Learning to Breathe (25 page)

Danny was the first one to break the silence
. “How long have you been holding that in Darcie?”

I stared at my knees.
“Too long.”

He nodded understandingly.
“Okay, well now it’s time to start over. You can’t keep doing this to yourself Darcie. Don’t you see? You’re doing the same thing I did when Josh died.”

He sighed heavily.
“I blamed myself too but sooner or later, I had to accept the fact that bad things happen. It’s out of our control and I know it hurts like hell but you learn to move on. Yes, the pain never fades and it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do but eventually you learn to breathe again.”

I
lifted my head to stare at him. “But how?”

Danny smiled.
“Make them proud. Don’t waste your life dwelling on the past.”

I didn’t say anything
but gave him a small smile which he returned.

“Well,” he said suddenly.
“I guess I’d better get going. Are you gonna be okay on your own?”

I nodded and he stood up. I decided to get up too so that I could walk him to the door and was pleas
ed to find that I was stone cold sober now. 

“Night.
” Danny said as he pulled open the door. “Call me if you need anything.”

I nodded.
“Yeah, night.”

I then gav
e him a quick peck on the cheek. “Thanks for everything … and sorry about tonight.”

Danny smiled.
“Don’t worry. I’ll call you later, okay?”

I agreed and waved him off before making my way up to bed where I passed out rather quickly.

My hangover hit me like a ton of bricks. My mouth was dry and my head was pounding. I glanced at the clock – 10.21am. I groaned and forced myself to get up, knowing I’d feel better after I had some food in my stomach.

After forcing down some horrendously strong coffee along with a cereal bar, I started to feel a little better. It was then that the events of last night came back to me. I couldn’t believe that I had told Danny the truth about the accident but in a way, I was glad that I had.

It was actually quite surprising how light I felt
after I had poured my heart out to him. Perhaps it would be therapeutic to do the same with my mother (after all, Dr Kendrick had always been bugging me to be more honest with my feelings). Vowing to myself that I would tell her everything when she came back the following day, I happily made my way to bathroom – I was in dire need of a shower: it was my last attempt at curing my hangover.

Once I was dressed, I started to feel a little more like myself. I checked my phone and found that I had two new messages.

The first was from Harriet:

‘Hows head 2day?’

I laughed a little and replied:

‘Not 2 bad. Soz 4 being moody.’

Two seconds later and Harriet replied:

‘No prob.
Glad ur betr. Danny-boy luk after u? ;)’

I rolled my eyes and typed back:

‘Tell u bout it l8r ;)’

When Harriet didn’t text back, I looked at the other message. It was from Danny:

‘Wana do sumthin 2day?’

I was just about to reply when my phone rang and I found Danny’s name flashing up on the screen.

“So, are you back in the land of the living?” came Danny’s voice, sounding very enthusiastic.

I chuckled.
“Just about. I was just about to text you back. What did you have in mind?”

Danny paused and then said, “
How about swimming a few laps …” He trailed off at my cry of outrage and started laughing.

“You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

“Me? Never!” He chuckled down the phone before adding, “Nah, in all seriousness, d’you wanna go to the spring?”

I sighed heavily.
“Sure, let’s just revisit the scene of the crime! No thanks – I might start vomiting at the memory.”

Danny paused for a few seconds.
“Okay, well what’s your suggestion?”

“How do you feel about a chill-out day?”

“Well what does it involve?” asked Danny, a hint of curiosity evident in his tone.

“Come by my house in half an hour and you’ll see … oh and bring junk food.”

And with that, I hung up, not giving Danny the chance to question my request.

Twenty minutes later and I had tidied the living room and raided my DVD collection for something suitable to watch; now all I was waiting on was for Danny to turn up. Suddenly, I heard a noise and glanced out the window to see Danny’s car pull into the driveway.

A few seconds later and the doorbell rang. I let him in and saw that he had two bags full of various chocolate bars, crisps and sweets.

“Is this good enough?” he asked, gesturing to the bags.

I laughed.
“It’s more than enough! Come on in.”

We both settled on the sofa and
after a fleeting moment of awkward silence regarding what had happened last night, I told Danny to pick the film. Once he had made his choice, I put it on and sat back down beside him with the snacks between us.

We sat watching the opening titles but I could feel Danny’s eyes on me. I glanced at him and threw him a quizzical look.

“You okay?” I asked, feeling a little uncomfortable about the look he was giving me.

He nodded.
“I was just wondering if you’re okay – d’you wanna talk about last night?”

I shrugged.
“Honestly, I just feel really stupid.”

Danny shook his head.
“Don’t. I’m really glad you told me everything. It felt like you were finally starting to trust me. I wasn’t wrong – was I?”

“No.” I told him with a small smile.
“I do trust you … it’s been a while since I felt like I could tell anyone anything about my personal life.”

Danny frowned.
“But why do you feel the need to push people away?”

I avoided his eye
s and spoke to my knees instead. “I guess the only other person I could tell anything to was my father. After he died, I just felt so alone. I know I have my mother but I thought that if I told her the truth about what really happened on the day of the accident – I guess I thought that she’d hate me. It’s silly to think that but I just found it easier to cut myself off from everyone.”

“
Yeah, after Josh, I felt the same.” Danny said understandingly. “But then I realised that he wouldn’t have wanted me to live like that.”

