Home is Where the Heart Is (Home #1) (26 page)

“Here for your Daddy issues, Barbie, or did you break a nail?”

Isabelle whirled around to face a smirking Kimberley.

“Are you stalking me?” she demanded.

Kimberley grinned. “I’m just watching your back.”

“So you can make sure it’s only you attacking me when I’m not looking?”

“Something like that,” Kimberley replied, edging closer. “So, any reason you’re looking at that door like it holds all the answers?”

Panic pressed down on her chest. Kimberley couldn’t know how messed up she was. No one could. She had to lie and it had to be convincing.

Thinking on her feet she remembered a poster she’d eyed earlier.

“I’m looking for the poetry competition,” she said boldly.

Kimberley raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes,
really
.”

Pursing her lips Kimberley grabbed Isabelle in an iron tight grip and yanked her down the hall ignoring her protests and struggles.

For a skinny thing she certainly had some strength to her.

It wasn’t until Kimberley stopped in front of the door to the hall and loosened her hold that Isabelle could break free.

“What the hell?” Isabelle snarled rubbing her raw arm.

Kimberley gestured to the hall with her head. “Poetry contest is inside. You’re welcome.”

Isabelle’s eyes widened. Oh damn, Kimberley had totally called her bluff. Now what was she supposed to do?

“Are you going in or am I walking you back to
kumbaya
your feelings out?”

Isabelle’s jaw tightened. Yeah, she was so done being pushed around and manipulated by this damaged, slip of a girl.

“After you,” she replied curtly.

Kimberley smirked, but her eyes had almost softened which was pretty weird and totally confusing.

Shaking it off Isabelle slunk into a chair at the back of the room and half listened to the teacher explain the rules.

Raw.

That was the theme. To write about something raw and real. For once she embraced the tightening in her chest and rode the anxiety instead of trying to suppress it or let it overwhelm her.

She picked up her pen and just let her emotions flow through her.

I am ice.

Cold. Hard. Unfeeling.

I feel no warmth, nor can I create any.

The world passes me by as I stand motionless.

Trapped in this rut I seem to fall deeper into.

The colours; so bright, blinding and harsh to my eyes are unfocused.

I am ice and from my frozen prison the world is blurred.

My heart shatters into frozen shards.

I can’t get close to those I should love.

I cannot register anything other than cold.

I am ice with no means to ever defrost.

Where I should feel heat from passion,

I am frozen. I am numb.

Desperate hands try to clutch me,

Attempt to melt me even just a little.

I am pure ice and the attempts are futile.
 

Tears I want to cry, freeze on my face,

I get colder. Life gets harder.

No one will ever understand the torment of my isolation.

How deep it hurts to be frozen out from your world,

And never be allowed back in again.

I am forever suspended in time.

Observing the world around me but never being part of it.

I am ice.

And I wish it would kill me.

CHAPTER 10
JACE

Her words. Her pain, it was tangible.

It was brutal but it was also beautiful.

Jace stared at the notice board, or more specifically, Isabelle’s poem displayed boldly next to Kimberley’s on the notice board.

Her words slid over him and he felt a stupid urge to either hit something or cry. He hated that she felt this way but really hated that she had ripped herself raw and now the whole school would bear witness to it.

Distractedly he eyed Kimberley’s poem to try and ease his anger, but after he finished reading the last paragraph – twice - he felt more enraged than ever.

Not caring about the consequences he ripped both poems down and shoved them in his bag. Screw the school and the idiots in it having that kind of emotional ammo. Not even Kimberley deserved that.

“Hey!”

Jace jumped and spun around to see Isabelle beaming at him.

“What are you doing?”

He hid shaking hands in his pockets and forced a lazy smile.

“Keeping up to date with the school’s riveting current events.”

Isabelle quirked an eyebrow. “Riveting?”

Jace pulled her to the front of the board then covered her back with his body, lightly boxing her in and feeling her tremble against him.

“See?” he said gruffly in her ear, pointing at the first sign he saw. “How else would I know where I can rent a tux for formal?”

Isabelle turned in his arms so their noses were practically touching. “You’d wear a tux?”

“Enjoying that mental image, huh?”

“Are you this arrogant with your other girls?”

Her words sent a flare of annoyance through him. He was no angel but when had he ever done anything to give her the impression that his interest went anywhere beyond her?

He backed her up so she was pressed against the board, leaning down so his lips were at her ear.

“There’s only one girl, Isabelle.”

Her breathing hitched, her eyes widened and filled with anticipation.

Holy shit. Did she want him to kiss her?

He ran his thumb across her bottom lip gently.

“Jace,” Isabelle whispered brokenly.

He tilted his head down slowly, giving her ample time to pull away and stop him.

But she didn’t stop him.

The fucking announcement did.

“To the principal’s office immediately: Isabelle Mason and Kimberley Evans. Repeat, needed in the office without delay: Isabelle Mason and Kimberley Evans.”

“Shit,” Jace muttered irately, pressing his forehead against Isabelle’s.

She smiled up at him sheepishly. “That’s my cue to go.”

Reluctantly Jace released her, stepping back to put some space between them before he did something stupid like kiss her anyway.

“I want to take you out tomorrow night,” he stated firmly.

“Like a date?”

“No, not
like
a date,” he replied.

