Kind One (3 page)

There is a shadow covers it all now.

There was already shadow deep enough to drown in back then.

Drown me and those girls. Drown little Alcofibras. Drown those daisies. That meadow. Those tomatoes. That sun.

Cleome and Zinnia helped me get settled at the home of Linus Lancaster, and they helped me when he commenced to have me into his bedroom.

They helped me, but I never helped them.

That is not true. That is not the truth’s only portion, not the whole of it. I helped them in those years that came by helping them in other ways. I helped them when they had the fever headache or when they had the ague or when they had the festery eye. I helped them when the tobacco grew so thick they cried to contemplate the day that had to be spent in it, or when there were too many hides to tan, or too much corn to put up, or a biting goat that needed chasing, or a pig that was too mean.

Zinnia hated icicles, was afraid they would fall on her hat and pierce through her head, so when they got too big and it was her had been set to knocking them off the eaves, and Cleome and the others were at some other work, it was me went around whacking at them with the broom. I like the sound of an icicle hitting snow. The kind of long cave it will make. How it will keep a week without melting when it lies inside that softer cold.

I helped them with their first girl sicknesses, told them, as my mother had told me, what it was they had to do. They took my hand and thanked me for that. Each one of them in her turn. I think Zinnia’s eye might have sprung a tear. Little bitty thing like a ball of dew. I helped them with that and I helped them sweep and I helped them pluck and I helped them darn and I helped them sew.

I helped them in those ways and in others, and once one rosy summer day when Linus Lancaster was looking for her with a switch in his hand, I didn’t tell him I’d seen Cleome drop the bucket into the well and dangle herself down its rope.

“What did you do?” I said, after Linus Lancaster had got tired of yelling and chasing and dropped his switch and gone off to swear and smoke in the woods. Cleome was deep down in the well, her feet almost tickling the water.

“I spilled coffee on his shoe, then I made him trip when I was cleaning it up,” she said.

“Sounds like maybe you deserved some switching,” I said. I laughed when I said this and added on for merry measure that I thought a switch or two seemed a small thing to make her creep all the way down a well. She did not laugh though, just looked up at me. There was a cold coming up with her eyeballs out of the dark. Cold made me think of one of those icicle caves. After a while, so you can see how truth has its portions, meager may they be, I steadied the rope and helped her climb back up.

I told it earlier that my teacher in Indiana at the little brick school I used to go to before I joined Linus Lancaster in his paradise had let me lead the lesson. She had let me lead the lesson and had invited my parents in to hear it, and my father came and sat in the back and heard the teacher tell the class that at least she had one pupil that had a head and not a stuffed feed sack to do her thinking with. I had written down a story about a princess who came by luck and cunning and other such foolery to be queen of the clouds, and the teacher had me read that after I had led them all through letters and numbers and the naming of the countries of the world. I had written down that story while the others of them had frolicked to no clear purpose, the teacher said. I had sat on my bench and composed that story, and now we had heard it and were the better, every last one.

When we got back home my mother asked my father, “How was the show?”

“That’s about what it was,” my father said. He put his hand a minute on my arm when he said this. Then he let it go.

Often was the time in those early days in Kentucky that I thought about that story I had written and about that day in the school. I told Cleome and Zinnia about it and they made me tell it again and again for the several days after.

“I’d like to live up on one of those clouds,” Cleome said.

“And drink up that lemonade,” said Zinnia.

“We could all live up there together,” I said.

They had me tell it to Alcofibras, but he just shook his head and said clouds were cold places to live.

I also told my husband, Linus Lancaster, who appreciated the delicacies of the mind even as he kept his hand always near a switch, as he was at his supper. He heard it and looked at me twice or thrice, then got up, walked to my trunk, fished the four or five books I had brought up out of it, and heaved them over into the stove.

“No more clouds now, Ginny,” he said. Then he called for his bath, and I knew it was time for me to go and wait for him in the bedroom. When he came into the bedroom, fresh from his bath, my husband made himself ready before me. He liked to stand, at the ready, in his nothings. And he did this for a time that night. Then he drew the covers back and lay down.

