Authors: Nyrae Dawn
“Never mind.”
“No! I do!” I yell at him, looking like the freak show I am. “I mean, yeah. Sounds cool. Where would we go?”
“You know that little wood box you walk by every day? It’s called a house. I’m always there because it happens to be mine.”
My arm swings and I hit him with the back of my hand. “Shut up. What about your parents?”
“It won’t be a problem.” His words are tense as the ones spoken between Mom and me last night. But more than that, his eyes look sad. They close halfway and I know I shouldn’t be thinking it right now, but he’s gorgeous. All messy hair, eyes pointed downward, but such a strong face. I want to touch him. I mean, I always want to touch him, but even more so right now.
His eyes finally meet mine and I realize we’ve stopped walking. “It’s no biggie. If you don’t want to, we’ll just go to school. It’s just an offer and I don’t want to push you into something you don’t wanna do.”
This is it. My chance for the things I told Mom I want. Normal. But more than that, it’s my chance to know Caleb. And hopefully find someone to know me too. Not the girl with the vampire obsessed mom version, but the real me. “You’re not pushing me into anything. Let’s do it.”
He looks a little sick by my confirmation. Was it just a polite question? He really didn’t want to ditch with me today, but he only asked to be nice?
“You sure? I know you don’t really do this kind of thing. Would probably be smarter, anyway.”
Like always, I’m confused by his words. “I’m sure…unless you changed your mind or something. I mean, it’s cool.” Really, it’s not. Why did I think this would happen?
Caleb sighs, then rubs his temples. “Sorry, I didn’t get my sleep last night either. Not feeling so hot. If you’re game, I am too.” I nod. “Come on. Let’s get outta here.” Caleb heads toward the woods and I walk behind him, smiling.
“Last chance,” Caleb says as we walk up his porch stairs a few minutes later. He shrugs like he doesn’t care one way or another, but there’s something in his eyes that makes me feel like he’s pleading with me to say yes.
Or, it could just be a mental breakdown on my part. I can see the headlines now: Girl goes crazy when she thinks a boy might be interested in her.
“Jeez, you act like you’re trying to save my soul or something.”
His eyes close again and I know I’ve just said the worst possible thing. Which I don’t get. Is it because of his reputation? “Maybe I am.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”
Caleb pushes the door open and tilts his head like he’s telling me to go in. I walk inside, stopping in the doorway, not sure where to go.
“Throw your backpack anywhere and sit down.”
I set it by the door before sitting on the couch. Caleb goes straight for the kitchen and comes back with two cokes. “I know my house isn’t much and I don’t have cable, but there are tons of movies. We can watch one if you want.”
“Sure.” I tell him to choose and he picks some loud, action movie, which I don’t pay attention to. The whole two hours I can’t stop my eyes from darting between Caleb sitting on the other side of the couch and the TV so he won’t notice I’m staring at him. His hands are bigger than mine. One rests on the couch between us. They’re veiny, a little calloused, with short nails.
God,
do I want to hold it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m becoming totally boy-crazed, but I can’t help it. Caleb taps his fingers on the couch, his eyes trained ahead on the movie, while I’m having a hard time even focusing on breathing.
Before I know it, the credits are rolling. “Good?” he asks.
“Yeah! I loved it!”
Caleb laughs. “You’re a pretty good actress.”
I laugh too. “Whatever. I enjoyed myself.” Watching you…
A shiver slides over me. “Are you cold?” he asks, and I am. It was cloudy this morning and his cabin feels colder than it did outside.
“Yeah. I’m always cold.”
“I’ll make a fire. Be right back.”
Not wanting him to leave, I say, “You don’t have to go through all that trouble. Maybe just turn on the heater for a few minutes to take the edge off, and I’ll be fine.”
Caleb pushes off the touch anyway. “Don’t have heat.”
My cheeks burn for a different reason this time. I can’t even keep tally marks on how many dumb things I’ve said today. “Sorry.”
Caleb heads out, and comes back in a few minutes later with his arms full of wood. My eyes don’t leave him while he starts the fire.
“Are you hungry?”
Now I know there are those girls out there who don’t eat in front of a boy. I’ve never really had it come up, but my stomach growling proves to me I’m not one of those girls. “Yeah.”
Caleb walks in the kitchen and opens a small fridge. I try and peek around him to look inside, but I can’t.
“Okay so we have sandwiches. Or…lunchmeat and cheese…”
“So basically sandwiches?”
He tosses a glance over his shoulder and it’s another one of those carefree, mischievous looks. “Basically.”
“Sounds good to me.” I offer to help, but Caleb only grunts a no, so I sit at the same table I sat at when he cleaned my wound. So crazy. I still can’t believe Caleb Evans played nurse for me. It’s enough to make a girl swoon.
We don’t talk much while we eat: Caleb just because he’s quiet and me because I’m afraid I have food in my teeth. When we’re done, I take both our plates and rinse them off, before putting them in the dish rack. Then, there’s that silence that always warns of an idiot-Abby moment. I don’t know what to say and either he feels the same or he just doesn’t feel like talking, but I’m starting to feel nervous, the whole reality of this day reviving itself inside me.
I feel that familiar pitter-patter of my heart, which excites the butterflies and before you know it, I’m psycho again. “So…”
Don’t say anything stupid… Don’t say anything stupid…
Figuring my legs could use a stretch from the whole ten minutes we sat at the table, I start circling his small living room. “No pictures?”