I nodded.
“Yeah, I guess knowing what you went through helped me to speak about my past. I feel incredibly lucky having you as a friend – you’re a really great guy Danny.”

He smirk
ed. “’Course I am! Not to mention devilishly handsome and a kick-ass swim teacher to boot, right?”

I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, that too!”

Danny laughed a
nd then suddenly looked serious. “You are okay though, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” I reassured him.
“Or at least I will be.”

We both shared a meaningful look and then focused on the film. However, my attention was on something else – I had just felt a sudden change in my friendship with Danny – and it made me wonder if it was a good thing …

After that weekend, everything started to change in my life. My mother and I had a conversation about what really happened the day of the accident and after many tears, our relationship was starting to get back on track.
She didn’t blame me for what had happened and urged me to forgive myself since I couldn’t have done anything. I knew she was right but it was still hard to accept. However, for my mother’s sake, I made more of an effort with her and I had even met William. Slowly but surely, I started to feel like I was finally trying to move on.

Over the next few weeks, I spent more time with Danny and it was always on the back of my mind that I
just might be starting to have more than platonic feelings towards him. However, I kept pushing these thoughts away as I had to focus on the competition – I was starting to panic about how quickly it was approaching.

It was now a mere four weeks until ‘A Thousand Leagues’ and Danny still had a lot to teach me. It also didn’t help that I was now starting to have more flashbacks due to the stress of it all. However, Danny was still as patient as ever and I was slowly starting to believe that I just might do okay in the competition after all.

Nevertheless, between studying for upcoming exams and training for the competition, I had very little time to myself. I even had to plead with Mr Deacon at the leisure centre to cut back on my hours. He, of course, was happy to oblige when he discovered that I would be taking part in the competition.

So, today wasn’t any different but if I was being honest,
I was starting to feel quite exhausted from my intensive training with Danny. When he told me that we were done for the day, I almost cried in relief.

“So, same time tomorrow?” Danny asked, smiling slightly when he saw how tired I was.

I nodded. “Sure, sounds good.” I swam over to the steps and pulled myself out of the pool with difficulty. I then made my way to the changing rooms and gratefully sat down on the little bench by the lockers. My right leg was pretty sore and I wondered if I was overdoing it slightly. I thought back to Dr Kennedy’s warning of not pushing myself too much as I massaged at the muscles. Shrugging off the thought, I quickly got changed and decided it was nothing that a long hot bath wouldn’t sort out.

The next morning, I found that my leg was quite stiff but after painfully stretching it out for a few minutes, it eased a little. I made a mental note to take it a bit easier today and stumbled to the bathroom. I quickly showered and changed before leaving to meet Danny at the school pool – he had wanted to train for an hour before school started.

I found Danny already in the pool when I arrived. He finished his lap and then took a rest as I limped towards the pool. He glanced at me in alarm.

“Hey, you okay? Why are you limping?”

I waved off his concern
s. “I’m fine. My right leg’s just a little stiff today.”

I jumped in and swam over to him just to prove that I was okay.

Danny frowned. “Well take it easy today, okay?”

“Yes Sir!” I saluted with a smirk.

He rolled his eyes but grinned at me before starting up his laps again. I did a few warm up exercises and then joined Danny in his laps. It was going well until I took a sharp pain in my right leg. Blinded by the pain, I panicked and fought to stay above water.

Danny quickly swam to my rescue when he realised something was wrong. He dragged me over to the side of the pool and lifted me to sit on the edge.

“Darcie! Are you okay? What happened?”

I rubbed at my leg.
“I was fine but then I felt this sharp pain and I panicked.”

Danny
stretched out my leg and I winced. “I think you should get it checked out Darcie. Get Ms Mahon to look at it and see what she thinks.”

I nodded.
“Okay but I’m finishing my laps before I go, okay?”

“I dunno Darcie,” Danny began. “M
aybe you shouldn’t aggravate it.”

I threw him a withering look.
“I’ll stretch it out a bit more if it makes you feel better.”

He n
odded. “Fine but don’t push yourself too hard.”

I nodded.
“I won’t.”

I finished my laps with difficulty but I was careful not to let Danny know that I was struggling. However, when we both left the pool, he noticed my grimace as pain shot through my leg again.

“Darcie!” he chastised.
“I told you to take it easy!”

“I did!” I protested through gritted teeth.

He sighed heavily. “Sure you did! Come on, we’re going to see Ms Mahon right now.”

I rolled my eyes but let him lead me to her office; I was too tired to argue with him.

He knocked on the door and two seconds later, Ms Mahon appeared.

“Mr Fletcher, Ms Gilmore – shouldn’t you two be making your way to your first class?” she frowned.

“Yes,” Danny replied, flashing her a charming grin. “But I’m worried about Darcie … I was wondering if you would take a look at her leg – it’s been giving her bother this morning.”

Ms Mahon sighed and opened he
r door wider. “Well I suppose I could take a quick peek.”

I limped into the room, took a seat and rested my leg while Ms Mahon prodded at my calf.

“Has this leg ever bothered you before?” Ms Mahon enquired.

I shook my head.
“No, I did break it in a car accident a few months back but my doctor said if I took it easy, I’d be fine to continue training.”

“Hmm,” she said thoughtfully. “Well, th
at explains it. Your muscles weakened when you had a cast on and haven’t strengthened properly.”