In Your Honor (42 page)

A large tear rolled down her face as she
looked up at him. “Please leave now,” she whispered, her bottom lip
trembling.

He did as she asked, leaving her key on the
table by the door. And more glad than ever that he'd agreed to get
her back to her place. Even though it looked bad and Lucy thought
the worst, Blake was happy it was him and not someone else who
would no doubt have taken advantage of the drunk and lonely
songbird.

And maybe, just maybe, this would help
Ashton see that she was worth more than a random romp in the
hay.

It had been seven days since Lucy had spoken
to Blake. She'd gone an entire week without so much as a courtesy
nod in his general direction. And she wasn't planning on breaking
that streak soon.

She recognized her immaturity in the matter
and it only furthered her irritation with him and herself. She
shouldn't care. It shouldn't matter that he'd gone back to Ashton
James' hotel room. It shouldn't matter that he was so easily moving
on with quite possibly the most beautiful person in the world.

Because Lucy had Shane. Gorgeous, perfect,
steady-as-a-rock Shane.

She plugged her guitar in and began to tune
it, her thoughts a mess. It was starting to affect her
performances, and she was afraid others were taking notice. If she
could only find some time, some space, to bring it all together,
make sense of it.

But that wasn't a possibility. The tour
continued on and she was getting better at faking that she was
fine. Or maybe she was completely sucking at it, who knew?

Because she wasn't fine. She was angry. She
was angry at Blake. She was angry at herself. She thought she was
at the point in their relationship where they could be happy for
one another. She had moved on with Shane at Blake's encouragement,
so why couldn't she do the same for him? Because it was Ashton
James? Because Lucy couldn't stop comparing herself to the woman?
Was that what Blake had been wanting all this time? Perfect hair,
perfect body, in control of the room around her, dripping with
seduction and self-confidence? Because Lucy was none of those
things. And she never would be.

It was the blatant differences between
herself and Ashton that had her reeling. All those years together,
and that was the kind of girl that Blake had wanted her to be? No
wonder he'd left. No wonder he couldn't find happiness with
her.

She wiped at the angry tear that slipped out
of the corner of her eye. She didn't want to cry for him. Not
anymore. She wanted to be done with him. She didn't even want to be
his friend anymore. She didn't want to see him ever again. She
would never measure up, it was all too obvious. She couldn't live
in this world. She belonged behind the counter of the diner in the
safety of a small town.

It was what she had suspected all along. She
had never been enough. Not for Blake, not for Frank, and she had a
deep fear that Shane would figure it out eventually, too.

Shane. She wanted very much to be with him.
To prove she could love him. She had so much love inside, and her
greatest weakness had been giving it too soon and too freely
without anything in return. But Shane loved her back. He had to.
She couldn't let herself think that he didn't. She needed to
believe it, hold on to it. It was virtually the only thing keeping
her sane at the moment.

She stumbled through sound check, missing
chords and forgetting words. Ignoring the puzzled looks from her
bandmates, she unplugged and headed back to the bus for some peace
and quiet.

She climbed into the bus, followed by Chad,
Taylor and Stuart.

“
Newton, we need to talk.” Taylor's
voice was firm and Lucy felt her shoulders drop. So, they had
noticed. Maybe they would just fire her and she could go
home.

“
What's up, Tay?” She slumped onto the
couch and rubbed her temples with her fingertips.

Before he could respond, the door to the bus
flew open, taking everyone by surprise.

“
Everyone out but Lucy!” Blake
commanded sharply. Lucy met his glare, pouring all of her anger
with him into that one look. The rest of the band members silently
filed off the bus, not wanting to argue with the angry
rocker.

Blake locked the door behind them and
crossed his arms over his chest, his jaw working under his skin.
She mimicked his posture and set her own jaw.

He finally broke the tense silence. “What
the hell is going on with you?”

“
I have no idea what you're talking
about,” she responded with dark sarcasm.

