Kitty Katt 11: Alien Separation (36 page)

“Happy to. Poofs assemble!”

S
ENT THANKS OUT TO ALGAR,
ACE, Naomi, Sandy, and any other superconciousnesses that might be hanging about, because Poofs poured out of my purse. Many more Poofs than I'd been prepared for. I had all of those who'd definitely made this trip with us from Earth—but there were more than those assembled around the five of us.

Ronaldo, the Free Women, and the Amazonian Ancients all laughed. The Poofs were still small and adorable. And the extra Poofs were not Poofs that I recognized at all.

“This is what you think will defeat us?” the spokesclone asked. “You are truly pathetic, and these even more pathetic creatures prove it.”

“Poofies? Feel free to be insulted, and also feel free to have a nice snack. Kitty's sure you're all very hungry.”

Harlie turned, looked at me, purred, then turned back, gave a growl and went large. Then Harlie growled again, only this growl thundered. It was answered by two other Poofs, one of whom I realized with a shock was Tenley, who was Queen Victoria's Poof. The other Poof I also recognized—it was the Poof that Alexander had kept with him after Operation Invasion. Meaning the Alpha Four Royal Poofs were here. And presumably the two that were left on the planet had gotten as busy as our Poofs.

All the Poofs went large and in charge. There were screams from the Free Women and the Amazonian Ancients as well, though they didn't scream too long. Hey, my Poofs were really hungry and they didn't stop to play with their food.

“I think there are some more of these in the hallway or close by,” I said helpfully. A few Poofs zipped out. I heard more screams. And a lot of crunching.

In short order, the Poofs all rejoined us, went to small, and burped as discreetly as they could manage.

“Good Poofies!” Looked at Ronaldo, who hadn't moved from his throne. His expression was an interesting combination of horror and terror. It was a great look on him as far as I was concerned. “Ronnie, thanks so much for letting my adorable weapons of mass destruction have a great meal. They were really hungry. They might be full now, but, you know, I have an ocellar and a chocho who haven't had much food, and I'm sure the Poofs would be willing to share and let them eat you.”

“Who
are
you?” He sounded shocked. “They never said you could do anything like that.”

Mentally gave myself a high five and sent up another round of thanks—he wasn't a Clone in the Know. The likelihood that he'd been put in place before Ronaldo the Original's embarrassing loss to Jeff and had never had an upload or an update since rose up to the top position.

“We're people on a schedule, Ronnie. And we hate being late. Right now, there's a gigantic civil war brewing, both at home and abroad. And you're at the center of all of it. Aren't you
lucky?
”

Ronaldo 2.0 didn't look like he felt lucky. So he did have a brain in there. Could feel him trying to control my mind. Looked at Reader and Fancy—they looked annoyed but not controlled. Same with Wilbur and Ginger. Looked back to 2.0.

“Ronnie, babe, seriously, we aren't really the mind controllable sort, so stop straining yourself. Or I'll seriously let my cool Beta Eight dog and cat eat you. Right now. In front of me. While I cheer them on.”

Felt him stop. “Fine,” he snapped. “What is it you want?”

“You off the throne. The civil war on this planet to be fast and bloodless. The civil war going on within this solar system to be over with no more bloodshed. The snakipede factory shut down. Any prisoners you might have or think you have returned to us. For starters. I'm sure I'll have more in a moment.” Hey, it paid to ask for what you wanted.

“I have powerful friends.”

“Actually, you don't. LaRue or Zenoca or whatever she told you to call her is dead. As is the original version of you and all your clone bros. Clearly we have ways of dealing with your cloned Amazonian Assassins and the Free Women who are going against their Queen. And there's a lot of firepower up there in space that will look at you as the only impediment to their claiming this world for their very own. And then mining the living hell out of it.”

He looked smug. “There's more out in space than those.”

“Yes, you're right, there is. The Z'porrah fleet is on the way.” He looked shocked that I knew this. Always nice to impress your host. “However, I'll kill you before they can ever contact you, let alone land, so I wouldn't be counting on them. They aren't going to help
you
. Sure, they might be able to hurt
us
, but
you'll
be long dead.”

2.0's eyes narrowed. “Fine. Which of your many demands should we deal with first?”

“Let's go with prisoners. I'd like to see everyone you have captive, and that includes natives and non-natives, in case you weren't clear.”

He stood, nodded curtly, then headed toward a door at the back of the throne room, opposite from the doorway we'd come through.

Reader stepped up behind me. “It's too easy,” he murmured. “Assume something bad is coming, in some way.”

Fancy was on my other side. “I agree,” she said in the same low tone. “Impressive fighting force or no.”