Isabelle’s face flushed and she looked ready to bolt.

Damn. He was pushing too much.

“Just think about it,” he told her with a smile. “No pressure.”

Returning his smile with a shy one Isabelle nodded and then hurried toward the office.

“Well, well, well, look who’s gone and gotten himself pussy whipped.”

Jace stiffened and turned to a sneering Tyler.

“Shut your mouth,” Jace growled.

“You didn’t correct me, man,” Tyler taunted.

“I’d be happy to correct your face if you don’t shut up and move out of my way.”

Tyler grinned broadly. “You know, I miss stoner Jace, he was way more fun. The new Jace is an uptight bitch. Actually, speaking of tight bitches, how’s Isabelle measure up? Once she’s done with you, I’d be happy to show her what a good time really is.”

Grabbing Tyler by the throat, Jace slammed him hard against the notice board, sending flyers fluttering around them.

“You don’t speak to her, you don’t look at her, you don’t even think about her or I’ll ruin you. You got that?”

“Whoa! Dude, let go!” Matt yelled, pulling Jace off a choking Tyler.

Jace shot Tyler a final threatening glare, shrugged Matt off and stalked away.

Man, what he really needed was a joint to settle his anger and dull his emotions but he wasn’t going to fall into Tyler’s trap. Shit, he was so messed up, why were his emotions always so tightly wound and this irrational rage so quick to boil to the surface? Maybe he really was a head case.

“Dude, what the hell was that?” Matt demanded as he caught up.

“Tyler’s a dick and needed a lesson in respect.”

Matt eyed him wearily. “And since when were you the guy to be teaching those kinds of lessons?”

“Since he pissed me off,” Jace replied through gritted teeth.

“Because of Isabelle.”

It wasn’t even a question, just a flat statement which pissed Jace off further. And he really didn’t like the way Matt was looking at him or how he’d said Isabelle’s name.

“What?” he rasped in annoyance.

Matt held his hands up but didn’t back away. “You’re so juiced, man, ready to take anyone’s head off. Hell, you’d probably even kill for that girl and she’s not even yours, so I’m just a bit worried is all.”

Jace had to work to push away the venom he wanted to spew at his best friend. He was so sick of having his feelings for Isabelle examined closely and everyone needing to have a damn opinion. Who gave a shit if he’d stopped partying and started going to class? It wasn’t affecting their life so they needed to stop affecting his.

“I’ve got it handled,” Jace chewed out.

“Right, well I got your back if you don’t.”

And with a slap on the back, Matt left Jace without any further pushing or prying.

Jace sighed deeply and took a few calming breaths.

He did need a tighter handle on himself if he was ever going to win Isabelle over. He could probably get Giselle to give him some of her anti-anxiety medications if he asked nice enough.

He pulled out his phone to send a text when it started to vibrate with an unknown number calling.

“Hello?”

“Jace?”

He froze in place, unsure if he’d started hallucinating.

“Son, you there?”

“What do you want?” he whispered.

His Dad sighed in relief.

“Oh, thank God you picked up. It’s so good to hear your voice.”

Jace felt numb as the words washed over him.

Was this really happening right now?

“I’ve got so many regrets, Jace, there’s so many things I need to atone for and wish I could change. I have missed out on and hurt you all so much, it makes me feel sick thinking about it.”

“What do you want, Simon?” Jace snapped as anger burned through the numbness.

“Just a chance to explain, and to apologise. I’ve been going to AA and I’m a year sober no”

“And I’m just supposed to believe you?”

“Son, listen…”

“No Simon,
you
listen. You’re a sperm donor, not a father. You are the nightmare I’m trying not to wake up to and the reason
my
family is broken. I don’t give a fuck about what you want, how you’re doing or how sorry you feel. There’s nothing you have to say that I want to hear, so just crawl back into your hole and leave us all the hell alone.”

“I love you son. I’ve always loved you,” his Dad sobbed in reply.

A single tear fell down Jace’s face.

“Fuck you,” he snarled before throwing his phone against the ground with such force it shattered.

Thankfully, the hallway was practically empty now, as his legs gave way and he collapsed to his knees, his body wracked with silent sobs.

Three years of nothing and now he decides to call? That man completely shattered their family. He is the reason his own Mother can’t even look at him, and he thinks ‘I’m sorry’ is going to fix all that?

Hell. No.

The memories started to come at him then, attacking him from within, so unrelenting he couldn’t take it for one more second. He needed an out, an escape. He would welcome the numbness, thrive in the empty feeling of nothing if it meant the aching in his chest would stop. Pushing away the guilt, he got to his feet with purpose and headed towards the bong hut at the edge of the school grounds.

He’d deal with the fallout tomorrow.

*

Through the haze and blissful calm, Jace realised the golden hues above him had been replaced by a shimmering darkness. How long had he been lying here for now? Six hours? Seven? Who even cared? It wasn’t like anyone would notice he was gone.

He lit up another joint and inhaled his high while trying to find some shapes and sense in the stars.

“Is this party solo or can anyone join?”

Not entirely sure she wasn’t a beautiful hallucination, Jace said nothing as Isabelle lay down next to him. They lay in silence as Jace finished the joint and tried to find the words to say to her.

“Everyone’s been looking for you,” Isabelle told him quietly.