Learning to Breathe (13 page)

I nodded.
“Sure … I just feel a little stupid – that’s all.”

Danny shook his head.
“Don’t – it’s understandable,” he paused for a second as if he was debating about what he wanted to say next.

He glanced at
me and then took a deep breath. “Who was it?”

I feigned puzzlement.
“Who what?”

Danny pulled himself up out of the pool to s
it beside me and sighed heavily. “Don’t play dumb Darcie.”

I shrugged and tried to s
ound nonchalant. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Danny gave me a long hard stare
before he spoke again. “How often do the flashbacks happen?”

I flinched at his words as if he had wounded me but didn’t answer.

“Is it always when you’re submerged in water? Or do they just hit you unexpectedly?” he continued on.

I blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall and tried to get up. However, Danny gently laid his hand on my arm to stop me from rising.

“Darcie, I’m just trying to help you. Please talk to me.”

I remained silent and continued to avoid his gaze. I heard him sigh deeply.

“Look, you don’t have to tell me everything … all I want to know is if I’m right. Do you suffer from flashbacks?”

I slowly nodded my head but still didn’t look at him
. “How did you know?”

“It kind of adds up – what happened at the spring, yesterday and just now. However, today was the first time you actually spoke during it
…” He trailed off and I felt sick

W
hat had I said
?

I reluctantly lifted my head to look at him
. “What did I say?” I asked in a shaking voice, fearing the answer.

Danny gazed at me thoughtfully.
“Just two words … ‘Help us.’”

I avoided Danny’s gaze and quickly looked up to the ceiling in a bid to compose myself and prevent the floodgates from opening.

“Do you want to talk about it?”  Danny asked quietly, a few seconds later.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and shook my head, still not looking at him.

“Fair enough … I think we should call it a day, don’t you?”

I nodded and finally looked at him. He threw me a reassuring smile as he stood to his feet and then helped me up.

“Thanks.” I mumbled, feeling like a massive idiot. I hated the fact that I hadn’t achieved anything today.

Danny nodded.
“Do you wanna do this again on Friday?”

I hesitated for a second, wondering if I could go through it all again. Then I remembered the promise I had made
to myself and eventually nodded.

“Yeah, thanks.”

Danny threw me a wide lopsided smile. “Hey, don’t look so worried – you did great for a first attempt. It’ll get easier over time; you just gotta have patience – trust me.”

I nodded and threw him a small smile before I headed to the changing room, hoping that Friday would be different.

Th
ursday passed without much incidence except for bumping into Danny at the Youth Club after school. It was a relatively brief but awkward encounter, as I still felt stupid about what had happened and I couldn’t escape from him quick enough.

So, when it came to Friday, to say that I was still a little apprehensive about my next swimming lesson with Danny – well, it
would be an understatement. Friday was listed as a half-day on my timetable and P.E. was my last lesson from 12pm to 1.30pm but then I had agreed to meet Danny after so it looked like I was in for a long day.

At
12pm, I prepared to meet my doom. I made my way to the pool and was incredibly surprised to find Danny there.

“What are
you
doing here?” I asked him in surprise.

He chuckled.
“I use this class for swim practice instead of Study.”

“How’d you swing that?”

Danny shrugged. “Ms Greenly knows how dedicated I am when it comes to the swim team.”

I frowned at him.
“Lucky for some, eh?”

“Hey, what can I say, the ladies love my charm.” He grinned at me and I shook my head in disbelief.

“Wow, it’s amazing what a huge ego will get you.”

Danny flashed me a cheeky grin.
“Oh I know … it’s great!”

I rolled my eyes.
“Okay well I’d better get in the water before Ms Mahon yells at me.”

“Oh yeah, that reminds me … I have some news.” He threw me a mischievous look.

“Good or bad?” I fired at him.

“Oh it’s very good news.” He beamed at me.

“Ms Mahon has agreed for me to teach you in your P.E. classes.”

I stared at him dumbfounded.
“What?”

Danny looked at me warily.
“Um, that’s okay … right?”

“Yeah but how’d you get Ms Mahon to agree to it?” I asked in puzzlement.

Danny flashed me another crooked grin. “My powers of persuasion – remember?”

“Wow, are you sure you wanna
do this?” I was still a little shocked that Danny had organised this never mind
wanted
to do it.

Danny threw me a funn
y look. “Yeah, of course I do! I said I’d help you – this is me helping.”

I
stared at him for a few seconds. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Danny grinned.
“That’s the spirit – now go get changed … we’ve got work to do!”

“Okay,” Danny began, once we were both in the pool, “have you ever heard of ‘Flooding’?”

I threw him a challenging look.
“Sorry, I thought you were gonna teach me how to swim not tell me about water leaks.”

Danny laughed.
“Okay, that’s not what I meant. Um okay, well how about ‘Exposure Therapy’?”

I looked at him blankly.
“Are these some sort of swimming techniques or something?”

He shook his head.
“No, they’re,” he paused, as if he was choosing his words carefully. “They’re ways to help you overcome your phobia.”

“Okay …
” I looked at him in puzzlement, wondering where he was going with this.

