Just Plain Sadie (25 page)

Ezra crumpled up the letter as hot tears ran down his cheeks. He didn't want to forgive his father. He didn't want to know the many reasons why he left. He didn't want there to be a medical reason that caused his father to overload and leave when most men would have stayed.

His heart was in a vise, being squeezed dry of every last drop of compassion to be had. It wasn't what he wanted.

He balled the papers even tighter in his fist and raised his arm back to throw them across the barn. But he couldn't complete the motion.

He lowered his hand and straightened the papers, pressing them to smooth out the wrinkles. It was the last thing he had from his father, the last thing that told of his father's own heartbreak and heartache and walking out on the family he had once loved. And as much as it killed him to do so, he forgave his father, uttered a final prayer, and hoped that God had forgiven him as well.

“Sadie? Sadie?”

Sadie hauled herself out of her own thoughts as Melanie called her name once again. “
Jah?
” she asked.

“It's your turn. Are you going to bowl or are you going to sit there all night?”

Sadie pushed herself off the seat and headed over to the ball return. Sitting there had sounded like a fine idea. These days it was hard to do much of anything, except for wonder how Ezra was doing and if he'd had any new babies born on his ranch. She missed him something terrible. But she had done what she needed to do. She'd done what she could to save her family.

“Are you sure your arm is okay?” The second-degree burn had required quite a lot of treatment, but for the most part she could do anything she wanted. They told her it would scar and she might consider a skin graft. The Amish didn't go in for things like that. If it was fine without it, surgery would not be the answer.

She nodded and picked up the familiar blue-swirled ball with the letters “HAM” on it. Her whole life she had thought that was due to her father's love of pork; little did she know that it was his initials—Henry Adam Mathis. How would she have known? He had been a Kauffman the whole time she had known him, and as far as she was concerned, he still was.

She tossed the ball down the lane, but it was a little too far to the right. Luckily she missed a seven/ten split and took out the back row of pins. Not a great score, but at least she stood a chance of picking up the spare.

Chris sidled up next to her. “We don't have to be here if you're tired.”

“I'm fine,” she said.

“Are you going to lie to me the whole time we're married?” His quiet words made Sadie's stomach hurt. Was that how he viewed her? Had she lied?

She truly did love Chris. She loved him as a person and as a friend. What was romantic love when you could have steady, strong, and true? Her best friend at her side for the rest of her life?

That zing and tingle that the romance authors talked about, that could fizzle away so easily. No, this was much, much better. Not even taking into account the fact that she had made her pledge to God, and He had granted her request. Even that aside, this was so much better. She had steady and true for the rest of her life. She wouldn't be shunned, she could live with her family, and Chris would take over his family's farm.

“But you are his second choice,” some voice inside her whispered. She pushed it down, ignored it, and grabbed her ball from the return.

Chris stood, hands on hips, watching her.

She turned around. “I'm fine.” But was she?

She closed her eyes and concentrated on the lanes, picturing them in her head before she opened her eyes again and hit the sweet spot dead-on. The rest of the pins came tumbling down.

“Whoo!” Hannah said from her spot as the scorekeeper. “That puts us above, gentlemen. I hope you enjoy losing tonight.” She gave Hannah a high five as the boys shook their heads. They'd only gone two pins ahead of the guys and anything could still happen.

It was Thursday, their usual bowling night. Tomorrow was Good Friday. Saturday was the Easter egg hunt for the buddy bunch. Or rather, Saturday night was.

Sadie was looking forward to it. She needed some normalcy back in her life. The restaurant was still being repaired.
Mamm
spent all her days there salvaging what she could of the paperwork.

Zach Calhoun had come down to help
Mamm
sort through stuff and help move it all out to the storage shed they had rented in town. Anything salvageable went there, but more often than not Sadie had a feeling things were going into the Dumpster out back.

“Sadie?” Jonah asked. “Would you like to bring Daniel out to the farm Saturday morning? We are hosting an Easter egg hunt in the cornfield.”

Sadie smiled. “We would love that. I take it it's before we have our Easter egg hunt?”

