Just Plain Sadie (22 page)

“Could be. I don't know. But I know that if Johnny hadn't fallen, I wouldn't be staying. I promised you that when I came back I would marry you. Isn't that what you wanted?”

“What do you want?”

He shook his head. “What I want doesn't matter anymore. This is what I need. A farm, a house, a wife. I'll make you a good husband, Sadie. You have been my best friend my whole life. And I will do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman in Wells Landing.”

She had no doubt about that at all.

But was that enough? Was that what she wanted?

“I've already talked to the bishop about baptism classes. He knows I'm completely on board now. I'm serious this time. I'll go through my classes, join the church this fall, we'll get married right after that. I know Bishop Ebersol will let us. And then we can begin our life together. Like you've always dreamed.”

Like she had always dreamed.

“I,” she started again. But there were no words. “Can I have a little time to think about this?”

He frowned, a look somewhere between fear and confusion. “Of course,” he said. “I'm not going anywhere. And I'll be here for you always.”

Sadie put one foot in front of the other and walked the three blocks to the library in something of a daze. The last thing she had expected when she saw Chris walk into the restaurant was a marriage proposal. Strange how things changed so quickly. Two months ago she thought that soon she would never see him again. Now he was saying he wanted to see her every day for the rest of their lives.

She truly loved him. But it wasn't the same as the feeling she held for Ezra. Which one was true? Which one was valid? She had no idea.

She turned into the library parking lot, immediately looking for his truck. She almost stumbled when she saw that familiar blue vehicle. She caught herself in time and managed to walk with a bit of dignity to where he waited for her.

He smiled when he caught sight of her, and her heart warmed. She'd missed seeing him these last couple weeks as she helped the Flauds and did her best to help them adjust to the new life they now faced.

She walked around the back of the truck and let herself into the cab, breathing in that familiar scent that was all Ezra. A combination of detergent, aftershave, and outdoors. How she loved that smell.

“I thought you might not come,” he said, his eyes unreadable.

How could she stay away?

“I can't stay for long. I heard that Millie just called in sick. They're expecting me back at the restaurant in an hour.”

He didn't bother to hide his disappointment. “I understand. I'm still glad you came, though.”

“Are you okay?” she asked. An air of something hung around him, something a lot like sadness, maybe closer to despair, but she could sense it as if he had more worries today than he had the last time he had seen her.

“I'm fine. Glad to be here. Just a little tired.” He sighed. “It's been a long week.”

“I know that.”

“How's the kid doing?”

Johnny Flaud was the last thing she wanted to be talking about with Ezra. They had so little time together now as it was. She didn't want to waste a minute of it on anything but them. And when she realized how selfish those words were, she shook them away. “He'll probably never walk again. They're still trying to decide if he'll be able to use his arms. But he's alive and God is good, right?”

Ezra nodded. But in times like this it was hard to say that God was good, even though they knew it deep in their hearts. On the surface they were all human, and tragedy was so hard to accept. Everything took time. And even then time didn't heal everything. Look at Ezra's mother.

“That's not why I asked you to come here,” Ezra said.

Sadie nodded. “I'm glad you invited me, though.”

“Do you have time to get an ice cream or something?”

“No, I wish I did.” She wished she had the rest of the night to spend with him. Like the day at the zoo. The two of them enjoying each other, nobody pulling on them, nobody judging them. That had been paradise. What she would give to live it again.

“Walk with me?” he asked.

Sadie hesitated. Walking with Ezra through the streets of Wells Landing would only mean one thing, Amish people staring at the mismatched couple. It wasn't something that she relished the thought of.

“Please,” he added. “I have something I want to talk to you about tonight, and I don't want to do it in the truck.”

Her stomach sank. Whatever it was had to be important. And she was torn between telling him yes and refusing to get out of the truck so he didn't tell her whatever it was. Between the look on his face and the tone of his words, she was afraid that it was something terrible.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Ezra laughed a choked sound that reminded her of the bark of a dog. “Breaking up with you?” He shook his head. “I don't want to break up with you. I want to marry you.”

