Learning to Breathe (21 page)

Danny nodded.
“That’s understandable, considering what you’ve had to overcome.”

He threw me a sympathetic look and I instantly grew defensive.

“What do you mean by that?”

He looked at me, stunned, but I could also see a trace of something else in his expression – it almost looked like guilt. However, when he finall
y spoke, his face was impassive.

“I just mean the flashbacks and stuff.”

I threw him a suspicious look but didn’t question his answer – I was probably just being paranoid. I sighed heavily. “Oh, right. Well, I guess I’d better get home.”

Danny smiled.
“Yeah. Do you need a lift?”

I shook my head.
“No, my mother lent me her car today. Thanks anyway.”

Danny nodded and started to make his way over to his car but quickly stopped and bounded over to me.

“Hey, I forgot to tell you that I’ve got the entry forms for the competition. I meant to bring yours with me but forgot to lift it. Do you wanna follow me to my house and pick it up now?”

I nodded.
“Sure, lead the way.”

I got into my mother’s car and followed Danny out onto the road until we reached his house. Once we had both parked our cars, Danny motioned for me to go inside. I locked the car and followed him through the front door.

“Hey, are you in a hurry to get home?” Danny asked me suddenly.

I shook my head.
“No, why?”

“
I was thinking that we could fill in the forms together.” Danny suggested with a grin.

I nodded.
“Sure, just as long as you make some coffee.” I added with a cheeky smirk.

Danny laughed.
“Fine. You put the kettle on and I’ll run and grab the forms.”

I rai
sed my eyebrows at him. “Is this how you treat all of your guests?”

He smirked.
“No, you’re just extra lucky!”

I laughed as he bolted upstairs while I made my way into the kitchen. I flicked the kettle on and sat down at the table as Danny entered the room. He feigned a look of disgust when he saw me sitting down.

“You’re not gonna make the coffee too?”

I threw him a challenging look.
“That would be pushing your luck Danny-boy.”

He chuckled and threw his hands up in def
eat. “Fine! Oh here, there’s some stuff I printed off about different swimming strokes too – you should take a look.”

He handed me a pile of papers and then proceeded to bang about the kitchen, gathering up mugs and spoons.

I quickly leafed through the pile of articles and information sheets about perfecting swimming techniques until I came across an article that made my blood run cold.

Dumfounded, I stared at the newspaper article. It depicted the worst moment in my entire existence in just two small paragraphs:

LOCAL MAN, 39, TRAGICALLY DROWNS DURING STORM

Daughter, 16, Miraculously Survives

Last night,
the MCA was called out during one of the worst storms to hit Langley Falls in ten years. The Search and Rescue team were called in to save a father and daughter whose fishing trip took a nasty turn. The pair – Jack Gilmore, 39, and Darcie Gilmore, 16, – were left fighting for survival when their boat was severely damaged by the storm. The pair had gone out earlier that day but failed to make it ashore before the storm hit.

The SAR was not alerte
d until Mr Gilmore’s ex-wife, Miss Stephanie Chester, 37, phoned in after the pair failed to return home. Rescue workers found them nearly two hours later, with Darcie Gilmore clinging onto debris from the boat. Sadly, Mr Gilmore had already passed away due to severe water inhalation. Paramedics on the scene attempted to revive Mr Gilmore but tragically, it was too late. Darcie Gilmore, 16, was admitted to hospital with a mild case of hypothermia and is said to be in a stable condition.

I sat in silence for a few seconds – I was in shock. I stared at the harsh black letters and tried to form some sort of rational thought but all I could think was that Danny had lied to me.

Dimly, I registered that Danny was now speaking to me.

“Darcie? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

I met his eyes with a cold stare and watched his face drain of colour when he saw what I was holding.

“Darcie, I - I can explain!” he stuttered.

I glared at him, “Oh really?” I told him in a deadly whisper.

Danny gulped and looked at me guiltily. “Please let me explain.”

“No!
” I shook my head. “How
could
you Danny?”

He tried to put a hand on my shoulder but I shook him off and he retreated back to the other side of the table.

“Well?” I fired at him. “How long have you known?”

Danny hesitated. “From before Christmas – I always wondered about the flashbacks and why you never mentioned your father – I was curious so I did some digging.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me? How could you betray me like that?” I threw him a disgusted look.

“I wanted you to tell me in your own time. I know it was wrong to go behind your back but I wanted to help you so badly.” Danny said with a pained look on his face.

“
I didn’t ask for your help! Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I yelled at him, growing angrier by the second. “Part of me died that day and there’s nothing you can do to change that!”

He looked at me
intently before speaking. “Why do you do that?”

I frowned at him.
“Do what?”

“Push everyone away.” Danny told me simply.

I was a little stunned and when I didn’t say anything, Danny continued on.

“Darcie, what are you so afraid of? Why do you shut people out?” He looked at me searchingly.

“Because it’s easier that way!” I yelled at him suddenly and he looked taken aback.

I took a deep breath to calm down and added, “And I don’
t like feeling vulnerable.”

Danny stared at me.
“Being vulnerable is nothing to be ashamed of Darcie …it’s what makes us human.”

I shook my head furiously.
“No! Being vulnerable makes you weak – just like every other emotion … if you allow yourself to care, you only end up getting hurt.”

