Authors: Jillian Hart
And so what if he stood watching, to make sure she made it safely to her car? It wasn’t because he cared. He was simply doing the right thing. There were criminals in the world, maybe not running rampant in the hospital lot, but it was better to be safe than sorry.
He waited until she had slipped behind the wheel, had settled in and started the engine before he took his first step away. Instead of zipping out of the lot, she laid her arms on the steering wheel and buried her face. He was too far away to see her shoulders shake, but he could sense them. He could feel the tortured fall of each tear.
K
atherine had fallen asleep by the time he’d wandered into her room. It was very late. Jack clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Can you believe it? It all turned out fine.”
“You had about a million prayers helping.” Spence kept his voice low. There was a hospital bassinet by Katherine’s bedside. The baby was quiet, probably sleeping, too. “You sure had all of mine.”
“Thanks. I know it will mean a lot to Katherine, too. I need to ask Dorrie something. Do you mind?”
“I’ll hold down the fort.”
After Jack was gone, he hesitated going outside the door. He hated to disturb Katherine, but he wanted to take a peek at the baby. His boots made faint squeaks on the tile floor as he circled over to the bassinet.
Bundled in blue, the baby was asleep, tiny fists curled, round face relaxed, looking impossibly fragile. Right away he could see Katherine in him. That was her sloping nose and carved chin. Spence melted a little more. He was another little nephew to spoil and protect and play ball with—not now, of course, but in time.
“He looks like Dad, doesn’t he?” Katherine’s voice rasped, part whisper, part exhaustion.
“Didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t. I was resting. I can’t believe he’s here. The last nine months have seemed like forever, and suddenly, here he is. He’s too good to be true. But he is.”
“Yes, he is.” Spence couldn’t get Lucy off his mind. The roads were awful. Someone in the family should have offered to take her home. “I’m glad you’re both okay.”
“We’re more than okay. We’re all happy. Deliriously, perfectly happy.”
That was what he had been praying for, for each of his sisters. He was grateful to God for answering those prayers.
“I want you to meet John Spencer Munroe.” Katherine’s voice was pure love. “We named him after Dad and you.”
“Me?” That was
not
emotion burning behind his eyes. Spence stubbornly blinked, struggling to make his heart stone once again. It was impossible. He used to be in control of his feelings. He used to be stone and steel. And now, look at him, all sappy with feelings. It was Lucy’s fault. Lucy, and nobody else.
“Kath, that’s real nice of you and Jack.”
“You’ve been a good big brother to me, Spence. You are always there for me if I need you.”
“I’m always going to be.” It was a given. “You’re a pretty great sister, Katherine.”
“You’re a pretty great brother.” Her eyes teared up, letting him know she heard what he couldn’t say. “I’m going to rest my eyes a little more.”
“I’ll sit here until Jack returns.” Spence leaned back in the chair, lost in the shadows, listening to Katherine’s breathing slow. The baby started to flail his fists.
“Hey there, John.” He whispered, leaning close to get a look at the little fellow. “You don’t want to wake your mom. You got a real good one.”
The baby’s eyes opened and squinted up. He seemed surprised to see another human looking down at him.
“I imagine this is all pretty confusing.” He scooted to the edge of the chair and offered the baby his thumb. Perfect, tiny fingers curled around it, holding on tight. “You have come to a very good place.”
The baby yawned, so little and dear. Too many feelings to name crashed at the walls of his heart, like a flash flood tearing down a dam, leaving destruction in its wake. Dad’s words echoed above the rush.
It has been my wish you would have a son one day.
This was his future—welcoming nephews and nieces into the world, then going home to his empty house full of unoccupied rooms. There was never going to be his own son, no wife with Lucy’s smile, no one and nothing but emptiness. He would grow old that way, grumbling about the profit margin at the store, griping about errands that needed to be done, one long day after another.
His vision blurred. That wasn’t how he wanted to spend the days of his life, miserly as if pinching moments like pennies, with no one to share it with. Nothing could be worse than never teaching a son to play basketball or never walking a daughter down the aisle. He couldn’t stand to think of a future without the comfort of Lucy’s love and Lucy’s laughter.
The baby’s grip on his thumb tightened. Wide eyes gazed up at him, a little unfocused, and the little guy gave a hiccup. There was so much need in the baby’s grip that it tugged at Spence’s heart and tore it loose.
A son. He wanted that with all his might. There was only one thing he wanted more: Lucy. Dad had been right. He hadn’t let Lucy in. He hadn’t let her love him. He had been too afraid. Panic began beating at him, and fear whispered in his soul. It had always been like that. He had always been certain he wasn’t lovable. But the truth was, his family loved him. Maybe, just maybe, Lucy could have loved him, too. But he had gone and ruined that. He thought of her crying in the parking lot. Yeah, he had ruined things.
Now what do I do?