Danny
hesitated. “The general idea is that you’re continually exposed to your fear and then learn to tolerate it.”

I reall
y didn’t like the sound of that. “Okay and what’s involved in the process then?”

Danny gl
anced at me unsurely. “It means a
lot
of swimming and a
lot
of water … and a lot of hard work.”

“Okay and how do you know all this?”

Danny hesitated a little before he answered.

“Google.”

I stared at him for a few minutes – there had been something about his expression before he had spoken that seemed a little off – I had a feeling that he was being less than truthful but I decided not to bring it up.

“
Okay, I suppose we could give it a go then.” I eventually told him, trying my best to hide how scared I really was.

He gave me a reassuring smile.
“Hey, I’m gonna be here the whole time. Relax and take a few deep breaths.” I did as he instructed and he smiled before continuing on.

“Now, let’s get started.”

We stayed in the pool until 2pm as Danny thought that any longer period of time would be too much for me to handle just yet. I was relieved at this but I also felt quite proud as I
had stayed in the water for two whole hours! It may not seem like much of an achievement but to me it was huge as it meant that I was finally starting to face my fears.

Danny had been very patient with me the whole time and I found that his calm and soothing voice put me at ease.
I’m not saying that my lesson was panic-free but it was definitely an improvement from not being able to stay in the water for more than five minutes without passing out.

When Danny had instructed me to put my head under the water, I had felt the beginnings of a panic attack but he had managed to calm me down by
holding my hand and talking me through it. The first few times I tried to breathe under the water, I freaked out and the flashbacks threatened to take over.

However, they weren’t as bad as they had been previously as Danny was there to pull me up and calm me before I tried again when I was feeling ready. That was the thing about Danny; he never tried to push me into trying something that I wasn’t comfortable with. Instead, he let me do everything at my own pace and I was grateful for that.

So, by the end of the lesson, I had started to master the task of breathing underwater. It wasn’t much for having spent two hours in the pool but it was one basic skill that I had to learn before I even contemplated anything else. Nevertheless, Danny had said that he was pleased with my slow progress and was taking me out to lunch.

So, I had made my way to the changing room and was now finishing getting showered and changed. I pulled on my blue Converse and grabbed my bag before I headed out to the car park to meet Danny.

Danny was already in the car waiting for me. I climbed into the passenger side and smiled at him.

“Thanks again for doing this.” I told him sincerely. “I’m sure I was driving you crazy back there.”

He laughed and shook his head.
“Nah, you were fine … really!”

I grinned.
“You’re such a liar but thanks.”

“No problem, now where
do you wanna eat?” He started the car and looked at me expectantly.

I shrugged.
“Anywhere, I don’t care as long as there’s food – I’m starving!”

Danny chuckled.
“Yeah, swimming does that to you. Oh, that reminds me, when do you wanna do this again?”

“Um, I dunno, when are you free again?” I asked while trying to figure out which days I had some free time.

Danny shrugged. “Whenever. I’m always in the pool in the mornings and the leisure centre every afternoon Monday to Thursday and then on a Saturday morning.”

I stared at him.
“Do you ever get tired of smelling like chlorine?”

He threw hi
s head back and laughed at that. “Why do I smell of it now?”

“No.” I shook my head. “T
hat’s not what I meant. I just don’t know how you can swim that much and not get tired of it.”

“I never
used to swim a lot until I …” He trailed off, looking quite pensive for a minute.

“U
ntil I turned fifteen,” he continued.

“T
hat’s when I really got into it.” he added with an odd faraway look.

I
decided to ignore his strange hesitation and get back to the subject at hand. “Okay, well how about tomorrow at some point?”

Danny nodded.
“Sure – after lunch okay?”

I nodded.
“Yeah, I’ll be at the leisure centre for one-thirty.”

With that agreed, Danny drove into town and pulled up outside a café where I or
dered a rather large sandwich.

S
wimming really did give you an appetite!

After a long lunch, Danny drove me home. I glanced at my watch as he pulled up outside my house and was shocked to find that it was after 4pm
.

W
here had the time gone?

“So,” I b
egan as I unbuckled my seatbelt. “Thanks for today … I feel like I’m finally starting to get somewhere.”

Danny smiled
crookedly. “Yeah, you’ll be a pro in no time.”

I laughed.
“Yeah right, maybe in about thirty years time!”

“Hey, give yourself some credit – you can now do something that you couldn’t yesterday.” He looked at me so seriously that I couldn’t help but chuckle at him.

“Yeah yeah, I’m a real superstar! Anyway, I gotta go, see you tomorrow.”

I started to pull the door handle but Danny stopped me. I turned to look him,
with a puzzled expression.

“Wait,” he said, “I have something for you.”

He threw me his trademark killer smile before he rummaged through some CDs in the pocket of his door until he found what he was looking for.

He extracted a CD case with a handwr
itten cover and handed it to me.

“Here, I made this for you. It’s a list of songs that I think can help you with your swimming.”

I threw him a dubious look. “Seriously? I don’t think a bunch of songs are gonna help me to swim.”

Danny chuckled.
“Hey, give it a go … I’ve listed them on the inside cover and written something beside some of the song titles.”