Authors: Nyrae Dawn
It’s too much. I can’t take it. I’ve lost Caleb, maybe my mind and I don’t want to lose something else too. I just want things to be normal. Or as normal as they’ll ever be for me. “Stop! Just stop. I’m so tired of everything. Can’t we just start over? Make happy or something? There’s been way too much drama and I just want things to get back to how they were when we first met.”
“Abby… last night…”
I hold up my hand. “Last night you tried to make me feel good. I know I pulled away from you, and I know you know why, but no one else could have comforted me the way you did. You’re my… my best friend, and I don’t want to lose you. Caleb is gone, and I don’t want to lose you, too.”
Gabe freezes. Oh, God. Have I messed things up by bring up Caleb? All I wanted to do is give him some of the comfort he’s given to me.
“What do you mean he’s gone?” Gabe’s voice is tense.
Okay. Totally not what I expected him to ask. I shrug. “I don’t know. I mean, he’s gone. He wasn’t at school today and I know it’s stupid, but I went to his cabin and he never showed up there either. He’d always planned on leaving town anyway. I guess I was just his parting shot to this town.”
Gabe strokes my cheek again. I can tell he doesn’t want me to know something’s wrong. “What’s going on?” I ask. “Did you two run into each other? Did something happen?”
Gabe’s voice is oddly detached when he speaks again. “No, it’s just Karma.”
Karma? The town? What the heck?
“I’m so sorry, Abigail.” Slowly, he pulls his fingers away from me as if he regrets what he’s doing. He’s going so slow, it’s almost as if he wants to touch me as long as he can. I know it’s wrong, but I take comfort in it. Someone who seems to need me.
Finally his fingers are gone. “I have to go.” Then he’s walking away from me.
Is it something I’ve said? Or something I always seem to say when it comes to Gabe because he’s always walking away from me.
“Wait!” I yell. “Gabe come back!”
Gabe doesn’t stop. If anything, his footsteps increase their pace. I’ve made a mess of things again. I drop my head back and look at the sky, all dark and with black clouds. “Why? Why do you hate me?”
I look forward again to yell for Gabe to stop, but he’s already completely gone.
***
I slam the front door to my house. Before I can turn around, Mom jerks me into her arms.
“Abby, oh my God. I was worried sick about you.”
I
so
don’t need this tonight. “I told you I wouldn’t be home after school, Mom, and yes, I know what could have happened to me. I could have been absolutely fine, like I am and like 99.9% of the people out after dark. Or, maybe if I wasn’t I could have been mugged. Or maybe a psychotic
person
could have come after me, or I could have been hit by a car, but I wasn’t. Nothing happened to me and nothing will. If it does, that’s life and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
Mom doesn’t get mad and I wonder if we’re past all the fighting. “Abby, what’s wrong? What happened to us? You know you can always talk to me, kiddo.”
And I want to. I’m so tired of fighting and the secrets, I want to tell her everything, but I don’t know if I can. I sigh. “I’m just tired of it all, Mom. I was humiliated by a boy I thought I loved. My job is gone because he came in raving about vampires in front of everyone because no matter what I do, I’ll always be the vamp freak.”
The color drains from her face. I can’t take her hurt. Hers, mine. It’s all too much. I try to walk upstairs, but she grabs my arm. Tightly.
“What did you just say? Tell me all of it, Abby. Now!”
She’s never, ever talked to me like this. The look on her face, coupled with her tightening grip on my arm, pumps dread through my body. Is this it? Did I push her over the edge? “Mom, stop. You’re scaring me.” I twist, trying to break free from her hold. “Mom…”
But it isn’t my voice that snaps her out of whatever spell she’s under. Someone is pounding on the front door. I take advantage of Mom’s surprise, and pull away. I don’t know what makes me do it, but I reach for the door handle. All the years of vampire rules Mom’s instilled in me vanishes as I jerk the door open, hoping whoever it is can keep us from this fight we’re having. Maybe it’s Gabe and we can go watch movies in the park to make me forget all of this.
“No!” Mom yells as the door swings open so hard it bangs into the wall.
And I get the shock of my life. It’s not Gabe’s eyes I’m looking into. The eyes staring back at me are just like my own.
I can’t move. Can’t breathe. I can’t feel anything. It’s almost as if I’m in a bubble, or frozen, numb or maybe all of the above. Either Mom’s lied to me, or we should have been believing in ghosts rather than vampires.
“Abby! No! Oh, God. Back up. Stay away from the door.” Mom’s frantic, grabbing at me. I can’t feel it, but my body is jerking backward and I know I’m not the one doing it.
Somehow, I manage to keep her from pulling me, no matter how hard she tries. My blond hair too. Brown eyes and blond hair. Mine. Not Mom’s red hair and blue eyes.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
My eyes won’t leave him. My heart won’t beat. I can do nothing, but stare and think. How? Why? Nothing makes sense. Nothing. I’m not sure how I’m even holding myself up, right now. “Dad?--” Nothing else will come out of my mouth.
Mom must realize she can’t budge me, so she goes for the door instead, pushing it so hard I know it will slam. Somehow, I make myself move, because I know if that door closes, I won’t be able to see him anymore. I’m scared if there’s anything between us, he’ll be gone and I’ll realize I really have been crazy all the time.
I throw myself in front of the door, so it hits me, and can’t close.
