Healing Gabe (Last Hangman MC Book 3) (4 page)

CHAPTER 5

Viv

Well, that went well.

I’m so glad I got to see my friends again and even happier for Ayd and Ant now that they are together with a family of their own, but fucking hell if it wasn’t weird to see Gabe.

I never expected to see him again, not after what happened. He still seems to hate me and I can’t blame him, it’s weird for me to be anywhere near him again. I don’t want things to be awkward when hanging out with everyone with him there. You could feel the electricity in the air when we were around each other. I’m not sure if it’s a good or a bad thing, but it was sure there.

Why in the hell did he offer to spend Valentine’s Day with me? I’m not some charity case. I’ve spent every single Valentine’s Day of my twenty nine years of existence alone, and I don’t need him to come and be my knight in leather boots for fuck’s sake! I seriously hope he was joking or he'd forget, that’d be brilliant!

I get why he’s so pissed and still hates me. I wanted to run away when I saw he was there, but I’m done hiding. Yes, it brought back a lot of unwanted memories but they are always with me so it doesn’t change much. Seeing him was harder than I thought though, not only because of Annie but also because I’ve always had a major fucking crush on him. Hell, it was more than a crush and I hate myself for that. Your first crush shouldn’t be the guy your deceased twin sister was in love with. Yet, that’s what happened for some unexplained reason. I never said anything to anyone, knowing he wanted Annie, the more innocent, sweet and loving one out of the two of us. I thought those feelings would die down whilst away, but evidently they didn’t. I still love him and yet, I hate him and can’t fucking stand him at the same time.

The man was hot when we were younger but now, bloody hell it should be illegal to be that attractive! The scar he got the day he saved me from Jared is still very much there and taunted me when we were talking. It’s a constant reminder of what we went through.

I wonder what he’s been up to all these years, if he was able to make peace with the past and move on and meet someone. I also wonder how Nicole is, the one thing that I’m grateful for, is that none of this ever fell back on her. I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself if anything had happened to Nicole. She was innocent in all of this, and as far as I know, never was aware of what was happening around her.

Sometimes I wish my life could have been different. What if my father hadn’t been in a MC and he and my mother hadn’t been murdered, what if I had given Jared what he wanted. Maybe Annie would still be here and she’d be happily married to Gabe with 2.5 kids. We’d all be free from this nightmare and happy, or maybe we would have been happy with life as a part of the Last Hangman MC.

These questions have been driving me insane for the past twelve years and it needs to end, I just haven’t figured out how to stop them. Torturing myself is pointless, it happened and that is all there is to it and I’m pretty sure things would have still turned to shit because Trent was relentless.

I’m scared one of the things Gabe mentioned will turn out to be true. That me coming back is only going to make things worse and something bad will happen. Coming back here was very selfish. I’m well aware that wherever I go, people die. I’m used to it. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence, but when it starts to happen in every single city you visit, you start to get paranoid. Whenever I would get close to someone, they would mysteriously disappear. After a couple of months I made the connection and I never got close to anyone ever again.

Up until now, I felt like the life I’m living wasn’t worth living, but thinking about the good times when my parents and Annie were still alive is giving me some hope that coming back to where it all started might not be such a bad idea. They would have wanted me to keep going and fight for my life and freedom. It might be a pointless battle but it’s one I need to fight on my own.

I’m relieved to see that it’s already nine and there’s still no sign of Gabe. I guess he was just all talk. I’m glad for it to be honest; I don’t think I could have coped with spending the evening just the two of us.

I settle down in front of the TV with a pint of Cherry Garcia ice cream and put on a horror movie. I’m really getting into the movie and just as it gets to a jumpy bit, my doorbell rings and I scream. “Fuck!” I yell, pausing the movie and setting the ice cream on the coffee table.

I go to the door and freeze when I open it and see who’s on the other side.
Fuck me sideways.

“Gabe.”

“Viv.”

“I thought you forgot,” I say softly.

“And miss the chance to torment you?” He chuckles raising his eyebrow.

“Right, you know there’s still time to go back to your place,” I say trying to send him away.

“I’m not letting a beautiful woman like you spend tonight alone, so move out of my way. I have pizza, beer and Red Velvet donuts that you’re going to fucking enjoy.” Now, what in the hell am I supposed to say to that?

“Fine. Come on in.” I sigh and let him in.

“Cosy.” He says looking around as he puts the food and beers on the kitchen counter. He keeps two beers out and places the rest in the fridge along with my half eaten ice cream pint in the freezer.

“Thanks?” I look at him confused. He’s looking way too comfortable in my house.

“What?” He looks at me just as confused.

“Nothing.” I sigh and resume my position on the couch, not happy about this situation. On one hand I’m pleased he’s here not acting like he hates me, but on the other hand, it’s unnerving to have him here. He’s wearing a black Henley shirt that fits him like a glove, I swear I can see every muscle. His black jeans and black leather boots, beard, light hazelnut eyes and scar all add up to one deadly sexy combination. And I have to spend tonight with him, by myself.

He sits down next to me, our thighs touching, hands me a beer and sets the pizza box on the coffee table. “So, what are we watching?” he says before taking a bite out of a slice of pizza.

I stare at him and shake my head. “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” I take a slice of pizza and take an angry bite.

“Gotta love Freddy.” He smiles and takes another bite resuming the movie.

