Keep It Pithy (14 page)

     10. Finally, effective parents will remove the TVs and computers from their kids’ rooms. All media absorption should be done in public space. This is a dangerous world, and the danger is now in the house. If a parent is really looking out for the kid, subversive material must be kept to an absolute minimum. Corrupting influences on children are everywhere, and parents must be full-time firefighters. Life is tough and getting tougher. The demons, the exploiters, want your kids. You must look out for them. Fight hard.

Still true after all these years …

Agreed?

EIGHT

From
SNL
to
The Daily Show
, from Moveon.org to Occupy Wall Street …

It’s All One Big Liberal Joke—and a Disturbing Pattern

In addition to the overwhelming liberal presence in print, TV comedians like David Letterman, Jon Stewart, and the cast of
Saturday Night Live
all lean to the left, as do their stables of gag writers. If you think such people are not important to the culture wars, you’ve been in a coma for the past ten years. Huge percentages of Americans, including many people in their twenties, report that they get much of their “news” from TV comedians. That might sound like a joke, but it’s absolutely true.

It’s also true that on any given night, TV political humor is spread all around the ideological spectrum. But do the body counts: It’s the conservatives who are mocked the most. The cumulative effect of print and TV commentary
that largely denigrates conservative thought and traditional values cannot be overestimated. It builds up in the minds of many Americans. It becomes huge.

Any questions?

(
photo credit 8.1
)

But there’s an antidote
.

You guessed it: Fox News Channel, or FNC
.

What I’ve written before is still true now. Some of the names below have changed—life moves on—but the theme is the same
.

There is no question that FNC has a far more traditional feel than any other TV news network in America. Analysts like Sean Hannity, Brit Hume, and Charles Krauthammer generally approach issues from the conservative side, but there
are also balancing voices on the left, like Alan Colmes, Geraldo Rivera, and Juan Williams.

And then there’s me. While I am, perhaps, the strongest traditionalist voice on the FNC team, my perspective does not translate into conservative ideology. As anyone who watches
The Factor
knows, we scrutinize all the powerful all the time—no matter where their politics lie.… As everyone in the nation’s capital knows, there is no political cheerleading on
The Factor
 … period. We are watchdogs, not lapdogs.

Here’s a simple account of my philosophy that I try to bring to TV every day
.…

In the No Spin Zone we challenge people who don’t directly answer the questions or purposely distort the facts. In order to impose the Zone rules, I have to interrupt when a guest begins to meander or, well, lie.

There are three reasons for this. First, I don’t want to waste your time. Far too many TV interviewers allow their guests to blather on about nothing. Second, facts are facts—I have them in hand, and if the guest denies those facts, verbal confrontation immediately ensues. Finally, television is now run by computers. I have only so much time for each interview before the commercial break automatically appears on your screen. The machines have taken over.

I
have
to interrupt to stay on time.

It breaks my heart.

I’m spinning. It doesn’t break my heart. I want people to GET TO THE POINT. I want them to be pithy. I want them to tell you the truth or what they think is the truth. I don’t want bloviating, equivocating, or weaseling of any kind. Chatus interruptus is sometimes desperately needed on television.

Can I say “amen” to myself?

And look, if you’re going to be in the spotlight every day, you’re gonna hear your critics, but you don’t always have to listen to them
.

Your mother probably told you—mine told me—that you should never talk about religion or politics. And what am I doing every night? Making a career out of talking about religion and politics and everything else on the planet. For that, I take a massive amount of heat.… Fair enough. But like Harry Truman, I can stick it out in the kitchen.

Behind the refrigerator in that kitchen is often somebody like Barbara from Phoenix, who finds me personally offensive. “Mr. O’Reilly, you are rude, crude and unattractive. Nothing personal, just the facts as I see them.”

Nooooo. Nothing
personal
, Barb. And if you think I’m
unattractive on the tube, you should see me without makeup. Dogs howl. Bats fly in the daylight. Blowfish giggle.

You still believe nontraditionalists do not have an explicit agenda?

I guess you missed my exposure of the secular Ten Commandments about seven years ago. I’m not kidding.…

ONE: Thou Shalt Not Make Any Judgment Regarding Most Private Personal Behavior. Man/Woman Is the Master/Mistress of the Universe and His/Her Gratification Is Paramount.

TWO: Thou Shalt Not Worship or Acknowledge God in the Public Square, for Such an Exposition Could Be Offensive to Humankind.

THREE: Thou Shalt Take from the Rich and Give to the Poor. No Private Property Is Sacrosanct.

FOUR: Thou Shalt Circumvent Mother and Father in Personal Issues Such as Abortion and Sex Education in Public Schools [see Chapter Seven].

FIVE: Thou Shalt Kill If Necessary to Promote Individual Rights in Cases of Abortion and Euthanasia.

SIX: Thou Shalt Be Allowed to Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor If That Person Stands Against Secular Humanism.

SEVEN: Thou Shalt Not Wage Preemptive War in Any Circumstance.

EIGHT: Thou Shalt Not Impede the Free Movement of Any Human Being on Earth. All Countries Should Be Welcoming Places Without Borders.

NINE: Thou Shalt Not Prohibit Narcotics or Impede Personal Gratification in This Area.

TEN: Thou Shalt Not Limit the Power of Government in Order to Provide “Prosperity” to All.

Yes. There
will
be a test
.