Danny threw me a consoling look.
“But there’s nothing wrong with caring –”

“No!” I interrupted angrily.
“I don’t want to care! You only end up getting hurt … and it hurts so bad that you can’t breathe. I don’t want to feel like that. I don’t want to
feel
at all! It’s just easier to shut everyone out … if you don’t care about them – you won’t get hurt!”

Danny looked stunned.
“But what about the people who care about you?”

I shook my head.
“They shouldn’t waste their time … I’m not gonna change. I can’t be fixed Danny!”

I wiped ferociously at the tears that were falling down my cheeks and threw him a challenging look.

“I’m not trying to fix you Darcie.” Danny told me softly, his eyes boring into mine. “But you have to realise that everyone’s a little bit broken and all they need is someone to help fill in the holes and cracks – that’s all.” he added with a sympathetic look.

I stared at him.
“It’s not always that simple. Why do you have to be the one to help me? It’s not like you know anything about what I’ve been through Mr I’m-so-happy-all-the-time!”

Danny’s expression darkened and for a split second, I saw intense hurt in his eyes – he looked … vulnerable. However, his expression quickly changed and he s
tared at me.

“Yeah Darcie, I wouldn’t k
now anything about it at all.” He told me rather coldly.

I was momentarily confused by his sudden change in behaviour but I didn’t calm down at all.

Instead, I overlooked his cryptic comment and continued yelling. “You lied to me! You went behind my back and betrayed my trust Danny!”

Danny sighed heavily.
“I know it was wrong and I’m not proud of it.”

I threw him a dirty look.
“Why did you do it?”

Danny grunted in frustration.
“Because I wanted to help you!”

I threw him a cold look but didn’t say anything so he added, “But now I can see it was a waste of time.”

As soon as he said those words, I could see the regret wash over his face but I merely threw him a disgusted look and ran out of the house before he could apologize.

I ran to my mother’s car, quickly started the engine and Linkin Park’s ‘In the End’ blared to life as I took off like a bat out of hell. One quick glance in my rear-view mirror and I saw that Danny was following me. I quickly slammed my foot on the accelerator and smugly noticed that Danny’s car had fallen behind but what I didn’t notice was that I just ran a red light …

Wh
at I didn’t notice was the minivan that was now charging towards me until it slammed into the driver’s side of my mother’s car …

There
was the sound of broken glass followed by a lot of screaming and a lot of pain before I eventually blacked out …

“
She’s back but her heart rate’s dropping again …”

I was l
ying with my eyes closed and the voices were the only thing I could hear.

“Some internal bleeding …”

I managed to open my eyes and found myself on a boat – a very familiar looking boat. I quickly sat up at the sound of another voice – one I recognised this time.

“Darcie, honey, you’re not supposed to be here.”

I glanced around and saw my father – he looked exactly like he had on the day of the accident. He was wearing his old checked shirt, faded jeans and big green wellies. He smiled at me but I couldn’t talk – it felt like something was blocking my mouth.

“Right leg’s broken, shoulder dislocated …”

My father frowned at me. “This isn’t right. You shouldn’t be here.”

“Fractured ribs …”

I glanced at my father again and he threw me another smile. “I told you you were gonna be okay. I promised I wasn’t going to let anything happen to you.”

“She’s fighting hard …”

I felt very strange, almost weightless and my father was going in and out of focus … what was going on?

“I still can’t believe it … she shouldn’t be alive right now …”

My father smiled at me again. “It’s time for you to go back now.”

“Heart rate’s stabilising …”

I suddenly felt myself falling and I tried to yell out to my father but all he did was laugh.

“It’s okay Darcie … let go.”

“Vitals are improving …”

My world went fuzzy again but I heard my father’s voice loud and clear.

“I love you Darcie and I’m so proud of you. Goodbye … we’ll see each other again.”

“
Well, she’s out of the woods for now – anyone else wouldn’t have made it. She must have one hell of a guardian angel …”

Beep … beep … beep …

I vaguely heard the annoying sound as I lay with my eyes closed. I could smell the over-powering smell of disinfectant and I felt a dull pain in my right leg. I tried to open my eyes but I was finding it extremely difficult as they felt very heavy.
My nose was also quite itchy but when I tried to lift my hand to scratch it, I could feel something pull at my skin.

Groaning, I attempted to open my eyes again but when I managed to prise them open a little, all I could see was blurred whiteness.
The sudden brightness gave me an instant headache so I quickly closed my eyes and vaguely wondered why I was now starting to hurt all over.

Then suddenly, I remembered everything. The memories were hurtling at me in a jumble of images
… the fight … the car crash. My eyes jerked open and I started gasping for air. That’s when I heard my mother’s concerned voice.

“Darcie! Oh my God! Honey, are you okay?”

My eyes flickered around the room until my gaze landed on my worried-looking mother. She rushed over to my side, tears in her eyes, and kissed my forehead.

“Oh honey, thank God you’re okay. I’ve been so worried about you. Do you remember what happened?”

I tried to nod but it hurt too much so I attempted to speak.

“I – I think so
.” I managed to croak out.

My mother’s face relaxed a little but t
here was still pain in her eyes.

“I thought I’d lost you … I didn’t kn
ow what was going to happen …” She trailed off, a haunted look etched on her face.

I attempted to smile but even that hurt. Instead, I decided to ask the question I had been dreading since I woke up.