I’m speechless, I have no idea what to make of him coming here tonight and being all sweet and nice to me. “Why are you here, Gabe?”

He swallows his bite of pizza and continues staring at the TV for a minute before answering me. “I need answers. I know you probably don’t want to have this talk, but you’re the only one who knows exactly what happened and understands me and what I’ve been through, what we’ve been through. Ant and Cabe know but it’s not the same, they only know what I’ve told them, but they weren’t there and I couldn’t bring myself to tell them everything. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone for the past twelve years. I’ve been putting on a happy face when all I want is to know the truth, to know that she didn’t die in vain. I just need someone who will listen without judgment and won’t tell me how fucked up I am.”
Fuck. Me!
I wasn’t expecting that. I knew the talk about Annie would come sooner or later, but I had no idea that he had been stuck for the past twelve years, unable find closure and move on. Granted, I haven’t either and she was my twin; I guess he really was in love with her. I didn’t think they were that serious.

“I’m not sure I have your answers Gabe, but I’m here if you need to talk. Despite you looking at me like I’m the last person you want to be around, I’ll be here for you if and when you need me,” I say softly, scared of my own voice failing me.

“I don’t deserve your help.” He sighs.

“Why not?” I set my pizza down, unable to eat given the current conversion. I grab the beers from the table and hand him one.

“Thanks,” he says before taking a long pull. “Because I’m responsible for Annie’s death. If I’d been able to stay away from her she’d still be here today. She’d probably be happy and married with kids.” He sighs.

“I highly doubt it. Trent was one sick fucker, he wanted me to be with Jared and Annie to be with his Prez. He wouldn’t have stopped until we were paired off. You being there or not wouldn’t have changed a thing, we still wouldn’t have given Trent what he wanted but instead of just Annie dying I would have as well. Neither of us wanted that kind of life.”

“What kind of life did you want?”

“That’s not the point of your question, is it?”

He glares at me and then smiles softly. “Amuse me.”

I roll my eyes. “Honestly, I just want to be with someone who reciprocates my love. I want someone kind and laid back who I can laugh with, go on adventures with, be happy with and mourn with. I just want to be happy.” I shrug holding back tears. I know I’ll never have that, the chances of it happening with the one man I wish it could are even less.

“Ah shit, I didn’t mean to make you cry, Viv,” he says wrapping his arms around me, pulling me into a hug.
This cannot be happening.

“I’m alright.” I sniff.

“Sure looks like it.” He raises his eyebrow at me.

“I just don’t trust anyone and I’m terrified that anyone I get close to will be taken away or leave me.” I shrug.

“I’m the exact same way.” He sighs. “That’s why I said earlier you shouldn’t have come back. Ayden and Line have been through some crazy shit both at the hands of the Bastards and the Kings. If they hear about you coming back, they’ll come after you and inevitably go after them. I don’t know how they will cope with it now that there are kids involved.”

“I know, I’m well aware that me coming back is selfish but there’s one thing you don’t understand. I haven’t been living these past twelve years, I’ve merely been surviving. All I want is for them to forget that I fucking exist and let me live my life. I’ve been followed everywhere I went since I left and I can’t stand it anymore. I haven’t had a home or a real family since this place. This is the only home I have, and I honestly don’t care if they come after me anymore. I’m done running. I just want to be here and be happy.”

“Fuck. Why did you have to go live with Trent in the first place?”

“Because my parents died and he was our only living relative,” I say softly.

“What happened?”

“What do you think happened? Trent had them killed, he murdered his own brother. Just so we’d have to live with him. He wanted to use us as bait and leverage with the Bastards in order to merge the clubs. He wanted one huge club that would be the most powerful in the area and he would’ve been able to take the Last Hangman down. Unfortunately for him, it didn’t go as he had planned.

“I know you and Annie talked about the clubs and so I started spying on Trent whenever I could to gather info so she could tell you. I was hoping it would give us a chance to escape if you guys knew what the Kings were up to and decided to take them down. The day she was going to tell you about their attack was the day that she was stolen from us.

“I tried to warn you as well but Jared was at the compound that day and caught me spying on them. They knocked me out and threw me in their van and then drove to the warehouse. When I woke up, you were tied up to a chair and Annie was attached to one of the beams and you know the rest. I wish I could have warned you and they could have been stopped. Maybe I’d be dead and she would be alive, and then you two would still be together.” I can’t hold the tears back any longer and I break down in his arms. He pulls me closer to him and just sits there for a moment.

“Shhh, it’s going to be okay, Viv. I don’t know how but I’m gonna make sure everything is okay from now on,” he whispers in my hair.

“Nothing will ever be okay.” I look up at him and brush my fingers along the scar. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper. He places his hand over mine, closes his eyes and nuzzles my hand.

“It’s a daily reminder of the hell I’ve been through, and yet it brings back memories of those beautiful purple-ish eyes looking up at me with relief when I took you away from that motherfucker.” I swallow hard. This is too intense and I’m scared of my body’s reaction to him. I just want to wrap myself around him and make us both forget all that has gone on. I want to make him happy again; I need to make him happy again. He opens his eyes and his gaze locks with mine. “I’ll never regret stepping in that day. It is probably the reason why I’ve been through so much shit, but I’ll never regret meeting you.” He brushes his lips over mine and for a second I let myself get lost into the moment, despite knowing deep down, he’s talking about Annie. They may have only had each other for a short amount of time but she was his one true love and he was hers.