Legal Briefs (Lawyers in Love) (26 page)

“Yes! Don’t worry, if I ever want to have a baby it doesn’t have to be with you,” I said, sensing rejection and fighting back.

“Well, who in hell would it be with?” he asked, sounding irate.

“I don’t know. I don’t have a crystal ball.”

“I’ve got news for you, Lilith. If you’re going to be bearing anyone’s children, they’ll be mine,” he said heatedly. Suddenly, the baby started crying.

“Now look what you did,” I chastised. “You made him cry.”

“I didn’t make him cry. A shitty diaper made him cry. Now you want to take this on, I’ll take it on with you. Bring him over here,” Adam demanded, storming off with the diaper bag. I wondered vaguely if he was only talking about a diaper.

I got up and followed him as carefully as I would if I were carrying a live bomb. Adam kneeled down on the rug, opened the diaper bag, and looked at the contents like he was trying to figure out how to split the atom. As soon as I laid the little squirmy person down on the floor he stopped crying and gave Adam and me a ‘hey, you guys know what you’re doing, right?’ look.

“Okay, you get the wipes ready,” I said, steeling my nerves. “I’m going in.”

“Wait!” He grabbed my arm. “We should put something down underneath him so that we don’t ruin the rug.”

“Oh, good thinking! What should we use?”

“Well, it should be something that could be wiped off easily, like …” He looked around the room and his eyes fell on a desk in the adjacent study. He got up, ran over and grabbed something. “This will work,” he said, crouching down beside me again.

“A mouse pad?”

“Why not? He’s small enough.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll lift his legs, you slide it under him.”

“On three, one … two … three.” I lifted his teeny tiny legs a little and Adam slid the mouse pad with the picture of Einstein on it under the baby’s bottom.

“Okay, get the wipes ready,” I said again.

“Wait! What are we going to put it in?”

“The trash, no?”

“You can’t just put it in the trash. You have to seal it up in something so it doesn’t make everything smell.”

“Okay, how about ….” I got up, ran over and grabbed a padded yellow envelope from the desk where Adam had found the mouse pad.

“That should work,” he said, nodding.

“Is there anything else, before …?”

“No. I think it’s go time,” he said quietly. I took a deep breath and pulled open the tapes holding the diaper together. Gently I eased it back … “Get down!” Adam ordered, knocking me out of the way just in time to avoid the stream of urine that flew past me.

“How do you shut it off?!” I cried.

“It’s not a fire hydrant!” he answered. Luckily, it stopped on its own a second later. We sat back up cautiously.

“So much for the rug,” I said.

“Yeah, she’s probably going to want to have that steam cleaned,” he agreed. “Yo! What’s she feeding this kid? Mustard?”

“Maybe that’s just what baby poop looks like.”

“You know I could have lived happily for a long time without that knowledge.”

“Ugh, this thing is gross. We need to get it off of him. Get the wipes and the envelope ready. I guess I’ll lift and you wipe?”

“Wait, why do you get to lift?” he asked, unhappily.

“Fine, you lift.”

“Okay, let’s do this,” he said with a heavy sigh. The baby just stared at us dubiously. Adam lifted the tiny legs and I began furiously trying to clean off the baby’s bottom, shoving wipes into the envelope madly. “Will you hurry up down there?” he nagged.

“I’m going as fast as I can, God damn it!” I growled. “Okay! He’s clean. I’m removing the diaper.” I grimaced and grabbed the putrid object out from under the baby, immediately attempting to get it into the envelope. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working. I had shoved too many wipes in there.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Adam asked frantically.

“What does ‘fuck’ mean?” asked the four-year-old voice from the doorway. Adam and I both froze.

“Uh, that’s something that …uh,” Adam spluttered.

“What are you doing, Joshie?” Hannah called out from the other room.

“Uncle Adam is telling me about fucking!” he called back. I heard something break. Probably his mother’s heart.

“Get. The. Clean. Diaper,” Adam said through gritted teeth.

Another thing we learned that evening was that diapers rip very easily. It took us several attempts, and several diapers, but with a little ingenuity, we managed to work together to get the job done. Somewhere along the journey, our poopy little friend drifted happily off to sleep.

Not long afterward, Matt came in to get his son, and told us it was time. Adam looked at the baby like he wanted to offer him a cigarette and a blindfold. As Matt and the baby left, I glanced up at Adam. He was looking pretty pale. Rebekah, like many new mothers in this situation, needed some comfort, but she was already surrounded by women. I decided that Adam needed me more than she did. The mohel got the baby ready, laying him down and lifting his gown. I saw a quizzical expression appear on his face.

“Is that a return address label, holding his diaper together?” he asked. Adam and I glanced at each other. The mohel said the blessings and talked about the ancient significance of the ritual. I held Adam’s hand tightly. At the moment of truth, I pulled him down and whispered frantically in his ear.

“Yours came out very nicely. You have the most attractive purple-headed warrior I’ve ever seen.”

“Purple-headed warrior?” he whispered back with a laugh.

The baby gave a little cry, but that was all. It was over. They handed the baby back to Rebekah, who took him off to nurse him. Her tap was full. There were plenty of ‘mazel tovs’ and hugs to go around, including the very long, tight hug that Adam and I gave each other. We had survived.

