She made another sound of anguish, kowtowing into a position of complete kneeling submission. Her shoulders pressed toward the bed, but behind, he saw the way her thighs were spread, open and inviting.
They kept their gazes locked on one another, but he couldn’t get past the fear rippling within hers. “Are you okay?” he mouthed silently. Who the hell knew if the voices could hear him, but he wasn’t going to take any chances.
Her chest lifted as a sob broke out of her throat. Her head slowly shook from side to side, the universal signal for “no”.
When she started speaking, he didn’t catch if her words were meant for him or for the voices. The more she spoke, however, the more horror that seeped through him.
“Some say what happens to me when I hear the voices is a gift. But only someone who has never had to listen to the anguished cries of the dead, the incessant pleading and moaning, would ever call this a gift. At first it’s only one voice, then another and another. Soon, it’s so overwhelming I can’t hear myself think.” Her voice grew more bitter.
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“But,” she continued, “I found a way to put an end to it. Or rather, it found me. For a few hours, I let myself go and it’s a small sacrifice. Not even a sacrifice. An exchange.” Jason dared to take a step forward. “What kind of exchange? With whom?”
“Him. He came forward and gave me a way out. He drove the voices away and kept my sanity intact. Please forgive me, Jason.”
“Forgive you for what? You’ve never done anything—”
“I give myself to him. All of myself. Hours of his pleasure. Days of my freedom.” He frowned, still not understanding.
“You don’t get it do you?”
“What could be so wrong?”
Tears still ran down her cheeks, but she kept her voice smooth and coherent. “I fuck him. Once a week, sometimes more, he comes to me and I let him… I let him.” A new wave of anger simmered his blood. “You and some ghost or something, you have sex?”
“I haven’t found another way. I don’t know how else to deal with it. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know how scared I am when it happens. When I lose chunks of time and can’t recollect what happened in them. Do you know how many times I’ve been hospitalized?”
“How could I know? You won’t talk to me. And now that you do, it’s to tell me this…” He threw his hands into his hair, using his fingers to pull at the base. Maybe he was dreaming. Some fucked-up nightmare that would end any minute now.
“Four years in Saint Hope trying to convince the psychiatrists there that I’m not crazy. Every time I visit the ER, having to work like hell to make sure they don’t think I’m a danger to myself or others. Otherwise, end up involuntarily incarcerated for my trouble. That’s happened twice already.”
Four years at a well-known psychiatric institute. The same one where Kelly worked as an administrative assistant, in fact. Twice being involuntarily committed until they deemed her well enough to be on her own. Jesus. What else had she been through?
“So this is what’s happening now? The voices are back and you need this…this thing to drive them away for you?”
“Don’t judge me.” A new surge of venom seized her words. “I don’t have a choice.”
“I have—I don’t know how to deal with this. I have to go.” He half-turned, about to leave this madness behind, but Sabrina cried out again.
“Please,” she murmured. “Leave him alone.”
Fuck. Despite his anger, he couldn’t leave her like this. “What’s going on?” She lifted her gaze to meet his. “He says you have to stay. He wants—he wants you to,” her throat caught before she finished her sentence, “watch.”
“Stay? For you two…no, I don’t.”
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Sabrina tried to muffle the sound, but her low moan started somewhere in her belly.
On her back, near the healing puncture wounds, a thin line of blood ran from a new cut across her shoulder blade.
His heart plummeted at the sight. So this creature of hers was the “man” who’d hurt her? From the looks of things, he threatened more of the same now.
“Why’s it doing this?” he demanded. She called this an exchange. This thing had no reason to cause her pain.
Hoarsely, she replied, “Jealousy.”
Resigned, Sabrina waited for Jason to bolt. It’s what she might have done in his shoes. What kind of woman told her boyfriend that she had sex with another man because she had to? Not because she wanted to, but because she had to.
Right.
What would he say if she told him that she welcomed His touch each time? That she’d been alone for so long, she’d forgotten what it was like to have a real man make love to her. Much less love her.
