Leader of the Pack (34 page)

She had gone to Brinah’s collapsed body and was kneeling next to her grandmother. Aislinn pulled Brinah up onto her lap, stroking her grandmother’s hair, tears streaming down her face. Her gaze shifted alternately from the strange spots that covered the back of her arms to her grandmother’s face. She didn’t think she could take one more thing. She just didn’t have the strength left. She believed that Cullen didn’t want her, Rafe had raped her and changed her into this thing, and now her grandmother was lying dead in her arms. She trembled with the excess of misery that flowed through her.
I knew I never should have let you come here,
she thought as she stroked her grandmother’s hair gently.
Aislinn wouldn’t let herself think it in words, but she felt as though this was her fault.

Cullen forced himself to stand and walk to Aislinn. She was concentrating so hard on her own thoughts that she didn’t notice him coming. As he walked around behind her, he watched the spots blend into stripes. The change was so subtle it was difficult to tell where the stripes ended and the spots began. He studied the elegant slant of the stripes across her back, trailing the line of her waist and leading his eyes to follow the curve of her hip. He winced and let out a sharp escape of air as he knelt behind her. Cullen’s presence startled her and Aislinn flinched away, as if he was going to hurt her. She refused to look at him.

“Aislinn,” he started and tried to reach for her. Cullen felt more pain from her reaction, than he did from his broken body.

She shied away from him. “Stop,” she interrupted. Her voice was trembling, and she held herself protectively away from him. “Just stop. Whatever it is I can’t do it right now. Just leave me alone.”

Cullen felt tears well up. He held them down, but he moved back, falling to sit a few feet away, watching her back. He was tired of not knowing what to do. It seemed to be a perpetual state of mind since Aislinn appeared in his life. As much as he wanted to hold her, he didn’t want her to associate him with the types of things that Rafe had done to her. So, forcing her to let him hold her was out of the question. He sat on the ground, those few feet from her seeming like miles, and feeling broken in so many ways.

Keith approached them tentatively. He could tell from their expressions and the way Aislinn was holding Brinah that he needed to be careful. He knelt next to Cullen. “You got hit hard. Are you able to make it to the cabin on your own feet?”

Cullen didn’t answer. He just stared at Aislinn’s back.

“Alright,” Keith said on a long tired breath. “I’ll send someone over to get you back to the cabin. I know you haven’t bothered to pay any real attention, but you don’t look like you should be conscious.” He cleared his throat and looked at Aislinn’s stooped form over Brinah’s body. Lowering his voice, hoping he wouldn’t upset Aislinn more, he added, “Didn’t Brinah say that she made something to help with healing people?”

Aislinn couldn’t help but hear the conversation. Her ears seemed impossibly better than they had been before. She wished she could turn off all her senses. It was overwhelming. Without looking at them, she grabbed Brinah’s bag and shoved it toward them. Then Aislinn went back to mourning over Brinah’s body.

Keith took the bag with a sympathetic look at Aislinn’s back. He opened the bag and looked at the assortment of small bottles and jars. Some of them held left over reagents, but most of them were full of foul smelling liquids. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was looking at. “Well,” he said with a shrug. “What’s the worst that could happen?” He picked one of the corked bottles out of the bag, popped the cork out of the bottle, and took a small sip. A gentle cooling sensation seeped into his muscles, and he felt a great deal more awake all of a sudden. He tipped the bottle up and drank down the rest. His entire body tingled pleasantly and his scratches began to knit together before their eyes.

Keith pocketed one of the full bottles, hating the fact that he was being so practical as he looked at Aislinn and Brinah. He figured that the stuff would be useful, but with Brinah dead they were going to have to figure out how to make it again on their own. He uncorked another of the small bottles and handed it to Cullen. “I hope this is the same stuff I just drank. It looks and smells the same. It’s foul, but it feels nice once it’s down.”

