Isle of Sensuality (17 page)

“You are amazing, Caitlyn Hart. Truly amazing.” Jake kissed the tip of her nose and what hope she had crashed down to the soles of her feet. “Promise me you’ll never settle for anyone. Promise me you’ll only ever be with someone who loves you with all their heart. You deserve better than anything less.”

Caitlyn tried to speak, but her mouth fell open with a silent sob. She quickly snapped it shut.

Jake’s eyes focused on her intently. “I wish I could be that man, I wish I could love you like you deserve to be loved, but I won’t ever be able to. You deserve better than me.”

Caitlyn felt like he’d stabbed a knife into her chest, carved out all that was there, and left nothing but a gaping, hollow wound. The pain was so surreal she couldn’t speak. Everything in her seemed wrong, like it was dying, and Caitlyn struggled to keep from falling to the floor and curling up into a ball.

Knowing she was about to lose composure, Caitlyn nodded her agreement and then picked up her bag. She turned her back on Jake and got her feet to move by sheer will alone. By the time she reached the departure gates, tears were streaming down her cheeks, falling onto her chest, and dripping down onto her red scoop neck top.

Since she was eight years old, Caitlyn had wondered what her father must have went through losing her mother to make him drown in countless bottles of cheap plonk. Now, even though she knew she wouldn’t end up the same, she understood. If she didn’t have Amanda and Kale to look out for, Caitlyn could imagine trying anything to rid herself of this pain.

* * * *

Caitlyn tried to focus on the fabulous clothes the models wore as they strutted down the catwalk, but nausea rose up in her stomach. She stood and shuffled past the other people seated in the front row as fast as she could with one hand over her mouth. Caitlyn didn’t think she was going to make it to the bathroom in time.

Once she reached the end of the row, she ran for the exit, all the while dragging in deep breaths through her nose, hoping she’d be able to postpone the inevitable. This morning she’d already emptied her stomach twice. She was beginning to understand the meaning of
love sick
.

Propelling herself into a cubicle, she just had time to slam the door behind her before the sickness hit, hard. Afterward, Caitlyn slumped down on the toilet seat and rested her clammy head on the cool partition wall. A sad laugh escaped her lips as she realized she’d spent three months worrying she would miss Amanda’s show and now that she’d made it back, she’d missed it because she was sick. She shook her head at the irony.

“Caitlyn, are you in here?” Amanda asked a half hour later from the other side of the cubicle.

Caitlyn struggled to find the energy to move. After a second, she reached forward and unlocked the door. “I’m in here.”

Amanda pushed the door wide. When she saw Caitlyn slumped against the wall, her mouth fell open. “God, Cait, you look awful.”

Caitlyn tried to smile. “Thanks, sis. That’s exactly what every woman wants to hear when she’s sick.”

Amanda scowled at her, then brushed her long, ebony side fringe back from her face. “You’ve been sick for days, and you’ve hardly ate a thing. If I didn’t know better I’d think you were pregnant.”

Caitlyn’s heart started pounding double time as fear sped through her. Since she’d arrived in LA a few days ago, she’d tried her best to hide her heartache from Amanda. The pain was still too raw and she hadn’t thought she’d be able to tell her sister about Jake without breaking down. Plus, Amanda had been stressed about the show and she needed Caitlyn to be there for her.

As far as Amanda knew, Caitlyn still had her virginity intact. That said, her sister thought she could be pregnant if such a thing were possible, but didn’t Caitlyn and Jake always use protection? Caitlyn was ninety-nine percent sure that they had.
What if you’re wrong?
the voice of logic whispered, and Caitlyn’s heart stopped for several beats.

“What makes you think that?” Caitlyn asked. She was too horrified to speak louder than a whisper.

Amanda laughed. “Well, unless you’re the Virgin Mary reincarnated I don’t think that’s the case. But you’ve been so tired and you’ve lost weight. Not to mention the fact that you can’t keep food down for long. Must just be a bug.”

Of course Amanda knew the signs of pregnancy, she’d experienced them herself. Caitlyn swallowed hard past the lump in her throat. Her eyes stung with tears and although a part of her was terrified at the thought of being pregnant, her broken heart fluttered with hope and joy when she considered she could be having Jake’s baby.

“I’m sure we always used protection.”