“Agreed. If we get separated, figure I'm heading toward the snakipede pits.”

“Why would we get—”

Fancy was interrupted by 2.0 reaching the door and kicking up the hyperspeed. I'd been expecting it, and not only due to Reader's warning. So I took off as well. Figured Fancy would catch onto the whole “getting separated” idea rather quickly.

Had to give it to 2.0—he wasn't lacking in the hyperspeed. Of course, neither was I. And him running off had done me a solid—I was angry.

Followed him down a corridor, up a set of stairs, down another corridor, into a room, out the door on the opposite side of this room, up another set of stairs, down yet another corridor, and outside onto a walled walkway. Didn't get a chance to admire the view since we ran across the walkway, down another set of stairs, into another room, out of that room, down a really long corridor, and to a big metal door. Waited for over the river and through the woods, but it wasn't to Grandmother's House we were going.

This was easier to follow than the path Fancy had taken us on to get inside the castle, but I still wasn't confident that I'd have a hope of finding my way back on my own. And I hadn't had a lot of time to note landmarks along the way—one room or corridor in this castle looked pretty much like the rest. Exciting architectural and design elements were not what whoever had built this thing was going for. Stolid, boring, repetition that meant it was easy to get lost apparently was.

On the other hand, it hardly mattered. I'd probably have to check every room of this place anyway to ensure that we'd found everyone we were looking for and to verify that more of our enemies weren't lurking about.

If, you know, I got the chance. Because 2.0 opened the big metal door and ran in, and I ran in right behind him.

Nice to know that Reader had been right. It had definitely been far too easy.

N
ICE TO KNOW
that I'd been right, too. We were in the snakipede pens. And I was really glad I was already angry.

In 2.0's defense, he'd actually brought me to some of his prisoners. Not the ones I was expecting, but I was glad to see them anyway. And, under the circumstances, they were totally living up to their God Names. Really hoped Wilbur would be able to follow me and bring the others—Fancy should get to see her religious idols in action, after all.

The pen was gigantic, built like the biggest scientific hothouse and elephant pen combination you could imagine. There weren't really stalls, but the walls were lined with things I recognized—cloning water chambers. These were different from the ones I'd seen when we'd destroyed the cloning lab under Gaultier Research during Operation Infiltration. However, that was because these were much cruder.

Crude didn't mean ineffective, though. There were a lot of, for want of a better term, snakipede larvae in the vats, and there were a lot of vats as well.

There were also a lot of snakipedes of various sizes slithering and flying about. It was basically the most horrific snake pit in the history of snake pits. And I had to run right damn into it, because 2.0 was in there—and so were my friends.

Rahmi and Rhee had their battle staffs out and activated. How they always had them defied logic, because they had them whether I saw them on their persons or not. It was probably spatial and quantum and deeply mathematical. Decided not to argue when the advanced science that would sound like magic worked in our favor.

The girls were backed up against the far wall, which had gigantic metal barn doors. This was, after all, a barn, albeit an incredibly creepy one. Couldn't tell if the girls were trying to keep the snakipedes in or just wanted something solid against their backs, but the doors were closed and appeared locked.

The princesses were holding off the snakipedes with some truly impressive staff work. Abigail was holding them off as well with some truly impressive glaring. Hoped this meant that the oxygen-rich atmosphere had helped her get all her powers back, versus her just trying to grimace the snakipedes to death. Didn't have time to ask, however.

This Ronaldo might not be doing all that well with mind controlling me and the others with me, but he was spot on with the snakipedes. I could tell because they stopped attacking Abigail, Rahmi, and Rhee and turned all their attention toward me.

“Kill her!” he shouted, as if I couldn't have guessed what he was going for.

When in doubt, go for the classics, that was my motto. Put my hand in my purse. “Self-contained nukes, self-contained nukes, how I'd love to have as many self-contained nukes as there are snakipedes.”

Touched something that felt like a softball, only hard and kind of tingly. Pulled it out. Looked familiar, like Christopher had pitched it to Jeff, who'd batted it into Mephistopheles' mouth what seemed like so long ago now. Felt a pang of nostalgia for Operation Fugly—there had only been two terrifying snakes I'd had to deal with back then.

Of course, having the nukes was only part of the battle. I had to pitch them all into the snakipedes' mouths. And I had no bat. And while I was good at throwing, I wasn't sure that I was up to Nolan Ryan standards.

Tossed the nuke at the nearest snakipede. And, this being my luck, missed. The nuke went sailing toward the girls and I cringed. Blowing up my friends hadn't been my plan.

