In Darkness Reborn (22 page)

When a tear trickled down her face, she scrubbed it off with the heel of her hand. “God, I slept with you! My brother's enemy, and I slept with you! And the sad part is, I thought you were worth the cost.”

Her eyes burned with rage. “And do you know the funny part? I thought you were honorable! Can you imagine?”

Lacey's pain ripped his heart right out of his chest. Did she think he didn't understand the cost of sacrifice?

He caught up with his woman and blocked her stumbling rush downhill. “Yes, Lacey, I can feel the rock moving. Yes, I know when the volcano is going to erupt. And yes, before you ask, I sometimes know when and where the barrier is going to fail. And do you know what that knowledge cost me?
Everything,
Lacey. It cost me everything.”

She flinched, but right now all he wanted was her hatred, because he hated himself as much as she did. “I've never told you why I abandoned my home, where my talent was coveted because it helped those who wanted to leave. Fools thought they stood a chance of making it into this world of yours.” He looked around them. “Do you have any idea how it feels to walk in the warmth of this world after living a lifetime in the cold darkness of my own?

“Imagine how proud I was as a young man, knowing I carried this gift, this burden. I was insufferable.” His lungs hurt with the need to lance this festering wound deep inside of him. “But imagine, too, how I felt when I found out that all they faced was certain death. I chose disgrace and refused to use my gift.

“I understand your pain, watching the way your brother's life must play itself out. But if I would not use my gift for my people, how could I possibly use it for yours?” Then he stepped out of her way and let her pass. Since she wouldn't allow him to touch her, he picked up her precious equipment and followed her slowly down the mountain.

Lacey put the truck in park and let it idle. The grid-lock on the interstate was the perfect ending to the day. All she wanted was to get Barak out of her truck and out of her life. Instead, they'd been trapped together for an extra hour as traffic had crawled along a few feet at a time.

His betrayal had clawed huge holes inside her that she wasn't sure would ever heal. She'd given him her body, her heart, and, worst of all, her trust. He knew, he
knew,
what her work meant to her.

Sure, his secret had cost him, but whatever price he'd paid for withholding his gift from his world had at least been a choice he'd made for himself based on all the facts. That he had also withheld that same information from her, preventing her from making real progress toward saving the Paladins, had been cruel and unfair. If she was being selfish, too bad.

The cars ahead of her started moving again. She waited until they'd moved forward enough to make it worth her time to shift gears. As the highway curved ahead she could see where the tangle of traffic broke free at last. Unless there'd been another accident farther up, they should be on their way at last.

“Drop me at the Center, and I'll put the equipment away.” Barak made the offer without looking in her direction. “I can walk from there.”

“I don't want you in my lab again. I can put it away tomorrow.”

“You can hardly walk. This much I will do for you.” His accent was more noticeable, warning her that he was still fighting some pretty strong emotions.

“Fine. Leave the key on the counter on your way out.” She whipped the truck off the highway at the next exit and drove the rest of the way on surface streets. “I'll see that Ruthie mails you your last check.”

The silence between them felt as if it were sucking the last bit of air out of the truck. The ache in her chest only got worse when they reached the end of their journey together. Barak quietly got out of the truck and unloaded the equipment. Before she could pull away, he approached the driver's side window.

Refusing to roll it down would be childish and immature, but right now she couldn't bear the pain of talking to him, of trying to make plans for tomorrow without him, of trying to explain to everybody why he was no longer welcome in her lab.

There were bound to be questions, ones neither of them would want to answer. She drove home, thinking no further ahead than a hot shower and crying herself to sleep.

“Meet me at the gym. Now.”

Barak immediately disconnected the call, not giving Devlin any choice but to do as he asked. The phone immediately began ringing, but Barak ignored it as he picked up the last of his equipment and walked out the door.

If he didn't find a handy target for all of this rage, he was going to do something stupid. Like crawl back to Lacey's house and promise her anything if she would only find it in her heart to let him back into her life. He'd been holding onto his honor for so long because it was all he had left. But without her, his honor was cold company.

He could not regret the time they had spent in each other's arms, but how was he to go on knowing exactly what he had lost?

He would do one last favor for Devlin, crossing back into the darkness, but there would be one small change in the plans. Once he convinced his sister that she needed to cooperate with the Paladins in this one matter, he would surrender himself to the authorities of his world. With luck, the standing order for his execution would be carried out swiftly.

He was relieved to see Devlin waiting for him in the gym. In other times and places, he would have deemed himself fortunate to count Devlin Bane as a friend. And if a man could be judged by the strength and honor of his enemy, then Barak was indeed fortunate.

He walked up to the Paladin, wishing things could have turned out differently. “One last match before I carry out my mission for you?”

Bane stared at him for several long seconds, probably seeing far too much. At least he didn't ask any questions.

“Sure. I could use a good workout.”

Inside, the two of them stripped down to their sweatpants and drew their swords, this time using the real thing. Barak offered a salute, then charged with no warning, no warm-up, no caution. Bane danced back out of reach long enough to find his balance, then went on the attack. Barak was dimly aware of several other Paladins lining up along the walls, careful to remain out of the way as they called out words of encouragement. Most spoke for Devlin, but one or two cheered when Barak scored a good hit.

The scent of so many of his enemies in one room filled Barak's head, overwhelming his usual caution in a practice bout. He caught a glimpse of the two of them in a mirror along the wall and realized that they were both grinning as they pulled out the stops and fought full out.

