Her Heart's Secret Wish (3 page)

A girl she didn’t know placed several boxes on the table. Gabriela rushed to the newcomer’s side and started opening them. The females at the party squealed and literally launched themselves at the cases.

“Aren’t they beautiful? Julie here makes them.” The hostess picked up a necklace and showed it around like they were at an auction.

“If you’re interested,” the jewelry maker said, “the price is on the tag.”

Natasha picked up a shiny ring. After examining it, she flipped it over and read the tag. “Ouch. Pricey.” A slow smile formed on her lips. “I have an idea.”

She told Julie about the fashion design program and how she could use the jewelry in one of her shows. The next one was scheduled for the middle of the next semester, but they could start planning for the show now. Thankfully, the girl seemed interested.

“Look at this one.” Jason touched her arm, and she spun to him. “Isn’t this just like the one you have?”

He held a bracelet of thin golden strands twisted together, forming diamond-shaped holes, with small, round amber stones where the pieces connected.

“Wow,” she whispered, a lump forming in her throat. “It is. Just like it.” She touched the bracelet. “But I don’t have mine anymore. I lost it two or three weeks ago.”

“Really? How did you lose it?”

She shrugged. “I was robbed.”

“What?” He stepped closer to her. His body loomed beside her, its delicious heat dripping into her senses. “How?”

“At the bus stop, one block east of campus. It was dark. The jerk took my money, my cell phone, and my bracelet.”

“Did he hurt you?”

She glanced up at him and saw concern shining in his blue eyes. There went the butterflies again, zooming around her stomach. Damn, she shouldn’t feel so attracted to him. “No, he didn’t.”

Jason took her hand, his palm warm on her skin, and placed the bracelet over her wrist. “It looks good on you.”

The lump in her throat became painful. “It was my mother’s. The bracelet. The last thing I had from her.” She examined the jewelry and spied the price. Just as she thought. It cost more than her monthly income. “I would love to buy this one, but as a broke fashion design student whose only money comes from a glamorous bookstore job, I can’t afford it.”

She set the bracelet down and moved away from the dining table and its shining goods.

Assaulted by a sudden wave of despair and shame, she rushed to the kitchen, sat down on a stool, propped her elbows on the table, and rested her head on her hands.

What was she doing? Never before had she broken down at a party. Besides Fallon, nobody knew about her past, and she intended to keep it that way. Forever.

Since that one night at the library more than six months ago, when Jason and she had talked for over five hours, she hadn’t thought of him the same way. Before, he’d been a hot professor with whom it had been fun to flirt. Then, he’d become a friend, a fixture, someone she could count on for a good laugh and serious discussions. And, she might never admit it out loud, but she loved his geekiness and enthusiasm over games and technology, and just how young and sexy he looked in hoodies and graphic T-shirts. And his goofy smile. He was twenty-nine and hot as hell.

If only he knew….

There was nothing to know. He was a nice guy and deserved a nice girl who could offer him more, much more. Besides, he was a professor, and the university policy forbade their employees from socializing or having any kind of relationship with the students outside the classroom. He was at risk of losing his job by just being at the party.

Damn it, what was she thinking? She wasn’t a relationship kind of girl. Why did everything seem so confused and tangled and difficult in her head? Things weren’t black and white anymore. She was tired of so many shades of gray.

“There you are.” Gabriela halted at the doorway. “Time for Secret Santa.”

If only she wasn’t a party girl, she could be home, embracing her pillow and crying over her pathetic life. Alone.

No, not alone. Never alone.

She stood up and put on a bright smile. As she walked into the living room, everyone gathered in a large circle.

She avoided looking toward Jason—Mr. Stone—but she sensed the weight of his gaze on her, sizzling and teasing and tingling.

“All right,” the hostess said when the guests quieted down, “everyone has a unisex gift, so I’m gonna pass the hat with our names. If you get your name, say it soon, so we can start it again. Understood?”

