“Benefit?”
“Yes, benefit. Most people live in doubt and mystery, second-guessing themselves and other people. You don’t have to do that. You always know how everybody feels, and don’t try to pretend it doesn’t make your life easier. You get to coast along in your safe little bubble, watching the rest of us drown in our emotional swamps. I don’t hold it against you, but it’s hard to feel sorry for you.”
Crystal absorbed her words and the emotion behind them before she even realized what she was doing. “Damn it.” Destiny wasn’t trying to be a bitch. She’d said it as nicely as her straightforward personality would allow. And she was right. “I have no idea how I feel about Ryan.”
“If you don’t know how you feel about him, it’s because you don’t want to know.” Destiny met her gaze without backing down an inch. “Right?”
Crystal took a deep breath. “Maybe.”
Destiny glanced across the bar at Johnny. He turned around, as if he had felt her gaze caressing him, and Crystal acknowledged a sharp thrust of envy at the bond between them.
Destiny turned back to her. “Change isn’t always bad. I survived.”
“It’s a little different for me,” Crystal reminded her.
“Let me ask you this. Are you happy? Not now—I mean generally speaking. Do you live your life full of butterflies and glee?”
Nope, not even close. She lived her life in the eye of the storm, trying to avoid extremes. “I don’t want butterflies. I want balance.”
“Balance is for wimps. You are not a wimp.” Destiny stood. “C’mon, let’s go Upstairs and find some action. I’ll even top a girl tonight out of solidarity.”
Crystal didn’t move. The idea held zero appeal.
Destiny gave her a pat on the shoulder. “Just checking.” She dropped back down on her stool.
Crystal reached across the bar and dragged Destiny’s tequila shot toward her. She took a sniff, then knocked it back. She looked at Destiny. “Are you happy?”
“Joyous.” Destiny’s grin was backed up by a flash of wicked exuberance. “Join me on the bright side.”
Did staying balanced mean she would always be alone? For the first time since she had started feeling other people’s emotions, she wasn’t sure staying shielded was going to solve her problems. But the prospect of doing anything else scared her to death.
Chapter Nine
Ryan jumped as his car door opened, hoping it was finally Crystal, throwing him a bone.
Instead, Destiny’s tough-guy boyfriend dropped into the seat beside him and shut the door. “You poor bastard.” His grin was patronizing as hell.
Ryan eyed him and said nothing.
“Destiny says you sit out here every night waiting for Crystal.”
“So what?” It was enough that she knew he was there.
“And you deliver coffee and flowers every morning.”
“And your point is?”
“Smother people much?”
“Considering Crystal won’t give me the time of day, I think I’ve been patient and restrained.”
“Your strategy sucks.”
Jesus, the guy was blunt. And pissing him off. He debated the wisdom of taking a shot at a guy who had tattoos down to the wrist on each arm, a ring in his eyebrow, a half-dozen studs in his ear, and an air about him that told Ryan he would enjoy a fight. Worth it?
Yes, but not in the Cayman. Too restrictive.
Ryan turned to face him head-on, but the guy held up a hand. “Simmer down, frat boy. I’m trying to help you.”
“Then you better say something helpful pretty fucking fast or I’m going to kick your condescending ass out of this car and up and down the street.” Anything would be better than waiting outside Come Again every day for two weeks and getting his ass whipped without exchanging a word or a blow.
The guy laughed. “Since you asked so nicely, don’t mind if I do. Crystal is an empath. She senses emotions. I don’t consider myself particularly sensitive, but you’re giving off so much heat, even I can feel it. I’m not sure why I give a shit, but if you want to get anywhere with Crystal, you better dial it back, buddy. She’s used to blocking people, and I guarantee the harder you beat on her door, the tighter she’s going to lock it. Give it a rest, man. Maybe even get out of town for a while. She needs a break.”
“How come you know so much about Crystal?” Ryan asked, suspicion making him angrier.