Amanda’s humor vanished and her dark brows furrowed. “What do you mean, Caitlyn?”

Caitlyn ignored the sting of tears and the horrendous pain resting in the empty gap in her chest. She told Amanda everything about Jake, the fling, the near-death experience, and the fact that she’d been stupid enough to fall in love with him. Tears streamed down her face and her sister fetched Caitlyn tissues and offered a shoulder to cry on. When she was done, Amanda wrapped her arms around Caitlyn’s trembling frame and they sunk down to the bathroom floor, probably ruining both of their dresses in the process. Caitlyn couldn’t find it in herself to care about a scrap of material anymore.

“Do you think I’m pregnant?” Caitlyn asked a while later.

“I think we need to get you a test and find out,” Amanda said and rose to her feet. She held out a hand to Caitlyn. “Come on.”

Caitlyn allowed herself to be pulled up. “What about the rest of your show?” Guilt ate at her. Amanda had been looking forward to this for ages and had worked hard for months. Caitlyn was about to ruin it.

“Not important,” Amanda said. Caitlyn frowned, so Amanda added. “It isn’t. This is. Come on, you need to know if you’re pregnant or not so we can get you to a doctor.”

Amanda linked her fingers through Caitlyn’s. “Thanks, Amanda. I’m sorry for ruining your big night.”

“Hey, you can make it up to me by wearing one of my designs to the premier of
Caught in Action
. That will be great publicity. I can see my business cards now—
Amanda Hart, designer to the stars.
”

Caitlyn chuckled despite the fact that icy fingers of fear gripped her heart. She fervently hoped she was ill. If Jake couldn’t handle the responsibility of his father’s company, Caitlyn didn’t think he’d want the responsibility of being a parent. After all, hadn’t he said he valued his freedom? Never mind the fact he’d told her he couldn’t love her like she deserved to be loved.

She knew deep in her heart he cared for her, but he had told her it wasn’t possible for him to love her. Would that ring true for his child too? The blood drained slowly from her face and then pooled in her stomach, emphasizing how hollow it really was. God, would she really have to raise a baby by herself? With the responsibility of Amanda and Kale’s welfare, how was she going to manage to care for her child
and
find work? Caitlyn closed her eyes against the sting of tears. If she was pregnant, she was going to have to ask Jake for help. There was no way around it.

Chapter 12

Pregnant

Caitlyn’s mouth fell open as she read the word on the white, plastic stick. She couldn’t believe it. Three minutes of waiting, three minutes of almost falling to pieces, to find out her whole life has been turned upside down.

Heart racing, she placed a hand over her still flat belly in wonder. There was life inside her stomach, a tiny person who she helped to create. Caitlyn’s pulse soared with a mixture of panic and elation.

“Cait, let me see.” Amanda plucked the pregnancy test from Caitlyn’s numb fingers and held it up to her face for inspection. “Oh. My. God!”

“I know,” Caitlyn whispered. She felt utterly shell-shocked by the development and was struggling to form coherent thoughts, never mind words.

Amanda slid onto the sofa next to her and clasped Caitlyn’s hand in hers. “What are you going to do?”

Caitlyn saw the genuine worry shining from Amanda’s eyes. Her forehead creased and she nervously twirled an ebony lock of hair around her index finger. When Amanda found herself in this predicament, the plonker had told Amanda to abort Kale. Thankfully, Amanda didn’t. Caitlyn had sworn she would protect them both and help Amanda every step of the way, which she had done. Would Jake act like Amanda’s ex or would he want to be a father?

Caitlyn shrugged and a lump caught in her throat. “I have no idea.” But she knew what she
had
to do. She had to tell Jake. She had to hope that he’d help her.

“Cait.” Amanda wrapped her arms around Caitlyn. “You have to tell him. You have to give him a chance. Not every man is like Luke.”

Amanda’s voice cracked and Caitlyn’s icy body unfroze. She wrapped her arms around her sister’s waist and squeezed. “I know.” Jake was nothing like the sorry-excuse for a man who’d fathered Kale. When Amanda had refused to have an abortion, Luke had kicked her to the curb, leaving her utterly heartbroken. Jake wouldn’t do that, Caitlyn knew in her heart that he wouldn’t.

