In Your Honor (49 page)

In a moment of bold ambition, she had
approached Luke and asked about a permanent place with the label.
Specifically, as Lucy's manager. She knew that Lucy hadn't signed
any contracts yet but she figured it was just a matter of time, and
she wanted to be prepared when that time came. Luke had taken a few
days before getting back to her. Probably discussing it with the
rest of the band; they didn't make decisions without a vote. But he
returned with an offer: Kendra could stay, non-contingent on Lucy's
future career.

She could almost pinpoint the moment she had
decided this was what she wanted. It was when she'd climbed into
that bus and seen Lucy immobile and catatonic. All of her
reservations about the woman had vanished. She was a person. She
was a very talented person who was incredibly important to Blake.
Therefore, she was important to Kendra. And it all clicked. She saw
what the others saw, but more than that, she saw what she could do
to further Lucy's career while not letting her get sucked dry by
the industry itself.

Karen Diedrich, Blake's mom, had taken her
aside and given her more advice and life lessons in one sitting
than Kendra had ever received in her whole life. She explained
everything: Lucy's heritage, her family life, her past with Blake,
and her current stasis of indecision. If Lucy wanted it, she could
rise past even her dad's fame, her talent was that undeniable. And
Kendra wanted to be the person she trusted to help get her
there.

Sure, she didn't have Lenny's attitude or
Carl's experience. But she was detail-oriented, hard-working and
when she had a passion, she went all in. Limping away from ballet
had left her feeling lost. She was suddenly found.

“
What has got you looking so
secretive?” Mike asked as he changed his shirt before sound
check.

“
Getting some things in place,” she
replied noncommittally.

“
How long before you need to hire your
own assistant?” he asked with a grin.

“
With as busy as you guys keep me,
probably by the end of the week,” she replied with a
chuckle.

“
Well, I don't know if you've heard,
but this tour will be the last one for a bit.”

Kendra's mouth went dry. Mike shook his head
and crouched down in front of her so they were at eye level.

“
Don't go looking like that. We're
getting tired. We need a break sometimes. This tour has been
nonstop, and Lenny has had to be gone a lot for business. I know
she wants to get back to competing, and Luke wants to go with her.
A break makes sense. It doesn't mean we're breaking up.”

His words were meant to be reassuring, but
Kendra still had a niggling worry in her gut.

He patted her knee lightly and smiled again.
“The band is solid. We need time to work on our individual
projects.”

“
What projects?”

He gave her a wry smile. “Spoilers.”

With that he stood and exited the bus, no
more explanation. Kendra couldn't help but smile. These guys were
great at keeping her on her toes. She would definitely need to hire
help. You know, if Carl said it was okay.

***

Mike saw Blake standing off to the side of
the stage, eyes on Lucy, hands half in his pockets, jaw tense.
They'd been sticking Lucy out front and center every show until
Taylor's voice recovered. Mike knew that Blake was ultimately the
one who had talked her into it, but it was obvious that he wasn't
completely comfortable with it.

“
Hey, brother,” Mike said as he came
up next to him, and Blake grunted a response. Lucy was doing great.
The emotional energy she poured into these shows only intensified
her already powerful magnetism. “You're worried about her,” he
stated, crossing his arms over his chest but keeping his focus
straight ahead.

Blake looked sideways at him briefly before
facing forward again. “Yeah.”

“
Her dad is okay, right?” Mike asked,
giving a light smile as Lucy spotted them both watching and
grinned.

“
Yeah,” Blake confirmed.

“
You're usually not so chatty, Blake,”
Mike chided quietly.

Blake sniffed back a chuckle. Another long
pause. “Shane dumped her.”

Oh, shit. Mike pressed his lips together to
keep from saying it aloud. That explained a lot.

“
I'm just keeping an eye on her is
all,” Blake added gruffly.