Gabriela strolled around with the hat, stopping by the guests. Three times, someone picked his own name and the game had to start over. Then, the hat finally reached Natasha, who was next to last. She picked a paper and opened it.

She willed her expression to deadpan as she read Jason Stone.

How ironic was life?

Damn. A whole lot.

The hostess picked the last paper and smiled. “Everyone ready? Then, let’s start. Who wants to go first?”

“Me,” Suzie said.

And the game began. Some of her classmates had brought pranks and funny gifts, like chicken hats and plastic ties, and those temporary tattoos applied with water. Laughter surrounded her. Everyone seemed to be having a good time.

Except me
.

If she had more courage, she would leave. Just needed to turn around and get out. She wanted to do it. She kept on repeating it in her mind, over and over.
Just turn around and go. Just turn around and leave
. But it didn’t work. Her legs weighed a ton, and she couldn’t take one step in any direction.

With only three people to get to the end, Cohen revealed his Secret Santa as Suzie, and the game stopped.

Oh, no
.

Her gaze locked with Jason’s, the power in his blue eyes breathtaking. For some reason, she realized she was mad at him, as if he had cursed her, made her feel things for him on purpose, things she didn’t want to feel, just to spit on her disgrace.

“Oh my God, how cool,” Gabriela said. “You’re each other’s Secret Santa!”

Jason stepped in the middle of the circle and extended the small package. Feeling heat invade her cheeks, Natasha took it and handed him an envelope.

She opened the box and found two Christmas-themed mugs. One was red with snowflakes, the other green with candy canes. Cute.

And he showed off the local Italian restaurant gift card. “Nice,” he said.

“Yeah, see,” she started, hoping to regain some of her popularity for the night, “I bought it thinking whoever had the luck of having me as their Secret Santa would take me out for dinner.” A general ohhh sounded around them. “But since you’re a professor and, you know, too old, you’re excused.”

Had he flinched?
It’s only my imagination. I think
.

Sickened with herself, she whirled on her heels and marched away. The weight inside her was too much to bear. She strode into the bathroom, close to the front door, and waited in the dark until the music volume rose and the conversation returned to normal.

Deeming it safe, she left her hideout, picked up her coat, and fled the apartment. It was almost midnight, almost Christmas, almost her…no. She didn’t want to think about it. And she couldn’t stand staying at the party anymore.

Her best defense mechanism was being rude to others, and she had certainly been rude to Jason, to Mr. Stone, right in front of a dozen of his students.

Points for player Natasha.

Chapter Four

He did his best to ignore the temptation. He wanted to resist the urge, like when she’d escaped to the kitchen after the bracelet incident, and he’d forced himself to stay away from her. He needed to do the same now.

It was better this way.

He didn’t want to pursue something he couldn’t have.

Whenever he realized he was losing the battle against his emotions, Jason reminded himself of her reputation. She slept with any and every guy. He didn’t want a woman like that.

An invisible band tightened around his chest, and for a moment, his breathing became shallow. Who was he kidding? She wasn’t like that, not the Natasha he had seen when they’d spent hours together talking. No, that Natasha was still happy and carefree, though there’d been a hint of solemnity to her, as if she understood the consequences of her actions and didn’t cower before them. As though she were trying to punish herself, accepting the penalty head-on.

Why, though?

He kept himself distracted, conversing with Aidan and Gabriela and other students about grades, exams, and vacations, but when Cohen left, he didn’t hesitate and slipped away from the party as well.

He told himself to stop, to turn around and forget whatever craziness he was doing, but his body and soul wouldn’t obey. He needed to know if the guy was going after her, and if she would welcome him.

His stomach twisted in disgust.
Jesus, no, she wouldn’t let this dude in
.

Indeed, Cohen dashed to her building. Jason waited outside, watching for some kind of clue. Her apartment window was dark, and if the light appeared, he would know….

He held his breath and clenched his teeth. Why was he torturing himself like this? Why was he stalking another guy to see if he scored?

As if a self-imposed punishment wasn’t enough, he was also going insane.

