Highland Wolf (10 page)

He lifted his head and looked at her. There was no look of pain or disgust upon her face. The flush of desire was tinting her cheeks and darkening her midnight-blue eyes almost to black. He knew he had hurt her, but she had clearly recovered from it faster than he had anticipated.

“Has the pain passed?” he asked, not surprised to hear that his voice was little more than a growl as he was beginning to feel that he would go mad if he did not get to move inside her soon.

“Aye,” she whispered as she tried to move her legs to a position that might enhance the pleasure the feel of him inside her was stirring.

James rested his forehead against hers. “Wrap those bonnie legs around me, love.”

Annora did so and gasped, for it settled him even deeper inside her and pure delight flowed through her. “And what do I do next?”

“Enjoy,” he said. “Please enjoy this.”

She was just thinking that that was a very strange thing for him to say when he slowly pulled almost completely out of her. Before she could protest his retreat, he thrust back inside and she nearly screamed with pleasure. This was what her mother had risked so much for, she thought wildly as he continued to thrust into her, stirring up a heat that threatened to melt her. And the loss of this, she suddenly realized, was why her mother had always looked so sad. Then she thought nothing, only felt.

James fought against the urge to just take his own pleasure. Despite how badly he craved it and knowing he could probably still see that she reached her own pleasure, he controlled himself. He had to grit his teeth and occasionally think of something as dull as possible to stem his need for release, but he wanted them to find that release together, or as closely together as possible. Just as he began to think he would have to forgo that delight, he felt her body start to clench around him. A heartbeat later she cried out his name and her whole body arched and trembled as her release tore through her. The way her heat clutched at him as if trying to secure him even deeper inside her was enough to pull him over that edge as well.

Annora lay sprawled on her back, her whole body feeling as if she had worked feverishly all day. She was just becoming aware of the fact that she was still naked and not making any attempt to hide anything from James, when he slid off the bed and walked to the washbowl. Even as she struggled to make her limp arms work and grabbed the bedcovers to hide her nudity, he returned to the bed carrying a damp rag. Annora was so distracted by the sight of his tall, lean body that she barely flinched when he cleaned
her off, despite the intimacy of the act.

It was not until he crawled back into bed and took her into his arms that she began to truly regain her senses. She had just given her innocence to a man who had yet to speak any words of love. Annora knew that ought to send her running from the room and perhaps straight to a priest to confess her sin. She did not feel inclined to do either. She just wanted to stay where she was, in his arms, lightly stroking his broad handsome chest, and enjoying the feeling of lethargic happiness that filled her.

Thoughts of what would happen next began to intrude upon that pleasant oblivion, however. Annora knew she could not ignore all that was wrong with taking a lover, especially this lover. Even if James defeated Donnell and regained all that had been stolen from him, this could only be a passing affair. He was a laird. Lairds did not love and marry poor, bastard women no matter how good the lineage of one of their parents. Lairds found wives who could bring them lands and coins, add to their power or their wealth. Knowing that Donnell had probably spent or wasted most of the wealth of Dunncraig and did little to ensure that its lands were tended correctly, she felt that such things would be even more important to James. She owned nothing but the clothes she wore.

Sadness threatened to overwhelm her but she fought it back. She had chosen this and she would take all the good she could get until the end. There would be plenty of time after it ended to wallow in heartbreak and weep into her pillow.

One thing she did know was that she loved this man and it was a hopeless love. Annora felt the pain of that and then pushed it aside. If he wanted them to remain lovers, she would be his for as long as he would have her and she would not burden him with what she felt. She knew he was a good man and did not intend to hurt her. She also knew that he would have let her leave and hold fast to her innocence if she had offered any real protest. He was not really to blame for the fact that she loved him and would be heartbroken at some time in the future, except perhaps for the fact that he was so easy to love.

When he put his hand beneath her chin and tilted her face up to his, she was able to smile a little. She had had a lot of practice in hiding her hurts and sorrows. Annora refused to allow them to dim this brief time of happiness.

“Ye are verra quiet, lass,” James said and brushed a kiss over her mouth.

