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warm colors, her focus remained on the sounds of Jason breathing next to her ear. The feel of his chest faintly rising and falling against her back.
She asked for no explanations as she waited for him to adjust the temperature in the shower. Too afraid he’d vanish if she probed, she didn’t question when he led her beneath the warm spray of water.
Obedient, she followed his direction, no words needed. Sabrina tilted her face to the cleansing deluge and allowed it to hide her tears. After a moment, she realized he wouldn’t be joining her. Eyes closed, she waited for the water to remove His filth. Her embarrassment. Her hurt.
Jason had left her alone in there, probably gone for good. Putting her in the shower his final act of kindness.
It had been so good while it lasted. Memories she would treasure forever. Forehead touching the cool tiles, she tried to absorb them all. Cling to every little detail of the last few weeks with him.
Her heart hammered as warm hands slid down her back.
“Sabrina,” he said softly, “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t accept your flaws. I know—
knew, what I was getting myself into and still I wanted to stay. You must not think much of me if you thought I couldn’t handle this.” She only half-heard him, the distracting things he did to her body almost too much to take. This is what she longed for. This man’s touch. Not the touch of the one who drove the voices away.
Hands slickened with soap rubbed over her body. Cleaning away her past. Wiping away the barrier between them.
Jason distracted her from forming the right words when he used two fingers to dip into the moisture dripping from her pussy. Her hips drove forward from his contact, an instinctual attempt to keep him away from the filth He’d left behind, but Jason continued undeterred. Sabrina let out a part-whimper, part-moan. “No… I’m unclean.
He came in me… I need—”
“You’re not unclean.” He kept washing. Kept touching. With a delicate maneuver, he turned her to face him and it was too much to ask. She couldn’t meet his eyes. Not at first.
Jason prodded her thighs apart and the realization that he was naked, his cock hard, made her gasp, her earlier assessment of what she could and couldn’t do back-pedaling. “Don’t say that. I am. The things He does to me…” His hand slid between her thighs again, then stroked over her clit, arousing it once again. The delicious circling on her clit stopped when he drew back. But then she felt the glorious tip of him probing, searching for her entrance.
He pushed forward, slowly stretching her. “You’re beautiful.” His hands on her waist tightened as he sank deeper, filling her with himself. She tilted for him, one thigh lifting high against his hip. “You’re…mine.”
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She groaned as he bottomed out. He stood there without moving at first and there was so much unsaid about his acceptance. Jason waited, not moving, not speaking more. His entire body pressed against hers, and in that moment, she knew protection.
She knew acceptance. And dear God, she knew love.
“Why?” As much as she wanted this, needed him, her voice cracked speaking the one-word question. Did he understand what he took on? This curse was not some one-time event that she never had to deal with again. This was her life. Would always be her life. Was he really willing to stand by her knowing she had no choice, that she could never change this horrible, ugly fate?
Jason’s lips traveled over her skin, a worship of her flesh that continued even during her hesitation. His kisses were delicate. His fingers curled around hers, and Sabrina grasped onto him, not wanting to hear his answer, but needing to.
She tilted her face, seeking him, and Jason’s mouth captured hers. He kissed her long and hard, his tongue curling around hers, his breath mingling with hers. Without hearing him speak, his kiss was a promise of forever.
“I love you,” he murmured. His lips landed on hers again and again. Always those beautiful words whispered in between. “I don’t know when it happened, but I know with everything I am. I love you. This, who you are, we’ll deal with together.” Her throat tightened and she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t say those lovely words back to him. He didn’t know what he claimed. He couldn’t know what this meant for them. But later they would talk. Later…
She made a soft sound. A note of encouragement for him to continue.