“We have the Bible for stories, Mrs. Lancaster,” he said to me after. “Look to those good words and to those good words alone now. There wasn’t any book but the good one for my dearly departed, and there won’t be any other for you.”

But there was no book good or otherwise in that cabin with its long corridor. I looked all the next day for it. The girls said they had never seen any good book in Linus Lancaster’s house and wouldn’t speak a peep to whether or not his dearly departed had had one. When I inquired to him about it he said it was here somewhere, he’d had it out recently, and that if I was too rearward to find it that was none of his affair. Then he had me back into his bed.

When Linus Lancaster was in trade in Louisville and still sharing his table with his dearly departed, he made the money he did make in the barter of livestock, and that was when he started dreaming about his place in paradise that would take care of him like the ancient lands took care of the Israelites. He told me this the first time in his bed with his arms on my shoulders and his face over mine. He also told me that it was after he had started to conjuring this way that he had fallen asleep one night and seen a countryside covered in pigs. The land, he told me, was green and the pigs roamed the land and there in the middle of it stood the shining house he would tell his second cousin, my mother, about as my father listened.

When I first arrived at his home he had not yet made good on his dream. There were chickens and cows and horses but no pigs. Then one afternoon he had a load of lumber and nails in, and the next morning he set Ulysses and Horace to building pens and sheds. One week later they all came, weeping and grunting like babies lost from heaven. The man who had driven them to us stayed for a week to show Linus Lancaster how it was done. They would rise early and go out to the pens and smoke and kick or coo at the pigs. The man ate at our table and winked at me, and one night after Linus Lancaster had retired with a poor tooth took Cleome by the waist and dandled her on his knee and would have done more than dandle, but he had drunk all we had and fell over onto the floor. The next day the man left the pigs he had brought to us behind and headed back down the road with his switch. On taking his leave he told Linus Lancaster that pigs never brought anything but peace to a man, and Linus Lancaster, who that very afternoon would have Ulysses yank that tooth from his mouth with a pair of tongs, said, “We’ll see.”

We did. You could see those pigs turning the greensward to filthy froth from the room where Linus Lancaster kept his bed. He liked to sing a little after he’d been in at me. He didn’t sing loud enough but what you could still hear those pigs snuffling and snoring in their pens. In the morning, maybe after he’d been at me again, he liked to go out and stand at the fences and sing and consider them.

They don’t all call me Scary here. That’s just the younger ones. The name I gave when I came up out of Kentucky and floated my sorry way north was just Sue. I gave them that name, which had been the name of that schoolteacher who had let me lead the lesson, because it was the first thing that came into my head when they asked me what I was called. I had not made any plan. I had not thought it through. My own old name had not come to me when I was asked, and after a minute the other one had. So it was Sue this and Sue that for my first years here, and then one of the little ones had come up on me when I was on my knees scrubbing and had my skirts lifted up over my ankles and saw the dark red ring just above my ankle bone. She saw it and said, “What is that?”

“That is what you call a scar,” I said.

“It looks all scarry,” she said.

“That’s just right, it is all scarry,” I said.

And I thought we had left it there. Only the next time I saw her she called me Scarry Sue, and some other of my employer Lucious Wilson’s children heard it and thought his sister had said Scary or liked it better that way, and then they were all calling me that.

“Tell us a story, Scary Sue,” they would say. “Scary Sue, fetch us some of that popcorn. Scary Sue, give us our bath.”

Lucious Wilson would have put a stop to it, but after the second or third time I heard him scolding I told him it didn’t matter and that I wasn’t hurt by it. He ought to let them call me what they wanted—they didn’t mean any harm. I told him I knew something about what harm was, and it didn’t have anything to do with his children and some name.

He didn’t argue. He knew about the scar on my ankle and he knew that whenever it started to settle I would give it a few fresh licks. He had walked in on me going after it one sunny Saturday not long after I had arrived. Had stood watching me let it bleed into my sock. Stain the bedsheets. Feed the floors. Drip through the tunnels. Head to the underparts of Kentucky. Talk to the worms.

