“
Never,” he replied throatily. “I will never be sorry. Maybe that’s why I feel so guilty.”
“
You’ve no right to feel guilty,” she said, her voice gentle. “And that is your greatest fault: you refuse to forgive yourself like you’ve been forgiven. For once,” she murmured. “For once, let’s not think about this. Don’t ever be afraid to hold me.”
After running her fingers down his face, she let go of him and left the bed, headed back toward the hall. He sighed, slowly sitting up.
“
I hope that when you do accept your life,” she said from behind him, “you will actually tell me what you now remember about it.” She took the crucifix he’d given her off her neck and tossed it at him. “Perhaps all you need is to have a little more faith in
this
than you do.”
Just as he turned to look at her, she was leaving the balcony.
“
Rein,” he said after her. “Rein, we’ll go to the ball, all right? Your happiness would be the best medicine.”
She paused in her step. Her eyes closed tight before closing the doors.
Ana could hear the gruesome noises coming from behind that door. Helena was having a meal: another poor victim, found somewhere alone in the world, without any more chance of having a regular life, or rather, having no chance of life at all.
She was happy to be living. It was a chance unlike any she had ever come across, and it was only given to her because of her brother. But she lived in fear and sorrow. It was such a cold life. Minutes felt like hours to her. And the hours, days. It was almost unbearable. The lengthening of her life was a blessing when it had first happened to her. But over one hundred years had gone by since she was given immortality, and she had spent that time thinking without end about her brother. Perhaps she was in hell, burning in it…
The aroma of death shattered her thoughts. She stood at her bedside and held her head as she heard Helena call her name from the doorway.
But then, there he was again. Rising up in her mind, as he always did.
Traith.
A knot formed fast in her stomach as Helena called her name again. She had hardly seen Helena since the day she’d run from the fighting—from having to fight her brother. She’d seen her when awakening Saria, a few days ago, but she had not actually spoken to her. She knew she would be punished, somehow, but the suspense of the
how
was torturing her enough. It was as if Helena had been making her wait just to build up her fear.
“
Ana
!” she heard once more. Helena was yelling fiercely this time, and she opened the door slowly to approach her leader.
In the darkness, she saw Helena wipe blood from her mouth. She did so much more than simply kill her victims. She only ever took men, despite her marriage to Ben. Ana knew he was not with her by his own will. She was partly controlling him. What if Helena was doing the same to her?
“
Why do you not answer me?” Helena asked with a glare of intent. “Are you thinking about where you last left your brother?”
Ana looked down and said nothing. She knew the leader had read her mind. She tried to prepare herself for what was coming next, but she couldn’t. Helena could do anything to her.
“
I was just lost in thought, Helena,” Ana whimpered.
“
You’re always lost in thought, Ana. But today, as most every day, you were thinking of Traith, weren’t you? Oh, but did you not fight him? Your brilliant mind must be clear. I cannot have you wavering, dear Ana.”
Helena’s tone was different as she continued to speak. It was strange, almost sarcastic in tone, as if she were joking. Ana felt her becoming more and more threatening.
“
Forgive me, Helena,” she said barely louder than she had before. “I don’t know why I fled. I understand you’re going to punish me, somehow, but there is something I cannot understand…” She paused, fearing Helena could sense she had lied when asking for forgiveness. “Why, if he is so demonic, do
you
kill more than he does? Why do you drink the blood of innocents, and he is so adamant that he will not? He’s continuously begged for my forgiveness, as if he didn’t know what he did. I don’t know, it just seems…”
Helena gazed at her with mockery in her eyes. “You saw what he did to your mother and father, didn’t you?”
“
But he seemed so regretful,” she carefully protested. “He doesn’t kill people without reason, Helena. Not anymore. Not
since
. But you do, why is that? Why do we brainwash people? I’ve just been thinking so much about it, and it just isn’t right. I think, now, that he is. And his council…they’re moral. They don’t do what we do.” Her voice trailed off in confusion at Helena’s expression.
She was beginning to grin, calmly. “Bravo.”
Ana stared at her with full attention. “I don’t quite—”
“
I bit him.”
Her throat tightened. “W-what?”
The woman smiled. “You are without doubt the stupidest woman I’ve ever met,” she laughed with a sigh.
“
No,” Ana cried, shaking her head. “You said…”
Her heart seemed to detonate inside of her; she was shaking with uncontrollable fear.
Helena sneered at her as she fell against the wall. “Is that a
fit punishment
, dearest? I found him and toyed. I sank my teeth into him. Oh, and the taste of that bite. The spiciness of his blood. The bitterness. It was more than a minor refreshment. He filled me for months.”
“
You
?”
“
I brainwashed him with the same technology I used on Kendrick, and
on you.”
Ana crumpled to the floor, succumbing to panic. “He never lied to me like you said, and I—?”
“
I forced him, against everything in his being, to do what you watched him do. And the most
amusing
thing is,” Helena paused and gazed with laughing eyes at Ana’s grief. “I obliterated the part of his mind that recalls his past. So he had no idea what he had done. He didn’t remember.”
Ana’s body was entirely numb, but her mind was pounding as if there were a heart in her skull.
Traith was out there somewhere, and he didn’t know what she now knew. What she now understood. He was somewhere living, listening or speaking, sleeping or riding, training, reading…he was doing something, and she wished to God he could be there next to her for just a single moment.