The feel of Him was different from this. Jason gave all of himself, not using his body as a means to prolong torture, but as an offering. He gave to her what he took for himself. When the slow build up of pressure in her belly became a wave that threatened to sweep her away and drown her, she gave in to it, not fearful of the result, but knowing her Jason would keep her safe during the flood. So she let herself become swept away, pulled to safety, before being released again. She clung to Jason’s hand, with the tide rising, soaring, swelling within her and when the first shock waves of intimacy rippled through her, Sabrina thought of Him, of her unhappy past, of Jason, and an unexplored future…
And she let go.
* * * * *
“Don’t stop talking until I understand!” Jason shouted before catching himself.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
He stared at her, all of his frustration mounting against an impossible situation. She explained this thing, incubus, whatever, she called him or he, but it didn’t make any sense. There had to be a beginning to this story, and more importantly, an end. If they had any shot at a future together, they had to find it. He didn’t blame her for submitting 102
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to him—it—and he loved her strength for dealing with this torture on her own for so long and Goddamn it, if he had to, if he had absolutely no other choice, he could turn a blind eye to this pillaging.
But not before putting up a fight.
Sabrina took a deep breath and then exhaled. She tried again. “It was during my stay at Saint Hope. I was still dealing with the voices, trying to separate what was real from what wasn’t, when he came to me.”
“Wait. What do you mean by separating real from what wasn’t?”
“I don’t know…I…” She frowned. “I think back then there weren’t so many voices.”
“You said you had to separate real from what wasn’t,” he repeated. “What does that mean?”
Sabrina clutched the robe tighter, almost strangling herself with her death-hold.
Her gaze unfocused, roaming around the room without stopping. “Back then, I think…
Jay, it was a long time ago.”
“Try to remember. Please.”
“There were only a few voices to deal with at a time. And that was the confusing part, if I remember correctly. It was hard to separate the dead from the living because they would insert themselves into a conversation as if they were really there.” The more she spoke, the faster she spoke, as if saying the words out loud brought back her memories in a flood. She stood and began to pace. “Yes, that was the problem. Unlike now when there are so many I can’t process all of it, then, only one or two were enough to make me talk out loud, have conversations with people who weren’t there. You know, all the things that’ll get you put in the nut house.” The longer they discussed this, the more certain Jason became that he understood why people smoked when they knew it would eventually kill them or drank to excess, knowing it damaged their livers. Right now he would have killed for some out from this mess. Something that would take him away, if only for a little while, to regroup so that he could tackle it all over again.
“All right. So what about this him-thing. Did you do something or say something to get its attention?”
“No…I don’t think so. I think…yes, he was one of the voices. He came to me.” She stopped pacing to look at him. “His voice was different. Instead of looking for help from me, he offered me help.”
Jason’s brow rose. “That would be enticing.”
She made a face. “Yeah. By then I would have been at my wit’s end. Anything to get out of the place. The Catch-22 about a psych institute is that if you aren’t the one to check yourself in, then they get to decide whether you’re suitable to be released. I could still be there now if…” Her voice trailed off.
“If?”
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Her gaze rose to meet his. “If He hadn’t come.”
“Okay. So just to recap. At first you only heard one or two voices that were hard to distinguish from reality. Then he came, offered his help. But then, something changed.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Not me, you. You said that now the voices are enough to make you lose yourself in that, so to speak.”
“Well, I guess if you put it that way, yeah. That all changed.” Jason’s stomach rumbled, but he ignored it. He had a hunch now and he damn well planned on chasing it all the way down. “Did it change before or after you met him?”
“What?”
He leaned forward. “Think, Sabrina. Did it change before or after him?” Her mouth twisted in an exaggerated yawn. “I’m exhausted, sweetie. Can we do this later?”
“Answer this first, please. We’ll get some food and some rest, but this might be important.”
“I don’t remember. Really, I don’t. It was near the same time. I just can’t tell you whether it was right before or right after, but it was around when I first met him.”
“All right. I’m going to get on the computer and see what I can find out about things like—
“Don’t you think I’ve done that?” she asked resignedly. “I can probably recite the top ten hits off Google from memory. Don’t forget, I’ve been living this nightmare. Not just researching it. Not writing a paper. Living it. I know more than any so-called expert out there could ever dream of knowing. I’m the real deal.”
