Blair reclined her seat slightly and kicked off her pink heels. How did she get around in the snow in those things? She combed her fingers through her hair, a gesture that used to drive Zach wild. He knew what she was trying to do.
“I like it when you drive,” she said. “You look so powerful behind the wheel.”
He merged onto the highway. The Lexus accelerated like a dream.
She tilted her head and studied the speedometer. “Only sixty-five? Really, Zach?”
“I'm being cautious.”
“That's not the Zach I know.”
“It's the one you're getting today. I don't want to go far. I've got to go back and get my car.”
“There's no hurry. We could go back and get it in the morning.” She nibbled on the tip of her index finger and winked at him. “My meetings don't start until after noon tomorrow.”
He shook his head and expelled a deep breath. “You know that's not going to happen. It's been over for a long time, Blair.”
She stuck her bottom lip out in a pout. “It's just one night. Don't you want to have a little fun, no strings attached?”
Zach might have bought into that a few months ago, but he was beginning to realize that there were always strings attachedâphysical, emotional, spiritual strings that didn't untie themselves simply because both people wanted them to. He'd seen the consequences of casual intimacy firsthand with patients who came into his office and in girls who'd been tossed aside by Finn McEwan and the boys in his club. When he looked into Cassie's eyes, he'd seen what he wanted to become and how he wanted to behave.
A one-night stand with Blair Baker was not it.
It only took about ten minutes on the freeway to get from Bonduel to Shawano. He guessed Blair would have been happy to have him drive clear to Chicago. She'd have to settle for a drive by Walmart and the lake.
She smirked when he exited the freeway. “It's not that far to Stevens Point. Or we could go the other way to Green Bay. They've probably got a decent restaurant or two. Probably.”
“I want to get back to help the Helmuths with their maple trees.”
Blair retrieved a tube of lipstick from her purse and dabbed a little on her already dark lips. “I think you've been breathing too much of this country air. You're a doctor, Z, not a redneck.”
“I'm more of a redneck than you think. I used to be a cherry picker, remember?”
“What? You trying to revisit your childhood? And what is this weird thing you have for that little Amish girl?”
“What weird thing?”
“You like her, but she's definitely not your type. I think I'd die of embarrassment if you left me for that one.”
He tightened the muscles of his jaw and took a deep breath. She was being purposefully petulant. He wouldn't take the bait. Cassie's beauty needed no defense. “I've already left you.”
She leaned her elbow on her knee and propped her chin in her hand. “Zach, we dated for two years. We had the friendliest breakup in history. We gave each other a lot of support. Can't you even give me two hours out of your busy schedule?”
“I don't know what the point is, Blair. I don't want to get back together.”
“We were friends too.”
“What's the point?” he said again. Every minute spent with Blair was a minute he could have been spending with Cassie.
“The point is to have dinner. Do some catching up.” When he didn't respond, she tapped him on the leg and dragged one of her bright red fingernails lightly over the sleeve of his coat. “You're so tense, like you're waiting for me to pounce.”
“Are you going to?”
“I'll be honest, Z. I'd love to get back together.” She raised her eyebrows. “There's nobody quite so fine in a pair of Levi's. But I'm not going to push the issue, and I'm not one of those creepy stalkers. I like you more than you like me. Get over it, and come to dinner.”
Would his agreement get Blair off his back once and for all? Probably not, but it would get her off his back for the time being. He could have a brief dinner with Blair, send her back to Stevens Point, and go to Huckleberry Hill afterward. His shift didn't start until midnight.
“I can do McDonald's,” he said.
She frowned but must have realized that was all she was going to get. “I'll buy.”
Dinner didn't turn out so bad, probably because he knew it would be short. He could endure a lot if he knew there was an expiration date. Blair was pretty and smart and he mostly enjoyed her company. She was a poor substitute for Cassie, but if eating dinner with Blair tonight meant he'd never have to do it again, he was willing to sacrifice.
In the McDonald's parking lot after dinner, Austin's mom Jamie called and asked if Zach could swing by the hospital and look in on Austin for a couple of minutes. His surgery was tomorrow, early, and Jamie was afraid Zach might not be available right before Austin went in.