He moved to leave, but a loud creak stopped him. A door opened and closed, followed by footsteps crunching the snow and muffled curses. The guy left the building and hurried away.

A wave of relief swept Jason’s senses, and he smiled then immediately berated himself for rejoicing in such a stupid thing.

He couldn’t care,
wouldn’t
care.

Determined, he ran toward his building, three blocks south of the college campus, as fast as he could without slipping on the ice-covered paths and sidewalks. Twenty yards from his apartment, a painful possibility poked into his mind. What if Cohen hadn’t found her because she’d decided to take a detour instead, say, a bar or a club, or some other guy’s bedroom?

He slipped on the ice but caught his footing just before falling on his face.

Jesus
. Why did he keep tormenting himself with such terrible thoughts?

“That was almost funny. Maybe if you’d fallen, it would’ve been.” Natasha’s voice came from the shadows.

After his heart recovered from the surprise and the near kiss with the sidewalk, he stepped closer and found her seated on a wooden bench in his building’s courtyard.

“Well, if you want, I can try it again,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “I’ll run and let it be. How about that?”

She smiled. “It would be funny, but I don’t want you to get hurt.”

He stared at her for a moment. Friends didn’t want friends getting hurt, right? That was the only reason, right?
Right
?

He sat beside her, leaving a great deal of space between them. “Jesus, this bench is freezing.”

She chuckled, but it wasn’t as wholehearted as her usual laugh. “Well, we’re outside, and it’s snowing. I guess it would be quite chilly.”

After a lengthy silence, he twisted toward her. “Why are you on this icy bench?”
And why here
?

“What took you so long?” she said instead.

“I asked first.”

Sighing, she glanced up at the cloudy night sky. “I’d hoped the cold would help clear my thoughts.”

“Did it?”

“Not sure. Didn’t have much time to analyze the results.”

Her intense eyes met his, and a shock-like jolt coursed through his body. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your analysis.”

“I guess I didn’t want to go home.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I’m sorry for being so rude at the party. I didn’t mean to.”

Hearing the desolate tone of her voice and seeing the regret in her eyes didn’t help his resolve to steer clear of her. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“Still, I did it, and I hate myself for that.”

On impulse, he reached over and covered her hand with his own. “It’s okay, really.”

Wide-eyed, she stared at him. Realizing what he had done, Jason pulled his arm back. Jesus, he could start acting like a responsible professor anytime.

“Hmm.” She stood up and tightened her coat around herself. “I should go. It’s late. Good night.”

With slow, careful steps, she walked away…from him.

 “Hey,” Jason yelled from behind her.

Surprised, Natasha halted and waited for him to catch up with her. “I’ll walk you to your apartment. Like you said, it’s late and not safe to be out alone around campus.”

“You don’t need to.”

His eyes blazed, two blue, fiery stones. “I want to. Unless you’re planning on going somewhere else.”

Was it just her, or did his voice sound a little downcast?

“No, I’m going home,” she assured him, not completely convinced by the relieved expression that crossed his features.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, the tension around them palpable. What was going on?
Oh, I don’t want to think about it. I can’t make sense of it
. The only thing that mattered at the moment was being near him, feeling the warmth of his body close to hers.

Damn, this wasn’t a good way of picturing him. No, she couldn’t go there. She couldn’t. But damn, she so wanted to….

She caught him glancing at her. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said, burying his hands inside his jacket pockets and averting his gaze.

What did he take her for? Stupid or blind? She wasn’t either. “So, why did you stay here for Christmas?”

He kicked a small mound of snow. “My parents decided to spend Christmas with my sister’s boyfriend and his family down in Florida, and I can’t stand him.”

“Do you know him?”

“Yeah. We hung out for a few months in high school. Travis was terrible. Always drunk and getting himself into bad situations. He didn’t change much as we grew up. He became more of a womanizer, bedding every skirt crossing his path. Once, during college, he even hit on my girlfriend.” He sighed. “Now, he says he’s a new man, and he loves and respects my sister. My parents believe him. I don’t.”