“M-marry me?”

“Why do you act so surprised?”

Sadie closed her eyes, trying to get a handle on the moment, on her emotions, on the whirling tornado that had become her life. “I didn't expect it is all.”

“I'm sorry I don't have a ring for you, but all things considered . . .”

“I can't wear a ring, Ezra. I'm Amish.” Hadn't they been through this already? She lightly touched the necklace he'd bought her at the zoo. She hadn't taken the little elephant off since Ezra had placed it around her neck. Thankfully no one had noticed. Or maybe with everything going on with Chris and his family, no one had actually looked.

“But after we're married you'll come live with me.”

“In Taylor Creek?”

Ezra frowned. “That is where I live. And where my ranch is. All my animals. My livelihood.”

“And my family is in Wells Landing.”

“You want to live there and be Amish?”

“Of course. I mean, you're Mennonite. How hard would it be to become Amish? You can get baptized into the church, and . . .” She trailed off as Ezra began to shake his head.

“I can't become Amish. Can't move my ranch. I can't move everything to Wells Landing.”

“But,” Sadie started, yet she had no idea how she could finish that sentence. But what? But she thought they would live happily ever after in Wells Landing? But if he loved her he would move with her and become Amish? For her. He could say the same thing about the Mennonites.

Sadie shook her head. But it only succeeded in jumbling her thoughts more.

“But what?” Ezra asked.

“I don't know,” Sadie said. She reached for the door handle and let herself out of the truck, no longer concerned about the good citizens of Wells Landing seeing her with “that Mennonite boy.”

She shut the door behind her and started down the street. She had no destination in mind, she just needed some fresh air. She needed to walk. She needed something to help her clear her thoughts. In less than an hour, she had received two marriage proposals. Each one of them had its own benefits and each had its own set of issues. Now she was more confused than ever.

She heard the truck door slam, and Ezra's footfalls behind her. He didn't call out, she was sure to keep from drawing any undue attention to them. And for that she was grateful. But he was taller than her and had longer legs by far. He caught up with her with ease.

“You can't run away from this, Sadie,” he said. And as much as she wished he was wrong, he wasn't. There was no running away from the truth.

“I'm very confused.”

“Do you love me? You told me once you did.”

Sadie stumbled, and Ezra was there, catching her, studying her as they continued together down the sidewalk. But somehow in that moment he slowed her steps so that she was no longer fleeing from something she couldn't get away from. They were simply walking together down the street.

“This isn't something that can't be solved, Sadie.” His voice was soft and reassuring, that same voice she remembered from the day at the market when she had ordered her bison meat for the restaurant. It seemed like years ago, but it had only been months. Somehow in that time, he had worked his way into her heart. And it would never be the same again.

“Tell me how,” she begged.

“We turn
Englisch
?”

It wasn't funny, not by far, but Sadie found herself nearly doubled over laughing, standing on the sidewalk like some crazed person. Was it any wonder? It had been a record day for sure.

“Okay, it wasn't that funny, but at least you're not crying.”

Sadie managed to pull herself together, wiping the tears of mirth from her eyes. Or at this point, were they tears of sadness? Never before had she realized that there was such a fine line between joy and sorrow. “What do we do?”

“We have to decide. Someone has to choose.”

Suddenly the bishop's words had full impact and meaning to her. They would have to decide. Someone would have to leave their church.

“If I leave I'll be shunned,” she said.

Ezra propped his hands on his hips and shook his head, but she could tell that it was more in amazement at the quandary they found themselves in. “How is it that our ancestors split over this hundreds of years ago and now we are paying the price for their decision?”

“I don't know.” The situation was so ironic she could barely wrap her mind around it. “But if you leave, you won't be shunned. Is it that hard to live without electricity or to not have a car?”

Ezra led her over to a small wall at the edge of someone's property. The library sat on the cusp of a residential neighborhood, and they found themselves walking among brick houses that belonged to the
Englisch
.

