
Say yes.”

It was all moving too quickly. Was she being a fool? What if Miles was right and once a cheater always a cheater? Was she willing to put it all on the line for him? Was she willing to
take that risk with her baby? “I kissed Miles,” she blurted out. “And I almost slept with him but I didn't.” She waited for his reaction. Either he would flip out and show his true colors or he would remain humble.

Boston swallowed but didn't start shouting. Instead, he accepted her admission almost as if accepting his penan
ce. “If you had it would’ve been within your right. But I am so grateful that you made a different choice,” he said quietly. Her heart sang with unmitigated joy and she didn’t care about anything else. She pulled him toward her so that he had to position himself between her knees and then she laid a deep, satisfying kiss on his mouth, with tongues tangling and teeth accidentally scraping until they were ripping at each other’s clothing in an ungainly, desperate rush to feel skin on skin. Within seconds her top was off and his mouth was latched onto her breast, sucking and laving, eager to taste every inch of her sun-kissed flesh, and she was lost to the pleasure of being in Boston’s arms. He hoisted her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom. She was delirious, not quite sure how everything had changed but she was so grateful. “Tell me you love me again,” she said as he laid her gently on the bed. “I need to hear it again and again and again.”

“I love you desperately –
 ridiculously — unfathomably. And I promise I always will. From this moment forward, we start fresh. You are my equal in every way. I will never keep secrets from you and I will always stand by your side. I’ve waited my whole life for you and now that I’ve got you…I’m never letting you go.”