“I havenae yet regained the strength to have a conversation,” she replied.

He smiled and stroked her back with one hand, trailing his fingers up and down her spine. He could see no regret or even a hint of shame in her face, but her silence had begun to make him uneasy. Once James had looked into his wife’s face after they had made love and he had tried never to do so again. There had been such unhappiness there, such shame and embarrassment, that he had felt unmanned. In truth, only the lingering hope that he could teach Mary about the pleasure one could find in the marriage bed and a desire for children had given him the strength to return to her bed after that.

When Annora had remained silent for so long, he had begun to fear that she had felt the same things Mary had, and it had taken every bit of willpower he possessed to make himself look into her face. The relief he had felt at seeing only a lingering flush of a well-loved woman and a smile had made him glad he was not standing. James was sure he would have fallen on his face, for his knees had grown so weak.

Annora suddenly thought of the feelings she had sensed in James at one point and
then the words he had muttered as he had begun to make love to her. “James, why were ye so, weel, desperate at the beginning?”

It took James a moment to understand what she was referring to and then he wondered how she could have known what he was feeling. “Ye think I was desperate?”

She grimaced and prayed what she was about to say would not put a rapid end to their affair. “At times I can feel what another person is feeling. I felt the rage in ye when ye first came here, ye ken. Then that time ye insulted Donnell and I had to make up something to say when he asked what ye had said, I felt the loathing ye felt for the mon. Weel, after ye had done looking at me and started to kiss me, I felt what I can only call desperation in ye for just a moment. And, I think, just a hint of fear. I was wondering if it was something I had done to make ye feel that way.”

“Ye can feel what others feel? Truly?”

Since she sensed only a keen interest in him, Annora nodded. “’Tis a secret, ye ken. Verra few people ken that I can do that and I prefer it that way. When some have discovered what I can do, they havenae been kind.”

“Dinnae fret o’er telling me of your gift, love. I was raised by the Murrays, and that clan has a lot of people with gifts such as yours. My sister Gillyanne has much the same gift as ye do. And, aye, I was feeling desperate and not just because I have wanted ye from the start. I suppose there may have been a wee bit of fear mixed in there, too. As to why? My wife didnae like the loving. She always looked as if it pained her, humiliated her, and shamed her. Naught I could do seemed to change that. When ye were so silent for so long and then I saw that embarrassment upon your face, I feared I had erred again, that somehow I had destroyed the desire I ken weel ye were feeling at the start. I shouldnae have married her, mayhap should have guessed that she was one of those women who wouldnae like the bedding. Ah, but then I wouldnae have my Meggie.”

“Verra true.” Annora could not conceive of a woman not liking what James had made her feel, but did not say so. Such words could too easily allow him to guess how she felt about him. “Is that why ye find it hard to think she and Donnell were lovers?”

“Weel, aside from the fact that no mon likes to think his woman would desire another, aye, I do. Then again, mayhap my troubles with her were because she really loved MacKay and nay me. She may have been forced by her kinsmen to wed me, for at that time, MacKay had far less to offer her and them.”

Annora moved so that she was sprawled on top of his body. For one who had always been very modest, she was a little surprised at how much she enjoyed being naked with this man. She also wanted to banish that look of hurt from his eyes. She knew without asking that he had been a good and faithful husband to Mary and it was not his fault that she had found no pleasure in his arms.

“The fact that Mary might have loved Donnell should tell ye that ye shouldnae take to heart what was wrong between the two of ye. She didnae give ye a chance right from the start. And, of course, she clearly had verra bad taste in men.”

James grinned. There is that to consider.”

“I, of course, have verra good taste in men.”

“Mon. Only one.”

“Aye,” she said softly. “Only one.”

Annora also knew that showing him how good he made her feel, how passionate and greedy, was the surest way to kill the last of those regrets, uncertainties, and fears
Mary had left him with. She inwardly smiled as she kissed him. It would not be a huge sacrifice, either, for she was indeed a very greedy woman.

