“I like that version much better than thinking I wasn’t enough.”
His smile suffered instant death. “Angela, the guy is a total jerk who used you.”
Her mouth opened, closed. “No. He was…I wasn’t in his league.”
“You’d want to be? The Jerk League?”
“No, no, I mean he was so—”
“Untrustworthy.”
“But he was—”
“Selfish.”
“Maybe, but he was also—”
“An ass.”
“Okay, okay. He was.” She gestured and let her hand fall onto the ugly cushion between them.
Daniel grabbed her fingers and held them, wanting fiercely to let her know that whatever had happened in the marriage wasn’t her fault. She was not only enough, she was…everything. Everything he’d ever wanted. And he didn’t even know it until he met her, and started realizing what had been missing from his relationship with Kate, bless her and God rest her beautiful but rather rigid soul.
“So because your ex was an untrustworthy selfish ass it follows that I am, too?”
“No. No, no.” Her eyes were stricken. He wanted to kiss both of them, get the smile back on her face. He wanted to protect her from everything, a macho side of him he hadn’t known he possessed. Probably because Kate hadn’t needed him. Not as much as he’d convinced himself he needed her.
“Why do you have to stay away from me if I’m nothing like him?”
“Oh, Daniel.” She sighed, features bunched in confusion. “Tell you what, when human emotions become totally logical, let me know.”
“Point taken.” He brought her fingers to his lips, kissed her palm, the soft skin of her wrist. “So we slow down now.”
“Yes, please.”
He kissed her forearm, the inside of her elbow. “No more sex?”
“Not…often.”
He cupped her face with his hands, met her halfway so their lips were an inch apart. “No more kisses?”
“Some of those,” she whispered. “Sometimes.”
“Like now?”
“Well…”
He didn’t wait longer, brushed her lips with his, heard her catch her breath and deepened the pressure—only slightly.
Angela.
She’d seduced him out of his stupor, out of his depression and misery and into a new life and new depths of emotion that felt so promising and so right he was half ready to tell her he was falling in love with her.
He
was
falling in love with her. And because of some other creep who treated her like crap, he had to pretend he wasn’t?
Daniel kissed her again, as chastely as he could manage with insides ready to burst into flames, and then he let her go.
This time.
“I stopped.”
“Yes.” She smiled wistfully and didn’t move away. “Thank you.”
Daniel did move away. Picked up his beer and prepared to settle in for a nice platonic discussion. She wanted to go slowly? He’d play along for a while. But understanding what she was feeling only made it more important he act now, to do for her what she’d done for him. Free her from the hold this creep still had on her self-esteem. Seduce Angela into realizing Daniel was not her ex-husband or any part of her past.
But he was hoping to be her future.
10
B
ONNIE
KNELT
to
re-re-rearrange bright tulips in a cream-colored bucket. Only two customers so far today, three phone orders and one wrong number. Not good. April was supposed to give people spring fever, make them want life and color and good fresh smells around them, especially in a year when spring was taking longer than usual. But April had been rough on Bonnie Blooms, as had been March, February, January…
Instinctively, Bonnie had started economizing in little ways. Not so much with her flowers, but in her life. Less meat, more cheap starches for dinner. Canned fruit instead of fresh. Cheaper beer and wine when she did indulge. No more fancy manicures, coloring her own hair…nothing drastic, just caution. Something would happen to turn her business around. April would turn to May and June, weddings would start happening in greater numbers. And in the meantime maybe she’d come up with an advertising gimmick to steer more flower-buyers her way. Maybe she could use the rather risqué picture Jack had taken of her, the one he’d promised would make Seth wild with jealousy, to make an ad for her flower shop. She could post it outside gentlemen’s clubs and barber shops.
Hey, bay-bee, come pluck my petals.
Disgustingly sexist, but it might just come to that.
Tulips looking perfect enough for her taste, Bonnie wandered back to her register. With no one around, she felt free to open the drawer under her counter and take out the picture Jack had slipped under her apartment door, probably in the middle of the night, given the weird hours he kept. She studied it, grinning. Jack had captured her in a heavy-lidded Marilyn Monroe smile that somehow worked, even with her all-American freckled face and average features. He’d posed her on an off-white drape in a way that rounded her too-skinny hips and brought out respectable length in her legs. Over her nipples, between her legs and outlining her body bloomed deeply pink moth orchids that emphasized the rosy tones in her skin. He’d even managed to make her small breasts appear lush and promising, their curves peeking out from behind the petals.