Blair wasn't happy about it, but she drove him to the hospital and waited in the car while Zach went in to see Austin. He wasn't keen on taking Blair into the hospital. Blair didn't particularly like children, and she got nauseous around sick people.
Austin looked horrible. He was as skinny as a flagpole and pale as a ghost, and the circles under his eyes were almost as dark as any black eye Zach had ever gotten. The surgery was coming none too soon.
Zach gave Austin a pre-game speech and a pre-game arm wrestle and prayed with him before saying good night.
It would be a rough time yet, but God would not abandon a little kid who needed His healing power so badly. Zach felt it in his bones. Austin was going to be okay. Zach had said another prayer on his way out the door as an extra precaution.
It was nearly seven when Blair pulled alongside the two matching cars sitting in front of Helmuths' house.
She put the car into park and gave him a weary smile. “I'll be here until Saturday. Call me if you want some company.”
He wouldn't. Instead, he would be the person Cassie wanted. The man she deserved.
And, as an added bonus, he would learn how to make syrup.
Chapter Twenty-Two
It was already dark when Cassie, Titus, and Dawdi each took a sled to collect sap from the buckets hanging from the trees. The buckets would overflow by morning if they weren't emptied tonight. On warm days it kept two or three of them busy all day emptying sap buckets. Mammi and Dawdi and one other person could usually manage it, but it was a full-time job, and that didn't include boiling down the sap to make syrup. This year, since Mammi was off her feet, they had only tapped sixty trees. That would still give them plenty to do for weeks.
The rest of the family had gone home once they'd completed the tapping. Ben and Emma planned on returning tomorrow to help with the collecting and boiling.
Cassie pulled the sled with both hands and wore a headlamp to see her way in the dark. She, Titus, and Dawdi had separated from each other, she to the west, Titus to the east, and Dawdi to the north in hopes of getting all the buckets and not duplicating each other's steps. The taps spread out over a half a mile of space, and they knew the paths well.
After finding a stand of tapped trees, Cassie unhooked a bucket from one of the spiels, poured the collected sap into her ten-gallon plastic bucket, and replaced the smaller bucket on the tree.
She usually didn't mind collecting sap, even in the dark. It was satisfying to see the full bucket and hear the slap of liquid as she poured the sap into the larger bucket. But tonight her feet felt heavy, as if she were wearing lead-lined boots. She barely had the energy to put one foot in front of the other.
Zach said he'd be right back, but Cassie had taken one look at the beautiful, sophisticated woman behind the steering wheel of the steel blue Lexus and knew he'd be gone for a long time. Maybe forever.
That raven-haired beauty queen with the hot pink stiletto heels was definitely Zach's type, more than Cassie could ever hope to be. It shouldn't have bothered her. She had made peace with her insignificance, but sometimes she wished she were flashier, like a Christmas tree ornament. An ornament that would catch the attention of Dr. Reynolds.
She looked down at the gray dress Mamm had insisted she wear. The thought that she'd never be enough for him cut like a knife into her soul and left her panting for air.
From the seven trees, she filled her ten-gallon bucket to the brim, snapped on the lid, and made sure it sealed tightly. It would be bad if she lost half the sap on the way back to the sugar shack.
She dragged her sled through the snow, doing her best to pull through the tracks she'd already made. It would make the sled easier to pull. Ten gallons of sap was a heavy load.
She emerged from the forest and onto the lane in front of Mammi and Dawdi's house just as a car pulled up the hill. The ex-girlfriend's Lexus. They'd come to retrieve Zach's car. Cassie didn't want to have an accidental encounter with either of them. Let Zach drive down the hill and never come back. She didn't need the heartache.
Stopping at the edge of the path, she turned off her headlamp and sidled close to a tree. In the dark, they'd never notice her.
She heard the car door open. Because of the distance, their voices were muffled, but Cassie could make out well enough what they said.
“Call me if you need company,” Blair said.
“Thanks for letting me drive your car. I hope your meetings go well.”
Zach slammed the car door, and the gravel crunched under Blair's tires as she turned her car around and drove down the hill. Cassie expected to hear Zach's key click into the lock on his car door but instead, she heard footsteps as he seemed to be walking in her direction.
A voice to her left almost made her stumble backward. “Are you hiding from me or Blair?”