James set the mantelpiece he had finished oiling just outside the door of his workroom. It was one of the best pieces he had ever done and he was actually eager to see it displayed in the laird’s bedchamber. Soon to be his again, he vowed to himself. Today, however, even the thought of MacKay sleeping in his bed could not completely spoil James’ good humor. He felt completely sated after a long night of making love to Annora. It was the first time he had felt so since his marriage. After sending a quick, silent apology to his late wife, James had to admit that he could not recall ever feeling as good as he did right now. Annora satisfied a lot more than just his body.

“Ye are looking to be in a verra good humor,” said Big Marta as she walked up to stand beside him.

The sparkle in the older woman’s eyes told James that Big Marta knew he had spent the night holding Annora in his arms. He refused to blush, as that might indicate guilt and he felt absolutely none. Annora MacKay was his. Last night he had simply made his claim as clear to Annora as it was to him. He knew that, if he were not trapped in this disguise, he would be making that claim clear to every man at Dunncraig as well.

“Weel, a few more oilings, and this work is finished,” he said, pointing to the mantelpiece he had finished, unable to completely hide his pride in his work.

“Aye, tis a wonder what ye can do to wood, laddie, but I dinnae think tis that beauty that has ye smiling at naught but the air. Nay, not when ye havenae smiled for many a year save at our wee Meggie.” Big Marta crossed her arms over her chest and nodded. “I kenned she would be good for ye.”

James sighed and rolled his eyes. “Just how is it that ye can find out near every little secret at Dunncraig?”

“Wheesht, I wish I could do that. If I had that skill ye would be sitting in the laird’s chair where ye belong. Instead we have that vain swine sitting there destroying all he touches whilst trying to surround himself with the fine trappings of a king.”

“Aye, he needs killing.” He looked at her and asked, “Are ye telling me in your own sweet way that ye havenae found any truth behind all those rumors and whispers ye said ye have heard?” The way Big Marta pressed her lips tightly together and looked away told James that she had discovered something and was afraid he would not like it. “Did ye happen to discover that my wife wasnae the sweet, shy maid I thought her to be?”

When Big Marta spun around to gape at him in surprise, he found himself grinning despite the ugly truth he knew she was about to tell him. Few people could surprise Big Marta. It could be that by talking it all over with Annora and already facing the possibility that Mary had betrayed him, a lot of the sting such a truth could have had was gone. James also suspected that having spent the night in the arms of a woman who gave as much pleasure as she received, one who made no secret of her delight in his touch, gave him a sturdy shield against such hard, painful truths.

“Have
ye
heard something, then?” asked Big Marta.

“Nay, but Annora has a true skill for asking some hard questions and seeing things I didnae but should have. The possibility that Mary helped MacKay, might even have been his lover, has already been presented to me and I couldnae ignore or deny it. Annora also believes that Mary is dead.”

“So she did die in that fire, then.”

“Mayhap, but mayhap not. As Annora said, how could I be so certain when the body we found wasnae e’en recognizable? Howbeit, she doubted her cousin would have allowed Mary to live much longer as she was a weakness, one who, by simply walking down the road of the village, could plunge MacKay into a great deal of trouble.”

True enough. Weel, aye, I fear Mary was unfaithful to ye. That wee cottage where she was supposed to have died was where she would meet MacKay. Weel, sometimes. The maid who actually saw them together saw them inside the keep. Mary slipped into MacKay’s bedchamber once whilst he was here a-visiting as he did far too often. The maid also said that she heard more than enough to ken that it wasnae some innocent meeting atween cousins. And, nay, I willnae tell ye what maid. Leastwise, nay as long as MacKay rules here. It took a lot of persuading and vowing to be silent just to get her to tell me anything.”

“I understand and ye cannae tell her why she should trust me, either. Nay yet. Did she say exactly when she saw them together?”

“About a month ere Mary died, or we were made to think that she had.”

“But ne’er since the day Mary was supposed to have died?”

“She didnae say she had. I could speak to her again. If she did see Mary she is the type of lass who would think it a ghostie and ne’er tell anyone for fear they would think her a witch or something foolish. Why?”

