Judith Wants To Be Your Friend (13 page)

That raises a few eyebrows.

‘Yes,’ I say, ‘it’s the last one of this term.’

‘Have fun,’ he says as he leaves the cash office. The smell of his aftershave stays with us for a little while longer.

Maureen decides to join in the conversation at this point, presumably now the stress of the banking is over. ‘Do you go to Spanish classes, Judith?’

‘Yes,’ I say, and leave it at that.

Spanish is fun tonight. Senor Rossi brings in some Spanish wine and some tapas. We are not allowed to have any until we ask for it correctly. Then we ask each other what we are doing for Christmas. I have been dreading this bit and consider lying and saying I am going to see my mother in Hexham but I have enough lies to cope with already so I tell the truth and say I am staying in Carlisle on my own. I am actually talking to someone else at the time but I get the feeling that Joanna overhears.

After the class, which finishes a bit earlier than usual, we all go to the pub for a quick drink. She sits next to me and looks at me very seriously.

‘Are you really spending Christmas on your own?’

‘Yes. My mother isn’t well enough for visitors. I would like to see her, of course, but the manager of the care home says it’s quite difficult when I go.’

‘That is so sad. What about your sister?’

‘She and my niece are going away for a few days. The stress of my mum is getting too much for Fiona again and Rosie has insisted.’ Nobody’s going to find out that lie. I just need to remember it to tell the people at work if they ask. Ken’s bound to ask, and Anita. I suddenly realise that Joanna has asked me something. It’s OK because she’ll think I am thinking longingly about family Christmases. ‘Sorry, Joanna. I was sort of miles away there.’

‘Yes I could see that. Look, I know it’s no substitute but would you like to come and have Christmas lunch with us?’

‘Oh, Joanna, I couldn’t. But thank you for asking.’

‘Of course you can. Why not?’

‘Because it’s your family time. I wouldn’t want to intrude.’

‘It will be just like every Sunday. My mum will come round, Ricky will be hyper, she’ll get tired of him and come and take over the cooking from me then we’ll sit down and eat. Please come. It will be so good for us; and Ricky really likes you.’

‘Does he?’

‘Yes, of course, why wouldn’t he?’

‘I never think I’m particularly good with children.’

‘Oh stop it. You make him giggle all the time. That’s a brilliant gift to have with children. Please say you’ll come. Please.’

‘You’d better check with your mum first.’

‘Nonsense. Now, will you come for Christmas dinner?’

‘Yes, thank you, Joanna. I will.’

Someone says they will have to go for their bus soon and could we have one chorus of ‘Viva Espana’. I personally think this is ghastly, but I’m learning to join in. Soon everyone in the pub is singing along with us, and it’s actually quite funny, and fun. There is fun to be had in Carlisle after all.

Sunday 20
th
December 2009

This was such a bad idea, leaving cash office Christmas drinks until now, and especially as the weather is so bad. Le Gall is packed and probably has been for hours. Nearly everyone is drunk and will be slipping and sliding around when they leave. Well, we’re not drunk, the ones who have come straight from work. Sal is already here because she worked the morning shift, and she’s bought two bottles of wine to get us started and has managed to wedge herself into the corner of the upstairs area and capture a couple of chairs between what will be eight of us, and half the table which she has filled with the wine glasses.

‘I got these in while I could get to the bar,’ she says. ‘Come on, get stuck in. Red or white, Judith?’

I’m very fussy about which white wine I drink so decide to stick with red. It’s more forgiving, especially as it’s quite hot in here and the white will soon reach room temperature. Actually, the way the others are knocking it back, maybe it won’t get the chance. I pick up the white to read the label. Chardonnay; yuk.

‘Are you an expert, Judith?’

‘No, not at all,’ I say, then remember Anita’s favourite phrase, ‘but I know what I like.’

‘Yes,’ she says, not realising that I am taking the mick. ‘That’s the main thing, knowing what you like.’

Maureen is getting into the spirit. She’s on late shift tomorrow so she can have a lie in. ‘Are we getting more wine? A tenner each in the kitty should do it.’

Everyone reaches for their purses to put a ten pound note into the pot.