She caught her breath and gave him a dirty look, although he wouldn't have been able to see her scowl in the dark. She turned on her headlamp. “What do you think you're doing, sneaking up on me like that?”
Zach chuckled. “You were hiding behind a tree, ready for an ambush. I had to make the first move.”
“I was not.” She didn't especially want him to see her like this, with her hair stuffed into the bonnet and smudges of dirt down her ugly gray dress. It was a sure bet that Zach preferred pink heels to mud-caked boots, and well-manicured nails to hands smeared with dirt. Ignoring the stab of pain in her chest, she grunted and tugged at the sled to get it moving then marched toward the sugar shack as if she had somewhere very important to go.
He dogged her steps. “Can I help?”
“The tapping's all done. The family left. Titus, Dawdi, and I are collecting the first sap.”
“I'm sorry I missed it.”
Why should he be sorry? Blair had made him a better offer. Cassie picked up her pace, which proved difficult pulling a ten-gallon bucket of sap behind her.
He shuffled next to her and took the towrope from her hand. “Where to?”
“You don't have to.”
“I want to help.” He smiled hesitantly and gestured to her headlamp. “This is a very convenient light.”
Cassie brushed some hair away from her face before remembering how dirty her hands were. She shoved them behind her back. “The sugar shack is in a clearing just beyond the toolshed.”
“Will you show me?” he prodded, as if sensing her reluctance.
She walked beside him so that both of them could see the way with her headlight. His closeness only served to further agitate her. She wasn't his type. How stupid of her to dream.
She led him around the barn, past the toolshed, and through a row of sumac bushes to the sugar shack, basically four poles holding up a roof over three fire pits.
He hefted the bucket from the sled as if it were empty. “Where do you want this?”
“Stick it in that bank of snow. It needs to stay cold until we boil it down in the morning.”
The snow crunched as Zach shoved the bottom half of the bucket into the drift. He brushed his hands off and smiled at her. “What can I do now? Do we need to collect more sap?”
“Nothing more tonight. Thanks for your help.” She turned and hiked back through the sumac bushes. Hopefully he'd take it as a signal that he could go.
He stood rooted to his spot for a second before jogging to catch up with her. “Do you want me to look in on Anna? I haven't seen her today.”
Cassie attempted a smile. “She's fine. She finished several pot holders and a blanket this afternoon.”
“Does she want me to look at her foot?”
She bowed her head so he wouldn't see anything amiss in her eyes. “You don't have to feel obligated, Doctor.” She fiddled with her bonnet strings as an excuse not to look at him. “I'm sure there are other places you'd rather be and other people you'd rather be with.”
He stopped dead in his tracks. She kept walking.
“Cassie?” he said.
She would have been very rude to not turn around. She reluctantly stopped and looked at him.
He drew his eyebrows together. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing.”
He came closer and tilted his head to one side. “You're upset. That's not nothing.”
The headlight gave her an advantage. She could see his features clearly, but when he looked at her, all he would be able to see was the bright light.
“Blair's life is very exciting compared to hog butchering and maple sugaring.”
“Not really.”
Cassie wished for a glass of water to clear her dusty throat. “She has a nice car.”
He shrugged. “You've seen one Lexus, you've seen them all.” He raised a hand to shield his eyes. “Cassie, do you think you could turn off the light? I feel like I'm in the middle of a police interrogation.”
Reluctantly, she clicked the headlamp off. At least he wouldn't be able to see much of her face by the light of the stars or the lantern that hung on the peg next to Mammi's front door. She'd rather not compound her humiliation.
“I'm really sorry I left you to drill trees by yourself.”
“Elmer Lee and I finished together.”
“Oh.” He scrubbed his hand down the side of his face. “Blair wanted to show me her car. I thought it would be rude not to let her take me for a ride in it. Are you mad at me?”
“You've been so kind to our family. I could never be mad.”
He stepped closer and reached out his hand as if to brush his fingers against her cheek. As usual he thought better of it. He really couldn't stand the thought of touching her, could he? The concern was still evident in his eyes though. “Then what's wrong?”
“Blair is very pretty.”
“Okay?”
“You don't have to come here out of a sense of obligation when you'd rather be with her.”
He widened his eyes. “I wouldn't rather be with her.”