“Because I think Meggie might have seen MacKay and Mary together. She told both Annora and me that she doesnae think MacKay is her father e’en though she saw him and her mother kissing once. I would have thought she was too young to see and remember such a thing if it happened ere the cottage burned down. But after? Aye, a few months or more of aging and Meggie would ken what she was seeing and remember it”

Big Marta shook her head. “The child has ne’er said a word, yet, if she did see her mother after the fire, ye would think she would have spoken of it, wouldnae ye?”

“Annora says my child learned verra quickly to keep secrets. “James sighed. “And, after thinking on the possibility that Mary was allied with MacKay, I thought long and hard on those years I was wed to Mary. A lot was wrong there and she was ne’er much of a mother to Meggie. Try as I would, I cannae e’en recall a time when I saw her holding and loving her own wee bairn. I should have looked more closely ere I married her, but I had taken my place as laird here and I wanted the wife, the bairns, and the family. Instead I got a wife who may weel have been little more than a whore sent to me by MacKay, her lover, and then three years in hell. The only blessing I got from the marriage was Meggie, my bonnie, clever Meggie.”

“Aye, the bairn is verra clever. Kenning when to keep quiet and hold fast to a secret at such a young age? Verra clever indeed. ’Tis sad that she had to learn such a thing when she was little more than a bairn, but nay such a bad thing to learn.” Looking away, Big Marta said quietly, “I ne’er really took to Mary, ye ken. She was cold.”

“Och, aye, she was. I mistook it for shyness or maidenly modesty. I will say that, if ’tis true that she was just playing at being my wife for MacKay’s sake, she didnae much like it. She may have been willing to play the whore for him in my bed, but in her heart she ne’er was one.” James grimaced. “And I fear she may have been a wee bit witless.”

“If she trusted that adder, then aye, she was.” Big Marta frowned and rubbed her pointed chin. “Aye, verra much so if she thought she could have ye condemned for her death and then come back here to Dunncraig as MacKay’s wife. Think ye that was her
plan?”

“Her plan, ne’er his,” James said firmly. “MacKay is too canny to leave such proof of his crimes walking about. If Mary was his ally, she is a dead one now.”

“Sad. ’Tis all verra sad. Weel, ye have chosen a good one this time. Just be verra careful, laddie. Egan has wanted her from the start. If he finds out about the two of ye, ye are a dead mon and I dinnae think the lass will be all that safe, either.”

James nodded and watched as Big Marta walked away. He did not really need the woman’s warning to know that what he shared with Annora was not only precious; it was dangerous. Egan would like to kill him now simply for striking him down. If the man ever found out that James had bedded Annora, he would not be halted in killing James, slowly and painfully. Big Marta was also right to think that Annora could be in the same danger. Egan would be enraged if he knew she had taken a lover. James had the feeling that Annora’s good blood and her innocence had a lot to do with Egan’s strong interest in her.

As James went back into his workroom to find a piece of the wood he would use for the chairs MacKay wanted, he thought about all the very good reasons he had to stay far away from Annora MacKay. They were all ones he knew he should heed, but he also knew that he would not do so, not too closely. He craved the warmth Annora gave him too much to turn away from it. What he would do, however, is be very, very careful. Big Marta knew about him and Annora, but no one else could ever even glimpse the truth. If he even suspected that someone else had discovered that he and Annora were lovers, he would get Annora and Meggie as far away from Dunncraig as he could, even if it meant he remained an outlaw and never got Dunncraig back.

He found the piece of wood he wanted and decided he would get the required meeting and discussion with MacKay over and done with. Since he had made a point of learning MacKay’s habits, James knew that MacKay would soon be headed to the ledger room. Grabbing the scrap of parchment he had sketched out his intended design on, he went to meet with MacKay.

James was only feet away from the ledger room when he saw MacKay approaching with Egan. The two men were so deep into a discussion they had not seen him yet and he looked for a place to hide before they did. Egan was a man badly in need of a beating, but James knew now was not the time for a confrontation. If only for Annora’s sake, for her safety, he wanted to avoid meeting Egan as often as possible.