He bowed his head, reaching out to the Lord.
Do I have a chance to make this right with her?
When he opened his eyes, there was only silence. No blaring answer from above. No indication heaven had heard him.
“What do you think, John?” he asked the baby.
The infant was no help. John’s eyes drifted shut and gradually his fingers loosened. What a nice little guy.
Yep, he wanted one of those. He wanted a lot of things he had been too afraid to hope for. But had the Lord heard him? He sat in the darkness a long while and began to dream, just a little, of what his future could be. He imagined Lucy asleep in a hospital bed and their newborn son snoozing cozily in a bassinet. Tenderness broke him in pieces.
There was only one truth he was left with: the shining, flawless love in his heart, his love for Lucy that nothing in this life could diminish.
That was answer enough.
It had been a tough night, and the morning wasn’t looking much better. Lucy waded down her driveway, battling the driving wind and drifting snow. She was so cold that her bones were beginning to freeze. Thanks to the mean winter storm, she found no delight in the falling snow.
She was at the end of her mile-long driveway, but where was her car? Nowhere in sight. Only a white hump. Her poor car. She had parked it here last night, unable to battle the unplowed lane. Next winter she was buying a tank. Or at least one of those Humvee things the Army uses. Too bad she hadn’t thought to bring a shovel with her.
Maybe she wasn’t in the best mood because she’d hardly slept a wink, thanks to Spence. Nothing had been worse than seeing him sitting in that waiting room like a statue, unaffected and uncaring, acting as if she wasn’t even there.
She had been up since four in the morning, pounding out the ending to her book. Unlike Spence, the hero in her story had been able to find his heart. He realized that life meant living and not existing. It meant loving fully, as if loss could never happen. For love and everything good in this world is never truly lost. Love matters, life matters, and kindness matters above all.
If only life was one of her stories. She thought of Spence, and anguish ripped through her like a lightning strike. She hated that she loved him so much. She wished she could stop the tides of affection that ran as vast as the ocean and twice as deep.
The wind gusted, cruelly driving snow into her face. She took another step and sank up past her knees in a drift. Great. She pulled her leg out of the deep snow only to realize the drift had kept her boot.
Super great. Maybe it was a sign from above that she should skip the Project Santa meeting. All the volunteers were meeting for a last-minute check to make sure they were on track, so it was important she showed up. The thought of seeing Spence again made her want to go back home and stay there.
She reached into the snow and hauled up her boot.
Before she could finish pulling it onto her freezing foot, a green pickup lumbered around the corner.
Spence. She lost her balance and her sock hit the snow. The boot dangled from her hand as he rolled to a stop in front of her like a shining knight coming to her rescue.
The window zipped down. “You look a little cold. Need any help?”
Seeing his chiseled handsomeness and his solid goodness made her shatter all over again. “I don’t need your help.”
“Looks like you need someone’s help.”
“Not yours.” She fumbled with the boot in her hand and somehow wedged it onto her snow-caked sock. What she needed was for him to go away. She needed to get over him. She needed to find a way to stop the endless well of her love for him. What she needed was for him to let joy and love into his heart. The chances of that happening had to be nonexistent.
His door swung open and he hopped down, moving toward her in that confident way of his. Oblivious of the pounding snow, his wide shoulders were braced, his jaw set, his mouth a tight hard line. He ground to a halt in front of her. “Katherine had her baby.”
“I heard. Danielle called me late to say that everyone was fine.”
He towered over her, as cold as the winter storm. Why was he doing this? Panic pummeled her like the wind. She didn’t want to hurt anymore. She didn’t want to feel the misery of loving a man who could not love her. Looking at him was killing her. He was every piece of her broken dreams. “Why are you here?”
“We have to talk.”
“About the project. I should have seen this coming. You’re going to kick me off the committee now, aren’t you?”
“Uh—” He swiped the snow from his eyelashes.
“It is the only reasonable solution. I understand why you’re doing it.” She looked even more sad. “At least most of the work is done. Mostly just the gift wrapping is left.”
“I thought we were all getting together tomorrow night and having a wrapping party at my house.” Call him confused, but he had a lot on his mind. He gathered up his courage, prepared for rejection and tugged the ring box from his coat pocket.
“Don’t forget the final catering approval,” she went on, talking fast, as if she couldn’t wait to get this done with and get far away from him. Or, he realized, maybe she was still hurting something fierce. “Someone has to get any last-minute gifts, if there’s an admission on Christmas day.”
“Slow down, Lucy.” Kindly, he said the words. Gently, he took her left hand and tugged her glove off.
“What?” Her eyes widened when she saw the ring. It was a flawless, two carat diamond surrounded by the finest sapphires money could buy.
