How to Be a Great Lover (16 page)

So, as with any sexual information, if it works for you terrific. And if not, there are plenty of other ways you and your partner can enjoy yourselves sexually.

First Things First

• It goes without saying that in this section cleanliness is next to you-know-what. The sex acts that follow should only be considered after a shower, hot tub, or bidet; this isn't an after-the-gym thing. As one man shouted to his wife when he entered the house, "Honey I had a bidet!"
  
• Should you want to penetrate him anally, watch your nails. Make sure they are short enough by testing them on yourself first. You may be surprised at how short you'll prefer them to be. The end of the nail is important but the critical part is the edge of your nail. The anus is tightest at the entry, so that's where it will feel your nails the most.
  
• The motions you might like to try on your partner can easily be "road tested" on yourself first. That way you can also give better direction to your partner.
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  A recently evacuated bowel contains less bacteria than the average mouth.
  

• Because this area of the genitals does not self-lubricate and the tissue is very delicate, you will need to use a lubricant and ensure that it is water based if latex condoms are involved.
  

  The Three Gems
  

  The anal area is loaded with nerve endings and is therefore highly sensitive. There are three basic ways that you can sample the treats of anal sexual play.
  

  ANAL STIMULATION
  

  The reason anal stimulation feels so good is a matter of biology. To better understand this, consider what the PC muscle (Pubococcygeal muscle) does at the moment of orgasm. The PC muscle is a suspensory muscle, like a hammock, that runs like a horizontal figure eight from the front to the back of the pelvis in both sexes. During orgasm the PC muscle in both sexes contracts in rhythmic wave intervals of 0.8/second. Most women arc familiar with the vaginal pulsing at the moment of climax yet unaware that their anus will be pulsating at the same time Because the anus passes through this sheet of muscle, as it con tracts so does the anus.
  

  Anal stimulation can be done manually by inserting your fingers or toys such as anal beads, butt plugs, or vibrators. Here arc a few tips:
  

• Use gentle pressure.
  
• Make sure there are no rough edges on your toys; use a nail file to buff them down.
  
• Use different styles of stroking: circles around the anus, or stroking solely across the edges, writing the letters of the alphabet—you can even change fonts.
  
• Vibration can be added through your finger, a slim vibrator, or butt plug.
  
• To get the area ready for penetration, try inserting one finger for one minute, then two fingers for two minutes.
  
• Rather than just leaving your finger motionless in the anus, use a gentle curving in and out motion, with about a one-inch range of motion. The curving motion should go from the front to the back of his body, not side to side.
  
• To relax the anal sphincter and ease penetration, it is easier to insert a finger/small vibrator or anal beads while your partner is breathing deeply and pushing down slightly
  
• Any toy used for anal play must only be used for that purpose. Couples who have sex toys must keep the vaginal and anal toys in different bags to ensure they don't get mixed up.
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  If you're not ready to "go inside" his rectum, try massaging the outside area with your thumb pad. You will see how much this turns him on, and you never know what you'll try next.
  

• Anal beads inserted into the rectum can be jogged back and forth inside the rectum prior to orgasm, or at the moment of orgasm, either pulled out all at one time or individually. There should be a ring at the end of the anal beads to act as a flange so the beads cannot be fully inserted into the rectum.
  

  THE MALE G-SPOT MASSAGE OR MASSAGING THE PROSTATE
  

  This is the theoretical male equivalent to massaging a woman's G-spot. Many women know about the perineal "hot-spot" under a man's testicles, which is sometimes called the Male G-spot, or the 'taint. (As one seminar attendee said, "It 'taint the balls, 'taint the asshole.") The perineum is that quarter-sized area between the testicles and the anus that has little or no hair on it. Massaging this area can be done either externally or internally, depending on position and preference. Most men have experienced external but not internal stimulation of the prostate. A forty something broker from Dallas said, "I'd never had anyone even come near my rear and when my girlfriend pushed my legs above my head and massaged around my butt hole with her thumb, I had never felt anything like it. She asked me if I wanted more, and I was like 'Hell yes!' When she pushed her finger inside while going down on me, I exploded. It was so intense."
  

  Your massaging the prostate region mimics and heightens three parts of the male orgasmic response:
  

  1. the contraction and pulsing of the urethral bulb inside the prostate
     
  2. the contractions of the prostate
     
  3. the contraction of the PC muscle
     

  So when you massage the male "G-spot" externally or internally, either before or during an orgasm, the sensations of an orgasm are mimicked.
  