She looked nothing like the way she thought of herself, and she absolutely loved it. Jack had a real gift, an eye for coaxing out the best in his subjects. He was good in bed, too, though they never got serious enough to call theirs a relationship. After the initial passion was spent, they’d settled happily back where they belonged, as friends.
Voices outside her store entrance made her jump and slide the picture under the register. She was not ready to share it. Jack had seen this side of her, but it wasn’t something she thought the others knew about, except Seth, of course. But she was not up for being teased about something that delighted her so much, and yes, the gentlemen’s clubs would have to wait, too.
The voices neared and became recognizable. Seth’s lazy baritone, and the horrendous nasal squeak of the lovely and no doubt talented Alex-ahn-drah, who he’d apparently had up in his studio again today, and was now kissy-kissing goodbye. Afternoon delight maybe? How nice. Bonnie was happy for them.
Super-duper happy.
What a mistake to go out for drinks with Seth on Saturday night. They’d had such a good time together, been relaxed and happy, the way they used to be when it seemed as if the future existed only for them. At least that’s what
she’d
been thinking back then. His thoughts had probably been along the lines of
sex, food, more sex, sleep, even more sex…
She’d woken up Sunday morning feeling upbeat and energized for the first time in way too long. As soon as she’d realized why, her mood had turned leaden and cranky. Something had to get her out of this horrible lethargy. She’d worked hard to get over Seth, and had succeeded, she thought, enough to agree to be part of Come to Your Senses. But being in close proximity to him like this, day after day for the past year—too many of her feelings had threatened to return. The only way she’d ever get over Seth permanently was to fall for someone else. Maybe Angela was right, and she should try dating, because she was starting to feel as pathetic as she was.
“Hey, Bonnie.”
“Hi, Seth.” She made herself look sweet as honey, ready to sting like a honey bee. “Have a productive afternoon?”
“We did a lot of good stuff, yes.”
“Really.” She looked him over. “Must not have been that good. You can still walk.”
“Walk?” He sauntered over to her counter, leaned on it. Too close. She stepped back. “What, you thought we’d been drinking?”
“No, dear.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him. “I thought you’d been screwing.”
“Well, well.” A slow grin spread over his sexy mouth. “You jealous?”
She gave a derisive raspberry. “Of course not. Why would I be?”
“I dunno, Bonnie.” He reached out before she could rear back, and his fingers gently brushed the corner of her mouth and down her chin before he took them back. “Why don’t you tell me?”
Um…no.
She scrubbed at the spot he’d touched, as if the contact had bothered her. Which it had, but not the way she wanted him to think. “Did I have a crumb on my face?”
“Nope. You had a face on your face.”
“I’ve had that for a while.”
She waited for his next retort. To her surprise, he started looking around at her flowers as if he’d just realized he was in her shop, and the fact fascinated him. Bonnie held still, watching. Something had to be making Seth uncomfortable, for him to drop the teasing.
“Hey, Bon…”
She waited, waited some more, then prompted, “Ye-e-es?”
“I dunno.”
“Do you really like this woman?” The words rushed out before Bonnie could weigh the pros and cons of asking. Now that they had, she could see the ratio clearly: one hundred percent con. She dropped her eyes miserably to the counter. Maybe she’d convinced Seth she wasn’t jealous before, but this would sink her.
“Alexandra? She’s okay.” He’d turned his head back; she could feel his gaze. His hand landed on her shoulder. Why was he touching her so much? “I’m not involved with her. I told you that. It’s the truth, Bonnie.”
Relief, which she was immediately furious at herself for. Whether he was or wasn’t boinking the sexy squeaker shouldn’t matter to her at all. “You don’t owe me that.”
“Maybe not. But I don’t want you thinking something about me that isn’t true.”
“It was a natural assumption. Don’t forget, I know you. She’s over here all the time up in your apartment. You bought her those flowers.”
Ugh. She sounded like a jealous girlfriend. Why couldn’t she act sanely around this man?
“The flowers were for her mom’s birthday. She paid me back.” He was looking at her intently now, hazel eyes somber. Very un-Seth-like. “I hired her to sing one of my songs.”
“Ahh.” Bonnie tried to pretend she was interested in this from a purely musical standpoint. “I didn’t realize you’d written one for Minnie Mouse.”
Meow.
Seth cracked up, head hanging down, as if he were trying to hide the laughter. When they were dating, Bonnie would nuzzle under his neck, make him lift up to share the fun with her. She’d asked him about it once, but he’d only shrugged and said it was just what he did.
