Hush (14 page)

I found Siva sprawled across t
he couch playing with his black
berry.

“Ready,” he asked.

“Yep,” I said.

He said nothing the entire elevator ride. Instead he leaned casually against the wall with a smirk lifting his lips. I pouted my own lips.

Instead of the NSX he headed to the Porsche.

He pulled out of the garage and the sounds on a bustling London Sunday hit my ears. It kind of amazed me, this being the financial district and all.

“Where are we going?” I finally asked when I couldn’t take the quiet any longer.

Siva turned down a street. “Some place my family and I used to go to when I was a kid. It was one of the few times we were happy. I think it’s because my dad would never act
unhappy
in public. But-” he shrugged his shoulders and stopped at the stoplight, “I enjoyed it nonetheless. There’s also somewhere I want to take you today, if that’s okay?” he added as an afterthought.

“That’s fine,” I said.

His phone rang and he dug it out of his pocket.

“Jacob,” he said, “
have
you found anything?” The other man said something and Siva snarled. “Find him,” he snapped and hung up.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Nothing,” Siva shook his head and continued down the road. “Just trying to find the bastard that destroyed my house.”

“Oh,” I said. “Why would Jacob be doing that? Isn’t that the job of the police?”

Siva glanced over at me. “Jacob is… better at finding people than the police are.”

I nodded my head like this made sense. Which to me, it didn’t.

He finally turned into a little side parking lot and hopped out. I had no choice but to follow.

I struggled to keep up with his long legged stride.

“Siva, slow down,” I finally complained.

“Sorry,” he said slowing.

“Thanks,” I said.

He opened the door of a small little café that I thought looked far too expensive but I kept my lips zipped. I was learning that Siva had no problem spending money.  It irritated me though. If I had that much money I would be using it to help other people but maybe he did. After all, I hadn’t bothered to ask.

He slid into a booth and smiled slightly to himself.

“What?” I asked.

“This is where we always sat,” he said quietly.

I looked across at him, picturing him as a small boy, and Dev too. I bet they were handsome even as children.

A waitress appeared out of nowhere asking what we wanted to drink. “Orange juice and coffee,” Siva and I said simultaneously and then both laughed. The waitress smiled and disappeared.

I perused the menu while Siva eyed me.

“What?” I finally asked. “Is there something on my face?”

“No,” he said. “But you’re very beautiful Sloane.”

I blushed. Dev had always told me I was beautiful but coming from Siva… Well it meant something different.

The waitress came back with our drinks.

“Are you ready to order?” she asked.

Siva raised his eyebrows at me in question. “Yeah,” I said. “I’ll just have an egg sandwich.”

“And for you?” she turned to Siva.

“Two pancakes and two eggs,” he said.

“Certainly,” she said and took the menus that had been sitting on the table.

Siva’s violet eyes flashed at me. “I’m sorry your weekend was ruined.”

“I’m sorry your house was trashed,” I laughed.

His lips lifted. “Good point.”

“About this morning,” he said and cleared his throat. Red stained his cheeks. “Sloane, I just want you to know that I would never take advantage of you. If you’re ever uncomfortable just tell me,” he said. “I know that things may be a bit awkward for you because of your relationship with my brother. I won’t push you,” he said.

I placed my hands flat on the table and stared at them like they were the most interesting thing in the world.

“Siva, I’m not going to lie to you. It is a bit strange for me feeling this way about you. You
’
r
e
Dev’s brother,” I said.

“But Devak’s gone,” he said softly.

“But Dev’s gone,” I repeated, “and I have to move on. I have to move on. I’m ready to move on,” I nodded.

“Are you ready to move on with
me
?” He asked.

I nodded my head. “But I want to take things slow,” I said. I chuckled, “You’re a complicated person, Siva.”

He laughed. “You’re quite complicated yourself, Sloane,” he said.

* * *

“Where are you taking me now?” I asked.

He sighed. “I want you to know everything about me,” he said. “Scars and all.”

“Scars and all,” I nodded.

He turned into the parking lot of a very nice brick building.

“Brace yourself,” he said.

“Why?” I asked.

