Jordan's Return (15 page)

Of course there was the issue of having to sell her house in Raleigh and moving all their things here. Hell, he had no problem with moving them here before their house sold; if it were up to him, he'd hire someone to pack up the house so Jordan and the boys wouldn't have to leave here at all. Deep down, Rob knew it wasn't practical, but he was eager to start their life together, and the thought of being apart for even a little while caused an ache in his chest.

As the owner of the firm, he could delegate some of his responsibilities to others in his office and take time to go back to Raleigh with Jordan and help her wrap things up there. Maybe with his help, they could get it done quickly and be back here on the beach within a week.

Jordan wasn't working right now, but would she want to go back to work once they were settled in, or would she be as anxious as he was to start a family? Well, they already had a family but he would love to add to it and have babies that were his—his and Jordan's. That thought had him grinning like a lovesick fool. Hell, he'd always known he wanted to have kids but had finally accepted that it probably wasn't going to happen. But now, now with Jordan back in his life, he knew it was a very real possibility—especially after today.

Swiping a hand across his jaw, Rob allowed himself the luxury of thinking that Jordan was already pregnant. If there were any possibility of Jordan being unsure of their relationship, a baby would cement it. She would see they were meant to be together, just as they had planned so many years ago. The thought of watching Jordan's belly grow with his child was just too much to even think about. He didn't think any man deserved to be this happy, but he was.

By the time he pulled back up in front of the bungalow, everything was worked out in his head.

There wasn't a single doubt in his mind that Jordan wouldn't want all that he did. Climbing out of the truck, he grabbed their food, locked the doors, and tried not to look quite so smug and confident as he walked through the door.

The boys were in bed, so they had some time alone. Jordan had set up a place for them to eat in the living room in front of the TV. He had brought back Chinese food and they fed one another, taking pleasure in licking fingers and heated kisses. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day.

Jordan was feeling deliriously happy; it had been far too long since anyone had made her feel this alive.

The conversation had been light; they were enjoying being in each other's presence. Jordan shared how much the boys had enjoyed themselves and how they'd still been talking about it up until a few minutes ago when she'd gone into their room to remind them they were supposed to be going to sleep.

“I'm telling you, Rob, you'd think they'd never gone to anyone's house before! I know I didn't get a very good look at the bonus room, but it must be like Disney World up there the way they're talking about it.”

Rob chuckled. “I think between Dave and me, we sort of started out using that room as a ‘man cave' and then as the kids came along, we used them as an excuse to buy more toys. There's a big-screen HD TV, video game systems, a Foosball table, Ping-Pong, darts… I have to admit, it's darn close to perfect.”

Jordan rolled her eyes. “Typical man,” she mumbled.

“I don't hear the kids complaining. They have benefited greatly from all our hard work and I completely understand how the boys feel; it's a place I hate to leave at the end of the day.” He looked a little like the boy she'd first met as he admitted, “Most times, Claude has to throw me out because I've overstayed my welcome.”

“Aw, poor baby,” she cooed. “Well, then I'm sorry I took you away from your man cave today.”

Rob reached out like he was going to caress her face, and she caught a glimpse of mischief in his eyes as he lunged lightly and tickled her. “I prefer the kind of playing we did back at my place,” he said. “That was way better than any game we've got set up at Claudia's.” They laughed like naughty children.

The mood was light, they were laughing and just enjoying their time together, and Jordan was feeling a sense of peace and ease that had been missing from her life for far too long. She nearly choked on her last bite of dinner, however, at Rob's serious statement.

“So, I was thinking,” he began, “we'll want to go out tomorrow and find you a house here.” Taking a sip of wine, he continued. “I figure we could rent someplace nearby, because the loft is way too small for the four of us, and then we can find some property and build a house of our own.” At her silence, Rob tried for a little humor. “I know a really good architect and I think we can afford him.”

Jordan had been too stunned to answer him, but the look in her eyes apparently said it all, and Rob's face was a mask of devastation.

“Maybe I spoke too soon,” he said as he stood and ran a hand through his hair. Unable to find her voice, Jordan could only sit and stare.

He was offering her all that she thought she wanted, but somehow, having it stated so bluntly caught her off guard. She had hoped they would ease into this discussion after confessing their feelings and then make the decision for her to move here
together
, not have it tossed out like she had no say in it. She was terrified to make that commitment because there were so many other hurdles for them to get over. One was that Rob hadn't once spoken of love or commitment.

“You're amazing, Jordan. You know that?” It wasn't a compliment. “Your face just turned into a wall.”

Still she couldn't force herself to speak; tension was working its way up her spine and beginning to choke her.

“I mean, you're sitting here, but I feel like that one sentence put me here all by myself. Are you going to say anything to me? Do my words mean anything to you?” He wasn't shouting but Jordan could tell it wouldn't take much to make that happen.

She cleared her throat and forced herself to speak. “You took me by surprise,” she said, her voice sounding cold and very unlike her usual tone.

“That much was obvious,” he spat, and bent to clear their dinner dishes. “So? What do you have to say?”

“Rob,” she began calmly, following him into the kitchen and farther away from the hallway so the boys couldn't hear them if they were still awake. “I'm just not sure what to say to you. We had a wonderful day today, but is that enough to make me move my life here?” It was an awkward attempt to get him to tell her how he felt toward her, but pride kept her from asking outright.

“Make you?
Make you?
” he said incredulously. “No one makes you do anything, Jordan. That is one thing I clearly remember about you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she whispered angrily, now trying to keep her voice down so as not to wake her sons.

“When we were dating, I made one mistake and you just took off, refusing to listen or work it out. I couldn't
make you
listen to me!”