“Because she spends every night at my bar, trying not to talk about you.”
“Really?” The word popped out before he could censor his hope. “Where is this bar?”
“I’m not going to tell you until you agree to control your damn emotions. You’ll sign a waiver at the door, but I don’t want any trouble.”
“A waiver? Seriously? What kind of bar is it?”
“Hang on, let me get my girl and I’ll tell you over dinner. You’re buying and I’m driving your car.” He said it like it was an order, but he waited for Ryan to agree to his demand and the gleam in his eyes let him in on the joke. Ryan had a feeling he knew what kind of a bar the man owned. The leather and tattoos, the shaved head and piercings, Destiny’s dreadlocks and fierce attitude began to make sense. He ducked his head in a curt nod. “It’s a deal.”
The guy held out his hand. “Johnny Delcorral.”
“Ryan Anderson.”
They shook hands, and Johnny climbed out of the car.
Ryan felt a wry smile twist his lips. Now he was getting somewhere.
Crystal glanced over her shoulder and saw Destiny entering the bar, followed by Johnny. She swiveled back around and sipped her drink, waiting for them to make their way across the room to her. “About time,” she said as Johnny finally ducked under the gate and Destiny dropped onto a stool next to her. She’d been at Downtown waiting for them for an hour already.
She glanced over as someone sat on her other side.
Ryan gave her a tight-edged smile.
Her heart lurched and began racing. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Stepping it up a notch.”
She frowned, trying to figure out what was different about him. He was wearing the same dark gray suit he’d been wearing this morning when he dropped off her coffee and a black orchid that looked like a baby vampire bat. The note said s
till waiting
. So many flowers had arrived over the last week and a half that the shop was beginning to look like a rain forest, shelves stashed with unexpected bursts of outrageous color and spare beauty. Since she hated to waste good coffee and the double hit of caffeine had been giving her a headache, she’d stopped her customary visit to Tim Hortons every morning.
Wait…that was it. Ryan wasn’t giving her a headache. In fact, he wasn’t giving off any surface emotions at all. Were his morning visits and the flowers around the shop acting as desensitization therapy? Was she getting used to him?
He reached out to run his finger along the shoulder strap of her dress, dipping to trace a path across her cleavage. Her nipples peaked under the warm metal mesh of the dress and she had to concentrate to keep her breathing even and light. She couldn’t do anything about the fast beat of her heart, and by the way his finger paused to tap the telltale pulse at her throat, she knew she wasn’t fooling him. Nope, she wasn’t getting used to him physically, at least.
“You said no more meddling,” she accused Destiny.
“Wasn’t me,” Destiny retorted. She leveled a finger at Johnny. “It was him.”
Johnny shrugged. “He’s a natural. I hate to waste good raw material.”
Natural? A natural what? His three-piece suit didn’t exactly scream deviant. Crystal watched Ryan’s eyes linger on the sub corner then travel to the tables, where the Dominants and kinksters were gearing up for Saturday night. Some of them were members Upstairs and would take their play up to Johnny’s private club. Others would pick a partner and head out for the night or hang out in the bar. What did Ryan think of her world?
A slow grin lit his face. “You said there’s an upstairs?”
Johnny nodded. “Members-only, but I’ll let Destiny take you up if you’re interested. It’s orgy night. Can you handle that, frat boy?”
“Sure,” Ryan said easily, not seeming to take offense at the casual insult. “But it would be nice to have a guided tour. Can Crystal come too?” At Johnny’s curt nod, he turned to her. “That’s what you’re into, right? Orgies? You did say you could take on a frat house and a sorority. I wouldn’t mind giving that a try.”
Her heart beat a slow thunder in her ears as he threw down the gauntlet. She felt cold, nearly frozen, even when Destiny took her hand and squeezed it. “He’s awfully cocky for someone wearing so many clothes,” she whispered. “Let’s take him Upstairs, strip him down and make him put his money where his mouth is.”