The snakipedes turned to follow the path of the nuke. An animal reaction to something flying by them, presumably. Though this shouldn't have been the case if they were still mind controlled. Meaning maybe they weren't anymore, or else 2.0's mind control wasn't all that strong. But, independent thinkers or not now, that put them facing the girls again. Also not my plan. So far, I wasn't doing so well on the save.

Decided I was better off next to the girls, if only so I could catch the nuke and toss it again, so I took off. Realized I wasn't going to reach the girls before the nuke did and I winced. But Rahmi and Rhee had the equivalent of bats, and they'd spent a lot of time on Earth and they worshipped Tito, who, like me and Tim, was a baseball fan.

Rahmi jumped out and swung her staff at the nuke. She hit, and the nuke sailed back just as I reached them and spun around. The trajectory wasn't destined to hit a snakipede. At first. But then it moved and sailed right into a nearby, gaping snakipede maw.

“Great to see you three. How's this plan sound? We are all going to run like our lives depend up on it—because they do—and we are going to run for the door I came through.”

Of course, as I said this, the door closed with a bang and a really loud click. Wasn't sure, but I thought I heard Ronaldo 2.0 laughing.

“Or not,” Abigail said. “Any other ideas?”

Reached into my purse and pulled out a nuke. Tossed it at a snakipede, badly, but Abigail sent it into an open mouth anyway.

“Do you have more of those?” Abigail asked. “Because I don't think two is going to be enough.”

“I do indeed. And by the way, batter up!”

I tossed nukes up in the air in front of the three of them. The princesses batted the nukes and Abigail aimed them. This was great in that we were all doing this at hyperspeed so every giant snakipede was getting a nuke treat. The problems were plentiful, though—there were plenty of smaller snakipedes to cover for those who had Nuke Treats, Ronaldo 2.0 had disappeared and locked us inside the literal House of Horrors, and when the nukes exploded, we didn't want to be here. If, you know, the nukes exploded before the snakipedes ate us.

“Girls, after we toss these next few nukes, we need another plan.”

“Sounds good,” Abigail said. “Do you happen to have one?”

The snakipedes were within arm's reach. And we all had hyperspeed and they didn't. And Claudia and Lorraine had done similar during Operation Fugly, after all. Besides, it would be the most horrible option for me, so naturally it was the only option we had.

“Yeah. Run fast, grab hold, get on their backs right behind their heads, and ride 'em, cowgirls.”

Ducked and ran under the snakipede in front of me. Kept on running and went for the door, just in case. Naturally it was locked.

Not a problem, I was using hyperspeed and I headed for the nearest one—which was this moment's definition of “spoilt for choice”—and leaped up. Grabbed a scale and hoisted myself up. Reached a wing and grabbed it.

This wasn't so wise, as the snakipede felt and didn't like my doing this. It turned and struck at me, but I'd managed to get up on its back and ran forward as fast as I could, which was pretty fast, since my adrenaline rush was off the charts. Controlling myself from screaming at the top of my lungs indefinitely was really helping fuel my other abilities.

Reached the back of its head as its fangs slammed onto its own tail. Didn't stop to wait and see what was going to happen, just leaped for the next nearest snakipede.

The other girls were on the snakipedes, doing similar. Riding them was kind of out, but jumping onto them and making them crazy was definitely in. We were causing chaos, which was great, but I didn't figure we had long before the nukes went off.

The smaller snakipedes were getting into the act and starting to head for us, either because 2.0 was telling them to or they'd realized what was going on. There were a lot of them and only four of us, and all it was going to take was one snakipede biting each one of us to ensure we all died, fast and ugly.

The princesses were using their battle staffs to keep the smaller snakipedes away and it was possible that Abigail had a shield around herself, but I didn't, and none of us were going to hold out long in any case. It was really time for another new plan. I just didn't have one.

Looked into my purse. “Help. Is there anything that kills these snakipedes fast that won't kill me and the other gals at the same time? Or just, you know, any possibility that someone else could perform the miraculous save?”

The snakipedes all thudded to the ground. Was really happy the girls and I were on top of some of them when this happened because if we'd been on the floor we'd have all been crushed.

The monsters weren't moving. Chose to take this as a really good sign.

“What the hell?” Abigail called.

“No clue. Time to get off them and open a door.”

“We can't open the big ones,” Rahmi said, pointing to the barn doors as we all ran for the door I'd come in through. “They're reinforced with iron bars and more. This entire room is designed to keep those things inside until someone wants to let them out.”

“We haven't been able to open this door, either,” Rhee said. “Believe me, we've tried.”

Heard the first explosion. “We need to get out of here, immediately if not sooner.” Reached the door, grabbed the handle, and pulled with all my might.