“
So it's gonna be like that, huh?” His
frown deepened. “You're acting like a punk kid!”

She didn't respond, and it only furthered
his agitation.

“
You're screwing your bandmates
because you're mad at me, Lucy! Don't you see how stupid that is?”
He raised his voice and his face flushed with anger.

“
How do you know I'm mad at you?” she
argued uselessly, knowing she was only pushing his
buttons.

“
Please! After that display at the
wrap party? You've been avoiding me for a week and doing piss-poor
in rehearsal! If you're mad at me, then be mad at ME! Don't take it
out on everyone else!”

Lucy shot out of her seat. “It's hard,
okay?! It's hard to see you move on with someone who is the
complete opposite of me! It's like a kick in the gut!”

“
You think it's easy for me to see you
with Shane? To see you falling in love with him right in front of
my face? To have you right in front of me, but never be able to
touch you because you belong to someone else?” Blake pointed at his
chest, his breathing heavy.

“
It's different,” she retorted
forcefully, even as her heart dipped into her stomach at his
words.

“
How is it different?” he exclaimed,
his arms flaring out to his sides.

“
It just is!” she yelled
back.

Her eyes started to burn with unshed tears
and she bit the inside of her cheek and sat down again. She wasn't
going to tell him why it bothered her. She couldn't. It hardly made
sense in her head, she knew it wouldn't make any kind of sense out
loud. He was right, she was being a brat.

Blake crossed the room suddenly and dropped
to his knees in front of her. “You're with Shane, Lucky. It
shouldn't matter who I'm with. He loves you the way you deserve to
be loved.” He was pleading with her, asking her to be okay.

Tears dropped from her eyes as she stared
into his face. “I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you.”

“
No, I wasn't enough for
you
.” Blake touched her
face with the palm of his hand.

“
But why Ashton? Why the
most beautiful woman in the world? Like I was nothing?” She knew
her words only kind of made sense. The tears ran unchecked and he
tried to wipe them away for her as his face broke before
her.

“
You've got it all wrong.”
He spoke so gently it increased her tears, and she choked back a
sob. “Nothing happened with Ashton. And you have
never
been nothing. You
have always been my everything.”

She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth to
try and calm down. But this was too much. He couldn't say things
like that to her. Didn't he know what it would do to her?

She opened her mouth to say as much when her
phone started ringing on the seat next to her. Blake's hand dropped
from her face as if burned and she glanced at the display. If it
had been anyone else, she would have let it go to voicemail to try
and solve this thing with Blake once and for all. But it was her
cousin, Mac. And there was only one reason he would be calling
her.

She slid her thumb across the screen and
stared into Blake's face. He hadn't moved from his position at her
feet and frowned now at the look on her face. “Hey, Mac.”

“
Lucy?” Mac's voice was
strained. “It's your dad.”

Her body began to tremble and Blake gripped
her hand tightly, his frown deepening.

“
He's had a heart attack.
You need to come home right now.”

“
Okay.” The phone slipped
from her hand as the room started to darken around her.

***

Blake caught the phone before it hit the
floor and grabbed Lucy by the shoulder to keep her upright.

He slammed the phone to his ear as ice
filled his chest. “Mac? It's Blake, what happened?”

“
Triny's had a heart
attack. He's in the hospital in Tulsa but we don't know much. Lucy
needs to get home right now.”

Blake stared at Lucy's ashen face and felt
his pulse begin thundering in his ears. “I'll get her there.” He
hung up the phone, tossed it on the couch, and tried to get Lucy to
look him in the eyes, but she was listless and unfocused. “Lucy?
C'mon, talk to me, darlin'.”

“
It's almost time for my
set,” she mumbled and tried to stand up.

“
Shit.” Blake growled and
pulled out his own phone as he pushed Lucy back into a seated
position. She didn't fight him as she slumped against the
cushions.

He opened the door of the bus and shouted,
“Kendra!”