“That was completely different, Rob, and you know it! We're not dealing with you screwing around with the easiest girl in school; we're talking about a life-altering decision.
My
life-altering decision!”

“You don't think this is going to alter my life in any way? Jeez, Jordan, I've lived alone for years. I think living with you and the boys qualifies as life-altering!”

Living with you and the boys…not “marrying you,”
Jordan noted quickly in her mind, and that one statement seemed to stick in her craw, irritating her all the more.

“Rob, please,” she began, as if talking to a child, and pinching the bridge of her nose. “Unlike you, I have to think not only about myself, but about what is best for my children.”

“And you don't think that being with me is what's best for your kids, is that it?”

“That's not the point and you know it! And don't try to change the subject!” she snapped. “Do you have any idea what it's like to be responsible for anyone but yourself? Do you have any idea how one tiny choice can alter more than your own life?”

“Maybe I would've if you had given us a chance all those years ago.”

“Are we back to that?” she said sarcastically. She was frustrated with the direction of this conversation and found herself pacing the room like a caged animal. Rob remained, arms crossed, feet firmly planted.

“Look, Jordan, I'm not saying there was nothing else wrong with our relationship back then. It wasn't perfect, but I never thought you'd walk away from me like that.”

“It was for the best at the time,” she said, rubbing her temples.

“Oh, yeah. You picked yourself a real winner to run off with. Eric wasn't what was best for anyone, and I still cannot even
believe
that you would not only date him, but marry him!” Rob stalked across the room and grabbed his keys and headed for the front door.

“I didn't run off with Eric and you know it. We had broken up. I just moved on because I didn't know what else to do.”

“You could have talked to me, Jordan; you could have tried to work things out, but you were so hell-bent on being pissed that you never gave us a chance!” He stared at her for a long moment and then grabbed the doorknob and yanked the door open.

“So that's it? You're leaving?” she hissed. “Just say something stupid like that and then run off? It was probably the same way when we were eighteen. You had no excuse for yourself then and so you put the blame on me for not talking to you, and you're going to try to put all the blame on me right now.

“I'll admit marrying Eric was not the smartest choice, but I was young and I was hurt. At the time, he was kind. It wasn't until after we were married that another side of him emerged.” She sighed wearily. “If nothing else, he gave me my sons. For that fact alone, I will never regret marrying him. I just can't.”

Rob had a death grip on the doorknob, ready to take his leave. His shoulders slumped with resignation; his words were spoken softly, sadly.

“They could've been our kids. I loved you then, Jordan, and I would have moved heaven and earth to get you back.”

“Oh, really? Well, I think I would definitely have remembered the planets moving, Rob. As I recall, I moved on because I never received so much as a phone call from you after I caught you with that girl. If you had tried, even once, maybe…” She let that thought hang. It was too late for what-ifs.

Rob bowed his head, knowing she was right. In his mind, he always went back after her and made her listen to him. But he'd never done it. He had stood on the sidelines and watched her move on, ashamed of his own foolish behavior. He'd felt he knew Jordan so well that he could predict exactly what she would say to him, how she would look when she said it, and his heart had just never been able to bear it. He hated the reality of her thinking so badly of him, of letting her down for no good reason. So he'd stayed away.

“All this is a moot point right now,” Jordan stated blandly. “We aren't talking about the past; we're talking about the here and now. Why do I have to make this decision tonight? I need time to sort things out and figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. I don't think I'm asking for something unreasonable here, Rob.”

Why are you making this so difficult for yourself, Jordan?
she screamed internally.
He is offering exactly what you want! The hearts-and-flowers nonsense can come later! Stop him before it's too late. Most people don't get a second chance. Grab it and don't let go!

Rob turned around and leaned heavily against the door, his eyes boring into hers. “What do you need to sort out?”

“How could you even ask that? I'm recovering from a bitter divorce, a near-fatal car accident; I'm a single parent to two growing boys… I mean, isn't that enough? I'm contemplating moving from the home I've lived in for the last thirteen years, uprooting my children from the only home they've ever known! They'll be leaving their school, their friends… Everything they know, that we know and are comfortable with, will be gone. I cannot make that kind of decision on a whim, Rob. That's not fair to the boys. I need to discuss it with them, see how they feel about the whole thing. Did you honestly think one afternoon of making love would make all of that go away?”

Rob winced as if she'd slapped him. “No, I didn't think it would make it all go away, but I thought it meant we were both heading in the same direction, that we wanted the same things.”

“What direction is that?” God, how she needed to hear the words from him! She needed reassurance that he loved her and that everything was going to be all right, but she also needed to know he would be patient with her. Eric had never been patient. Every decision had to be made quickly and on Eric's timetable. For once in her life, Jordan needed someone to wait for her, to let her come to her own conclusions, no matter how long it took her to reach them. Was that so unreasonable? Was she really asking for too much?

Apparently so.

Ignoring her question, he let her know where he was coming from. “Do you know not a day has gone by where I haven't kicked myself for what I did to you? Even when I was involved with other women, you were always there.” His voice was deadly quiet.

“For years, you have haunted me. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but there was never anyone who compared to you. From the first day we met, you and I had a connection. I tried harder than a man should have to to get you out of my mind. But I guess my guilt just wouldn't let me let you go. I may not have said it then, but I'm saying it now. I'm sorry, Jordan. I am just so damn sorry for what I did to you. There are no excuses, not then, not now. If I could, I would take it all back. God, when I think about the look on your face when…” His voice cracked with emotion; he couldn't go on, and tears welled in Jordan's eyes as she listened. “I never wanted to hurt you. Ever. I have no excuse for what I did and I won't insult you by trying to come up with one.”