“
Obviously,” Mike agreed. “You done
playing games?” This was a tricky question. Everyone knew Blake's
devotion to Lucy. They'd known it for years. Even in the midst of
their wildest days when they each went through chicks at the same
rate as they went through cases of beer, Blake was a
commit-to-one-woman guy. And he had a type. Dark hair and eyes,
full lips, short stature. But each girl only lasted a week or so,
and then he'd be single again for a long time. Months, even. They'd
tried talking to him about either going back to get the girl that
he was clearly not over, or trying something new entirely. It was
usually met with steely glares, weeks of the cold shoulder and
Blake lying in his bunk with a bottle of whiskey. So Mike's
question had the potential to really piss him off.

Blake rubbed his chin and jaw with his hand,
letting out a heavy sigh. “Yeah.”

Mike thought maybe he misheard. He waited a
bit longer in case Blake had more to add. He did.

“
But I'm not messin' it up this
time.”

***

Lucy handed her guitar to a tech and crossed
the stage towards Blake and Mike. Sound check was solid, she was
really looking forward to that night's show. At first, she'd
thought the larger set would be exhausting for her, but it wasn't.
And she was actually ready for more when it was all said and
done.

Blake's face was tense but smoothed out as
she approached.

“
What did you think of the new line-up
for tonight?”

“
Loved it,” he answered without
hesitation, a wide smile breaking across his face.

“
I have to go over a couple things
with Chad, but I'll be back before sound check is over.” She saw
the look of doubt cross his face and he reached for her, curling
his fingers around her upper arm.

“
You okay?” Blake asked quietly. She
saw Mike watching them intently from the corner of her eye. She
tried not to fidget nervously, so she sucked in her bottom lip and
bit down.

“
Mhm,” she tried to nod her head, her
eyes darting over Blake's shoulders and the front of his chest but
not looking right at him. He noticed.

“
Hey,” he squeezed her arm gently and
her eyes finally came up to his, “I'm right here.”

She took a careful breath, the anxiety
leaving as quickly as it had come upon her. She swallowed and gave
him a small smile. “I know.”

“
Okay.” He released her arm but not
her eyes. “I got a hold of a movie for us to watch
tonight.”

Her smile grew crooked as he waited to tell
her what it was. The coy twist of his mouth told her before his
words did.

“
Rebel Without a
Cause.
”

“
Why am I not surprised?”
She rolled her eyes. She began to step past them as the stage crew
set up for the next sound check.

“
I'll see you back here
soon?” he called to her back, and she waved over her shoulder in
acknowledgment as she jogged down the steps.

Her first night back on tour had been the
last night she had spent alone. Granted, it had only been three
days, but it meant something to her. She had woken up that first
morning, totally alone and in the middle of a full-fledged panic
attack. It was worse than the one she'd had in L.A., and it took
her several minutes to calm down. Chad heard her whimpered breaths
and came to check on her, which led to him notifying Kendra.

Kendra had been amazing, though. She'd
crawled into the bunk with Lucy, closed the curtain and held her.
Lucy didn't want it to become a big deal, so she asked Kendra not
to tell anyone. Kendra immediately told Blake. And since then,
Blake had transferred buses, keeping Lucy with him in the back
lounge while they ate chips and watched movies at night.

Lucy would like to be able to say it was
annoying to have to be babysat, but it wasn't. She was still
weirdly shaken up from Shane's break-up. And, unfortunately, she
couldn't stop thinking about it. It was on her mind all the time.
What was wrong with her that the men she loved never loved her
back? She was obviously flawed in a major way. Her self-examination
would start her on the short road to panic town, and she would
become completely useless.

It was frustrating because she'd prided
herself on the fact that she felt what she felt when she felt it so
that it didn't overtake her later. She embraced her emotions and
never let them control her. Until now. It was like, the more she
thought about what Shane had said, the more self-destructive her
feelings became. Especially when she was alone.

Somehow Blake knew.