“
Then of course,” Helena continued, “
you
came along, and I stretched the story.” She called for Ben, laughing. “You were beginning to fold, my dearest Ana,” she said afterward. “Instead of murdering you for your betrayal, your refusal to kill him, I am telling you the truth. It may be worse than death itself. I am now forever finished with you, Miss
Harker
.”
Ben was running down the dark hallway, and he grabbed Ana.
“
Why are you doing this?” Ana screamed in desperation. “You killed him! You lied to me and tormented his mind!”
“
Yes I know, thank you,” she cackled. “It strikes me as ironic how your brother is so clever and so saucy, yet you are so naïve! It is a shame you had to let your mind fail like this. You now have as long as needed to think and cry about your poor, unfortunate, darling brother. I will not kill you. Yet.”
Ben tossed Ana down into a dirt-floored room.
“
So lose yourself, Ana,” she hissed. “You will have more to think about than you ever had before, thanks to these last, minor details.” She paused and stood straight-backed, flapping her webbed wings and holding the iron door open in her hand. “After Traith managed to escape from me, Mistress found him and took him in. Do you know how many attempts he made at
suicide
after that, Ana? How many times he tried to kill himself because he didn’t have the mental strength to drink blood or live without a reflection, but live with the knowledge that he not only
looked
like but
was
a completely monstrous vampire? Even though he never knew what he’d done, because he’d been brainwashed and tortured. Then you cursed him, Ana, so that he would be forced to live on a ship with a Mardinial captain for one hundred and some odd years without the capability to commit suicide? Lucky he didn’t go mad. So now, being that you hated him, and being that his lover, Rein Pierson, witnessed your memories, Traith recollected what he did. He recollected about two months ago and has been distraught ever since. So now that he still thinks you hate him, and that he is a vampire, and now that he knows he brutally murdered his own parents…how far from suicide do you think he is now, Ana? And how will you get to him
now
?”
Helena laughed hysterically and slammed the iron door, rousing dirt around Ana, who was curled on her side in the middle of the room. She heard the door lock. After a few moments, all was quiet. Her head was spinning.
He hadn’t known?
Just months ago, she’d indirectly returned to him his memory?
He had killed their parents against his own will?
And she had tried to kill him, all these years.
Did he hate her?
What was he thinking now?
Taverin was solemn and distraught. She felt more than all of those things. She cried louder and longer than she ever had. Hours may have gone by without her knowing. She was filled with fear and sorrow. She wasn’t going to be killed. She wasn’t going to be physically tormented. But she was being tortured with so much more vindictiveness than she could have imagined.
She had to find him. Be near him. Tell him. Do something. She had tried to kill him so many times. Cursed him onto a ship for longer than a lifetime. He still ran back to her after it all, every time he saw her. She had to speak with him, one last time. She knew, despite what Helena had said, she
knew
she would be killed. They would give her enough time to approach Traith, and then they would kill her.
She started up, looking around her for the first time. Through watery vision, she realized they had thrown her in the potion storeroom. On purpose, perhaps, but she didn’t care. She mixed a glass and threw it in front of her, and she vanished.
Helena laughed from the outside of the doorway, her ear against it. “She’s gone,” she said to Ben. “And I know where she’s going.”
“
Why did you tell her? She was useful, smart—”
“
And insignificant.”
He huffed. “But is it not better to have an insignificant woman in
our
council rather than throwing her over to Mistress and letting her know the truth so easily?”
“
I didn’t tell her easily, Ben! She’s been slowly figuring it out since Traith got off that ship. I’m surprised she decided to listen to us rather than her own brother in the first place!” She held her chin with her first finger and thumb, cocking her head. “But you understand that we are not at all at a loss here. We may no longer have our familiar chemist at hand, but we have an army—one more powerful than any that the Council of the Presage may have. We’ll follow her after giving her a bit of a head start.”
“
As you say, Helena.”
It was the 31
st
of October; it was pouring outside the ancient Irish castle. Thunder boomed around Rein, but the cheery voices and music were loud enough to overpower the rumbling. It was the night of the All Hallows Eve Masquerade Ball. The organ music filled the Cathedral fortress, along with low operatic singing and laughter.
Traith was spinning her. He was not enthused, but she was happy that he was dancing at all. It all seemed routine for him, ironically. His movements were better than hers, more elegant. She had never been an expert dancer, but he was so graceful; it seemed like he wasn’t even trying.
The people around her were dressed in beautiful gaud, with high
pompadours and top hats. Women’s breasts peeked out from the tight corsets they wore, and men’s necks were held stiff by their collars. Colorful and sparkling masks were placed against their dancing faces, changing appearances from all angles. Some wore masks with long noses, or large eyes, or animal-like characteristics. Each couple was dancing in sync, twirling and walking about, the fancy dresses lighting up the room. Some occasionally watched the act above where men were walking a tight rope. Jugglers and fire breathers were stationed above each pillar, entertaining those dancing below.
The castle ballroom was the largest and grandest she’d ever seen. It was decorated with dark, romantic paintings, ribbon, and curtaining. Gold tassels hung down from every corner of the room, tied around beautiful rose bouquets on the walls.
The music stopped, and loud clapping filled the air before another song was played. Traith pulled down his mask and turned to leave the dance floor. Rein followed behind him, still clapping.
“
This is beautiful, Traith,” she said. “I
can
understand why you don’t like it here, but I wanted to experience it at least once.”