Keep It Pithy (19 page)

Nonetheless, I have to agree with critics that the post-Saddam planning by the Bush administration was abysmal. Soon after Saddam was pushed from power, I told my audience that American forces were not nearly aggressive enough in controlling the looting that was taking place in Iraq. I was amazed and depressed by the chaos. Why wasn’t this kind of lawlessness anticipated?

But, apparently, President Bush was not equally appalled. Furthermore, as subsequent events spiraled downward in Iraq, the president was very slow to react. Why? Well, my view is that he believed it would all
work out
. Again, that’s the mind-set of rich guys. Everything will turn out okay because it has
always
turned out okay.

ROSIE O’DONNELL
. Ms. O’Donnell has talent, she works hard, she’s gathered a lot of loyal fans. But what’s going on with the political stuff? Nobody should begrudge any American the right to an opinion, but, hey, Rosie, come on, let’s think out your flaky liberal agenda a little. Are you making sense, or are you spouting propaganda? I mean, a guy named Joseph Goebbels did the same thing on the very far right during World War II. Ms. O’Donnell demonizes anyone she disagrees with, and her musings are not to be questioned. But if you’re gonna use your daytime soapbox to
advance ideologies, Rosie, can’t you at least allow someone with some knowledge to
question
you about it? (And I don’t mean Tom Selleck.) I respect anyone with a well-thought-out opinion, but pure propaganda on national TV needs to be labeled for what it is. There are usually two sides to every issue. It is ridiculous to present only
your
side.

(
photo credit 10.6
)

Back to the present: Her most recent TV outing did not work out, and she doesn’t have Bush in the White House to kick around anymore, but I bet we haven’t heard the last of her. There’ll be another incarnation down the pike
.

It is safe to say that JIMMY CARTER has used some of his power to avoid talking to me. About anything. He’ll talk with Hamas killers, thereby legitimizing them in the eyes of some folks, but forget about conversing with the bold, fresh guy. I do take this personally.

Over the years, we’ve invited Mr. Carter on
The Factor
dozens of times, but his “people” barely returned our calls. When they did deign to, I believe there was some sneering
going on. This despite the fact that President Carter seems to write a book every three weeks and will appear on cooking shows to promote his work. So there is no question in my mind that Carter does not “get” the bold, fresh guy (whose program sells tons of books for smart authors). Or maybe he does understand and simply despises me. That has been known to happen.

(
photo credit 10.7
)

To be fair, President Carter is smart to avoid me, because I think he was a disaster as president. I think he’s an okay guy, building those houses for Habitat for Humanity and such, but as the leader of America, the guy was scary.…

There is little more for me to say about Carter. During the hostage crisis, Iran made him look like Little Bo Peep, and on his watch, Americans had to line up for hours to get gas for their cars. Richard Nixon might have been a liar and a crook, but at least he had a clue about the real world and how it works. Carter was given power by the American people and rewarded their judgment by finishing his term looking like Swee’Pea from the Popeye comics. Some guys just can’t handle life in the power lane. That was Carter.

On the music front,
MADONNA
bugs me. Her early songs are catchy, and I like the fact that she came from humble Michigan roots before rising to the top of the charts. According to
Forbes
magazine, she’s now worth about $350 million; quite an achievement for a working-class girl. But, somehow along the way, Madonna has succumbed to the awful disease of pretension. The latest symptom is her phony English accent. What is that all about? Is there no one alive who can tell Madonna that, when she talks these days, she sounds like a transsexual version of Peter Sellers? Annoying? Off the chart.

(
photo credit 10.8
)

But did anyone care what I thought?

Guess not
.

Madonna’s concert act in 2012 was number one in attendance in the world
.

The weasels were waiting for BURT REYNOLDS, whom I covered during my Dallas [TV reporting job] in 1977. He was
shooting
Semi-Tough
. This was just after his famous seminude pictorial in
Cosmopolitan
magazine, when he was a regular on Johnny Carson’s
Tonight Show
and was earning over $1 million a year—an incredible sum at the time. Burt took full advantage of Dallas with hot and cold running babes in his hotel suite and fleets of limos. Crowds of fans appeared wherever he went. With that kind of treatment he could have been obnoxious to this young reporter dogging his heels, but he was actually very gracious and I kind of liked him. Once, he took the time to compliment me on a story I’d done about his costar, Robert Preston. But even I had enough smarts to see that he was headed for a fall. He was too cocky to the wrong people and had too many guys named Vinnie and Marty whispering in his ear. Six years later his career blew up after a series of unbelievably foolish racing car movies. Then he lost a dramatic amount of weight, which sparked wildfire rumors in Hollywood that he had AIDS. Actually the problem was linked to a jaw disorder, but the rumors crushed his leading-man status. He’s never fully recovered. Quite simply, the press built him up, and the press tore him down.

(
photo credit 10.9
)

I never enjoy telling stories like this one
.

But they have to be told. Young people who overnight attain great public acclaim are even more vulnerable now than ever before, thanks to social media and vicious bloggers and ambitious hangers-on
.