In Your Honor (25 page)

Her phone buzzed, interrupting the silence,
and she stood up.

“
I have to take this.” He
opened his eyes again and she was hesitating at the doorway,
conflict mixed with a touch of sorrow in her expression. “I'll be
right back, I promise.”

“
I'm not going anywhere,”
he replied with a crooked smile. He knew it was Shane. And it
didn't make him as heartsick as it had a few days ago. She deserved
someone as steady and reliable as Shane. He was better for
her.

***

Lucy answered the phone as she shut the door
behind her. She hadn't yet explained to Shane about the complicated
situation she was in with Blake, and she knew that it needed to
happen sooner rather than later.

Truthfully, up until tonight, she hadn't
thought it was going to factor into her future. That had been a
stupid assumption.

“
Hey,” she answered as she
slipped behind the curtain of her bunk, trying to create as much
privacy as was feasible on the crowded tour bus.

“
Hey yourself,” Shane
replied, his deep voice instantly making her relax. She really
loved how he could ease her tension so readily, just with the sound
of his voice.

“
I'm glad you called.” She
didn't hesitate letting her worries come out over the phone. She
never felt like she had to be careful or hold back with
Shane.

“
What's going on?
Everything okay?” he asked gently.

She scrunched her nose up as she tried to
think of the best way to approach this subject.

“
I have to tell you
something and I'm really hoping I do it right,” she confessed. He
was silent, waiting for her to continue or possibly trying not to
panic, there was no way to tell.

“
You know Blake?” she
started, wondering if this was going to be the beginning of the end
for them; over before it ever started. Either way, he had the right
to know, and it was her responsibility to tell him.

“
Yeah...” He sounded
unsure and confused.

She swallowed a couple of times, trying to
fight the fear that had started to do a samba in her belly.

“
You can tell me, Lucy.”
Shane's voice was soft, coaxing. Safe.

“
We have a complicated
history.” She tried to work the moisture back into her mouth as she
slowly explained as best she could. How long they'd known each
other, the back and forth of their relationship, the never-ending
friendship that seemed to keep them tethered through everything.
Shane listened, without interrupting until she was finished. She
held her breath when she was done, wondering what came
next.

“
Wow,” Shane chuckled
lightly, “I had no idea. You said the relationship part has been
over for awhile though?”

“
Yeah, years actually,”
she confirmed, her palms beginning to sweat as he mulled over all
the information she had just dumped on him.

“
Lucy,” he sighed and she
held her breath, “I'm glad I know, I guess. But really, if you guys
are just friends now, I'm not worried. I trust you. You guys have a
past, I understand that. All I need to know is if there's room for
me in your future.”

Lucy closed her eyes, completely blown away
by this man's ability to amaze her on a continual basis. No
jealousy or weird stipulations. Is this what it meant to be in a
relationship with an adult?

“
I would really like
that,” she smiled, her anxious muscles relaxing.

“
Good,” Shane replied, his
voice low. “Me too.” He cleared his throat. “I'll let you go take
care of your friend, but I'll call you tomorrow.”

“
Okay.”

“
And Lucy?”

“
Yeah?”

“
I can't wait to see
you.”

“
Me too.” She ended the
call and stared up at the dark in her bunk for a few minutes.
Shane's understanding was refreshing. He trusted her. That meant
more than she thought it would. She wasn't going to make him regret
it.

She returned to the back lounge to find
Blake had passed out. She rolled her eyes and started taking his
shoes off. He groaned and rolled onto his back.

***

“
How is the most
interesting man in the world?” he asked, his throat dry.

“
He's good.” A small smile
played on her lips and he knew that she was thinking of the other
guy. Well, good, at least someone could make her smile.

“
What did you talk about?
Planning your wedding yet?” He pushed himself back into a sitting
position. The rocking of the bus was horrible and he fought back
the urge to use the trash can she had provided him with
earlier.

“
C'mon, Blake, don't be
like that.” She handed him a bottle of water and sat next to him on
the couch.

He looked down at the bottle, his thoughts
turning inward again. So many things he wanted to say to her. And
really, he could right now if he wanted to, and use the excuse that
it was just the alcohol talking if it didn't go the way he wanted
it to.

But he couldn't. Even drunk, he still only
wanted one thing.

“
I'm glad that you have
Shane,” he muttered. He waited a beat and then looked up into her
gorgeous eyes. She was amazing and she deserved to be treated that
way.

“
Really?” She raised her
eyebrows like she wasn't sure. “That's not what everyone else
thinks. Chad and Kendra seem to think you're going crazy with
jealousy.”

Blake frowned down into his lap. He hated
how much of that was true. “Maybe I'm a little jealous,” he
admitted.

He almost jumped when her hand came into
view and she pulled his chin up so he had to look at her. She
studied his face with those dark chocolate eyes while her thumb
brushed over the almost healed split on his lower lip, and he
shuddered at the touch.

“
Is that what this was all
about?” she confronted him tenderly.

He tried to smile but his lips were numb
from her caress. “Yes.”

She shook her head as a ghost of smile
played on her lips. “You were always too much like James Dean. You
know that, right?”

“
We do share a birthday,”
Blake reminded her.

“
How could I ever forget?”
Her sweet smile shifted to one of pity, and he drew his eyebrows
together.

He stared at her seriously, imploring her to
believe him. “You're my best friend in the whole world, Lucy. I
want you to be happy. And Shane is a really good guy. You'll be
safe with him.”

The shift in her face was enough to break
his heart into even smaller pieces so he didn't wait for her reply.
Instead, he lowered his head to her lap and closed his eyes. The
swaying of the bus and the spinning of his head forced him to focus
on not puking. It was a decent distraction from the hollowness he
felt in his chest cavity.