“Huh?” He looks at me like I’m an alien with two heads.
“Pictures. You guys don’t like to take family pictures? Mom is crazy about them. She takes photos of every occasion. I swear there isn’t a corner of my house that doesn’t have some kind of lame picture of me.” I should have shut up like two sentences ago. My face heats.
“You blush a lot.” Totally ignored my question, but I don’t call him on it. Instead my body heat goes up more. “Why are you embarrassed now? All I said is you blush a lot and you look like you’re going to explode over there, Kitten.” Caleb stands. “You don’t have to be shy around me. I’m nothing special.”
To me he is something special. He took care of The LP when I needed him, offered to walk me to and from school, and when no one else wants to be caught dead with me, he invites me here. But I can’t say that. “I don’t know why I’m like perma-red around you. I guess it’s because I’ve never had a boyfriend before.” As soon as the words slip from my mouth, I want run. Run from his cabin and sew my annoying, flapping lips closed so I never say something stupid again. “I did
not
mean
boyfriend
, boyfriend. I meant, boy that’s a friend. You know. Boy—friend. Like, you know, a guy I hang-out with.”
Shut up!
Caleb opens his mouth and I’m ready to get kicked out of his cabin and asked not to come back. Freak show, remember? See, I don’t even need vampires to make me crazy. But he doesn’t kick me out, instead a loud, boisterous laugher rolls out. Honestly I never would have thought he could laugh so hard and part of me wants to sit back and enjoy the sound, but the logical part of me knows he’s laughing at me which makes it not-so-cute anymore. “I’m glad you think I’m funny.”
“I’m not laughing at you.”
“Could have fooled me.” I pout and right now, I’m not even embarrassed about it.
“I’m not laughing at you… I’m laughing with you?”
I tighten my frown and scowl with my eyes. “Okay, so not with you, but still, not at you either.”
I feel my features start to soften. How can I stay mad at him? But then he opens his mouth and I realize I can be hurt at least. “You know we’re just friends, right? I’m not trying to sound like a prick, but… there’s just too much shit going on right now.”
I know this…of course I know it, but his words still stake me in the chest. So much so, I can’t even smile at my own pun. “Yeah.” I try and wave him off but really, I just want to cry. It slams everything else back home again. “How about we forget everything I said in the last five minutes though? Actually, can we start over from lunch?”
Caleb gives me his half-smile. “Yeah, I think we can.”
We leave his house about ten minutes after school got out so I’d get home about the same time. Like he did the day before, Caleb walks me to the stop sign about a block away from my house. As if he knows I don’t want him to walk me any further, he stops. “Thanks for contributing to my delinquency today,” I try for a joke and either I suck at it, or Caleb is really freaked out about me becoming a delinquent, because he drops his head back and shakes it. “Yeah, still working on the whole joke thing.” I make a second attempt.
Now, he’s shaking his head, but somehow it’s a lighter shake. His lips aren’t tense and I think I might have made him happy. Go me! “You’re officially a juvenile delinquent. Welcome to the club.”
Caleb isn’t a delinquent. A week ago, I would have said he is, but not now. “Whatever.” I roll my eyes a little proud of myself that I’m actually pulling off this totally-comfortable-around-you-thing when my insides are really melting. As much as I hate it, I say, “I better get going. I don’t want to be late for work tonight.” If I’m still allowed to go, that is.
I start to walk away, but he reaches out and grabs my arm to stop me. Okay, I know I’m a little loony, but as he’s turning me, I see it all in my head, like it’s a movie. He spins me toward him, pulling me tightly against him. I melt into him and sigh as he looks at me with that tortured look of his and says, “I tried to stay away from you, but I just can’t.” And then he kisses me and we really do become one. Our tongues tangle together, Caleb’s hand running through my hair. My whole body feels as though it could explode and I fear I might. Caleb is kissing me!
“Did you hear me?”
His words snap me back into reality like an elastic band. He’s not kissing me. I’m not in his arms. And I’m officially a pervert. “Huh?” My voice sounds grainy.
Caleb scratches his head. “The woods.” He’s mumbling and I can tell he’s embarrassed by what he’s saying. “Can you just…not go out there by yourself? I’m having these weird…I’ve heard strange…”
I want to tell him to pick a sentence and go with it, because the longer I stay out here, I risk my vampire-loving mom seeing us, but I can tell this is important to him, so I don’t. He’s struggling to say whatever he’s trying to say. I know what that feels like. “Sure.”
“Huh?”
“Sure,” I shrug. I’m not going to lie and say I’m not curious about the why’s of it, but I know there’s things I feel funny talking about, so why would I make him do it? “It’s kind of freaky out there by myself anyway. If I were you, I’d never want to be home without my parents.”
Caleb touches my face. I swear I almost go into convulsions as his fingers brush my cheek. There’s nothing I want more than to lean into him, but it’s like I’m frozen.
“Thanks.” He jerks his hand back, almost like he just realized he touched me. Then he steps around me, hands shoved into his pockets he’s walking away.
Caleb Evans is going to be the death of me.
***
My day comes crashing down when I walk in the front door to Mom standing here waiting for me. Oh no! She knows. My first time skipping and I get caught. Totally like me. “Um, hi,” I say. Even though I’m mad at her, I smile, hoping it draws her attention from the tattoo on my forehead that says, ‘I skipped school’.