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Authors: Kay Gordon
Scars of the Present
Scars of the Present
Written by Kay Gordon
Scars of the Present
Copyright © 2014 by Kay Gordon
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Cover Illustration and Design Copyright © 2014 by RO3D
Warning: This book contains adult content, including: violence, sex, and rape. It is not intended for readers under 18 years old.
Dedication
To those who those who assume they’re unloveable: Someone loves you anyway.
Table of
Contents
Chapter One
“Oh yes!” The words fell from my lips of their own accord, and my body detached as my toes curled. After a moment, I felt myself come back down from my high and it left me feeling like jelly.
The person underneath me groaned their own satisfaction and I stilled above him, my breathing heavy and slow.
Sluggishly, I pulled my leg back so it was next to my other and I lay next to him for a moment.
He stayed flat on his back but turned his head to look at me with a satisfied smile stretched across his face.
“God Syd, that was fantastic.”
I didn’t respond as I kept my eyes fixed on the ceiling above us. I absolutely hated the after-sex small talk and had no desire to participate in it. I waited until my breathing returned to normal and then I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.
“Yeah, it was, but I’ve gotta get going.” I grabbed my bra that had ended up over the top of the lamp and started to put it back on.
I felt the bed shift behind me and I sighed internally, knowing what was next.
His arm wrapped around my stomach as his lips met my neck, kissing and sucking his way down to my back.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?”
I stood up, pulling myself from his hold and hurriedly sliding my underwear up over my thighs. I searched the room from my position, looking for the rest of my clothes.
“Sean, please don’t. You know how this is.” I spotted my shirt and jeans on the floor by the door and I picked them up before turning back to the bed.
Sean still sat naked and his expression was unreadable. I finished getting dressed and walked to where he was sitting. His almost-black hair was sticking up in every direction and his dark brown eyes looked guarded. Bending down, I gave him a chaste kiss on his mouth.
“Thanks handsome. That was fantastic.”
He nodded and gave me a forced smile. “Yeah, I’ll call you soon.”
I gave him a wave and walked out of the bedroom, stopping only to slide my feet into my shoes and pick up my purse.
I climbed in the front seat of my BMW, but didn’t turn it on. I let out a frustrated sigh and dropped my head onto the steering wheel. Sean was getting too clingy and it was time to let him go.
I never meant to sleep with him, but it’s hard when we spent so much time together. Sean was a newer addition to my best friend’s family, but he had fit in well. My general rule of thumb was not to sleep with someone multiple times in order to keep the lines as bright as possible. The difference ith Sean we were constantly seeing each other, so it was hard not to continually fall into bed.
I put the key into the engine and pulled out of the parking lot to head back to my apartment. I stopped by the mail area, emptied the full box, and made my way up the stairs.
I opened the door and Maddie stared up at me from where she was working on the couch, her computer in her lap. She smiled when she saw me, and guilt hit me for the millionth time. She had no idea I was sleeping with her new step-brother, and I wasn’t sure how to tell her.
Maddie Thomas had been my best friend since we met in middle school. She and our other friend, Amanda Franklin, had known each other years prior and their little twosome was almost impossible to penetrate. Not that I had wanted to, initially. I spent too much time trying to get in trouble at school, and the ever obedient Madelyn Thomas was just too tame for my tastes. About halfway through our seventh grade year, she proved me completely wrong during gym class one day.
I was used to other girls not liking me, even that young I had a tendency to draw towards boys instead. But Ashley Austin didn’t just dislike me, she hated me. I had kissed a boy I knew she liked early in the school year, and she had lived to make my life hell since. One day in gym, we got back to our lockers to change into our street clothes and mine were gone. I heard giggling from the toilet stalls and when I moved back there I saw Ashley and her drones laughing and pointing to a toilet where my clothes were sitting in the bowl. Red lipstick written above to toilet spelled the words ‘Gutter Slut’. I didn’t let much embarrass me, but that was one of the most humiliating days of my life.
I had stormed back to my locker, determined not to let those girls see me cry, when a hand clamped around my wrist. I turned, ready to fight, and Maddie was standing there with a look of compassion on her face.
“Come on, Sydney. I have something you can wear.” She pulled me to where her locker was and gave me the jeans and t-shirt she had been wearing earlier. I didn’t say anything, but just looked up at her, completely confused.
“Don’t worry about it. I had to bring my outfit for my piano recital after school. I can just put that on now. The pants might be a little long, but otherwise it should all fit.” Maddie’s bright blue eyes showed so much sincerity that a tear did escape my own and I pulled her into a hug. Amanda stood off to the side with a smile on her face, still in her gym clothes as well. She just handed me a tissue without saying a word.