‘How much have you spent already, Sal?’ she asks. God, she always has to be in charge, and she makes sure Sal is reimbursed for the first two bottles before anyone is allowed to fight their way to the bar to buy another two.

‘I’ll go for them again,’ says Sal. ‘I know the barman and I’ll get served quicker than you lot.’ Tall and slim with her long dark hair loose around her shoulders instead of being tied back, she weaves her way through the crowd to the top of the stairs and bumps into Ken who is on his way up with a bottle of each. He waves them in her direction, which she acknowledges but goes to get some more anyway. My God, the early shift is looking difficult for tomorrow.

Ken eases his way round to where I’m standing. Maureen intercepts him.

‘Hi Ken,’ she sort of shouts over the sound of the music, her hair glowing eerily under the one bright light.

He’s a nice guy and stops for a while to speak to her. She half watches me to see whether it’s making me cross, which it isn’t because he’s half watching me as well as he tries to escape. I do like him but he just isn’t grown-up enough for me. He’s two years younger which isn’t much when you reach middle thirties, but he just hasn’t been very far or done much. I think he’s worked for Cost-Save since he left school; actually I think he started there while he was at school. He’s been offered several promotions but that means moving away from Carlisle, which he won’t do. He’s back living with his parents as well. I think that’s weird but he says it’s while he does up a house. It’s easier for me; at least he never invites me back to his place after we’ve been to the pictures and I never invite him back to mine. I think he is too much of a gentleman to ask. Eventually he squeezes past her and sidles round our tiny table to where I’m leaning.

‘You don’t look like you’re enjoying yourself much, Judith,’ he says.

How observant of the dear man; I hate these mad, bingey, girly, noisy, hot nights out. ‘I’m feeling a bit woozy,’ I say back.

‘Shall we go outside for some air? It’s pretty damned cold outside though.’

‘Yes, please. I think I’d prefer the cold.’

I tell Anita that I’m feeling a bit faint and going outside for a while. Apart from that we don’t say anything to anyone. I don’t mind what they think or say because it will make Maureen crosser than ever. I have no intention of going back in there, and don’t. Ken and I buy take-away coffees in cardboard cups and go for a little walk. He offers to see me home but I insist that I can catch the bus so he walks me down to West Tower Street instead and it is only a few minutes before the bus comes. I leap on before he can try to kiss me goodnight. I have no idea whether he will go back to the party but I suspect not. I don’t really care one way or the other. The bus makes it up the hill alright, thank God, despite the icy road.

Monday 21
st
December 2009

Well, it’s lucky one of us left the bar at a reasonable hour and reasonably sober. I think the others put my smug look down to whatever Ken and I got up to after we left. I know it’s because I’m not tired and I haven’t got a headache. Maureen looks terrible when she comes in at two. For once she doesn’t interfere when I take control in the cash office and I make sure everything’s done in my last hour before I finish at three.

I am twiddling my thumbs in the ten minutes before I finish and start to think about Christmas Day. I was planning to do my shopping before leaving the store today but I have realised that I haven’t checked with Joanna to see what food I can contribute to the lunch at her house. I know she’s working today so think I will walk into town and ask her in person. That means I’ll have to come back here tomorrow to do my shopping on my only day off. That’s OK. Not much else to do. I suppose I will have to buy something for her and Gaynor as well so perhaps a trip to town today is a better plan.

Sal and Kirsty arrive for the late shift. Sal is looking a bit worse for wear but enjoying it.

‘Oh I feel terrible! Where did you get to last night, Judith?’

‘Wouldn’t you like to know?’ I say as I leave.

I walk home for a quick shower and change before heading into town. I order a latte at Cafe Bar Sierra and wait until Joanna has a few minutes respite from the queue of shoppers needing to sit down before they drop. After about twenty minutes she joins me at my table.

‘So, what can I contribute to lunch on Friday?’ I ask.

‘Nothing, really. It’s all sorted.’

‘You must let me bring something. A starter? A sweet? Wine? Brandy?’

‘Well, my mum’s partial to a drop of brandy after dinner,’ she laughs. ‘OK, a starter then if you really want to. You don’t have to.’