Jonah nodded. “That's the plan. All the little brothers and sisters are coming over in the morning. Once they have their fun, we'll send them back to our parents and then we'll have our turn.” He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

Sadie remembered that he'd had Sarah Yoder out at the pond with him that day a few weeks ago. Somehow hanging out with Sarah didn't make him nearly as happy as hanging out with Lorie had.

“I'll be there,” she said.

“Good.” Jonah rapped his knuckles against the Formica desk and started to walk away. He stopped and turned back. “By the way, bring a small gift for that night. We're going to put numbers on everybody's donation and then numbers inside these special eggs. If you find one of them, you get the corresponding prize.”

“I'll do it.”

“It's a five-dollar limit. This is about having fun.”

Sadie nodded. “Will do.”

* * *

“You're going with me to the Easter egg hunt Saturday night, right?” Chris asked as they chugged home on his tractor.

“Of course,” Sadie said. Who else would she go to the Easter egg hunt with? They were getting married, after all. But she didn't say any of those things. As much as they crossed her mind, they were mean, and with the way she had treated Chris this winter, she could see his confusion.

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened?”

Sadie frowned. “Happened when?”

Chris shrugged but didn't take his eyes from the road. He kept on driving. “That night of the fire.”

Sadie shook her head, mentally scrambling around to find an answer. “Nothing happened. I just realized that . . .”

“That what?” Chris asked.

“It's complicated,” Sadie said, hoping he would drop the matter. Thankfully he didn't say anything else as they continued on to her house.

He pulled into the driveway. Sadie was reminded of all the times that she made Ezra stop at the road. Ezra had not been approved, but everyone was happy that she was marrying Chris. If only she was as happy as they were.

“You want to come in for a bit?” Sadie always asked. It was one of those things they did on a date. She asked him inside and he told her no because he had a lot of work to do on the farm the next day.

“
Jah
. I would like that.”

Sadie blinked at him, then recovered. “Okay then.”

Chris shut off the engine and climbed down from the cab. Sadie jumped to the ground and together they walked into the house.

It was a typical Thursday night in the Kauffman household. Cora Ann and
Mamm
were reading the Bible, their heads close together as they studied the word. Daniel had long since been put to bed.

Sadie missed those days when everyone was here. When they all sat around together and read the Bible and enjoyed each other's company. But Lorie had left and Melanie had gotten married. She was next. And she wondered how Cora Ann would feel being the last girl left in the house.

“Chris Flaud,”
Mamm
said, sticking one finger into the Bible to hold her place while she rose to her feet. “I didn't expect to see you tonight.” She actually smiled.

This was making everyone so happy. Sadie had to keep telling herself that, keep remembering that and everything that was at stake. This was for Daniel. And no matter what, he was worth it.

“I just wanted to say hello,” Chris said. But he shifted from one foot to the other, and Sadie had a feeling there was more than hello on his mind.

“How about some pie?” Cora Ann said. She jumped to her feet and started toward the kitchen. She skidded to a halt before she got to the door and turned around with an apologetic grimace on her face. “Oops. There is no pie. How about some cake? No, wait. Daniel ate the last of the cake. I've got a couple of biscuits left.”

Sadie laughed. Her sister the hostess.

Chris chuckled along with her. “I'm really not that hungry. We had pizza at the bowling alley.”

“Coffee?”
Mamm
asked.

“That'd be good. Thanks.” Chris smiled at each of them in turn.

Mamm
sat back down and Cora Ann started into the kitchen to make coffee. Sadie led Chris to the living room, where they sat opposite each other.

“How's Johnny?”
Mamm
asked.

Sadie hated the clouds of sadness that dulled Chris's eyes. Johnny's accident had been hard on all the Flauds, none more so than Johnny, of course, but Sadie had a feeling that Chris was the one suffering the most after his brother. He had to give up his dream of going to Europe. He'd given his money to his family to help pay the medical bills, and never once had she heard him complain.

She was ashamed. She had been nothing but a grump about the changes she'd had to make, and all because she had made her promise to God. But God had saved Daniel, and she wouldn't take that back for anything. Not anything in the world. But she needed to get her attitude right. She needed to get her mind straight. She only did what she had to do, and that's all there was to it. She should be more like Chris. She shouldn't fuss and complain. She had more than most. And she needed to keep that in mind.