“There’s nothing out there that can help us?”
“Not that I’ve ever found. It’s all been trial and error. If it’ll make you feel better, go ahead, but right now I’m too hungry to think straight. Maybe you’ll see something that I never did. I doubt it, though.”
With a nod, he acknowledged her as she stood. He rose to his feet also, his muscles whining at the sudden change in position.
He heard her in the kitchen a few minutes later. Opening and closing the fridge.
The soft shut of a drawer only moments afterward. It was well after four in the afternoon and he’d starved the poor woman.
But he couldn’t shake the feeling that her meeting with him-thing was important.
Until Jason had met Sabrina, his belief in the supernatural didn’t go too much beyond acknowledging an afterworld, heaven, maybe hell, existed. The first day he’d met her though, he’d started to wonder.
Now, having witnessed this thing use her, he felt the remnants of their coupling on his own body, everything he thought he knew shattered. Another world existed, a 104
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world he was not privy to, but a place whose inhabitants longed to get in touch with Sabrina.
They wanted her help. Why?
Did her ability to speak with them draw them to her like moths to a flame? Or did she truly have some ability to help? Hell, even Teddy sought her out once he’d been given the right direction. Would they have ever found Felice without Sabrina’s help?
Doubtful.
He couldn’t blame the voices then for trying to get her to listen to them. If she offered some salvation to those who’d departed the earth prior to completing some important task, then he sympathized. Oh, but God, the cost.
A few weeks ago, he didn’t know Sabrina at all. Just a few acknowledging glances in the hallway. But he’d remember what she looked like two months ago as if it was only yesterday. The difference between then and now, although subtle, was there. If he compared her to a picture taken a few years ago, the change in her from then, now that was night and day. She’d lost weight, shadows emphasized the features of her face.
Although an extremely attractive woman, some of her vibrancy had diminished.
She may not have recognized it, but he had a strong feeling that this thing worked against her. It may seem like a savior, but in truth, may be slowly draining her, if not outright killing her as well.
Watching her walk back into the room with two small bowls of peeled fruit made him smile. She held one out shyly. “Here,” she said softly.
No one had to tell him she was still testing the waters. He wasn’t going anywhere though. She hadn’t returned his declaration of love, but he had a feeling, soon enough she’d get there. His patience knew no bounds.
They ate in silence, which helped him in the end. He turned over what she’d said as he slurped down the succulent grapefruit and bit down on bright, juicy grapes.
With a grimace he realized they could get a little more insight if he asked a favor from a friend.
“What?”
He looked up. “I’m sorry?”
Sabrina’s mouth twitched. “You’re frowning. Do you want something different?”
“No, this is fine.” As if to prove a point, he picked up another forkful and bit into more of the salad. Around bites, he said, “I’m thinking about calling up Kelly and don’t know how I should approach her.”
Suddenly, her plate demanded all of her attention. The fork in her hand flipped over pieces, none of them actually making it to her mouth. Now it was his turn.
“What?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
He rested his fork on the bowl. “What are you not saying?”
“It’s hypocritical.”
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For some reason, that struck him as amusing. “What is?”
“I don’t like it when you call her.”
An odd mixture of pride and smugness swelled in him. “Jealous?”
“Well, yeah.”
He started to laugh, but it fell away when she didn’t join in. Sabrina’s mouth set into a firm line, a slight tremor disturbing the rigidity. Shit. “Baby, for starters, you have nothing to be jealous over. My reason for contacting her has nothing to do with replacing you. Ever. She has access to your records, and I’m wondering if there’s something in there that might help us out here.”
“I still don’t understand what you’re trying to do.”
“I think you’ve not even considered the fact that your friend is no friend at all. If I have to live with it in our lives, I need to be one hundred percent sure. No doubt whatsoever in my mind.”