Bane finally got in a lucky parry and wrenched Barak's sword out of his hand, sending it clattering across the floor. Barak charged forward, ready to take on his opponent with his bare hands.

Devlin retreated, giving Trahern and D.J. a chance to wrestle Barak to the ground. He fought them both, succeeding in flinging D.J. off to the side, but Trahern managed to pin him to the floor, his heavy knee on Barak's chest.

Devlin gasped out orders to the rest of the spectators. “You all have something better to do than watch us. This is between me and him.”

When the gym emptied out, Trahern slowly let off the pressure. “I'm going to stand up now, Other. Don't make me show you which of us is gonna win this.”

Barak nodded, knowing his fight wasn't with Trahern or even Devlin Bane. He closed his eyes and waited for his lungs to catch up with his need to breathe. Devlin gave him all the time he needed. When Barak slowly sat up, Bane tossed him a bottle of water.

“Now, you want to tell me what the hell that was all about?”

“No.” He gulped down half the bottle of water. As long as he was drinking, he couldn't answer questions.

Devlin hunkered down beside him. “When are you going down to the tunnels to wait for the barrier to blink?”

“When I leave here.”

“That's sooner than I expected.” Devlin allowed a few seconds to pass. “What happened to change your plans?”

Barak kept his eyes on the far wall, avoiding direct eye contact. Devlin was far too talented at reading those around him.

“I don't see the need to delay. The longer I wait, the more of my people die on your swords.” And he felt the weight of each and every one of those lost souls. That was his burden to bear, and he had no right to ask Devlin to share it.

“I got a call from Lacey right after your invitation to meet you here.” Devlin shifted so that he could look Barak right in the eyes. “She says I can borrow you indefinitely. In fact, permanently.”

Damn. He'd hoped she would wait until at least morning when she would have better control of her emotions. Devlin had obviously not appreciated either phone call.

“I think I will do well working in the laundry, don't you?” Barak managed a small smile. “Do you like your socks folded or rolled?”

“Damn it, Barak, that's not funny! You know that as soon as Laurel finds out that Lacey has cut you loose, she's going to start pushing to get you back in her lab.” Devlin shoved his fingers through his shaggy hair. “Neither of us wants that to happen.”

“It won't be a problem.” That was true, but it was also the wrong thing to say.

“Barak, what aren't you telling me? I'd bet my last dollar that Lacey had been crying, and you look like you died two days ago. What the hell happened between the two of you? I can't fix the problem if I don't know what it is.”

“This can't be fixed, Devlin, so don't try. Lacey doesn't deserve to have my name linked with hers. You said so yourself.” He choked down the rest of his water.

“What the hell do I know? I didn't think Laurel needed me in her life either, and look how far I got with that.” He chuckled. “I keep waiting for her to realize I was right, but I'm sure not going to be the one to tell her.”

“Laurel is an intelligent woman, Devlin. She knows she is destined to be your mate. You make her happy.”

“I drive her crazy.”

“That, too.” Barak pushed himself up off the floor. “Don't push Lacey on this, Devlin.”

Devlin took Barak's empty bottled and crushed it. “I don't take orders very well, Other. Especially from you.”

“Then pretend I'm a friend and asking a favor.” Barak picked up his father's sword and held it up to catch the light. He had no male heir to pass it along to, but his sister would use it with the honor it deserved. The idea felt right.

Bane's big hand came down on Barak's sword arm. “As a favor for a friend, then, I won't press Lacey. Let's hit the showers, and over dinner we'll make final plans for your crossing back to the other side.”

The Paladin's words lessened the darkness surrounding Barak. “Sounds good. I'll even buy.”

Lacey felt like death warmed over. Her head hurt to the point of nausea, and her eyes were swollen shut from crying. She considered drinking herself into a complete stupor, but nothing was more pathetic than a weepy drunk, unless it was a weepy drunk throwing up. Now
there
was a pitiful image.

She wrapped a towel around her hair and pulled on her favorite faded sweats. They were ragged in places and deserved to be retired, but they were too comfortable to give up. And right now, comfort was what she needed.

Barak.
Even his name was enough to send pain tearing through her, almost crippling in its intensity. She'd made it through three hours now without him; that just left the rest of her life. Maybe she should make herself a chart and cross off each hour until they blurred.

When would his loss and betrayal stop hurting? A week? A year? An eternity?

She grabbed a tissue to mop up another bout of tears. This was so stupid. She hadn't known him all that long. But she had known him well—or at least fooled herself into thinking so, right up until she'd found out that he already knew the answers to all of her questions about the nature of the barrier and the things that triggered its periodic failures.

Maybe with a night's rest she'd be better equipped to figure out where they would go from here. Not that
they
were going anywhere, at least together. Her boss might not appreciate her unilateral decision, but she was willing to go to the mat on this one.

Budget or no budget, Barak was history. Gone. Finished. Missed.

She wadded up the tissue and tossed it in the direction of the wastebasket, then headed for bed.

One step inside her bedroom made her spin around and head for the couch in the living room. No way she was going to sleep in the tangle of sheets that still carried Barak's scent.

She stuck in a random DVD and turned on the television. The local anchorman was talking about the earthquake, saying it had been felt as far away as Spokane but that no injuries had been reported. Evidently broken hearts didn't count.

The movie finally started. As the credits began to roll, she realized she'd picked
Beauty and the Beast.
Now there was a nice touch of irony. She doubted she was much of a beauty right now, but Barak definitely was a beast. She'd reached out to him, accepted him as both friend and lover, and he'd betrayed that trust.