What about if she told him now that some twisted sense of arousal made her stomach flutter now? To think Jason might watch her with another, or maybe, even participate. Because she allowed it didn’t mean she loved Him. To her, their relationship was too symbiotic for emotions to find room.
Even now, He stroked her lips, listening intently to what she told Jason, no doubt, but also readying her for their tryst.
No matter how she tried though, she kept looking into the hurt on her lover’s face and couldn’t channel the stimulation she needed to ensure she enjoyed this. His touch was not Jason’s touch. His attention not the same.
“Jason, please don’t leave me. Not now.” She didn’t fear His repercussions. That she could handle. But if Jason walked out before they talked it over, before she could make him understand what it was like, she’d never get him back. She knew that as sure as she knew her own name.
He collapsed onto his knees and the impact must have been excruciating, but his gaze didn’t waver from hers. “Do you understand how much I care for you? I told my father today…I told him…”
The tip of Him pushed into her pussy and though her eyes threatened to close, she forced them open, swallowing down her usual moan of pleasure. Her body felt numb.
Any stirring tonight came from habit—for no other reason. Only the cool trickle of moisture tracking down her cheeks reminded her she still cried for Jason. Cried for what He forced her to do in front of him.
It didn’t even make sense. She’d given up almost everything for Him. And now, when she’d found one last person to cling to in this world, He did everything to make certain she ended up giving him up too.
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She wasn’t stupid. The second this was over, Jason would be gone from her life forever.
He thrust forward, a surge meant to take the wind out of her and that’s exactly what it did. Jason rocked toward her, the concern he tried to shake off still foremost.
“Are you okay?”
This time she gave in and averted her gaze. She wouldn’t look at him, watching the caring—the love—in his eyes. “I’ll be fine. Just, please. Stay and it’ll be over soon.” She hoped. Maybe he would consider her punishment reason enough not to prolong their coupling, but that went against the whole idea of punishment in the first place, didn’t it?
A swirling sensation began in her belly. The all too familiar rush of orgasm starting in its usual place until it spread, locking her limbs and vocal cords until all she could do was tremble. Small, gasping sounds escaped while she did, turning Him—and Jason—
on even more.
This time was so different though. While she couldn’t fight physiology, the emotions usually accompanying orgasmic highs had gone missing.
“If you had any other way, would this still happen?”
“Oh God,” she cried out. A vibration rippled through her body. A shake of her head helped fight off the looming rush. “No. No, believe me, if there were any other way.”
“Does he treat you well?”
That question startled her into looking up. “Usually. Not always.” There was something surreal about this. They carried on a regular conversation, neither behaving as if her sex perfumed the air, moans and small cries interrupting her responses.
“When will it be over?”
“When he…after…he will finish inside me. I don’t know for certain, but I think that’s what keeps them away.” Them. The voices.
Talking became too much of a task now. Her face dropped toward the bed, her eyes slamming shut against the wave. She fought it for as long as she could, all the while knowing she only prolonged the inevitable.
As if to prove the point, only seconds later her muscles locked, a scream trapped in her throat, as she trembled through the first violent orgasm. It caught her with a force that was more embarrassing than erotic. Her nipples hardened, though, and her pussy pulsed, gripping Him tighter and urging his own release. She didn’t know how long she froze beneath Him as He pounded into her.
Awareness slowly seeped back into her consciousness. The smell of sex. The methodic tick of a clock from maybe the living room. The harsh scissoring of her breath.
Her cheeks were molten, but the moment she looked up to find Jason studying her, she wished the flame would engulf her whole.
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“I’m sorry,” she croaked through a dry throat.
Jason said nothing.
He watched as she lost track of time. She’d long since given up fighting the waves of orgasm He coaxed from her again and again. They’d been doing this together for too long. He knew her weak points, pinpointed the sweet ones with unerring accuracy.
Sweat poured off her in sheets, slickening her back and soaking the bed beneath. Jason remained stoic, his attention never leaving her. He sat with his back braced by the wall, but he stayed. For now.
