Hester's Story (49 page)

‘Turn round, please,’ Ruby whispered. Now Silver was facing her, with her arms down. Alison waited for someone to say something – that the wings looked great; that they were very comfortable; even a mere ‘thank you’ would have been okay, but Ruby looked as though she’d been punched in the stomach. She was staring past Silver and seemed to be completely absorbed in Claudia and the dance she was in the middle of performing. Her hands gripped Silver’s shoulders and she had stiffened all over. ‘Is anything the matter, Ruby?’ Silver asked her.

No answer. Ruby was stumbling backwards, with one hand over her mouth because there were funny sounds coming from it, stifled cries and a cross between gasping and sobbing. Her eyes behind the lenses of her spectacles were panic-stricken. She had her other hand stretched out, pointing, as though she’d seen a ghost, somewhere behind Silver’s shoulder, pointing at Claudia on stage.

‘Hester,’ she whispered. ‘Fetch Hester.’

‘But it’s the dress rehearsal …’ Alison ventured, but then Ruby made a choking sound and slid to the ground in a faint. Silver bent to catch her and break her fall. She sounded fearful. ‘She’s fainted, Alison. Quick! Call Hester and Hugo. Go out on stage and tell them.’

‘On stage?’

‘Yes, at once. Go
on
. This is an emergency.’

Alison ran out on to the stage and was nearly blinded by the light. She put her hand up in front of her eyes. She could hear her mother exclaiming angrily somewhere behind her, ‘What’s the bloody child think she’s up to …’ and noises of seats springing back as
everyone in the stalls stood up to see what was going on.

‘It’s Ruby,’ Alison said anxiously into the blaze. ‘She’s ill. She’s fainted in the wings.’

The stage lights went off at once and the house lights came on. George would be down immediately, Alison realised. Hugo had vaulted on to the stage, and Hester was at the door that led from the auditorium.

‘Okay, everyone, take a few minutes,’ said Hugo. ‘We can resume when we see what’s going on.’

Alison went back into the wings. Hester was there now. She was kneeling next to Ruby who had revived a little and was sitting up. Silver stood over them.

‘Hester, she’d just finished fixing my wings and suddenly she looked at Claudia, who was just here, near this side of the stage, as though she’d seen a ghost, and then she fainted. I don’t know what could possibly be the matter.’

Hester helped Ruby to her feet. ‘Ruby, what’s wrong? Are you in pain? Could someone please find a chair for her to sit on?’

Claudia had rushed in now, anxious not to miss anything, and was standing next to Alison.

Hester had her arm around Ruby when she suddenly stared fixedly at Claudia and seemed to freeze.

‘Where,’ she said quietly, ‘did you get the necklace you’re wearing?’

Alison thought her voice sounded funny. She’d turned pale and she looked terrified. She had started trembling too.

‘Hugo gave it to me,’ Claudia answered, fingering the necklace. ‘I felt the costume needed something to cheer it up, if you know what I mean. Isn’t it lovely? I’m so pleased you noticed …’

Hester looked utterly bewildered. She put a hand to her neck and shut her eyes. She was making an effort
to breathe, you could see that. Andy had appeared next to Ruby with a chair.

‘Here you go, Ruby. Sit down here,’ he said. ‘You’ll be okay in a moment. The lights have all gone out on stage, so your George’ll be here in a mo, I’m sure.’

As he spoke, George came through the door from the auditorium.

‘Ruby? Ruby, darling, what’s wrong? Tell me.’

He knelt beside his wife, and Alison saw, from the way he held her to him, from the way he touched her hair, stroking it over and over as though he were soothing an animal in distress, how much he loved her. For one moment Alison thought everything was going to be okay again. Ruby would say
It’s all right, I’ve just been having a funny turn
and the rehearsal would start up once more.

But Ruby didn’t do that. She turned her face so that it was buried in George’s sweater and began to howl. That was the only word Alison could think of to describe the storm of wailing and sobbing that seemed to go on and on, as though everything that used to be Ruby was dissolving. The strangest thing of all was that Hester seemed not to be hearing what was going on. As though she’s forgotten Ruby’s existence altogether, Alison thought. She was standing in front of Claudia, looking dazed and frighteningly pale. Then she walked out on the stage.