He looked at me and sadness clouded his violet eyes. “Just do it.”

Siva took my hand and led me around to the front of the building where we had to be buzzed in.

The place was clinical and smelled of disinfectant like a hospital but the place was too small to be a hospital. I saw a nurse pass by and figured that it must be a private practice.

Siva led me down the hall and to the right; clearly he knew the place.

“Morning Dr. Kern,” he said nodding to an older man.

“Oh Mr. Kapur it’s so nice to see you,” he said.

“How is she?” asked Siva.

“Today is a good day,” the doctor said.

Siva smiled. “This is Sloane,” he said pointing to me, “my girlfriend.”

Girlfriend. He called me his girlfriend. My insides were singing Halleluiah.

“It’s nice to meet you,” said the gray haired man extending his hand. I shook it. I noticed he wore a very expensive watch much like the one Siva always wore.

Siva gave me a small smile. “Ready?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said even though I had no clue what I was agreeing to.

He walked a short ways down the hall before stopping in front of a closed door. He took a deep breath and braced his shoulders as if for battle. He looked pleadingly at me, as if for strength, and pushed the door open.

“Hello mum,” he said.

Chapter Ten

Mum?

“Mum, I brought someone to meet you,” he said softly, hesitantly, like he was speaking to a flighty bird.

She kind of did look like a bird. She was rocking slowly, back and forth, in a rocking chair. Her arms were folded around herself like she was holding herself together. Her hair was black and gray and fluffed around her skull random patches of s
kin
showing through. She sang a song softly under her breath. It sounded vaguely Spanish.

I wondered
if this was a good day, what was a bad day like?

She continued on like she didn’t hear him. Siva sat down on the couch and pulled me down beside him. He put his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. But I knew the movement was more about
his own
comfort than mine.

“This is my mum,” he said turning to me with sad eyes, “Isla Kapur.” He breathed deeply for a moment. “She’s been like this ever since Saia died. It got worse once my dad threw me out the window. She isn’t taking Devak’s passing well either. She won’t talk but she listens.”

“Did… did Dev ever come to visit?” I asked.

“No,” he said and I saw a single tear roll down Isla’s cheek. I was beginning to think that I didn’t know Dev at all and it broke my heart. I squeezed Siva’s hand.

“Mum, do you want me to bring you some more books?” he asked.

She continued with her song.

“Works been good,” he said. “Stressful but good.” He cleared his throat. “And mum,” he said, “this is Sloane. The girl that has stolen my heart.”

Isla continued rocking in her chair and singing her song. Her voice was soft and haunting.

Siva continued to talk to her and she continued to sing. She’d finish one song and go right into another. It broke my heart seeing her this way. She had the same violet eyes as her oldest son and they were still vibrant, not clouded like one might think. She looked so sad and lost. It had to be hard on Siva seeing his mother this way. Isla was still here but in many ways she was just…gone. It was heartbreaking.

Siva looked a
t me expectantly.
What to say, what to say?

“Uh… Isla, you raised two amazing sons. I’m only just getting to know Siva but you raised an amazing man. I know he’s not perfect but who is? But he’s kind and caring and just… well he’s Siva and I’d not have him any other way.” There I said it and I was done. My back muscles relaxed and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“You like me the way I am?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” I said, “I like your crazy, moody, self.”

He grinned. “That’s good,” he said.

He stood, squeezed my hand before letting go, and strode towards his mom. He bent and kissed her head.

“Bye mum,” he said into her hair, he sounded choked up, “I love you. I’ll be back again.”

I stood up and followed him out of the room.

He stopped and talked to Dr. Kern. I stood off to the side giving him privacy. I didn’t want to be in his way. After about five minutes he came back to me, took my hand, and headed back to the car.

I buckled my seatbelt and turned to him. “Is she always going to be like that? Is there nothing they can do?”

He sighed, rubbed his face, and pulled out of the parking lot. “Dr. Kern believes that her condition is self-inflicted. Nothing we do helps her. He thinks she has to decide she wants to be fixed.” He sighed again, a deep shuddering breath. “It’s hard seeing her like that. She was always so vibrant. Now, she’s merely a ghost of herself.”