In the background, I hear Mom talking to me, but it’s muffled, like my ears are plugged. “Abby, move, honey. He can’t come in, unless you invite him. I know your scared, sweetie, but you need to move. Now.”
He can’t come in. He can’t come in. He can’t come in.
Mom’s choice of words slams into my brain. Why can’t he come in? He’s alive! Why won’t she let him in?
Unless you invite him…
No!
“Mom?” My word squeaks out. I reach to touch her, needing something familiar, but I’m scared too. Scared of her. Scared of the man on the other side of the threshold. Maybe even scared of myself.
“I know, baby girl. I’ll answer all your questions. No lies. Just let me close the door. He’s got to stay outside so you’ll be safe.”
The pain in Mom’s voice tears through me, adding to everything that’s throwing punches at my chest, in my stomach, hailing down hard on every part of my body. I know I should listen to her. This is my
mom.
The person who’s taken care of me my whole life. The one who cared for me when I was sick or scared. But she’s also the one who’s lied to me. Who told me the man on the other side of the door was dead. Who now says that he can’t come in unless I invite him. My dad’s a ….I can’t even bring myself to think the word.
“Yes, Abigail. You’re right, I am and I’ll never hurt you.” His voice is so smooth. It shimmies its way inside me, echoing out in waves over and over in my head.
“Don’t you talk to her!” Mom screams, and then turns to me again. “Don’t listen to him. Close the door, honey. Let me talk to you.”
Tears burn my eyes, falling freely down my face. I’ve been split in half: one part who wants to be loyal to Mom. Who wants to run as far and as fast as I can so we can pretend this never happened. The other part? Its needs answers and I fear I’ll never get them if I close this door right now. After all the lies, I need to know. More than that, I’m scared I’ll never see him again. All my dreams, all my wishes of him coming and making it better could finally come true.
But how can he make it better, make it go away, if I have to invite him in?
A shudder crashes through me.
“I won’t walk away from you. I’m here and I’ll tell you everything. Please, little one. Say the words. I only want to protect you,” he says. They’re the same words Caleb spoke to me. That he wants to protect me. I didn’t listen the first time. I’m not even sure I should have, but I can’t make myself ignore them the second time.
I look at Mom and the way her shaking hand covers her mouth, I know she knows what I’m about to do. “Mom, I’m sorry. I… I can’t.”
“I would never hurt her, Patricia. I love her, too.” His voice is soft, soothing. “I’ve stayed away because I know that’s what you want, but I can’t do that anymore. The time has come. She needs to know. Things aren’t safe for her right now.”
I’ve stayed away… She needs to know… Things aren’t safe for her.
The words are spinning like a merry-go-round in my brain. I take a deep breath. My voice will be as shaky as my body, I know it. A sob tears from Mom when I open my mouth and say, “I invite you in.”
***
I throw myself in between them, when Mom lunges. I stop her, holding her arms tighter than she held mine just a few minutes earlier. “Stay back,” I say to my…dad? Can it really be? Is this my father? Then to Mom, I say, “Stay with me.” I turn, my back against her. I’m surprised she lets me back her up. “Don’t get too close to us.” My dad smiles, before nodding once.
“Don’t do this, Christopher! Leave! We don’t need you!”
“No!” My heart finally finds a rhythm. An erratic one, but one all the same. “Maybe you don’t need him, Mom, but I do! I love you, but I will leave with him if you don’t let me get the answers I need. You decide. Let this happen where you can watch, or I’ll be gone.” Which scares the crap out of me. I don’t want to leave with him, but I will. I need this and there’s no way I can stand by while she takes this opportunity from me.
“You don’t understand. He’s a monster! He’s a vampire.”
Hearing her say it aloud is like a slap in my face. Vampire? My dad? How can that be? Does that mean I’m a vampire too? No, that doesn’t make sense. I go into the sun and don’t drink blood. That’s what a vampire is, right? “No…” But if it’s not true, why did I have to invite him in?
“Patricia, it’s time. She needs to know the truth.
You
need to know the truth,” he says.
“I know everything I need to know,” she seethes at him.
“No, Red, you don’t.”
My head snaps toward him with the nickname. Red. For her hair. He’d called her that in the letter too.
“Don’t. Call. Me. Red.” I’ve never heard Mom sound so fierce.
“I’m sorry. You always liked it. I forget how much time has passed.” Unlike her, my dad sounds…heartbroken.
“Mom…” I’m such a traitor, getting frustrated with her for how she’s treating him. Where has he been all these years? Even if she asked him to stay away like he said, he’s still my dad and he should have been here. But, it also hurts me, the way she’s treating him. It’s like he doesn’t matter at all… and shouldn’t he? Even if it’s only because he’s my dad?
My mom doesn’t reply to his apology or my saying her name. “You have ten minutes, Christopher. Start talking.”
My mom pulls me, walking backward into the living room. She won’t take her eyes off him, even to walk correctly. Did he hurt her? What if I let someone in who’d hurt her in the past?
My dad follows us, as if it doesn’t matter. He’s watching me just as intensely as I’m watching him. “You’re so beautiful, little one.” His eyes are kind, but also pained. There’s no blinking and I wonder if that’s a vampire thing, or if it’s just because like me, he’s afraid if he takes his eyes off me, I’ll disappear.
“I…” Don’t know what to say.
“Nine and a half minutes left.” Mom holds onto my hand as we stand by the fireplace. My dad stops by the couch.