Katie's Journey to Love (5 page)

Katie kept herself busy checking out two more customers in her aisle. Her face felt perfectly normal now, but her smile might still be a little nervous when she turned toward Arlene.

Katie jumped as the manager, Mrs. Cole, came bustling around the corner. “Time for you to close, girls! Off with the two of you.”

Katie checked out of her register, grabbed the cash drawer, and followed Arlene to the office in the back. Would Ben still be outside when they were finished counting the cash and balancing their registers? Perhaps he'd be chatting with someone or even just hanging around. She wanted to see him, but she would also die of
embarrassment if she turned all red in front of him and Arlene. And later, the questions Arlene would ask wouldn't be easy to answer. And Arlene didn't take half answers either.

Katie took a quick glance around as they walked out of Byler's employee door. No sign of Ben's buggy. A pickup truck was parked near their buggies, and a man was sitting in the driver's seat. He appeared to be waiting for someone, so perhaps his wife was still inside the store. Two Amish men sat in the truck bed. Katie stopped mid-stride. Ben Stoll was one of them!

Ben smiled as he caught sight of Arlene. “Time to go home, huh?” Ben called out.

Arlene hadn't noticed Ben, and she jumped at his voice. “Of course it's time to go home. Did you think I lived here?”

Ben laughed. “Now don't go telling me you have to do chores all evening when you get home.”

“I know I have to work harder than you do, Ben!” Arlene snapped. “You don't even have chores when you get home. You have the easy life that carpenters get to live.”

The other man joined in her laughter, but Ben didn't say anything.

Katie remained frozen in place. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she speak up and join this conversation? She would be doing that if this were at a Mennonite gathering. But here there were too many bad memories from her growing-up years to battle. Usually when she tried to enter into discussions with Amish youth, everyone went on talking as if she weren't even there.
Nee
, she couldn't take the pain that would throb in her heart when that happened. It was even worse than when
Mamm
had asked her to leave the kitchen this morning. She noticed the other boy in the back of the pickup glancing her way. Oh! She was already making a spectacle of herself by hesitating. He'd seen her, and yet it probably hadn't registered. So now what was she
supposed to do? Just walk past them to her buggy without saying anything?

Before Katie decided, the driver of the pickup truck motioned for her to come closer. He didn't look happy as Katie approached with slow steps.

“You wouldn't have seen my wife inside, would you?” he asked. “She was only supposed to pick up some cheese, and we're in a hurry.”

Here was her chance to get out of this situation. “If you'll describe her, I can go inside and look,” Katie offered. “She can't be too much longer, I imagine.”

“Oh, you'd be surprised,” he said. “I'd go look myself, but I'm a little slow on my feet with my back injury.” The man lifted a crutch inside the pickup truck high enough for Katie to see.

“I'd be glad to go,” Katie said. “What is your wife wearing?”

“A blue sweater and black slacks. And she's about as round as I am. Constance is her name.” He laughed.

Katie was already on her way, almost running across the parking lot. The sounds of Arlene's voice, mixed in with Ben's deeper voice, murmured behind her. “I'm not jealous,” Katie told herself. “Arlene can talk with Ben all she wishes.” Katie knew her feelings went deeper than that. Somehow she would have to overcome feeling worthless with the Amish kids. When she came back out, she would march right up to the pickup truck and say hi to Ben. It wouldn't make Ben like her or make her crush go away, but she would feel better.

Her face determined, Katie found a woman in a blue sweater and black slacks standing in front of the cheese case. She had three types in her hands.

“Excuse me,” Katie said. “Are you Constance?”

“Yep.” The woman smiled and looked at her curiously.

“Your husband asked me to tell you that he's in a hurry to leave.”

“Oh, Robert.” A frown spread over the woman's face. “He's always in a big hurry, but when we get home there's nothing to do but watch television. And if I don't get the right kind of cheese, there will be no end of complaining from him about it.”

Katie didn't know what to say so she just stood there.

Constance held up the pieces in her hand. “What do you think? Is Swiss better than Mozzarella? That's what I'm thinking, but Swiss seems so ordinary. It's what we always get, and I wanted something a little unusual for a change.”

“I don't know that much about cheese,” Katie offered. “Mozzarella is a little unusual tasting unless you've tried it before and know you like it.”

A relieved look crossed Constance's face. “That's exactly what I thought. Then we will go with my third choice: Canadian cheddar. What do you think about that?”

“That would be a safe option, I think.” Katie offered a smile.

“Please tell Robert I'll be right out,” Constance said.

Katie left her weighing the small offering of Canadian Cheddar cheese she had in her hand against a larger one. Her heart pounding, Katie went outside the store and walked across the parking lot, heading straight for the pickup truck. This would be easier if she could gather her courage first, but Robert was probably expecting a message from his wife.

“So did you find her?” Robert asked when Katie paused near him.

“
Yah
, she will be out before long.”

Robert groaned.

Katie would have smiled if Ben wasn't sitting just a few feet away from her in the back of the pickup. What power did this man have over her anyway, that he could make her blush red one moment and go cold the next?

“I've got to be going,” Arlene said to the young men.

Katie forced her feet to move forward. If she didn't get this done in the next moment, Arlene would be gone and Katie would be on her own. Nothing was going to happen then. She stepped up beside Arlene and looked straight up at Ben, who was slouched forward in the pickup bed.

“Hi!” she said. To her ears, her voice sounded like a screech.

Ben turned toward her. He didn't say anything for a moment.

I'm going to live through this, Katie told herself. How she wasn't sure, but her heart was still beating. She noticed Arlene was staring at her.