Cullen didn’t respond at first. His eyes hadn’t left Aislinn. Keith got the distinct impression that he was on his own for the rest of the evening. One look at Rafe’s dead form, and he figured that Cullen had earned the evening off. He nudged the bottle into Cullen’s hand and finally got his friend to drink the stuff before he left Cullen alone. Keith took the bag to deal with the worst of the injuries. His brain went over the list of things that would need to be accomplished before he could go find his bed. At the very least, he figured he’d have to figure out what to do with the large number of were-beasts they had taken prisoner. It wasn’t as if they had facilities to keep these guys captive.

Aislinn sat there, crying over Brinah, for what seemed like an eternity to Cullen. But he wasn’t going anywhere. He could wait. All around them, bodies were gathered, and the battle was cleaned away. There were even omegas cleaning the broken jars from around the stone circle. They moved quietly, not wanting to disturb the angry looking alpha or Aislinn. Eventually, Sarah approached Aislinn. The crying had stopped, and now she was just stroking Brinah’s hair gently and staring off into the woods.

Sarah crouched down next to Aislinn. She looked over at Cullen, but was greeted with a blank expression. Sarah was tired and finding it difficult to be sympathetic, but forced her voice to be gentle when she spoke. “Aislinn, can you let us take Brinah with the others? You need some sleep. There will be a memorial to honor all the dead in a couple days and all the bodies will be burned.”

Aislinn took one last look at her grandmother. “I want to be there when her body is prepared.” Her voice was devoid of emotion.

“I’m sure that can be arranged. Can I get you to go up to the cabin now?” Sarah suggested and looked over at Cullen again.

“Where can I sleep?” Aislinn asked.

Sarah’s features took on an unsure and concerned look as her eyes met Cullen’s. He didn’t respond. “There are plenty of rooms. I don’t think anyone is worried about assigned beds tonight. If you won’t be sleeping with Cullen, then I’m sure you could take any room on the main floor.” Sarah watched Cullen’s jaw tighten. Aislinn stood without looking at either of them and walked away toward the cabin.

Cullen rubbed his face with his hands and growled. His body wasn’t nearly as pained as it had been, but he still felt as though he was being torn apart. He stood to follow Aislinn and a couple omegas instantly appeared to try and help him. He waved them off angrily. He wasn’t about to let Aislinn see him weak right now. Not wanting to let her out of his sight, Cullen limped along after her with the concerned omegas cowering behind.

Sarah caught up and grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop. The glare that he leveled on her would have had most lycans bowing and scraping. At the very least, another lycan would have released his arm, but Sarah had known him too long and wasn’t giving way.

“What the hell,” she asked.

Cullen wrenched his arm away. “What do you think?”

“I think you haven’t bothered to say the two things that might magically fix the entire situation. I think men are morons, and you, Lord Arnauk, are no exception,” Sarah growled at him in frustration.

“Difficult to say anything when she tells me to stop and not touch her or talk to her,” he growled back.

“And of course you listened.” Sarah said incredulously. “Because
you
always listen when someone tells
you
what to do. By all the Gods I need to figure out what she says and how she says it.”

“So how do
you
think I should fix this,” Cullen said sarcastically, still glaring and snarling. His mind was grasping for anything that might work and rid him of his uncertainty.

Sarah leveled her tone. She could hear how much he was hurting. “Tell her that you’re sorry and that you love her,” she said simply. Then she walked away.

Cullen sent the omegas off and hurried after Aislinn, following her scent through the cabin to find what room she went to. He was just grateful she hadn’t decided to run off again. He stood outside the door to the room aching to go inside. He knocked, but there was no answer. A few lycans passing by were trying to ignore their alpha politely. He tried the door and found it locked. So he knocked again. “Aislinn I need to talk to you,” he said through the door. There was no answer, and a few more people pretended not to stare. Cullen’s pride was getting to him. He couldn’t take doing this in front of the pack, not after the display he had made of himself over her already. He growled and headed down the hall, up the stairs, and went to his room.