She’d stopped blushing after recovery maybe four or five orgasms ago. Now, she remained resigned. The inevitability of what would happen once He left almost not worth fighting against any longer.
Jason would leave. She would be alone once again. He would be her sole companion.
She’d been a fool to believe this time might be different. That He would allow her some small semblance of happiness in this maddening world of hers where voices and the dead were more familiar to her than the neighbors in this building. She’d wanted a little romance. Maybe even a shot at love. Stupidly.
So tired now. She wanted rest. To be left alone.
Her fingers screamed in pain as she let go of the sheets. They’d been curled around the material so tightly, clenched into fists so hard, now they ached when she moved them. But she didn’t want to fight anymore.
Sabrina relaxed her back, allowing a sway to slightly lower her belly to the bed. The muscles on her thighs released all tension, no longer working to push back against His thrusts. Her knees sank into the soft mattress, no longer supporting her weight and the force of His. She spread her arms, her limbs almost lifeless as she surrendered.
Yes. Total and absolute surrender.
She’d lost Jason.
She belonged to Him. And maybe—probably—for the rest of her life, always would.
Although resigned, she felt the first pulse. The swelling of His cock and the release of his seed immediately afterward. She waited time eternal as He poured Himself into her, the timing too perfect to be anything other than His approval of her submission.
Mind and body numb, she barely registered when at last He withdrew.
The heaviness of His presence dissipated until the effort to breathe returned to normal. None of the voices plaguing her for the past several hours sounded. The only things left behind were her fatigue and the scent of Him on her skin.
“Is it over?” Jason asked quietly.
Nodding her head took almost all of her waning energy. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. .” She wanted to say more, explain more, help him understand, but her mind 98
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refused to cooperate. Her heart was broken. Her spirit, as well. Saying sorry was so inadequate, but wholly the truth.
“You can go now,” she whispered. Turning her head, she closed her eyes and waited. She could not watch him leave. Would not. What remained of her shattered heart might blow away to the winds if she did.
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Minutes passed. How long, she didn’t know or care. She just kept her eyes closed, unwilling to face the emptiness of her apartment until she absolutely had to. Between her thighs was sticky with His release and she smelled of stale sweat, but she’d clean up later. When she had the strength to face her disturbed life, she’d wipe away any traces of Him. Until the next time, at least.
Her eyelids flew open when the bed shifted. Oh my God. He was behind her. So soon? “No!” she shrieked. “Please, no more.”
“Shhh,” came the gentle reply. “It’s me. Not him. Me.” Jason’s naked torso pressed against her back, his lips touching down along the sensitive skin of her shoulders. When his hand caressed down the curve of her spine, and skimmed over the roundness of her ass, she tried to turn. “Jason—”
“Is he why you won’t accept me from behind? Because of what he does to you?” He kept a firm grip on her shoulder, keeping her in place. All the while, his mouth nibbled over her skin.
He’d trusted the explanation that voices always came from behind and that was the reason for her reluctance before. Now that he knew the truth of the matter, she didn’t bother to keep up the half-lie. Her heart raced, a new pounding that rippled out to her temples. “Yes.”
“You could have told me about him. You should have told me before now.” She struggled to form a coherent reply. How could she?
A warm tongue traced the lobe of her ear—the heat that rocketed straight to her pussy because of his wicked mouth almost too intense to bear.
A moan vibrated through her throat.
She shouldn’t be feeling this way. Jason couldn’t be here like this. Not touching her like this. Not after He’d soiled her…
Jason nudged her forward, guiding her until they left behind the bed. His body stayed connected to hers as they walked through the doorway, then bedroom, her shame quickly becoming a memory.
“If you would have talked to me,” he continued, “just explained to me what you were doing and why, I would have understood. I would have raged against the idea and we would have fought probably. I would have demanded that you seek out another solution. But in the end, I would have understood. I understand now.” They entered the bathroom with its tiny shower meant for one. Lights remained off, somehow muting her senses. Normally lulled by the soothing scent of lavender and 100