Lauren's Dilemma (11 page)

“You're
tired out,” she said gently. “It’s best if I go now. You should rest.”

“I do feel
weary.
 
Will you come again this
afternoon? We could sit on the verandah, if you like. Stay with me a few more
minutes,” he pleaded.

She waited
until his eyes closed and his breathing became regular before carefully
disentangling her hand and quietly slipping away.

“Hello,
pretty lady.” Halfway down the ward she stopped to smile at the youth sitting
in a wheelchair, newspaper in his lap.

“Hello
yourself.” Her gaze went to the folded pajama leg peeking out from under his
dressing gown.

“I'll be
getting a new leg soon, tailor made,” he said with a grin, as he followed her
eyes. “I'm Steven.”

“Hello,
Steven. I'm Laurie.” She gave him a cheerful smile. “I'll be back this
afternoon, so we can talk again. I have to go now, or nurse will be furious.
I've stayed too long already.”

With a wave
she left him, answering with a smile or a nod the greetings called out by other
patients as she passed by.

“I've
stayed too long.” She met up with the nurse in the passageway. “I'm sorry.
Blair, I mean Captain Sinclair, wants me to come back in the afternoon, if it’s
all right.”

“Of course,
Miss Cunningham. Our hours are flexible here. This is not a hospital in the
true sense. It’s a place where the boys can rest and have some tender loving
care before they venture back into the outside world again.”

“You're
doing marvelous work here,” Laurie said sincerely. “Will the captain be going
home soon?”

“Join me
for a cup of tea. We can have a little chat.”

She sat on
a chair opposite the nurse. Within a short time, a young girl entered with a
tray containing two cups of tea, milk, sugar and some buttered scones.

“Lovely,
thanks.” Laurie put milk and sugar in her cup. Taking a scone, she bit into it
hungrily.

“Can you
tell me about the captain, I mean, what happened to him?”
 
She almost opened her mouth to confess her
true identity, but some instinct from deep within stilled the confession
hovering on her lips. If they thought she wasn’t Blair’s fiancée, they mightn’t
let her visit him. She couldn’t take the chance. She wanted to see him, wanted
to help him, if only to lessen her own terrible hurt and loss.

“I can tell
you what we know, which isn't much.”

Laurie
listened to this compassionate woman who seemed to consider every patient as a
member of her own family.

“He got
blown up and he sustained a head injury which has virtually healed. This would
account for his blindness and amnesia. There’s still some shrapnel embedded
inside his head. The doctors don't want to surgically remove it yet, in case
they cause further damage.”

The nurse
patted her hand in a friendly, consoling gesture. “He's had a grave shock,
which could also be the cause for his amnesia. As for his leg, he nearly lost
it. The bone was shattered, which is why it's taking so long to heal. He'll probably
always have a limp.”

“Will he be
able to see again? The chaplain mentioned in his letter they thought the
blindness might be temporary.”

“The
blindness and amnesia could be psychological symptoms. Call it shellshock,
battle fatigue, whatever you like, time combined with peace and quiet are the
best healers. It could take years for his sight to return, or there again, it
might be a few months or weeks. Would you be brave enough, if he never regained
his sight? If not, it would be kinder to leave him now, rather than build up
his hopes only to leave him later. He isn't helpless, but you must realize
there are things he won't be able to do without assistance. You would have to
be his eyes. Are you strong enough for that?”

Giving her
an opportunity to help Blair, could this be God's way of letting her live
again?
 
To make up for the loss of Danny?
You like him, a little voice from deep within prompted. She couldn’t allow
herself to like him too much, though. It would be disloyal to Danny.

“I won't
let him down,” Laurie vowed.

“You're
young and brave. Captain Sinclair is a lucky man to have you. Many others have
not been so fortunate. Well, I’d better get about my work now. I know I can
rely on you to be sensible and not tire our patients too much. Your presence
can do the captain more good than any number of medical people.”

The nurse
stood up, a signal for Laurie to go. As she left, she felt happier than she had
for months. You were right, Dad, I do need someone else to care for. I
shouldn’t keep dwelling on the past and what might have been. Danny wouldn’t
want that. It would be a hard battle nursing Blair back to health again, but
even if it took years it didn’t matter. This could be a chance for both of them
to find some happiness together. Maybe it would be best if he never remembered
how Helen had deserted him. You need me, Blair, but I need you, too. This
honesty bared her soul. Danny wouldn’t begrudge her finding happiness with
another man.

It’s too
soon, her conscience screamed. Too soon to transfer your affections to another
man. Was she using Blair as a crutch to prop up her own emotional needs?

On the way
out, she stopped to watch two sparrows fighting in the birdbath. She should
stop torturing herself and maybe then time would lift the crippling burden of
grief
 
from her heart.

Chapter Six

Back at the
hotel, Laurie rang Aunt Jane and was informed by a maid that the family had
gone to Sydney
for a few weeks.

What a
stroke of good fortune; she wouldn’t have to explain her actions to them now.
She went to lunch feeling happier than she had in a long time.

At
two-thirty she set off again, wearing a straw hat to shelter her complexion
from the fierce rays of the afternoon sun. The sky was cobalt blue, with not a
wisp of cloud to be seen anywhere. Smiling to herself, she sniffed appreciably
at a trellis covered with strong smelling jasmine.

She arrived
at the hospital and hurried towards the verandah to take advantage of the
shade. Phew, it was hot. Taking off her hat she fanned her cheeks to cool them
down before going to the nurse’s office.