We agree on avocado and Palma ham although Ricky won’t like it, but there’ll be plenty for him. I decide on some sparkling wine to celebrate Christmas and brandy as a present for Gaynor. I can get all that at work and as I walk back towards the underpass I see Waterstones and remember the marketing assignment I read in her drawer about iconic designs. It came across as a passion of hers and although we haven’t discussed it, I decide to look for a book about design for her present. I find one, buy a book for Ricky, a couple for myself then walk down Castle Street to the wonderful, huge second-hand book shop, which I know will keep me occupied until it closes. As I approach, it closes. I cannot believe how the time has flown today. Never mind, I can come back. Time is something I’m not short of.

Friday 25
th
December 2009

I don’t know why people go on about waking up alone on Christmas morning. I think it’s alright. I stay in bed reading one of the books I bought in Waterstones,
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
. I like it; it’s complicated with the huge family tree to work through but it keeps me interested. I am much more intrigued by the girl with the tattoo than with the family. I’ve ordered a taxi for twelve o’clock so I have loads of time to lie in then to shower and get ready. I think about calling my sister to say Happy Christmas but chicken out, and there is no point at all in ringing Mill View.

The taxi is on time and drops me off at about ten past twelve. Carlisle is rather nice without any traffic. Joanna had asked me to stay for tea as well as lunch but I don’t want to outstay my welcome so I confirm with the driver to pick me up at four-thirty. I am sure that will be enough for all of us. They say Christmas Day is one of the most stressful of the year. We’ll see; hopefully not this one.

I feel like a sort of Santa walking up the path with presents for Joanna and her family, and Ricky opens the door for me before I get close enough to ring the bell.

‘Happy Christmas, Judith,’ he shouts then runs outside and pushes me in through the door from behind. Good God! I think I preferred the shy little boy who wouldn’t speak for ages. Well, maybe not. It’s quite sweet really, and welcoming in a weird sort of way. He shuts the door behind us and shouts, ‘Maaaaaam! Judith’s here.’

I hate that northern thing of calling mothers ‘mam’; we always said ‘mum’ but then my mother was always trying to rip us from our northern roots. It’s no wonder I don’t know who I am.

‘So I see. Happy Christmas, Judith. Come in and sit down. Gaynor will be here in a minute and I’ll do us all a drink then. She’s on her way now. Ricky, please will you put Joanna’s coat in my bedroom.’

I take off my coat and hand it to Ricky, then take the wine and the ingredients for the starters through to the kitchen. Joanna insists that I don’t need to prepare them so I go and sit down in the sitting room with the presents. Gaynor arrives at the same time. Ricky is bursting to know what is in the presents but he has to take his Nana’s coat up to the bedroom first. She greets me pleasantly enough. Perhaps she has forgotten about catching me rifling through the drawers of the dresser. She goes through to the kitchen and Joanna gives her the job of pouring drinks. We all get wine and Ricky gets Coke in a wine glass. We chink glasses. I sip the wine. It’s lovely but then I chose ones I like. Gaynor seems to down hers in one which surprises me a bit. I never had her down as a drinker.

‘What’s in your presents?’ asks Ricky.

‘They’re not my presents,’ I tell him.

‘They are. You bought them.’

‘Brought them,’ Gaynor corrects him automatically.

‘Bought and brought, actually,’ I say, ‘but they’re still not mine.’

‘Whose are they then?’

‘Well, that one’s for you,’ I say as I hand over the largest box.

He grabs it, but before he can unwrap it Joanna looks at him sternly.

‘Thank you, Judith,’ he says seriously.

‘You’re very welcome. I hope you like it,’ I say back, and he sets to tearing off the paper. Inside is a train set which needs to be put together then the train can go round in figures of eight. It is a great success, thank God.

He looks up, beaming. ‘I do like it,’ he says and starts to work out what to do with it.

So far, so good. I hand Gaynor an envelope. I decided against the brandy and went for something more imaginative. She is always well-groomed but never seems to have any time for herself so I bought her a manicure at the new nail bar that has opened down near Debenhams. She is clearly touched and delighted, and I think she is softening a bit. She tops up our glasses although I have hardly touched mine.

‘Drink up, Judith.’

‘I will. We’ve got a bit to get through. I brought some to have with lunch as well.’

‘Did you get Mam a present?’ asks Ricky suddenly not wanting his mother to feel left out.