* * *

Chris resisted the urge to stand and help Cora Ann as she brought the tray into the living room.

She set the tray on the coffee table and smiled, quite pleased with herself as she pointed to it. “I found some cookies. They're store-bought, though. I think we bought them for Daniel's school, but never took them.”

Daniel went to an
Englisch
school with different rules than the Amish. All treats had to be store-bought. Personally, Chris thought store-bought cookies were about the worst thing anyone could ever eat, but he smiled politely at Cora Ann. “Thank you.”

Cora Ann gave a quick nod and left them alone in the living room. Not that they were truly alone. The table was on the other side of the large open room. Anything he said to Sadie could be easily overheard.

And he had things to say. He had watched her this last week or so. She was so sad, so miserable. He didn't think it had anything to do with the large burn on her arm or any of the resulting pain. No, this was something much deeper.

He picked up his coffee and took a sip. He could pretend to like the cookies, and the coffee was excellent as always, but Cora Ann? She would make someone a really good wife someday.

“I get the feeling there's something you want to talk to me about,” Sadie said.

They had known each other too long to play games now. He supposed she knew him better than anyone else in the world. Maybe even better than his own mother.

“It can keep.” He didn't want to talk about it now, not when her sister and her mother might overhear. This was serious. Big stuff. And he wanted to make sure that when they started talking about it, the time was right. She needed to be ready to talk and ready to admit that she was still in love with Ezra Hein.

He got his opportunity fifteen minutes later when her
mamm
sent Cora Ann upstairs to brush her teeth. Maddie held her place in the Bible with a crocheted bookmark, then left the Good Book on the table.

She came over and stood in front of them, looking from one of them to the other. “I've got to go to bed now. Four o'clock comes mighty early. I trust that you will see Chris out?” Maddie asked Sadie.

Sadie nodded. “Of course.”

“Good.” Maddie gave him one last curt nod, then headed for the stairs herself.

He waited until her footsteps had faded out of earshot before turning back to Sadie. “Can I talk to you about something?”

Sadie stopped chewing the horrible store-bought cookie and almost choked. “What do you need to talk about?”

“I think you know.”

Her eyes grew wide, and she shook her head as if somehow that would erase the harm that had been done.

“I want to talk about the Mennonite.”

Sadie shook her head. “I don't want to talk about him.”

“Aren't you in love with him?”

Sadie shook her head. “How can I be in love with him? I haven't known him but a couple of months.”

Chris had been saying those very same words to himself, but once he met Ezra Hein and saw the Mennonite and his Sadie together, everything changed forever.

“Sadie, I've known you my whole life, and I've loved you almost as long. But why do I get the feeling that you're not telling me the truth about this?”

Sadie shrugged, but didn't meet his gaze. “I have no control over what you think, Chris.” Not at all what he expected. What happened to the Sadie who wanted nothing more than to get married and have babies with him for the rest of her days in Wells Landing? She was getting her dream, but yet she didn't look very happy about it at all. He'd put his dream on hold.

That wasn't even true. He had killed his dream dead, as surely as he had chopped it into pieces.

It wasn't meant to be. He wasn't supposed to go to Europe. He was supposed to stay here and marry Sadie. So why did she look like she had received some kind of death sentence instead of a marriage proposal?

He finished up his coffee and set his cup back on the tray. He stood and stretched his legs, trying to find some reason to stay, looking for any reason to leave. Somehow the air in the Kauffman household had turned cold.

“Walk me to the door?” he asked.

Sadie nodded. Together they walked out onto the porch.

It was almost April, and it wouldn't be long until everything turned green and the fields required more attention than ever. He would be in baptism classes, trying to juggle life with a girlfriend and having an invalid for a brother. No one still knew if Johnny would ever regain full use of his arms. For now he could do a few things, lift them and such, but he had no strength and couldn't hold anything in his grasp. Someone had to feed him. Someone had to stay with him. There was always someone at Chris's house taking care of Johnny.