“So, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” Adam said when we were in the car headed home. “I almost regret all the effort I’ve put into avoiding these things over the years. Although I would still rather go to a wedding or even a bar mitzvah.”

“Well, now I know I just have to distract you with my romance novel speak.”

“Purple-headed warrior? That’s really bad.” He laughed.

“Maybe later I’ll let you put it in my love grotto.”

“Oh stop! You’re getting me hot, baby.”

“Uh oh. Is your impressive member throbbing?” I teased and reached over to give his crotch a light squeeze.

“I think somebody’s going to get some fominal sexing tonight.”

“Hey, I just remembered. We never checked the purse I had the night of the book signing. I guess I had better do that before I have Gab pounding on the door. In fact, she probably left me a message.”

I took out my cell phone to check and noticed another missed call. Punching in my code, I listened to my messages. When I was done, I put my phone away and turned to Adam with a nervous look.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, glancing over at me.

“The landlord called. There were no maintenance visits to my apartment.”

As soon as we got back to my place, Adam started looking for a locksmith open on Sundays, and I went to find the black bag I had taken to Inferno with me. I had just dug it out of my closet when he came into the bedroom with me.

“Okay, here it is. Let’s see if Gab was right.” He walked over beside me and looked down as I opened it up and found … absolutely nothing. I turned it upside down for good measure. Nothing but a little lint fell out. “I guess she was wrong.”

“Did you say your wallet was in there?” Adam asked.

“Yeah, but I don’t think a flash drive would have fit in that.”

“You might as well check.”

I went to over to my regular purse and pulled out my wallet. I started going through it, and in one of the side panels, something caught my eye. It wasn’t a flash drive, but a slip of paper. I pulled it out and looked at it curiously.

“It’s a note. It says, ‘Go to your fan to get the drive, and give it to the U.S. Attorney’.”

“Which fan? You met, like, thirty of them that night,” Adam pointed out, coming over to look at the note.

“It would have to be someone who might have something to do with Moretti. Like Roxanne! Tony Amato is Moretti’s cousin, and she’s Amato’s girlfriend. She said she was a big fan.”

“It could be, I guess,” he conceded. “Maybe Dan McGuire was there to get it from her, but someone got to him first, or maybe he gave it to her to hold.”

“So, what are we going to do?” I asked, walking out to the living room with Adam following close behind.

“What do you mean, what are
we
going to do? We’re going to give this note to Sachs and let him worry about it. We’re doing more than our share by throwing a party for his hit man.”

“About that party, I think we should make up some invitations and give them out to the neighbors,” I said, going over to my desk and shoving some paper into my printer.

“Oh, do you now?”

“Yeah, we’ll go deliver them and see if we observe anything.”

“And when did this become a ‘we’ venture?”

“We’re throwing the party together.” I stopped shoving and looked up.

“Lily, don’t you start going all Gabrielle on me. I’m supposed to be protecting you. I’m not even sure this party thing is a good idea. I don’t want you getting any more involved than you have to be.”

“I can help you. We chased a burglar together in Bucks County.”

“I chased a burglar. You ran out after me in your night gown. I
stopped
chasing the burglar because I was worried about you getting hurt.”

“Well, I ran out after you because I was worried about
you
getting hurt,” My voice was starting to rise with emotion. He and I were looking at each other like we both knew something was about to go down. If it were a movie, orchestra music would be getting louder right about now.

“If that burglar hadn’t interrupted us that night, what would have happened?” he asked. He was looking at me so intently, that I felt pinned in place by his gaze.

“I guess you would have kissed me,” I answered throatily, feeling my pulse start to climb.

“And then what?” he asked in a husky voice, taking a step in my direction. My muscles tensed in preparation, and my heart slammed against my ribs, just like it had that night.

“Well, I
wouldn’t
have slapped you,” I answered, hesitantly.

“I’m glad to hear it,” he said with an amused look, taking another step toward me. “Do you have any idea at all how much I wanted you that night? I would have given anything …”

“I wanted you too. It’s better that it took longer, though. You said you weren’t ready and I don’t think I was either.”

“I am now,” he said quietly, taking another step and stopping about five feet away. We stood there and stared at each other silently for a moment. Finally, I worked up my courage, took a deep breath, and steadied my nerves as best I could, forcing the words out before I could change my mind.

“If I say it, will you say it too?” I asked, swallowing hard, even though my mouth was dry. I willed him silently not to joke around or say anything that could hurt me.

“Yes, but I need to hear you say it first,” he answered in a voice filled with tension.

“What are you, four? Why can’t we just say it at the same time?” I asked, panicking.

“Because that’s stupid. And when I was four, I
said
it by licking your Fruit Roll-Up. Why can’t you just say it? Don’t you trust me?”

“Why do you always get to decide who does what? I let you lift, and I wiped!”

“You’re comparing us declaring our love for each other to wiping a baby’s ass?!”

“Ah ha! You said it!” I announced victoriously.

“I did not! I was saying it generally. That’s different than saying it!”

“You said ‘declaring our love’!”

“That’s different than saying ‘I love you’!”

“Ah ha!” I cried again.

“Oh Jesus H. Christ! Who’s the one who’s four? Will you just say it, woman?!”

“Fine! I love you, you asshole!”

“I love you too, you nutty broad!” In two strides he was in front of me and picking me up. He slung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carried me into the bedroom. It was much more caveman than Rhett Butler.