The sexy go-for-broke dynamic of orgy night always reminded Crystal of how out of control and lonely she had been that night in the frat house and how ashamed she had been afterwards—but Destiny didn’t know anything about her past. What would happen if she put herself in the middle of another orgy? Panic? Arousal?
They were all looking to her, waiting for her answer.
She felt a trickle of cold sweat run down the underside of her arm. Could she handle the surging emotions of the crowd long enough to finally convince Ryan he was wasting his time? Not only handle it, but participate? She shivered.
Ryan put his arm around her shoulders, drawing her into the warmth of his body. She looked up at him, growing colder. The last time she had been in a room full of sexual energy, she had ached for him. This time she would have him, but it was too late. Too much had changed and she needed to get her life back on track. Maybe this was the way to do it.
She forced herself to stand up and give Ryan a slow smile. “Sounds like a good time to me.”
Ryan stifled a sigh of relief. He had been afraid she’d run again. Instead she led the way across the bar. He hoped that meant he was doing a good job keeping his emotions to himself. It wasn’t easy, though. During his morning stops at Come Again, they had the counter between them. There was nothing keeping them apart now except air and clothes, and her dress was made out of woven chains that rippled provocatively over her body. He wanted to run his hands over her curves and see if the dress was cool, or warm from her body heat. Curiosity was driving him crazy, but he forced himself to remain calm and in control. Control was the key, as Johnny had explained over dinner. Ryan was willing to master the finer points of BDSM etiquette later, if that was something Crystal enjoyed. For now, it was enough to know that she might let him near her if he was, as Destiny had put it, a good boy.
He followed the women down a short hallway and watched Destiny draw a key out of the pocket of her leather skirt. She unlocked a door and they continued up a staircase. Ryan heard music and felt a bass line reverberating in the walls and under his feet. There was another door at the top of the stairs. Destiny held it open and motioned them through.
He was half-hard from watching Crystal climb the stairs in front of him, and when the room came into focus, he sucked in a quick breath. He heard Destiny laugh, and when he looked over at her, she already had her hand tangled in the long blond hair of a mostly naked man, forcing him to his knees in front of her.
“I thought she was with Johnny,” he said, surprised.
A tense smile lifted Crystal’s lips. “Apparently, there’s love…and then there’s recreation.”
He glanced back at Destiny and found her looking at him.
Be good
, she mouthed. He rolled his eyes. Control, right.
He turned his attention to Crystal, wondering why she wasn’t diving into the middle of the naked pile of bodies writhing on the sectional couch. Or the leather chaise lounges. Or the table. This was where she had spent the last two weeks? There was nothing about her expression or body language that made him believe she wanted to join the crowd. She wasn’t even looking at anybody. Still, if she hung out in the leather bar downstairs, or up here in this crazy sex club, she must be into it. For her, he’d give it a try.
“C’mon.” He took her hand and discovered it was cold. He rubbed warmth into her fingers with both his palms and pulled her toward the couch. She followed slowly, allowing him to position her between his thighs as he sat on the arm of the couch, just at the edge of the fray.
She shivered as he cupped her breasts through her slinky dress. The metal was warm, he discovered. God, he loved the weight of her breasts in his hands. He reached for the thin shoulder straps and slid them down, baring her nipples. He sat, looking but not touching, reminding himself to stay in control. Crystal needed him in control.
He lifted his gaze to her face. Her eyes were shut and there was a light sheen of sweat on her face, far more than arousal could explain. Cautiously, he grasped her tight waist, then explored the tense muscles of her buttocks and thighs. He ran his hands over the icy skin of her arms, stopping to hold her hands in both of his.
“Crystal?” he asked. “Are you all right?”
Eyes shut, she nodded, but he didn’t believe her. Why was she lying? She was far from all right. He didn’t know how he had expected her to behave in the middle of an orgy, but it wasn’t like this.
He squeezed her hands. “Open your eyes.”