She pulled off his beanie and slowly stroked
his hair back. It was the secret drunk cure-all for him. She was
the only one who could pull it off. A touch from anyone else was
less than soothing, but from her... it was everything he
needed.

“
Sing me the song,” he asked, trying
to keep the sorrow from his voice.

“
What song?” she questioned softly,
continuing her fingers' work in his hair.

“
The one you used to sing to me. For
old times' sake,” he whispered.

Her hands stilled briefly. He felt her take
a breath. “Okay.”

The Rolling Stones did an amazing job, but
there was something truly fantastic about Lucy's voice singing
“Wild Horses” with no accompaniment. Blake was glad for the whiskey
still careening around his system, or he probably would have
started crying. No one had a hold of him like this girl. She was
his everything. Even if he was no longer hers.

***

Lucy had slept sitting up with Blake sound
asleep in her lap all night long. And it was a long night. So many
memories had been stirred by his reminiscing, and most all of them
were beautiful. She had missed him so much. And in those dark,
quiet hours while he slept in her arms, she was reminded of what an
amazing man he was. Then singing that song... she didn't know if he
was aware of what that would do to her, but it had seemed to be a
delicate and appropriate way of closing certain doors.

She slipped out from underneath him and
crept through the still sleeping bus, changing her clothes before
heading out to find some food.

When she stepped off the bus, she found
Kendra at the bottom of the steps with a bag of greasy fast food
and an embarrassed look on her face.

“
I brought you this.” She held out the
bag, her hazel eyes filled with remorse. “I'm sorry for what I said
last night. I was wrong.”

Lucy took the offered food and impulsively
hugged the girl. “It's okay, you were worried. I get it.”

“
Is there anything I can do to help?”
she asked sincerely, eager to make amends.

“
Not really, the food is a good
start.” Lucy smiled gratefully. “He's gonna have to learn this
lesson on his own.”

Kendra considered her words before
responding. “You guys are a lot closer than I realized. You know
him... better than I do... better than any of us. I'm sorry I said
the things I did. I had no right.”

“
It's okay, Kendra. Really.” Lucy
sighed and turned to take the food back into the bus. “Blake has a
way of bringing out the best and the worst in the people who care
about him the most. He lives in the extreme.”

“
You don't—um, you don't think you
guys will end up together?” Kendra asked as Lucy reached the
door.

She paused, letting her mind go over
all the things that had happened in the past few hours. “No.” The
word came out with a simple finality that made Lucy take a breath.
It just wasn't meant to be. And she could see that now.

The next week went by way too quickly. At
least it did for Blake.

He spent as much time with Lucy as possible,
soaking up her sunshine. He was going to miss her. It didn't matter
that he had gone years without seeing her before, this was
different. He had been able to lie to himself in the past, said
that he didn't need her, said that he could find anyone to fill
that void. He had come to the distinct realization that he had been
very wrong.

But there were other things that needed to
be taken care of. Needed to be handled.

Repaired.

If he lost her forever while he was busy
dealing with those things, then so be it. Hopefully God would see
fit to give her the happy life she deserved.

He made the final arrangements with the
airline and packed his small suitcase. The only one who knew where
he was going was Sway. It wasn't a huge secret, he simply didn't
want to discuss it with anyone. The less he thought about it, the
better.

He watched Lucy walk across the pavement
with her duffle and look around. Her hair blew around her face and
he wished he could take a picture, capture her in this moment. He
stepped out from around his bus and slowly made his way toward her.
She spotted him and a smile spread across her already perfect
face.

“
I was afraid I wasn't going to get to
say goodbye.” She stepped towards him and he automatically took her
bag from her, tossing it over his shoulder.

“
I wouldn't let that happen.” He
forced a happy face despite the tightness in his chest.

“
What are you going to do with your
week off?” She playfully punched his shoulder. “Gonna get yourself
a tan and do some shopping?”

He grimaced slightly and turned to walk her
to the waiting taxi. “Not exactly.”

“
I'll have my phone on me.” She
glanced over at him, concern radiating off of her. “You know, in
case something happens.”

Blake took a deep breath and looked straight
ahead. Goodbyes were always weird. But this one was particularly
troublesome for him.

They came to the car and he loaded her bag
in the trunk of the cab. They were both moving slowly, and he
couldn't help but wonder if she was feeling the same heaviness that
he was. He took time looking over her face, being careful not to
miss anything. Something he wished he'd done more of years
back.

He slipped his hand under her hair and
cupped her neck, stroking her jaw line with his thumb. It was a
deeply intimate movement, but she didn't pull away.

“
Have a great week off.” His voice was
thick and he swallowed to help clear it. “I'll see you in one week
and I want to hear all about it.”

She studied him with her dark eyes, trying
to read his expression. She didn't reply, she just nodded as he
folded her into a hug. Her arms wrapped around his neck and gripped
him tightly.

Stepping back, he gave her a smile. “You
better get going, you don't want to miss your flight.”

She smiled as well, more on her mind than
she was expressing, and turned to get in the back of the cab.
Suddenly she stopped and faced him.

“
Blake?” Her voice
uncertain.

He tilted his head in question at her and
she walked back to him, staring intently into his face.

“
Am I making a mistake?” She was
almost whispering, and he noticed the slight tremble in her words.
“You were right about Frank and I didn't listen. Tell me the truth,
Blake. Please.”

He sighed and took her face in his
hands. How he wanted to say those things. If she only knew how much
he wanted to cause a scene and drop to his knees and beg her to
take him back.
Choose me, Lucky. Pick me.
Love me.