  EXTERNAL G-SPOT MASSAGE
  

  To externally massage the prostate, one of the best positions is to have him on his back with you between his legs. Now this can be on a bed, the floor, or with him on a chair in front of you. With one hand on the perineum, use the other to touch and stimulate another part of his body. (For example, try a modified, one-handed Ode to Bryan as you massage the perineum with your other hand.) Typically, the more sensation you can build throughout the experience the better. The most important thing is that whatever position he is in (knees bent is best), you can easily and gently adjust his scrotum, the sac with the testicles in it, to reach that important spot underneath, the perineum.
  

  Again, watch your fingernails. In this area, do not use any stroke if your nails will be felt. That can make a man very nervous. To see the difference nails make in sensation, try stroking the palm of your left hand with your right hand's thumbnail, then stroke using the pad and the first inside joint of your thumb. See the difference in sensation? Keep that in
  

  mind when you are playing in the perineal area. And be sure to use alight application of your lubricant of choice.
  

  Don't just push with constant pressure against the perineum; after a while the body numbs to constant pressure with no movement. Numbing isn't your aim. An example of this numbing effect: you feel your belt Optional Moves for External C-Spot Massage
  

• Stroke the perineum with circular or straight half-inch strokes, using the fleshy part of your thumb pad.
  
• Bend your index and middle fingers at the second knuckle. See how they look like little knees? Keep those well lubricated little knees together and use in a circular motion under the testicles. Stroke in an up-and-down vertical motion, starting at the base of the perineum and continuing up gently between the testicles and back down.
  
• Some women in my seminars use a vibrator called a Rabbit Pearl, which is designed to be inserted vaginally with a vibrating portion (the Rabbit's nose and its ears) outside to stimulate the clitoris. They report great results by having their partner lying on top of them, the vibrator inserted into themselves with the rabbit vibration on so that it simultaneously stimulates the woman's clitoris and the man's perineal area. The intensity of the vibration can be adjusted by either person.
  

  INTERNAL G-SPOT MASSAGE
  

  Step 1
  . In preparation, if you so choose, dress your finger with finger cot or a slim-fitting latex glove. Whether you choose a bare or gloved finger, both should be well lubricated, preferably with a water-based lubricant. Or, use a lubricated sex toy.
  

  Step 2
  . Insert your finger, or an anal sex toy, very slowly and very gently into your partner's anus. Ask him to bear down
  External G-spot massage
  

  when you first put it on, but
  

  then your body starts to ignore it.
  

  slightly as this will ease the entry of your finger or the toy. Let him guide you verbally on when and how to continue. Often it is best to insert part way and let the sphincter relax,
  

  

  Internal G-spot massage
  

  sometimes for a minute or two with your finger (or the toy) remaining still.
  

  Step 3
  . If you're using a finger, once you are inside past your second knuckle use your finger to give a gentle "come here" signal toward his belly button. You should feel a round sphere. You have found the prostate and are feeling it through the rectal wall.
  

  Step 4
  . Gentle motion is often the key to enjoying anal play. With your finger still inside your partner, maintain a slow curving in and out motion. Just make sure you don't pull past the edge of your nail. You want the stroking in and out sensation to be from the softness of your finger, not from the edge of your nail.
  

  Step 5
  . When you are done, use a very gentle, slow motion to withdraw your finger or the toy as you inserted it be
  especially gentle after orgasm when the PC muscle has tightened.
  

  For those in the crowd who enjoy giving their partners massages, here is a new twist. A lady in the seminar recommended this as one of their favorites. When he is totally relaxed, recently massaged, and naked on his back, she uses a wand vibrator to massage his back. Then, kneeling on the end of the table and holding the vibrator between her knees, she leans forward to go down on him. The tip of the vibrator, which is still vibrating, nestles into his anus. He goes out of his mind!
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  Almost any move you make with your fingers can be made by your tongue. With every shape your tongue can assume you can achieve slightly different sensations. To see what I mean try licking the palm of your hand using different strokes and tongue shapes.
  

  ANALINGUS
  

  Here is where cleanliness is imperative. Even though he may be totally clean, a natural scent may linger but will disappear almost immediately when it comes in contact with saliva. However, if your partner has hepatitis, do not do analingus: hepatitis is a nasty virus that is very contagious and this can be one transmission route.
  

  ROSE PETALS
  

  (RIMMING, OR CIRCLING THE WORLD)
  

  

  For this you will use your tongue like a sculpting tool on his anus. To give you an idea of what this will feel like, run your finger on the inside of your lip. See how smooth that is? The area just inside of the anus feels almost identical. And just like a rose's petals, your tongue should circle around the anus to make a flower.
  

  • You can also draw the spokes of a tire with