“I'm a nobody. My grandparents, my family, we're nothing.”
A storm gathered in his eyes. “That's not true, Cassie,” he said, his voice rough and gravelly like thunder rolling in from the east.
“Blair has an important career. She's going places, meeting people, brokering deals, making money. Her life is so exciting, so purposeful.”
A reserved smile played at his lips, as if he had hope for something but didn't dare give the hope wings. “Are you jealous of Blair?”
They both turned as Dawdi and Titus appeared from the woods dragging their sleds behind them.
“The tree buckets are emptied,” Titus said, tapping the ten-gallon bucket on his sled, “and our buckets are full.” The toothpick in his mouth bobbed up and down. “We tried not to listen too hard.”
“I don't know about you, Cassie,” Dawdi said with a tease in his expression. “But Titus and I aren't nobodies.”
How long had they been standing out of sight listening in? “I know, Dawdi. You're right.”
“I've been married sixty-four years to the best woman in the world. I've got thirteen children and nearly a hundred sensible grandchildren. Titus is about the best helper a dawdi could ask for.”
Titus nodded. “But we weren't listening all that hard.”
Dawdi nudged Titus's elbow. “Let's take this sap to the sugar shack and get inside. It's cold enough to freeze my toes off.”
Zach studied Cassie's face as Dawdi and Titus pulled their sleds around behind the barn. “Are you cold?”
“Jah.”
“Can we go in the barn and talk?”
“I should get inside.”
He made puppy dog eyes at her. “Please, Cassie. We need to talk.”
We need to talk.
Code for “I'm not really interested.”
She gave in and led the way to the barn. It wouldn't be much warmer, but at least her cheeks wouldn't turn bright red from the cold.
The pungent odor of manure and hay tickled her nose as she entered. She took the propane lantern from the peg and set it on Dawdi's workbench. By the beam of the headlight, she found matches in one of the drawers and lit the mantel. The lantern hissed to life and sent a bright glow into the dark recesses of the barn. She turned off the headlight, peeled it from her head, and set it on the worktable. Iris the cow and Dawdi's horse stirred quietly in the shadows.
Cassie leaned back against one of the supporting beams and peered at Zach. He was unbearably handsome. It was going to hurt really bad this time. The warmth of the barn felt stifling. She took off her bonnet and let it dangle from her fingers.
Zach eyed her hair, then stuffed his hands into his pockets as if imprisoning them. “I've got to know, Cassie. Why are you so upset about Blair?”
She took a deep breath. Might as well confess her weaknesses. Zach already knew what they were. It was the reason he kept his distance. The reason he wasn't interested. “It's not Blair. I don't want her life. I never fit in at college because I want a little house with a white picket fence. I want children and a husband and a quiet life full of quilts and church and family.” She turned her face from him. “I don't have earnings potential or a stock portfolio. I'm not ambitious or modern. I have old-fashioned values and outdated morals.”
“Then why are you jealous?” he whispered.
Her voice cracked in about a thousand different places. “Because she's the kind of girl you want, and I'm not.”
There. She'd said it. Let him relish his victory, the fact that she had disliked him so much at first.
His expression melted like butter on a stack of warm pancakes with thick maple syrup on top. “Cassie, do you like me?”
She wrapped her arms tightly around her waist. “Of course I like you.”
“But do you
like
like me?”
“
Like
like you?” He wasn't going to make this easy. She sighed from deep within her throat. “Jah. I like like you.” She thought maybe she loved him, but he would never get that out of her.
“Do you want to hear something shocking?” His smile put that propane lantern to shame. “I
like
like you too. But it's probably more like seventeen likes.” He took a step closer. “You are the girl I want.”
She furrowed her brow. “No, I'm not.”
“I've never been so sure about anything.”
Her heart sprinted down the lane and back. “But how can that be? I'm not smart or ambitious or tough.”
“I know enough women who are tough. I want a woman who is tender. I want a woman who is sweet and soft and strong at the same time.”
“I'm not strong,” she murmured, mesmerized by the intensity she saw in his eyes.
“You had the strength to leave your community. You went to college without even a high school education. You fought off a lot of jerks. You absorb your mother's criticism and return it with kindness.” He took another step closer. “Cassie, you are the strongest person I know.”