As I got dressed, Ashley and her followers stopped two feet in front of me, her arms crossed against her tiny chest. “Someone take pity on you, Whore-is?” I cringed at her ridiculous attempt to make ‘Lewis’ sound bad.
Before I could even open my mouth, Maddie had stepped forward and shoved Ashley with so much force that Ashley landed on her ass in the middle of that locker room. No one moved, not even Ashley, because who would have guessed that sweet Maddie had it in her?
“Back off, Ashley. You have no room to talk and you know it.” The fire Maddie’s voice was strong, and I stood, just watching her with my eyes wide.
Amanda flanked her, her red ponytail bouncing as she nodded in agreement. “We know some unflattering secrets about you, Austin. You might just wanna shut your mouth.”
Ashley’s mouth opened and closed like a fish for a moment, and finally she stood and shot out of the locker room quickly. Amanda and Maddie just moved to finish getting dressed, like it was no big deal, and after that we were inseparable. They had become more than my best friends, they were my sisters.
So now I stood in my living room, across from the girl who had befriended me when I thought I was destined to be alone. Her eyes still just a bright, and her wavy, dark blonde hair just falling past her shoulders, but she looked happier than I’d ever seen her.
“Hey Syd,” she said, putting her laptop on the coffee table. “I made manicotti for dinner. There’s some in the fridge for you.”
I returned her smile as I kicked off my shoes, and I fell onto the other part of our sectional couch. “Thanks Mad. I’ll go heat some up in a minute. Is Amanda at her mom’s?”
Maddie nodded and her smile turned sad. “Yeah. She was home long enough to grab some clean clothes before she headed out.”
Amanda’s mom, Karen, had advanced Alzheimer’s and the worse it got the less we saw Amanda. Her father had passed away a few years ago, leaving the two ladies alone. Amanda had made it her mission in life to make her mom as happy as possible.
I didn’t respond for a moment, the thought of Mrs. Franklin was depressing. Finally, I sighed and looked around pointedly.
“Where’s Josh?”
Although Maddie tried not to be too obvious about her love for her boyfriend, it was hard for her to hide. Her face lit up when I mentioned him and she glanced at the clock.
“He was still at work last time I talked to him, but he said he would be off by nine. He’ll probably come over after that.” Her eyes moved to her left hand where a beautiful engagement ring sat on her finger. Josh had put it there just two weeks ago, and I still caught the look of disbelief on her face when Maddie would glance at it.
Josh Richards was perfect for Maddie, his kind personality mirroring her own. But he also had a fierce protectiveness in him that someone as sweet as Maddie needed, especially after the year she had. I had figured he was going to propose to her around graduation and so when he did the night of her mom’s wedding, I wasn’t surprised.
I stood up, moving to the kitchen to re-heat some dinner for myself and when I brought it back to the couch Maddie had pulled her laptop back into her lap.
“I can’t believe I only have three more finals and I am done with school.” She looked up and gave me an excited grin. “It’s such a scary thought.”
I put down my fork and nodded in agreement. “At least you know where your life is going. I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels here.”
“Well, you had another year to figure it out,” She said, referring to the graduate program I had applied and been accepted to.
“Yeah, but then what?” That seemed to be the proverbial question lately.
A key in the lock sounded, and a few seconds later Josh pushed open the door, looking tired.
He only had eyes for Maddie as he moved into the living room, pausing long enough to lean down and give her a kiss from behind the couch. He put his stuff in her bedroom and returned to sit next to her.
“Hey ladies.” He shot me a smile as he pulled Maddie closer to him on the couch.
I finished my dinner as they talked quietly, and after I’d put my plate in the sink I gave them both a wave.
“See you guys in the morning.”
I walked back into my room, and shut the door quietly. I fell back onto my bed and sighed.
I was so happy for Maddie and Josh, I really was. It was just hard to be around them constantly, their happy companionship sometimes felt overwhelming. It wouldn’t so bad if Amanda was around more often, but with her understandably by her mother’s side, loneliness was starting to creep back into my life.
I glanced at the clock and sighed. It wasn’t even ten o’clock on a Friday night and I was at home. Being with Sean often was starting to mess with me, too. I hated how clingy he was, but at the same time I craved it. I just didn’t feel the way about him I knew he was starting to feel about me, and I needed to end our sexual relationship. Soon.
I sat up and grabbed my phone, sending a quick text to my friends Becca and Emily before I moved into the bathroom to take a quick shower. Becca and Emily could almost always be counted on to meet me at the club for a night of fun and a night at the club was just what I needed.