The others were sitting around, waiting to see what was going to happen. Nick and Ilene were perched on the edge of Claudia’s stage bed and Hugo and Edmund were standing together, peering into the wings. Edmund quickly moved to stand beside her and put his hand on her arm. She stood quite still for a moment and then spoke. Her voice sounded stiff and as though every single word was hurting her throat as she spoke it.

‘Hugo, I’m terribly sorry. Something has happened. I’m afraid you must cancel this rehearsal. Please would you come to the Office at once, Hugo. I’m sorry, everyone.’

She turned to Edmund, who put his arm around her and they left the stage together. Alison could hear what Edmund was saying. ‘My darling? Hester, what is it? Tell me what’s the matter.’

Hester didn’t answer him. They made their way quickly back into the auditorium and out of the swing doors at the back of the theatre. Alison watched them go. Hester’s left her shawl down in the stalls, she thought. I’ll take it back to the house. Everyone up on stage was buzzing and whispering. What on earth was going on?

*

Hester saw nothing. The sleet that had been falling earlier that morning had stopped now, but the wind was higher and blew her hair into her eyes. She wasn’t aware of that, or of anything. She was walking so fast that she’d almost broken into a run and behind her somewhere she could hear a voice calling ‘Hester! Hester, wait!’, and part of her knew it was Edmund, running after her, but he was far away and what he was saying was blown off into the grey air and she didn’t hear him. Someone – was it her? – was sobbing. The sound of it filled her head and her eyes stung from the tears. There was nothing as definite as a thought in her mind, only a throbbing pain all over her.

What had she just seen? A gold necklace. There must be thousands – no, millions – of gold necklaces in the world, so maybe this one wasn’t the one she thought it was? But it was,
it was
. Why, otherwise, would Ruby have fainted? I’ve seen it, she thought. It’s the one. The one exactly like mine. Impossible for me to mistake it.
It’s
Grand-mère
’s chain that Madame Olga and Ruby buried in Gullane with my poor baby. Claudia said Hugo gave it to her, but how did he get it? How has it come to be around the neck of a ballet dancer on the stage at the Arcadia? Hester had no idea, but one thing came to her clearly through the unhappiness that had come down around her like a mist: if the necklace was here at Wychwood, then it wasn’t there, in her baby’s coffin. Rage rose in her. Someone had stolen it, that must be the answer. Hester stopped walking, horrified.

‘Hester! Hester, don’t … please. Come, let’s go inside where it’s warm. You’ll feel better inside.’

There he was, Edmund, standing in the wind, with no coat against the cold and his hair blowing on to his forehead, making him look exactly how he used to look years ago.

‘Edmund, darling Edmund, it’s always you, isn’t it? Coming to help me.’

‘Come inside now. Tell me what’s happened.’

‘The necklace. It’s hard to explain.’

‘Try.’

‘I’m not clear myself what happened, but Ruby saw a ghost of sorts. Me too. The necklace Claudia was wearing is just like this one.’

She put her hand into the neck of the thin jumper she was wearing and pulled out a chain. ‘This chain was cut in two by my grandmother. The other half was buried in Scotland with my baby. At least, I thought it was.’

Edmund said nothing but put his arms around Hester and she breathed in the smell of his jacket and felt herself relax against him. ‘Poor Hester. Poor darling.’

She stepped a little away from him and squared her shoulders. ‘I’m so glad you’re here. I’ll be all right
now. It was the shock. Let’s go in. Let’s face it, whatever it is we have to face.’

They went up the front steps of Wychwood House together and Hester felt the blood draining from her face. I won’t. I won’t faint, she told herself. Whatever happens, whatever I discover, I’ll try and keep myself under control.

She pushed out of her mind the image that was always with her – her baby in his coffin, nothing now but a tiny skeleton with mountains of earth heaped on top of him. She had imagined the chain in some way lighting up the darkness of his grave and the thought that it hadn’t, hadn’t ever, couldn’t ever have done was almost unbearable.

*

They were like a lot of kids, Claudia thought. Pleased at being let off school early. Everything had come to a complete standstill just because Ruby had fainted in the wings. Probably, Claudia thought, a lot of fuss about nothing, but Hugo had made it clear that there would be nothing else happening here in the theatre for today and they’d all trooped off together to watch TV. It would be fun, as Andy put it, to do stuff most people do every day, but which are special treats for us.

Alison had some sort of secret going with Ruby and had vanished altogether. Claudia couldn’t be bothered to find out the details, even though she knew her daughter would let her in on it if she pushed it, but the fact was, she wasn’t all that interested.