“Good
afternoon, Miss Cunningham, you certainly did something for the captain. He
absolutely insisted on getting dressed and seems a changed man. Go along to the
ward and out through the glass door near his bed.”

Laurie
strolled along the ward, stopping every now and again to chat with other
patients. She gave Steven an extra-special smile because he somehow reminded
her of Danny.

Pushing
open the glass door, she glanced around. Her heartbeat quickened at the sight
of Blair, in pants and a short-sleeved shirt, resting in a wicker armchair. He
stared straight ahead but turned slightly when she came towards him.

“Laurie?”
The soft query tugged at her heart.

“Hello,
Blair. So they finally got you out of bed.” She scrutinized his face. Still
pale, but the dreadful grey pallor so much in evidence this morning had
disappeared. His hair, thick, black and a trifle unruly, was now flecked with
grey.

“Sit next
to me. I asked them to put out an extra chair.” He rapped on the verandah with
his stick.

“You look a
lot better than you did this morning. You're still pale, though. Your skin used
to be so tanned before.”

“Hospital
pallor, they call it.” His well shaped lips parted in a slight smile, giving
her a glimpse of even white teeth. “You did me a lot of good this morning. The
days are long and boring when a man has no visitors.”

“You won't
be bored anymore. I'll visit you twice a day. I've got you in my clutches now,
so there's no escape,” she teased. “You'll be sick of the sight of me before
long.” What a tactless remark, although he did not seem to notice the slip.
Then and there she decided to speak without avoiding any reference to sight.

She
launched into the story of where she was staying, and about the journey down to
Melbourne on
her own after receiving the chaplain's letter.

“That was
brave of you, also a little rash.” He winced as he moved his leg, which he held
out stiffly in front of him.

“Are you in
much pain?” Impulsively she took his hand and it felt warm to her touch. What
long, sensitive fingers he had.

“It hurts
like hell sometimes, worse with sudden movement. I'll be a partial cripple for
life.”

“How dare
you say such a thing?”

He laughed.
“Are you going to lay down the law to me again?”

“I will if
you start all this invalid nonsense.” Merriment lurked in her voice now. “I can
be severe if I have to. Dad sometimes calls me a tyrant.”

“I got the
soldier in the next bed to read your letters out to me. They didn't sound
particularly lover-like.”

Thank
goodness he couldn’t see the guilty red washing over her face. “I was too shy.”
That wasn’t a lie. It was becoming easier to play the part of his fiancée,
especially now she had realized how much she liked him. Only liked?
 
What kind of fickle person would behave like
this? She had sworn undying love for Danny a few short months ago.

“Oh, I
don’t think so.”

“You've
only got a few letters, what about the others? They might have been full of
passionate outpourings.”

“Laurie,
come closer.”

“Whatever
for?”

“I have to
go by touch now. Let me feel your face. I have to remember. God, I have to.” He
clenched his fist so tightly all the color bleached out of his hand, leaving
his knuckles white.

She knelt
down beside him and, unclenching his fingers, guided his hand across her face.
He brought up his other hand to cup her chin, and his fingers gently traced the
line of her jaw. Burying his hands in her hair, he threaded his fingers through
the wayward curls.

“Such
pretty hair, soft, and smells nice, too. I want to remember. My God, I must.
You're my fiancée, and I can't even remember you. Steven said you were
beautiful. All the patients told me how lovely you are. They said you reminded
them of a porcelain figurine.”

“I do have
a fine build, but I'm awfully strong.”

“How old
are you?”

She gave a
shaky laugh. “It's not gallant to ask a lady her age.”

“How old
are you?” he repeated, dragging the words out from between clenched teeth. She
almost lied, after all she was living a lie, so why not add one more to the
growing list?

“Eighteen.”
She meant to say twenty-three.

“God, what
kind of man gets engaged to a child of eighteen?”

“I am not a
child.”
 
She pulled away from him.

“You
certainly have a temper. Don’t be angry with me. Tell me about yourself, how we
met, that kind of thing.”

Glad of a
reprieve, she launched into her life story, and before long Blair started
laughing at the eccentricities of some of the customers at her father’s store.

“Do you
remember Danny?”

“No, should
I?”

As he
pressed her for more information on their first meeting, she gave him a brief
outline of mainly half-truths, with a barefaced lie thrown in now and again for
good measure. For a person who always prided herself on being honest, her glib
misuse of the truth was frightening.

He seemed
satisfied with her explanations and when one of the nurses came out to ask if
he needed to be helped inside, she breathed a sigh of relief. Her mention of
Helen's name brought not even the faintest flicker of recognition.

“Are you
sure you want to stay out here, Blair?”

“Yes,” he
answered, with a grimace as he ran a trembling hand across his forehead.

“Do you
have a headache?”

“Not
exactly a headache, just a dull ache behind the eyes. Oh, I don't know. I've
had it a few times over the last couple of days. It comes and goes.”

“You should
tell the nurse.”

“Why? So
she can put me to bed like some truculent infant? Here, give me a hand up, and
we'll go for a walk. Take the stick first.”

He handed
over the walking cane before carefully raising himself to his feet. She placed
the cane in one of his hands, slipped the other through her arm, and they set
off. How heartbreaking to have him lean so heavily against her.

“Take me to
the lawns, please.”

“Are you
allowed?” She bit her lip as they came to the steps leading to the path and she
guided his hand around the verandah post. He gave her the stick to hold before
using both hands to ease himself down the steps. Beads of perspiration stood
out on his upper lip, and his eyes reflected great pain. When he made it to the
footpath, she expelled a relieved breath.