“I can’t imagine if something like that happened to my mom,” I said softly. “My mom’s my best friend.” And I hadn’t been much of a friend lately. I needed to send her another email. No doubt I had a lengthy one from her. I’d check it when we got home. Home. I was thinking of Siva’s place as my home.

“It’s harder thinking that she’s like this by choice. It’s been ten years! Ten years, Sloane. I was eighteen when it happened. I hope one day she wakes up and snaps out of it. I’ve lost my brother, my sister, I hardly have a mother, and my father is a useless piece of conniving shit,” he hit the steering wheel with his fist. He turned to glance at me and so much pain shone in his eyes. “Sloane, what if I’m destined to lose everyone I love?”

What was I supposed to say to that?

“Life doesn’t work like that Siva,” I finally said.

“Oh, but doesn’t it?” he laughed gruffly.

“I can’t think like that,” I said.

He hit the steering wheel again. “Life is one big punishment, Sloane, that’s all it is.”

* * *

I pulled my laptop out and joined Siva in the family room. He seemed relaxed now, watching TV, and munching on popcorn. He had never looked more normal than he did in that moment.

The computer whirled to life and I brought up my email. Sure enough, a chipper, email, was in my inbox from my mom.

Sweetie,

It
’
s so nice to hear from my baby girl. I miss you so much. Glad to hear things are good with work. I just wish you worked out here, near me. And please do try and stay in touch more. I worry about you out in that big city all by yourself. You
’
ll understand it better when you have your own kids to worry about but please try and keep me from having a heart attack. I
’
m so sorry about Dev, Sloane, I never met the boy but I know you cared for him. How
’
s it going living with his brother? You never told me he even had a brother. I really wish you
’
d come see me. The dogs miss you too! If you can get the time off I
’
ll send you a ticket. Sloane, you don
’
t need to worry about me. I
’
m perfectly capable taking care of myself. You know I have my garden club and my book club. I have plenty of things to occupy my mind besides worrying about you and wondering when you
’
re going to visit. Oh, and I got a job working at the local nursery for the summer. You know the one owned by Mr. and Mrs. Harrelson? Their son runs it now, Nate, do you remember him? He
’
s just a bit older than you I think and very handsome. Anyway, I won
’
t bore you any longer.

Love Mom.

I quickly hit the reply button.

Mom,

First off, you could never bore me. I love my job here and have no intention of moving back so don
’
t start with me, mom. I know you miss me and I miss you too. I do plan to visit sometime soon but don
’
t you dare go and by me a plane ticket. I have money of my own you know. It
’
s been strange living with Siva, that
’
s Dev
’
s brother, but mom
…
I like him
…
a lot.
A lot more than I should.
Dev and Siva weren
’
t very close so that
’
s why I never mentioned him. I noticed you said that you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, does that mean you think I
’
m not? I
’
m a grown woman mom. I
’
m twenty-three years old you know? Also, isn
’
t Nate the
kid that used to dump dirt on my hair and are
you serious
ly trying to play matchmaker
? You are aware of the ocean separating us right? Not ideal for a date if I even wanted to date him.
Which I don
’
t.
I
’
m glad you got a job though. I
’
m sure you
’
re going to really enjoy it. How
’
s book club and Mona?

Love Sloane.

I hit send and looked up to find Siva staring at me.

“What?” I asked.

“You were smiling, why?” he asked.

“Just my mom,” I said. “She’s trying to play matchmaker with me and this guy from back home.” I shook my head. “I don’t know what she’s thinking.”

Siva grinned. “Did you tell her you were taken?”

“No,” I said slowly. “Should I have?”

His face fell and he looked hurt. “No,” he said stiffly.

“Siva,” I said. “We haven’t exactly talked about this, about us. What are we?”

His violet eyes flashed at me. “I thought you were my girlfriend.”

“Oh,” I said and blushed; he had said that to the doctor. “I just didn’t want to se
em presumptuous.”
It had been almost three months since Dev had died. Was I moving too fast? Was this right? I wasn’t sure but I knew I had to follow my heart.