He sat down and urged her to sit next to him. She did so readily, hardly able to stand anymore with all the emotions whirling around inside her. She felt like a bundle of nerves, somehow disembodied. Like a newborn colt trying to maneuver on wobbly legs.

He took her hand and wrapped her fingers in his. Despite the chilly air all around them, his touch was warm and comforting. “It's more than electricity, Sadie. Surely you understand that.”

She shook her head, not because she didn't understand, but because she didn't know what else to do. How could she agree to leave her family behind? It was different with Lorie. Lorie hadn't joined the church. Neither had Luke Lambright. But Sadie had joined long ago, knowing that one day she would marry Chris.

Chris.

At the thought of his name she stood. “I can't do this right now.”

“Can't do what?”

“I can't decide. I need some time.”

Ezra had no idea that Chris had also proposed. Not that she was about to tell him. If she did, he would understand why she was so overwhelmed. But she wasn't sure how he would take the news, so she kept it to herself. “It's a big step,” she said.

Ezra nodded and stood next to her, taking her arm and leading her back toward the library parking lot. “It is, I understand.”

Sadie almost wilted in relief. They walked in silence back to his truck. Ezra got in, but Sadie walked around the driver's side door. He rolled down the window.

“I have to go back to work now.”

He squinted at her as if examining every little piece of her face. She shifted, uncomfortably under his stare. “Are you sure you'll be okay?”

Sadie nodded. What else could she say?
No, I'm more confused than ever now. I don't know what I want to do. No, I've got two boys who are confusing me more than anything else in the world. No, right now I want to lay down and cry.
But none of those things were productive, and none would ultimately help her make a decision.

“I'll call you in a couple of days,” Ezra said.

Sadie only nodded. She reached a hand in and touched his face, traced the strong line of his jaw. She wanted to lean in and steal a kiss, but even as much as she wanted to, she didn't. She had a terrible feeling this would be the last time she would ever see Ezra Hein.

* * *

Numbly she walked back to the restaurant. She was a little late returning, but no one said anything. It was as if somehow her sisters knew that she was dealing with more than she could truly handle.

She tied the apron around her waist and headed into the kitchen. Cora Ann was taking another pan of meat loaf from the oven. Sadie came behind her and shut the door while her sister placed the pan on the warming tray.

“Can we switch tonight?” Sadie asked. It was Cora Ann's turn in the kitchen while Sadie took care of the waitressing. “I'm not up for out front.”

For a minute she thought Cora Ann might refuse, but she merely nodded and handed the pot holder to her sister.

“
Danki.
” She would hide out in the kitchen until time to go home. There would be a solace in preparing food and not having to smile at the good tourists and citizens of Wells Landing, all the while pretending that everything in her life was not upside down. “Holler if you need any help.”

Cora Ann smiled. “I'm sure I'll be just fine.” She disappeared out the door, and Sadie was alone.

She checked the whiteboard for today's menu. It was Monday and everything was the same. The special was roast beef, mashed potatoes, and green beans. There were biscuits, corn bread, corn, meat loaf, oven-baked chicken, and of course the made-to-order items for the kids: chicken nuggets and hamburgers and French fries. She had done it so many times she could do it in her sleep.

Tonight that would be a good skill, so she didn't have to think too much about the food, but that left her too much time to think about Ezra and Chris.

She had no idea what she was going to do. She slipped the corn bread into the oven.
Mamm
insisted that they make it fresh, but they didn't use the industrial pans some restaurants used. Instead they had cast-iron skillets, larger than ones in the average household. Sometimes three or four would go in at a time. Because that was the way
Mamm
wanted it. But more than that, Sadie knew that was the way that her father had wanted it. Despite his passing, they had held on to that tradition regardless of convenience.

Her father.

How she wished he was here with her now. She could sure use his calm ways and insight. He always had the answer to everything.

She could go talk to
Mamm
. But her mother wasn't the one she wanted to talk to. It could've been because her mother was available and her father wasn't. Or maybe it was just time to pray.

Tears welled in her eyes, but she blinked them back. She had too much to do to cave to the emotions now.

Cora Ann pushed into the kitchen. “Do you smell that?”