Espying a small door, James quietly slipped into a room right next to the ledger room, one that had never existed when he had been laird of Dunncraig. It only took one quick look around for James to guess at the purpose of the room. It might occasionally be used for a guest of some low rank, but he felt certain that it had been created so that MacKay had a comfortable place to rut on a woman in between working on his ledgers or any other business he was conducting.

Just as he was wondering how long he should linger in the room before slipping away, James heard voices. He set his wood and drawing down on the small bed and moved closer to the wooden wall that had been erected to make two rooms out of one. It took only a moment for him to find the flaw in the wood that allowed anyone in this room to hear what was being said in the ledger room. As James gently pressed his ear against the wall he wondered if MacKay had done it on purpose so that he could listen to what was said when others thought themselves alone in the ledger room.

“The wedding will be held in one month,” MacKay said, the creak of wood telling James that MacKay had sat down.

“Have ye told the lass yet?” asked Egan.

“Nay, not yet, and I would prefer it if ye didnae tell her yourself.”

“Why not? She and I could spend that month betrothed. T’would give me a good chance to show her that she is in need of a mon in her bed. Might make her more agreeable. Might e’en get her with child and that would quickly end any argument she might make. I suspicion she wouldnae wish to bear a bastard child as her mother did. She has seen how that can hurt a lass.”

“Egan, we will do this my way or not at all. Annora really isnae the meek wee lass ye seem to think she is. If we are to avoid a lot of trouble, this must be handled verra carefully. Ye will marry her in a month’s time. Be satisfied with that. And spend yourself on one of the maids if ye feel an itch. Forcing yourself on Annora ere ye are married willnae gain ye anything. Unlike some other lasses, she willnae quietly accept her fate or forgo all resistance just because ye robbed her of her maidenhead.”

“
I
took her maidenhead,” James felt like yelling in some mad gesture of possession and manly pride. He felt both furious and terrified for Annora. It took him a minute to calm himself down and resist the strong urge to charge into the ledger room and tell those two men discussing Annora so coldly that she was no longer free for the taking. She belonged to him. He wanted to use his fists, too, to make sure that both men understood.

Instead he grabbed his wood and his drawing and slipped out of the room. He needed to find Annora and warn her. James knew he needed to do far more than warn her. He could not fully protect her while pretending to be a wood-carver at Dunncraig, a man under MacKay’s command yet not one who would be told anything the man had planned. He had to get her away from here, far away where Egan could not get her. With that in mind, he returned his things to his workroom and went in search of her.

By the time he got to her bedchamber unseen, having not found her anywhere else, James was feeling slightly frantic. Now that Egan knew MacKay would let him have Annora, James doubted the man would heed MacKay’s advice not to strongarm her. James did not want her to be out of his sight, certain that Egan would grasp any opportunity to force her into his bed.

A soft humming came from within Annora’s bedchamber and he recognized the voice as hers. Taking a last careful look around to be sure no one would see him, he rapped softly on her door. He was relieved to hear that she had barred it as he had asked her to, the sound of her unbarring it easy to recognize, and he felt his fear for her ease just a little.

“Are ye alone?” he asked the moment she cracked open the door enough to see him.

“Aye,” she replied, “but…”

He gave her no time to say more, pushing past her into the room and then shutting and barring the door behind him. “Ye have to leave Dunncraig now,” he said as he looked for something to pack some of her things in, something she could carry.

“Ye want me to leave?” she asked in a very small voice, astonished at how quickly and abruptly their affair had ended.

“I dinnae want ye to leave but ye must and quickly.”

“Why?”

James stepped up to her and took her into his arms. He was going to miss her and not simply because his bed would feel cold and empty. Annora had become part of his life, of his hope for a future at Dunncraig. None of his plans for proving MacKay was the one who had committed murder and retaking Dunncraig had changed except that Annora had become a part of all of that.

“I just heard MacKay tell Egan that he can marry ye in one month’s time.”

“So soon?” she whispered, shocked at how little time she had left to decide what she must do and where she could go.