Terror hit him like an avalanche, but he held his ground. He steeled his courage and slid the ring onto her finger. “I’m sorry for how I treated you, Lucy. But I promise it won’t happen again. I don’t know if you can love me, but I love you. Deeply. Truly. Forever. I am and always will be committed to you. Will you marry me?”
“You’re proposing to me?”
“You look shocked. It’s all right, darlin’.” He pressed a kiss to her ring finger. “Do you want me to say all that again?”
“No, I just can’t believe it.” Tears filled her eyes. “But you said—”
“I know what I said. I used to be a man who was a whole lot more sensible. Now look at me. Kneeling in the snow. Proposing. Blowing an entire certificate of deposit on an engagement ring.”
“What will people think?” Happy tears spilled down her cheeks. “You might lose your edge.”
“I’m not worried about that.” He climbed to his feet and wiped those tears from her cheeks. He was captivated by her. With the snowflakes sparkling in her hair like rare jewels, she made him believe in love. She had changed his world. Yep, it was all her fault, and he thanked her for it. “What I’m worried about is spending my whole life without you. I trust you, Lucy. I believe in you. I need you. My world has no meaning unless you love me.”
“I do love you, Spence.” More tears. He kissed them away, tenderly, lovingly, just like her Christmas wish come true.
“But you said you can’t give me what I want. That you didn’t have heart enough.”
“Your love changed my heart, Lucy.”
She could see that was true. “Your love has changed mine, too.”
Sweetness filled her. Joy brimmed over. Her dreams became whole, her soul buoyant with hope. Spence did look changed. There was no more scowl, no more bark, no more bite. He towered over her, more handsome for his open heart. Stalwart, he looked every inch of a man a woman could trust with all her most precious dreams.
Wishes bubbled to the surface: quiet, unspoken hopes for a future with Spence. She saw a lasting, deep true love and children of their own. She dreamed of a long lifetime of little moments spent with her husband, laughing and talking and experiencing life together.
“Yes, Spence, I would love to marry you. How does a Valentine’s Day wedding sound?”
“Perfect.”
He sounded like a man who believed in love and happily ever afters. He looked like a man who was deeply, endlessly, hopelessly in love with her. She knew, because that was how she felt. Her dreams were coming true. “Do you know what? This is a happy ending.”
“I’ve changed my mind. I like fairy-tale endings.” His kiss was tender perfection and full of love without end.
December, three years later.
G
ran’s kitchen was warm from all three ovens baking away and fragrant with the delicious scents of vanilla and gingerbread and sugar icing. Lucy breathed in the amazing aroma, one that had come to remind her of the best the Christmas season had to offer.
“And then the moose refused to get out of our driveway. He beat his head against the side of the truck until Spence threw food out the window.” She recounted the morning’s adventure as she carefully braided together strips of plain and red-dyed cookie dough. “I don’t know if M&Ms are good for a moose, but he was satisfied. He moved over enough so that Spence could navigate around him.”
“I’m glad, because we wouldn’t want a moose blockade to keep you from our annual cookie bake-a-thon.” Ava stopped squeezing her pastry cone to glance across the room where her daughter, Sierra, was playing with Aubrey’s daughter, Lily. The toddlers were busy pushing chunky plastic trucks around on the floor.
“No!” Johnny, Katherine’s boy, stood with his hands on his hips, frowning. Apparently the girls did not play trucks to his satisfaction. He grabbed a dump truck and dropped to his knees to show them how it was done.
A baby’s cry came from upstairs.
“Looks like Madeline is up from her nap.” Katherine shone like the new mother she was—for the second time. She set down the sprinkles, her attention riveted to the stairs. “Spence is up there alone with the babies. Do you think he can handle more than one at a time?”
“Are you kidding? He’s excellent at multitasking.” Lucy did her best not to sigh. Her opinion of her husband was very high. They had been married just shy of three years. Every day that had passed had been nothing short of magnificent. How could it be anything less? Spence’s love, tender and stalwart, made her life ideal.
“You look like a very happy woman.” Gran looked up from one of two mixers on the counter and reached for the almond flavoring. “I had my doubts he would ever wise up enough to propose to you.”
“He’s the best.” Lucy gave the braided strands a curve at the top and
voilà
—a candy cane cookie. She eased it onto the baking sheet. “Even more, he’s a fabulous father.”
“We’re all very proud of him,” Aubrey spoke up from the far end of the counter, where she was adding decorative touches to a cookie tray of Santa Clauses. She was glowing in her fifth month of pregnancy. “I’m grateful he found you, Lucy. Your love changed him.”
“Oh, maybe. I think God was the one who helped him change, but one thing is for sure. He now carries Christmas in his heart every day.” She braided another candy cane, thinking of her beloved husband. He was her rock, her shelter, her bliss.
“We can’t call him Ebenezer anymore.” Rebecca, in her ninth month, could barely reach the bowl of crushed candy canes set back on the counter.