She appeared immediately, rushing into the
bus. Luke and Taylor were standing nearby and, seeing the obvious
agitation on Blake's face, they came with her.

“
She needs a flight to
Tulsa
now
. She
can't go alone, you have to go with her,” Blake commanded, keeping
his voice even as he scrolled through his contacts and hit
Send.

Kendra looked at Lucy's pale face and back
to Blake, and then took action. She rushed out of the bus, speaking
quickly into her phone.

Luke and Taylor knelt in front of Lucy,
trying to get her to answer them. They looked up to Blake for an
explanation just as the call he was making was answered.

“
Hello?” Shane's confused
voice came through crystal-clear.

“
Brookings, it's Blake.
I'm sticking Lucy on a plane headed to Tulsa. Her daddy is in the
hospital. You have to meet her there.”

The line was silent as Shane processed the
information. Taylor's eyebrows raised and he tried again to get
Lucy to talk, but she remained motionless.

“
Is she okay?” Shane
finally asked.

Blake looked at Lucy's vacant expression.
“No,” he answered honestly. Blake hesitated with his next words,
not knowing how they'd be received. “Shane... she can't be alone
through this.”

“
Are you coming with her?”
Shane asked, sounding like he was walking quickly.

“
I'm sending Kendra, I'll
fill in for her set and then I'll fly down. I'll give her phone to
Kendra so you can be in contact.” He spoke the words at Luke and
Taylor as well, three birds with one phone call.

“
Can I talk to her?” Shane
asked uneasily.

“
She's not speaking right
now. I'm looking right at her. She's in shock or
something.”

“
Blake,” Shane said, his
voice tight, “maybe you should come with her.”

How he wished that were possible. Especially
after their recent argument and everything they'd just dumped on
each other.

“
Just be there when she
lands,” Blake barked, covering the fear that threatened to take
over. He hung up the phone and Luke stood up, putting his hands on
his hips.

“
We've got to snap her out
of it,” he stated the obvious. “They won't let her fly if she's
unresponsive.”

“
Turn the shower on cold,”
Blake instructed as he removed his shirt and boots. Luke did as he
was told and Blake scooped Lucy up in his arms. She seemed lighter
than ever before. Smaller.

Taylor removed her shoes for him on the way
by and Blake stepped into the tiny shower stall, holding her
tightly.

When the cold water touched her skin, she
inhaled sharply. She struggled against him and he set her on her
feet, but kept both arms around her in a vise grip.

“
No!” she shouted, pushing
her hands against his bare chest. “No! Let me out!”

Blake felt hot tears start to run down his
face as she fought against him.

“
You have to wake up ,
Lucy!” he yelled above the sound of the running water. He turned
her around, holding her by her upper arms so the water ran over her
face. She sputtered and gasped and tried to pull away from him, but
he held tight.

After several seconds, her body relaxed
backwards against him and started to shake with sobs. He wrapped
his arms around her and they sank to the cramped floor of the
shower as she choked out helpless sobs. He cradled her in between
his legs and smoothed her hair back with his hands, pressing his
lips to her forehead and temple repeatedly.

“
I can't do it, Blake! I
can't lose him, too!” she cried out, more scared than he had ever
heard her. She twisted her body into his and clutched him
desperately.

He smoothed back her wet hair again and
pressed his cheek to the top of her head. “You won't. Triny's a
tough SOB, you won't lose him.”

Lenny had appeared next to Luke and was
holding a fresh change of clothes and a towel. Blake was more
thankful than ever for the friends that had become his family. He
couldn't imagine life without them. His whole world was falling
apart in his arms and she needed him to be strong for her now.
Looking up at Luke and Lenny's faces, he knew they were going to be
strong for him.

“
We have to get you to
him, he needs his sunshine to help get him through this.” Blake
swallowed the lump in his throat. He knew he was only feeling a
fraction of the terror that she was, and it killed him that he
couldn't carry this burden for her.