Ben finally spoke. “So your
mamm
got married to Jesse Mast. That means you're thrown in with the rest of the family. Let's see, how many of them are there? A bunch I think.”

“There's not that many, Ben,” Arlene said. “Only five children, and they're all nice. Jesse wouldn't raise anything else.”

“Then I guess he should have raised me!” Ben laughed, and everyone joined in except Katie. She tried, but her throat was too dry.

Behind them came the sound of rattling grocery cart wheels.

“It's about time!” Robert yelled as Constance neared the pickup truck.

Ben jumped down to help with the groceries, speaking over his shoulder, “See you later, Arlene.”

Katie found her way over to her buggy, waving along with Arlene as the truck left the parking lot moments later. It didn't matter that Ben hadn't said goodbye to her, Katie told herself. She'd spoken to him. That was enough of an accomplishment for one day.

Chapter Five

Katie drove toward Jesse's place that afternoon, her mind in a daze. Had she really spoken with Ben Stoll? Right out in the parking lot? And he had answered her—sort of. Was it possible she might have another chance to speak with him soon? And would she ever see the day when he actually enjoyed speaking with her like he did with Arlene? Katie laughed, thinking her voice sounded like more of a cackle. Talking with Ben like that. Ha! Now that would be the day. But the thought was quite delicious to think about. What a dream that would be. Someday she would walk right up to Ben Stoll and be able to say “hi” without a pounding heart. She would get over the fear. Already she was changing, wasn't she? After all, she'd summoned up the courage to attend the youth gatherings at the Mennonite church. A right brave thing for an Amish girl.

She really had the best of the two worlds—the Amish and the Mennonites. And it was so unexpected.
Da Hah
was clearly leading her, even if
Mamm
and Jesse didn't understand. She could keep
her friendships with Margaret and Sharon, and she could stay in touch with the Amish youth—including Ben. Someday Ben might even notice how much she'd changed and pay her attention. The day might even come when Ben saw her as Margaret and Sharon did—outgoing, fun-loving, and a
gut
friend. When that happened, how Ben's face would light up! On that day Ben would feel for her what she felt for him.

Katie pulled back on the reins as she slowed to turn a corner. Sparky shook his head, and she let him speed up again. Katie took a deep breath. Oh, these were such wild dreams! But anything seemed possible after what had happened in the last year with Jesse and
Mamm
. And even Arlene was impressed with the progress she was making in growing out of her shell. A few minutes later, Katie slowed down as she approached Jesse's lane. It still seemed strange driving down his driveway and calling this place home. But
Mamm
was here, and Katie now had some happy thoughts in her heart that would no doubt sustain her during the next few hours. She looked around the farm and saw the horse teams working in the fields, their forms small in the distance. Jesse and his two eldest boys would have to begin the afternoon chores before long. Perhaps Leroy and Willis would allow her to help once in awhile. She didn't want to lose her touch completely. And it would be
gut
to get out of the house and away from Mabel if things went the way she expected they were going to.

Katie pulled up beside the barn and climbed down from the buggy. The door slammed at the house, and
Mamm
came across the lawn at a fast walk. Katie studied her face for a moment before beginning to unhitch.
Mamm
didn't look troubled, so everything must be okay. No doubt she was coming out to welcome her home. Perhaps she was trying to make further amends for that
kafuffle
this morning.

“Hi,”
Mamm
greeted Katie when she arrived. “How did your day go?” She undid the harness tug on one side of the buggy.

“Okay, I guess.” Katie led Sparky forward as
Mamm
held the shafts up to keep them from banging to the ground. Should she share her experience with Ben? Katie hesitated. Hadn't
Mamm
once compared her crush on Ben with her experiences with Daniel Kauffman? And
Mamm
had told her that Ben Stoll was much like Daniel Kauffman. But she didn't believe that entirely.
Mamm
must be mistaken. No one was like Ben Stoll!

“I'm so very sorry about this morning,”
Mamm
was saying when Katie tuned back in. She led Sparky towards the barn.

“You don't have to be!” Katie called. “And you've already spoken to me this morning about the matter, so we're good.”

Mamm
went on like she hadn't heard. “Mabel and I spoke, and we should all have a long talk together tonight. I'm sure we can arrive at some plan on how to live together in peace.”

“I have no quarrel with Mabel,” Katie said, pulling off Sparky's harness once they were inside the barn.

“You can't just ignore her.”
Mamm
stood in front of Katie. “She's part of the family now.”

“I'm not ignoring Mabel.” Katie didn't look up. “I was quite nice to her this morning.”

“Katie.”
Mamm
took her hand. “I know this is hard on everyone right now, but we have to work through it. I know
Da Hah
will help us. Look at what He's already done! You know how impossible this all seemed only a short time ago.”

Katie met
Mamm
's gaze. “I'll continue to be nice to Mabel, even when she turns her nose up at me. And even when you send me out on the porch so you can be alone with her. Is that
gut
enough?” The words came out a little sharper than she'd intended.

Mamm
squeezed Katie's hand. “You're being asked to adjust so
fast to this new situation, I know. I never thought things would be like this…and so soon.”

“Perhaps it's
gut
for me,
Mamm
.” Katie paused. “Let me tell you about the most wonderful thing that happened today.”

Mamm
held Katie at arm's length, her face uncertain. “What happened? Don't tell me Esther's talked you into going back to a youth gathering? You know Jesse and I don't approve.”

“She didn't talk me into anything,” Katie said. “But I'm still going to the Mennonite youth gatherings. Don't act so surprised,
Mamm
. I want to keep up my friendships with Margaret and Sharon. I don't have friends like them in the Amish youth group.”