“He’s gotten so mellow. We can’t tease him about anything.” Ava made a face, adorable as always. “I’m totally bummed.”
“I’m sure the tradition will carry on,” Dorrie spoke up as she scraped creamed butter and powdered sugar from the blender’s beaters with a spatula. “It’s all part of the circle of life. Little Johnny looks like a Spencer in the making.”
“He does have Spence’s scowl,” Katherine agreed with a laugh as she carried the full sheet of cookies to the stack of ovens. “I’m sure Madeline will have many enjoyable hours in the years to come teasing her very serious big brother.”
They all turned to consider the little boy, naturally in charge. He was a cutie enjoying the role of bossing his younger cousins around.
The back door opened and a Dalmatian burst into the kitchen, nails clicking on the floor, nose in the air sniffing as if in rapture.
“Mom!” Tyler trudged into the room heading straight for Danielle, his brown hair tousled, his face reddened from playing in the snow. Madison, with snow caught in adorable brown curls, tapped in his wake. “Mom! We’re awwwwful hungry. Lucky’s awful hungry, too.”
Lucky barked in hearty agreement.
Danielle looked helplessly at the three little ones huddling around her and handed down some warm gingerbread men. “All right. You may each have just one, but you’ll spoil your dinner.”
Lucky barked, his happy tail beating against the cabinets.
“Thanks, Mom!” The kids said in unison and raced off to the living room.
Jonas, bringing up the rear, closed the back door, smiling in that easygoing way of his. Healed from his injuries, he looked as strong as ever. In his arms was their toddler, Mary. A cloud of fine baby curls framed her cherub’s face.
“Cookie!” she demanded with the sweetest smile.
Danielle complied with a kiss to her daughter’s cheek.
“Don’t I get one?” Jonas asked, and his chuckle was lost by the commotion of a toddler’s shoes thumping into the room. Lauren’s little girl, Maya, wandered in, hugging her stuffed bunny. She pointed at the counter, babbling excitedly, her father two paces behind her.
“The men need more cookies.” Caleb might have been speaking to the kitchen full of women but his gaze pinned to Lauren, who was manning the ovens. The look they shared was of pure love. True love flourished in this family. “Watching football is hard work.”
“We wouldn’t want you all to waste away.” Lauren fetched a plate from the cabinets. “I’ll load this up and bring it out to you all.”
“As long as you bring it in person so I can kiss the cook.” Caleb scooped his daughter into his arms and carried her back into the living room. Her happy squeals filled the house like Christmas joy.
A squeak of the stairs had Lucy turning toward the hallway. As always, every part of her spirit and every piece of her soul yearned for Spence. He rounded the corner cradling two babies, one in each arm.
“I brought Daniel down, too,” Spence spoke first to Ava and then to Katherine. “Madeline wanted to stay with her big sister.”
“She adores Hayden.” Katherine beamed as she reached toward the cabinets. “I’m going to take a plate of cookies upstairs. It’s wonderful having Hayden home on college break. I miss her terribly when she’s gone, so I have to spoil her.”
The family’s chatter continued, but it was all background noise as Spence ambled over. He handed Daniel over to Ava, which left him holding their son—their precious Seth.
“How are my two handsome men doing?” Lucy abandoned the cookie making to give her son a kiss on his chubby cheek.
“The two of us are just about perfect.”
“Just about?”
“Only one thing could make it better.” These days when Spence smiled, it was full-fledged and with all his heart. He was a man who had become the best of who he could be. The store, which his parents had deeded to him, was flourishing, and he had learned not to work such long hours. He had sold his house to Chad and Rebecca and enjoyed living in the country with all that snow to plow and shovel in the winter. Every year, he dressed up in the Santa suit for the hospital kids. He was a dream, and he made her life a dream come true.
“I know what that one thing is.” She went up on tiptoe and kissed her husband. Sweetness filled her, as it always did. Bliss left her as if floating in the air.
“Now my life is perfect.” Spence leaned his forehead to hers, a tender connection. The bond between them was flawless.
“Mine, too.” It was simply the truth. She had the life she had always dreamed of. She had true love, a comfortable home, a job she loved, a wonderful extended family and a beautiful baby she adored beyond measure. God had given her so many blessings, and she thanked Him every day.
“I love you so much.” She laid her hand on Spence’s jaw, incandescent.
“Not as much as I love you.” He leaned in for another kiss, cradling their son between them. “Not as much as I will love you tomorrow. Every day, I will love you more.”
“No, I will love you more.”
They smiled together. How she adored this man, her husband. He made her happy beyond imagining. He made every day feel like Christmas.
“It’s starting to snow,” Rebecca called out.
They turned together to look out the big picture windows of Gran’s old-fashioned kitchen. Tiny, delicate flakes tumbled from a white sky, falling across the wintry world and over the house, as if blessing them all with God’s perfect grace.