Someone was knocking at the door of the dressing room. Who the hell was this? Claudia called out, ‘Come in.’

‘It’s me, Claudia,’ said Nick. ‘Are you decent?’

‘Would you rather I was –’ her mood suddenly improved measurably – ‘or wasn’t?’

Nick ignored the innuendo and went to sit down on the chair next to the costume-rail. He smiled at her and she felt herself going soft all over.

‘I’ve been having ideas.’

‘Really? Whatever sort of ideas?’

‘Subversive and naughty ones. You could come and see my etchings. In my room.’

Claudia giggled. ‘How frightfully original. But I don’t think it would be wise, do you? Everyone else is in the house. Someone will notice that we’re missing, won’t they?’

‘Not necessarily. They’ve just started watching a movie on TV. They’ll be there for a bit.’

‘A bit? Don’t you want something more than “a bit?”’ She went over to stand in front of Nick’s chair.

‘Beggars,’ he pulled her down on to his lap, ‘can’t be choosers.’ He began to nibble at her neck and ears. ‘Or,’ he murmured, ‘there’s no one in the theatre. The whole place is quite deserted. We could stay here.’

His hands seemed to be everywhere. Claudia closed her eyes.

‘You are very bad for me,’ she whispered. ‘You are very bad altogether. I shouldn’t be doing this.’

‘Why not?’ Nick’s hands were now under her robe, one on her breast and the other sliding slowly up her thigh. Claudia let
Sarabande
, Alison, Hugo, Ruby, her worries about her dancing career – everything that had previously been taking up space in her head – slide out of it and allowed herself to dissolve into pleasure.

Sex with Nick was all very well, Claudia thought twenty minutes later, but when it was over the bloody man seemed quite ready to go and find some other amusement almost at once, instead of … instead of what? What did she want from him, really? Would she
have liked Nick to fling himself at her feet and declare endless love? That wasn’t going to happen. He’d never said a word to make her think so. All he was feeling, all
she
was feeling, if she was honest with herself, was strong desire added to a bit of boredom and distance from the normal world. Claudia had been telling herself this ever since New Year’s Eve and it hadn’t helped much. She wouldn’t have wanted a permanent relationship but the fact that he was so clearly not interested in one either wasn’t exactly flattering.

He was standing by the door now, on the point of going back to the house.

‘I’ll see you later, then,’ he smiled.
‘Ciao.’

He was off and away with a wave of his hand. Blast and damn his casual attitude! She peered at herself in the mirror. Better pull myself together before Hugo sees me, she thought. I look as though I’ve been unravelled.

*

Hugo didn’t know where to sit. If this had been a scene he was directing, he would probably have said that there was no logical reason for this man, himself, to be standing next to the door, leaning against the wall. Go and find a chair for God’s sake, he’d have cried. Balance things up a bit. He glanced to his left and there was the famous portrait of Hester Fielding, the one known as
A Backward Glance
. This was the image people all over the world had of her, a beautiful, perfectly dressed, delicate and ethereal ballerina. If they could see her now, sitting very upright on the
chaise-longue
, they’d probably not recognise her. Edmund was standing behind her, with his hand very near her, ready, it seemed to Hugo, to comfort her.

For the first time since he came to Wychwood, Hugo saw things about Hester that he’d never noticed
before: dark violet shadows under her eyes, threads of grey at her hairline, a tremor around her mouth and her graceful hands looking older than they should have done, with the beginnings of what Claudia called ‘grave-spots’ here and there. Poor Claudia! She was forever holding her arms out in front of her, flapping her wrists as she examined her skin, in dread of their sudden appearance. Hester’s head was bent. She was waiting for Ruby to speak.

I have not the slightest notion of what’s going on, Hugo thought, but it’s serious. He looked at Ruby. She was even more changed than Hester. She sat on an upright chair on the other side of the small table by the
chaise-longue
. Her face looked as though it was melting. The tears she’d shed seemed to have eroded the flesh of her cheeks and dragged it out of shape. Her normally neat, rather schoolmarm-ish appearance had utterly disintegrated. While she was still in her faint Hester had opened the neck of her blouse, undoing the first few buttons and Ruby hadn’t done them up again. Her hair was disordered, messy. She was like someone coming round after being drunk. George had come in with his wife and was uncharacteristically quiet. He was standing at the window, a little removed from everyone else, but his eyes remained fixed on Ruby.