The only two places where she actually felt
like her emotions were getting worked through were on stage, and
when she would look at Blake. Something about his steady gaze made
her feel steady too. If she got nervous, all it took was one look
at his face, and she felt like she was home again.

But she refused to dwell on that fact
because she had no idea where it would lead. He was her friend. Her
oldest and closest friend. They shared a history. Most of it very,
very good. Yes, they had hurt each other too. But they were
grown-ups now and while their tumultuous relationship had its share
of rocky spots, they always came back to the core of who they were.
No one knew her better. And right now, that's all she needed to get
past the ache in her chest.

***

The movie rolled credits, but Lucy had
fallen asleep even before Sam Mineo tried to hide in the
Observatory. Blake tucked her close to his body and pulled a
blanket over them. The couch in the back lounge was wide,
accommodating both of them nicely, but he still pressed tight to
her. With one arm under her, he pulled until she was half on his
chest. He held her there by her hip with the other arm. She nestled
her face into the space by his neck, under his chin and above his
chest. And then she sighed.

“
Mmm.”

It wasn't much. But it was enough. Blake
closed his eyes, letting the sway of the bus and the smell of her
hair lull him to sleep.

***

Word traveled. Not as quickly as in high
school, but it still got around. Lucy couldn't be sure who told,
but by now everyone was aware that Shane had broken up with
her.

They'd been back to work for two weeks
before anyone said anything to her. The first person was Sam, head
of security.

“
Sorry about the dude,
Luce. Tough break,” was all he said in passing. She didn't have a
reaction except to nod. A few more crew members gave her looks of
condolence while a couple of them asked if she was up for
rebounding with them. She politely declined.

Then Lenny showed up on the red bus with
mochas in hand.

“
I was in New York
yesterday. Just got back this morning. How ya doin'?” Lenny tilted
her head to the side like people do when they're feeling sorry for
someone else.

Lucy took the mocha gratefully and
immediately licked the whip off the top and shrugged. “I'm all
right. It sucks. But what can you do, right?” She forced a chuckle
and then spilled the whole story. Everything that Shane had said
and how he'd taken off.

She didn't miss the look of confusion
passing over Lenny's face. Lucy leaned forward suddenly and asked,
“Wait, did you see him yesterday?”

Lenny gave a slow nod and reached for her
coffee.

“
Did you talk to
him?”

Lenny took a careful sip and then looked out
the window of the bus. Finally she looked back to Lucy. “We talked
a little.” She pursed her lips and paused. Lucy's stomach turned to
lead.

“
Is there someone else?”
she asked softly.

Lenny's lips parted and she shook her head
quickly. “No, there's not someone else.”

Lucy sat back in her chair. Lenny was
holding something back, but she didn't know what. “Did he tell you
anything?”

Lenny did the look-out-the-window thing
again before answering. But instead of lying like Lucy expected,
she asked, “Do you want the truth?”

“
I always want the truth,”
Lucy whispered, unable to move.

Lenny chewed on the inside of her cheek for
a bit before answering. “He's a mess, Lucy. He really misses
you.”

Lucy felt the tears well up and she was
powerless to stop the flow. In a matter of seconds she was crying.
Hard. If Lenny had said anything else, she doubted her reaction
would have been this extreme. Her head sank into her hands as she
tried to pull in breath and stop the force of the sobs that were
shaking her shoulders.

Lenny must have come around the table they
were sitting at because now her arms were wrapped around her. “Oh,
sweetie, I'm so sorry. I had no idea that would happen.”

“
I don't understand!” Lucy
gasped between sobs. Her crying was ugly. The ugliest it'd ever
been. “What did I do wrong?”

Then Lenny was gone and her arms were
replaced with bigger and stronger arms. She fell into Blake's chest
and continued to heave out her pain.

***

“
What the hell, Lenny!”
Blake snapped as he smoothed Lucy's hair back and pressed her head
to his chest.

“
I'm sorry. I didn't
know.” Lenny looked as confused as she sounded, and Blake narrowed
his eyes at her.