“What are you doing, Sue?” he had asked.

“Traveling, Mr. Lucious Wilson,” I had answered.

“All right,” he had said.

Scary wasn’t wrong.

IT WAS OF A MORNING
that Linus Lancaster was singing and conducting his considerations out by the pigpens in nothing but his work britches that my mother and my father came rolling over the stone bridge in the old cart they’d driven down the long road from Indiana. They rolled slow down the lane and took the look of the place and then a look at Linus Lancaster in his work britches standing barefoot beside the pens. I was in the kitchen with the girls and came out and watched Linus Lancaster pull his hands out of his pockets and approach the cart and call out a greeting and help my mother, his second cousin, down. You would have thought by the way he offered his bare arm to my mother and the way she took it that he was leading her to the big house he’d bragged about to her. My father came crippling on along behind them, and you didn’t have to squint to see what he thought of where the road and river crossing down from Indiana had taken him.

They had come for a look-see and a visit with their son-in-law and his wife, my mother said when Linus Lancaster had conducted them through the door and sequestered them at the table in the kitchen.

“You have apprehended me in my morning wear,” Linus Lancaster said.

He had sat down with them at the table in his bare feet and britches. He was nothing but muscle from one long end of him to the other. You could see like he was shouting it that my father would have wanted for nothing better than to pull off his wooden foot and take a turn at Linus Lancaster with it. I could see his mind had already hefted it over his head and brought it down. Instead he said, “We rode that cart five days to see your mansion and your fair fields, Son-in-law.”

“The mansion,” said Linus Lancaster, lighting up his pipe, “lacks nothing but the building. And as for my fields, they are fair. I will show them to you. They are the fairest in all of Charlotte County.”

My father said nothing to this but pulled out his own pipe and reached into the bag of tobacco Linus Lancaster held out to him. For her part, my mother saw Horace and Ulysses tending to the horses and Alcofibras walking by with a well bucket and Zinnia working at the stove and Linus Lancaster with all his muscles and said, “You have a fine number of help. I expect it is just the number you will need for your new home when it is built.”

They stayed with us for a week. My mother fussed alongside me at whatever I was doing and my father clucked his tongue, shook his head at the pigs, and took long cripple walks in the woods. When I was a girl I had liked to play at following behind my father, ghosting along in his tracks as he went his ways, and I took a turn at it on the second day of that visit. My father went his crippling path over the bridge and into the woods, and when he had got past the first hickories I stepped out after him. I’d been helping hang linens, but I just left the girls to their work and went walking. It wasn’t any trick to follow. My father’s wooden foot was narrow at the bottom, and when there was any wet to the ground it would sink on in and pull out clumps. I followed the clumps and divots and by and by, even though he’d had a start on me, I caught my father up. When I was little I had liked to holler out at him when I got close, and he had liked to pretend he didn’t know I’d been behind him, even though he had known it all along. When I saw my father on up a little ways, I thought, “And now I will holler and now he will turn and act like I’ve scared him, and now I will be back home in the goose pond again.”

I opened my mouth and got fixed to holler, “Hey, Papa,” even though I didn’t know if that was what I still ought to call him, and then I saw that my father was not alone. That he was standing in the shade of a hickory with Alcofibras. That he was talking to him and nodding his head, and Alcofibras was talking back to him and nodding his own. They talked, and that holler I had planned fell out of my mouth and died its death on the dirt floor, and I turned around as quiet as I could go, but when I looked over my shoulder they were both of them looking the whites of their eyes at me. I don’t know why, but when I saw that they had seen me I gave out a kind of squawk and took it in my head to run. I ran so hard and so fast that I lost my breath and got turned around and might have spent the night in the wood except that after a time here came Alcofibras. He didn’t say a word and didn’t stop, just looped a loop at the top of his walk and, when he saw that I was going to follow him and not run off again, went back the way he had come.