“Something’s stuck under here.” He had his finger on a corner of her picture, which hadn’t disappeared all the way under the register.
“Oh. No.” She jabbed her thumb down hard to pin the photo to the counter before he could pull it out. “That’s mine.”
“Yeah?” He was grinning, and she knew right away she’d lose this battle. Seth was as determined to get what he wanted as she was. Plus he was stronger. “Show me.”
“No, it’s private.”
“Really.” He tipped his head. “Looks like a picture.”
“It is a picture.”
He frowned. “New boyfriend?”
“Well, well.” She lifted an eyebrow, trying to grin the way he had been only a minute ago. “You jealous?”
He imitated her responding raspberry perfectly. “Of
course
not. Why
would
I be?”
They were both laughing now, Seth trying to pull the picture out, Bonnie hell-bent on keeping it hidden.
Finally he grabbed her wrists, held them together in one hand and drew the sheet out with a flourish.
“Ha! I win! I’ve—” He let go of Bonnie’s wrists. “Holy… Look at this.”
“I’ve seen it.” She became suddenly involved in examining her fingernails, wishing she wasn’t secretly pleased he could see her like that, the way Jack saw her.
“Look at you.”
“Don’t need to. I was there.”
“Did Jack take this?”
“Yup.”
He narrowed his eyes. “When?”
“Last night.”
Seth put the paper down. “You were with him last night?”
“Yup. Stark naked. Nothing he hadn’t seen before. Though, hmm, back then I don’t think we ever did it in flowers.”
He was furious. Growling. She loved it. Take that for parading Alex-
ahn
-dra around. See how it felt.
Immediately she was ashamed of being so vindictive. Seth brought out her best and worst sides. And everything in between.
But if he didn’t still care about her, he wouldn’t mind that she’d posed naked for Jack. Not to the point where his jaw was clenched tight enough to break his teeth, the way it was now, a sure sign he was trying very hard to keep a rein on his emotions.
“Bonnie…”
If she could only get hold of that rein, cut it through with one triumphant stroke.
She lifted her chin. “Yes, Seth?”
“Are you with Jack now? Again?”
“No.” Her voice gentled as his had. They could only torture each other for so long. “Just posing for a shot he wanted.”
“I bet he did.”
“Oh, and you’ve never imagined Alexandra naked?”
“Never!” He smacked his hand on the counter. “Never would I do such a thing.”
The lie was so blatant he couldn’t possibly have expected her to believe it. Sure enough, he was staring maniacally, lips pursed, eyebrows up.
She laughed again, loud and long. Even better, he joined her. Seth was too damn fun. And sexy. And utterly exasperating.
He was looking around the shop again. She braced herself. “Hey.”
“Hey, what, Seth?”
“You ever notice we still act like a couple sometimes?”
She couldn’t help the residual snort of laughter. “Gee, no. I’ve never, ever noticed that. Not at all.”
“Yeah, me, neither.” He was grinning at her, and she was still grinning at him, and then both their grins faded at the same time, at the same rate, while something a lot less funny and a whole lot richer started to take its place.
No. She was not letting him take her down this same damn road yet again.
“Hey, Bon-bon.”
“No.” The word came out more brusquely than she intended, but she didn’t soften it with any others.
“Let’s go out tonight. Dancing or something. You and me.”
“I’m busy.”
“Tomorrow.”
“Nope.”
“Next day?” He tipped his head, doing the puppy-eye thing that used to work without fail. Today, it got him nothing.
Okay, not nothing, but she was staying strong. “Next day lots of stuff happening, too.”
“The weekend.”
“Even more.”
“You don’t want to go dancing with me.”
She sighed and took back the naked picture, opened her drawer and shoved it inside.
That was the trouble. She desperately wanted to go dancing with him. But then what? There were three completely predictable possibilities—one, they’d drink, dance and have a great time, but the evening would end up being completely platonic, and she’d be perversely and painfully disappointed. Two, they’d drink, dance and have a great time, he’d make a move, and she’d rebuff him and go to bed frustrated and upset. Three, they’d drink, dance, have a great time, he’d make a move and she’d give in, then hate herself afterward for weeks.
See? Not a good plan.
“No, Seth. I don’t want to go dancing with you.”
“Okay.” He tapped smartly on the counter and turned away, but just before he did, she got a glimpse of real disappointment on his handsome face. A glimpse of disappointment and of pain.