I wish I could be that man, I wish I could love you like you deserve to be loved, but I won’t ever be able to.
His parting words rang in her head again. No, maybe he couldn’t love her, but surely he could love his child?

“So, when are you going to London?” Amanda asked.

Caitlyn focused on her sister’s anxious face and dread settled like lead balls in her chest. The panic and old fears crept through her veins like ice-fire, scorching in its intensity. If she went to London, she risked her exposure to the press. If her father found out she was there, would he come looking for her?

Caitlyn shut her eyes tight, inhaled and exhaled several times to try and clear her head. Yes, he probably would. Either for money or to see her punished for taking Amanda from him.

It didn’t matter though, Amanda was right. Caitlyn had to tell Jake he was going to be a father, and she couldn’t do that over the phone. If she managed to stay out of sight in London, hopefully she’d slip through unnoticed. After all, the movie wasn’t going to be released for ages yet and
Days and Nights
wasn’t aired in the UK so the press shouldn’t be interested in her. She’d be careful. She had to be.

Even though a part of her knew it would be hard raising the baby without Jake, she knew she’d still do it. Caitlyn already loved the life growing inside her so much that it hurt. She would give Jake the choice to be the father Luke had never been to Kale, and if he didn’t want the responsibility, she’d return to LA and start to figure out Plan B. She could be in and out of the UK in days and both the press and her father wouldn’t need to be any the wiser about her visit.

“I’ll get the next flight out.”

* * * *

Why the hell had he bothered to come back to London? The arguments over the last few days had been hell on earth, although Jake really didn’t expect anything less. He also hadn’t expected the tumult of emotions swirling in his gut, threatening to overpower him. He’d thought leaving Caitlyn in Rio was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life. Jake was learning leaving Rio had been the easy bit. The hard part was missing another person so much that it kept waking him up at night to search for her, only to be crushed when he remembered she wasn’t there.

He may not have been able to give Caitlyn the love she deserved, but she had ingrained herself in his life regardless and he was finding it hard to move on. But move on he would.

They’d both agreed their affair was simply that, and she didn’t want to extend it. Jake wondered if he was so annoyed at her because he’d never had a woman turn him down before. Regardless, he needed to forget about it. Forget about her.

Inhaling deeply, Jake reached out and twisted the knob to the door of Tom’s office. He released his breath and then walked into the room. Tom and Sam were seated behind a large mahogany desk which used to belong to their father, Ryan Campbell. After Ryan’s death, the desk—and in fact this office—had been used by Jake. Tension knotted his muscles as he stalked across the dark carpeted floor toward his brothers.

Both Tom and Sam stood and shook his hand. Every time Jake faced his brothers he was taken aback at how alike they all looked. Like himself, both his brothers were blond. Tom kept his hair cropped short, whereas Sam preferred to keep it long. Tom, like Jake, had their father’s dark eyes, but Sam had taken after their mother and his were sky blue.

“Have you thought about what I suggested?” Jake asked and sat down on the leather chair. Tom and Sam followed suit at the opposite side of the huge desk.

Tom sighed and then ran his palm down the front of his face. “Jake, you can’t be serious. Why would you want us to sell Dad’s company? Does it mean so little to you?” Tom studied him thoughtfully for a moment. “Or is this about something else entirely?”

Jake was wound so tight he thought he might snap. “It’s about getting out while you still can. The way business is going, you’ll be bust in a year. What else would it be about?” he snapped.

It was Sam who jumped in. “You left after what Sarah did. We get you were in a bad place, Jake. You had us to look after, the business to run, and with Sarah demanding more from you, we understand why you felt pressured. But this time…”

Fury stole through Jake, white hot and blinding. He pushed up from the desk so he towered above his brothers. “This has nothing to do with Sarah.” His hand slammed the oak surface, hard. “I’ll admit it was difficult then, but I’m over what she did. I’m not coming back to waste time and money on a lost cause. Sell now, while you’re able to get a good offer and you two can take the proceeds and start again. I want nothing more to do with Campbell Engineers Supplies.” Jake turned and strode toward the door. As far as he was concerned, the conversation was over.

“I think it’s more likely that you’re scared,” Tom called as Jake reached the door.

The fury scorched through his veins hotter than before. He had to get out before he said something unforgivable, or punched Tom in the face.