Aislinn stood on the other side of the door listening to his footsteps retreat down the hall. She went over to the bed and laid down. She was trying desperately to not feel any more. All she wanted was to be in his arms, but she didn’t think she could handle leaving if she gave in now and spoke with him. She assumed that he wanted to explain, tell her why he didn’t think she should stay with him, how it would be better for her to leave. She didn’t care what his reasons were. She kicked the blankets back and then pulled them over herself.

Aislinn didn’t sleep very well. Every time her eyes closed she was plagued with nightmares. She dreamed about Rafe, about Jenna, about her grandmother, but the worst part was that in all the dreams she was alone. She wished she had never met Cullen. Maybe she wouldn’t feel the loneliness so badly if he hadn’t shown her what it would be like to be with people again.

Cullen lay awake as well. He was afraid that she’d run away, and he wouldn’t get a chance to do anything about it. He was pissed. That was easier than being hurt.
She over reacted. It’s her own fault for taking off like she did. She won’t even let me explain. And how dense does the woman have to be that she can’t see what I did to get her back?
Cullen’s mind reeled all night long.

Chapter 15

Hawdd cymod lle bo cariad.

Reconciliation is easy where there is love.

-Gaelic proverb

Cullen threw his bedroom door open before most of the rest of the pack was awake. He couldn’t believe that all his injuries seemed to have healed overnight. He figured he should get that stuff Brinah made on tap.

The only lycans awake that early after the night they had were either omegas, who were getting breakfast ready and finishing the clean up, or others who hadn’t slept the night before. Most of them were people who had lost mates in the fight. Cullen felt a strange guilty, bitter jealousy.
At least they had mates to lose
, he thought angrily.

Cullen went down to his office. There were several handwritten notes on his desk. Cullen recognized Keith’s scrawl. The first one said, “Don’t wake me up on pain of death alpha boy!” Cullen couldn’t help the grudging grin. He tossed that one in the garbage, and considered waking Keith up on principle. The second one said, “The feds showed up after you went to bed. I handed them the cats for safe keeping and made the report. You’re welcome. Not to say you probably won’t get a phone call. Did that make sense? Who cares I’m tired.” The third said, “Word was sent to the den with a list of the deaths.” The fourth said, “Arrangements being made for the memorial service, including pyres for burning the bodies. We’re giving it three days to allow for everyone who lost someone to be contacted and get here.” The fifth said, “Anything else you want, take care of it yourself. Although I would point out that your schedule looks pretty clear to me. Leaving you a few days to straighten out the mess you made with the lovely were-mystery-cat-girl who is currently sleeping in the omega’s quarters. By the way, I assigned someone to keep an eye on her. Just in case.”

Cullen sat the last note down.
Keith should be the alpha,
he thought and he was serious. Not that any of the things his friend had taken care of wouldn’t have been handled personally under different circumstances, but Cullen wasn’t entirely sure that he ever wanted to deal with any of this ever again if he couldn’t get Aislinn back. He created this pack so that lycans could be safe and have families.
What the hell’s the point if I can’t have one of my own? It took so much for her to trust me. Now I’m starting all over again with a strike on the record, her grandmother dead, and who the hell knows what Rafe did to her.
He was staring out his window.

* * * *

Aislinn got out of bed. She laid there staring at the ceiling for some time before she decided to get up, find some clothes, and figure out what she wanted to do. He hoped it was early enough that she wouldn’t have to face anyone who would make it difficult. She stood and turned on the light. She felt remarkably good considering, what she had been through. If it weren’t for the bags under her eyes and the headache from all the nightmares, this would have been a relatively good morning.

She looked in the long mirror on the back of the closet door. She still didn’t look human. She examined herself in the mirror. Tears filled her eyes.
Well, if he wanted me to leave before, now he’ll really want me to go away.
She couldn’t believe, even a small bit, that he would want some kind of cat-thing when so many of the female lycans in his pack were interested.
Maybe Celia can have what she wants now
. She wiped the tears off her face and pulled herself together. She had spent seven years of fear and running not crying. She didn’t need to make it a habit now.